


Dare You To Move

by starksparker



Category: tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Music, Musicians, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Roommate, Roommates, Roommates to lovers, Smut, photographers, post college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-08-21 14:18:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 103,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksparker/pseuds/starksparker
Summary: Friends with benefits is supposed to be just that. Friends with the benefits of fooling around and not having anything more than platonic feelings. Easy, fun, thrilling, no one gets hurt...right?





	1. prologue

Wet clothes, drenched hair, running makeup. It's not exactly how Elli wanted her day to end but here she was, completely soaked head to toe standing outside of her apartment fumbling with her key. The worst storm Chicago has seen in years is ripping through the city. Thunder is rumbling windows and lightning is cracking across the skies, striking stray trees no doubt. A downpour makes it nearly impossible to see more three feet in from of one's face. It's a terrible storm and Elli was stuck in it, just walking from the bus stop to her apartment. Now, she's stuck shivering while trying to unlock the door.

Elli finally gets the door unlocked and the apartment is so much warmer than the hallway. It's a huge sigh of relief as she kicks off her soaked shoes. Elli's arms hug around herself, rubbing either arm and trying to gain more warmth while her attention is pulled away from her chatting teeth. Instead, it's brought to the living room where her roommate, Tom, is seated tuning his guitar. She smiles to herself and walks up to him. His dark curls are nice and neat, something that only ever happened when he actually bothered with his hair. Which, also just means he had plans that involved him wearing more than a hoodie and sweatpants with a snapback.

"Whatcha doing?" Elli asks as she rests her hands on the back of the couch, each on either side of his shoulders.

He jumps with her words, the guitar making a strange strummed sound. Elli wasn't supposed to be home for hours and whenever he's involved with his guitar, it's like the rest of the world doesn't even exist. It's just him and his music. Tom never heard Elli coming inside despite her being less than quiet.

"Fuck you." He mutters, holding the guitar with one hand and turning to face her, resting his arm on the back of the couch. "What happened to you?" his brows furrow but there's a teasing smile on his face, likely ready to start making jokes about her looking like a drowned rat.

"Walked through a puddle."

"Some puddle." Tom chortles, a curl falling onto his forehead as he shakes his head.

"Can you not hear the storm outside?" Elli counters.

"Figured you'd have grabbed an umbrella, that what you're always tellin' me, ya?" Tom snarks but that smirk is glued to his face.

Elli sucks on her teeth before narrowing her eyes. "What were you gonna play?" She changes subject, eyes flickering to the guitar.

"Wasn't." Tom sighs, turning away from her and getting to his feet.

"Sounded like it." Elli crosses her arms over her chest and a chill runs down her spine.

"Uh..." Tom rolls his shoulders as he puts the guitar on its stand, securing it. "I, well, I kind of had a gig....kind of but the storm knocked their power out." Tom says as he turns around and Elli's never seen him so disappointed.

All Tom wants to do is play music. That's it. He's a music major for fuck's sake. His dream is just to play his guitar and sing. He wants to host a radio show but he wants to make something of himself with music. It's his dream, his passion and this was his first "kind of" gig. He chose not to tell Elli about it because he believes in jinxing things. But, it doesn't matter now.  

"I'm sorry, Tom." Elli's eyes sadden as she watches him rub the back of his neck.

"Always, next time." Tom huffs. "Didn't you have class?" He points to her, changing subject.

"Yep but uh, look outside. I came home. I'm not getting stuck in that. It's only supposed to get worse." Elli points her thumb to the windows.

Tom side smiles and shakes his head. "Well, get some dry clothes on and we'll turn something on."

"I'm stealing one your hoodies." Elli scrunches her nose before turning on her heels and heading towards his bedroom.

The two of them have been nearly inseparable since their freshman year of college. He's a music major and she's a photography major. They have a thing for the arts, a great appreciation for the other's. It really helped when they were actually introduced by a mutual friend, Harrison.

harrison was born and raised in London like Tom but Harrison's family took annual trips to Chicago for the art festivals and music festivals before moving to the Windy City in time for Harrison's senior year of high school. That's how he met Elli.

They had run into each other years ago at one of the museums. They'd both been looking at the same artifacts. The two of them spent the rest of the day exploring together and that was the start Elli and Harrison's friendship. So, it was only right that Harrison introduce his two best friends when Tom got into the Art Institute where Elli was going. Tom had never been to the states other than to view colleges so he'd need some friends and Harrison had a feeling they'd click, he just didn't know how well they'd click.

It's been three years and they share pretty much everything. There's inside jokes, food, clothes, an apartment. People who don't know any better assume they're dating. But, they're friends. They've been friends and that's just how it's been and as far they could see, they'd always be friends.

"What'd ya have in mine?" Elli asks as she tugs one of Tom's hoodies over her head while she walks down the hallway, pink pajama pants hanging loose on her legs and her face clear of makeup.

"Okay, hear me out:" Tom starts but Elli is already shaking her head while she ties her hair into a messy bun.

"We are not watching The Dark Knight again."

"Awwww, why not?" Tom whines. He's seated on his knees on the couch, arms on the back holding him up while he watches Elli go to the fridge. "You love The Dark Knight and it's perfect."

"There's a thousand movies we haven't seen. Shouldn't we watch one of those?" Elli offers, holding up a beer and shaking it, silently asking if Tom wanted one.

Tom nods in response. "Fine, what'd you wanna watch?" Tom rolls his eyes as Elli walks over but before she could say anything, a rumble of thunder shook through the apartment and the lights went out.

"Well, nothing now, apparently." Elli laughs, now in complete darkness.

"Here." Tom pulls out his phone and turns on the flashlight. "We've any candles?"

"Plenty." Elli beams even in the darkness of the apartment. "There's some in the bottom cabinet of the bathroom and I have some in my room."

"Meet back here?" Tom offers.

"Yep." Elli takes her phone out from the pouch pocket and turns on the flashlight.

The two of them maneuver around the apartment in the dark, using only their phones and memory not run into anything or trip. Elli grabs the six candles from her room with a red lighter and Tom meets her back in the living room with four more candles. They sit on the floor and rest the candles on the coffee table and an end table, lighting all of them and giving them enough light to actually see each other.

Elli and Tom lean against the couch, both of their legs extended in front of them and their beers resting on their right sides. The only sound around the apartment is the screeching of a car on the street below and the thunder rumbling followed by the striking of lightning. With no power, it leaves the normally sound consumed apartment eerily silent. Tom either always has music blaring or he's always playing something on his guitar. Elli is always enthralled in a show or movie, usually editing what she can in her photos. There's always chatter between the two of them. It's just a lively place but right now, it's just a bit dark and quiet besides the candles and outside sounds.

Elli clears her throat, "So, now what?"

"We could get drunk and complain about how much work we have to do before exams." Tom offers, taking a swig of his beer.

"Oh, okay, so our daily routine just in the dark." Elli retorts, following Tom's lead.

"Or you could tell me about the date you were supposed to have this afternoon but didn't go to?" There's a knowing smirk coming to Tom's lips and Elli's face turns a rose red.

"You were playing my favorite song." Elli says bashfully, surprised he remembered her mentioning she had a date.

Tom's brows knit together as he stares at her. "You live here."

Elli sighs and resituates, laying down and placing her head in Tom's lap, looking up to him. "So?" She purses her lips. "Am I not allowed to listen to you play anymore?"

"No, but you'll be single forever if you ghost your dates to watch me play in our living room." Tom's eyes widen as he shakes his head mockingly and pokes her forehead.

"I didn't ghost them." Elli states. "I texted and said I couldn't make it."

One of Tom's hands comes down to the drawstring of the hoodie Elli is wearing. He plays with it, wrapping it around his finger and tugging it slightly. Elli watches him and he only fiddles with things when he's got something eating at him. Tom isn't a super fidgeting person but he turns into one when he's nervous or there's something on his mind. In three years, it's easy to pick up on those things.

"When's the last time you went on a date?" Elli asks, knowing the question will get his mind off whatever is bugging him or get him to tell her without her having to ask.

Tom tosses his head back, a laugh rumbling his chest. "Uh, yeah, okay. You've a point."

"Bet if you went on a date, you wouldn't be so uptight." Elli jokes, a smile splitting her face.

"I'm not uptight!" Tom jerks his legs, moving Elli and all she can do is laugh in response. "You're the uptight one."

"I totally am!" Elli admits as she sits up, hands planted on the floor as she holds herself up. "I need to get laid."

"All you have to do is ask." Tom chortles as he licks his lips before taking a sip of his beer.

Elli stares at him in shock and suddenly, the only sound she can hear is her own heartbeat in her ears. "What?"

Tom laughs, finding her expression priceless. "Kidding, darling."

Elli sighs and her cheeks are so red she's sure Tom can see the tint even in the dim light. But, she brushes off her flustered state and plays along with the banter.

"Too bad, would have taken you up on it." She reaches for the neck of the bottle and puts it to her lips, Tom's jaw going slack at her words.

His eyes scan her as she takes her drink and there's a part of him that knows it's such a bad idea. It's always a bad idea to get involved with a friend. It starts just as fun and games but then feelings grow deeper and people get hurt. But, there's this other part, the part that's making him lick his bottom lip and goosebumps form across his skin, that's dying to cup her face and go for it. Elli jokes a lot, he jokes with her. It's their friendship but what if that wasn't a complete joke?

"Alright," Tom shrugs, moving his beer out of the way. He takes the bottle from Elli's hand and moves it before his hands go to her hips, pulling her onto his lap so she can straddle him. Elli squeals, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. "You serious?"

Elli's breath catches in her throat and she's thought about kissing him a hundred times. But, is this right? Thunder and lightning consuming the skies like a cliche romance film that ends in heartache. There's a glint his eyes though and she wants him so she nods.

"Serious." She shrugs a shoulder and leans in.

Her fingers go to the back of his neck, intertwining as his lips collide with hers. Elli lets out a breath against his lips and it's everything she imagined it'd be and more. He takes like beer but with a lingering taste of oranges from his chapstick. And his lips are soft but chapped and it sends chills down her spine. Tom's tongue swipes across her bottom lip before darting into her mouth and their tongues dance together in a dance that's just their's. His hands grip her hips harder with every passing second, every ounce of want and need making it's way to his grasp and she grinds down onto him, eliciting a groan from him.

Tom pulls away just enough to lean his forehead against her. Their chests heave and Tom's eyes are filled with lust, locked with Elli's nervous indigos. He clears his throat but he doesn't dare to move because he's never felt so warm.

"Friends?" Tom asks and he just needs to make sure that they aren't crossing that friend line. He needs to make sure he's not going to approach his fear.

"Friends." Elli affirms, her hands coming to his cheeks.

"Just...between us, right?" Tom nudges his nose against hers. "Friends with benefits?"

"Yeah," Elli whispers, her lips brushing against his. "Friends with benefits, stays between us." Elli's voice is a honeyed whisper.

"Great." Tom whispers back before connecting his lips to hers, hands snaking under the hoodie she's wearing and sealing the rushed agreement.

Just... _ friends. _


	2. sos text

The Flash mug in front of Elli steamed with fresh coffee while her laptop was open in front of her face. She leaned her chin on her hand, using one hand to control the settings in Lightroom. Her eyes strained as she looked at the screen and the only thing keeping her awake is the coffee which is starting to lose its effect.   
  
Elli likes deadlines. It means she has to have a schedule, organization if she wants to get things done and she hates when things don't get done on time. Her parents always taught her that it's better to be fifteen minutes early than thirty seconds late. She's carried that long into her adulthood and blooming career as an event and freelance photographer. But, sometimes, the deadlines become a lot and she'd have a concert, art show, a store opening, and a wedding to all get done around the same time. Maybe she shouldn't take on so much but if she didn't push herself, what's the point?   
  
Elli's eyelids droop while her hand starts to slow across the trackpad of her laptop. Sleep is calling her name and she's finding it harder and harder to ignore. Maybe she can rest her eyes for a few minutes and it won't be such a terrible thing. She's almost done anyway.   
  
Two hands grasp Elli's shoulders, squeezing them gently and she lets out a surprised yell, her head shooting up. Tom chuckles from behind her but doesn't remove his hands. Instead, he rubs her shoulders over the bright red hoodie covering her torso. Elli looks over her shoulders and shakes her head before looking back to the screen.   
  
"How long've you been awake?" Tom asks and there's the smallest touch of concern in his voice. He hates when Elli pulls all-nighters.   
  
Elli looks to the corner of her screen before her croaky voice fills the room. "About thirty......six hours?"   
  
"Please, go to sleep, Elli." Tom says, still working her shoulders while she relaxes into his touch.   
  
"I'm almost done." Elli mutters, eyes closing again.   
  
"And falling asleep at the kitchen table." Tom chuckles before taking his hands from her shoulders and reaching for her mug.   
  
"So?"   
  
"So, I've a date tonight and who's supposed to help me pick out the right tie if you're snorin' up the place?"   
  
Elli turns and glares at Tom. "Okay, I'll finish this, go to your room and pick out your clothes, and then I'll sleep. Everyone wins."   
  
"No!" Tom groans, resting the mug back down after taking a sip and walking around the table to the fridge. "It's not the same. I had to help you pick out your shoes last weekend and you didn't even wear them!"   
  
Elli tosses her head in laughter. "Because you have terrible taste! I always choose the opposite of what you say!"   
  
"Why've you got my jumper on then?" Tom counters, pulling out the milk and eggs from the fridge.   
  
"It's comfy and smells like you." Elli tugs at the sleeves so they cover her hands.   
  
"I live here." Tom laughs, rummaging through cabinets for a pan. "Don't you smell like me, too?"   
  
"Your point?"   
  
"Go to sleep."   
  
"Make me." Elli taunts and Tom turns around, a glare and a contradicting smirk decorating his face.   
  
"Don't threaten me with a good time, darlin'." Tom licks his lip and wiggles his brows.   
  
"You're the one tempting me." Elli points a finger at his shirtless form, toned torso on display for her viewing.   
  
A blush creeps onto Tom's face. "Nah, pretty sure you're the more tempting one."   
  
Elli's heart stops in her chest and her mouth goes to open but she doesn't have a comeback. He's looking at her with pretty eyes and bedhead, his curls unruly and pajama pants hanging low on his hips. She doesn't need to say anything else.   
  
Tom laughs and turns back to start making his food. "Get some sleep, ya? I'll wake ya when I get back so you can finish."   
  
"Do you promise?" Elli raises a brow, hand going to the top of her laptop and preparing to shut it.   
  
"Promise." Tom looks over his shoulder, all joking washed away from his voice and expression.   
  
"Fine." Elli says, laptop shutting.   
  
She picks up her mug and walks over to Tom. She rests it on the countertop by him and goes to the fridge, plucking out his coffee creamer. Elli pours just the right amount into the mug and Tom just smiles while he cracks an egg onto the pan. After she puts the creamer back, she stands at Tom's side and rests her forehead against his bare shoulder. His chest rumbles with a laugh as he glances down to her.   
  
"I'm gonna be so mad if you don't wake me up."   
  
"I'll wake you, I promise." Tom presses.   
  
Elli looks up and reaches for the mug, handing it to Tom. "I'm begging."   
  
Tom takes a sip and hums with delight. "I'll set my own alarm so I remember." Tom pulls out his phone and sets an alarm for the time he'd return to the apartment. He flashes Elli the alarm screen that reads 'wake Elli'.   
  
"Thank you." Elli says, holding out the ending sound of 'you'.   
  
"Ya know, I'd do anythin' for ya." Tom presses a kiss to the top of her head. "Now, sleep. Please."   
  
"Okay, okay." Elli says, giving Tom a gentle smile before backing away and heading to her room.   
  
Polaroids hanging from fairy lights decorate the top part of Elli's blue walls, wrapping all the way around. The photos are all ones she took and they vary from concerts she attended with Tom and Harrison to family gatherings to college graduation. There are photos of just Harrison and just Tom, just her family. They're all different but all hold a special place to Elli. Every photo tells a story and the ones around her room are no different.   
  
Elli plops down on her bed, head hitting the pillows and her bed has never felt so comfortable. It's eight in the morning but feels like it's after midnight. The exhaustion starts taking over as she sinks into her bed, pulling a thin blanket over herself, thinking she's lay there for a few minutes before actually getting under the covers and getting more comfortable. That didn't last long, however. In seconds, Elli was completely asleep, not even an earthquake could wake her.   
  
Meanwhile, Tom is sat at the table, scarfing down his breakfast. He probably should have woken up early but he likes his sleep a little more than Elli does. Elli is a bit of a workaholic sometimes while Tom, he knows when to sleep and take his breaks. He wishes Elli would listen to him more even. It hurts a bit when he walks into the kitchen some mornings to see her falling asleep in front of a screen. At least when she used to do it, it was over a textbook but this is just sad.   
  
She works herself to the bone but never gets sleep. But, Tom knows it's her dream and the way her entire being just radiates a warmth and energic feeling the second she gets a job and works through it, it's everything. She reminds him of himself when he's on stage or on his show. Living the dream even when it's hard.   
  
Tom finishes his food and immediately heads to the shower to get ready to leave. The good thing about his morning job is that he doesn't have to spend much time in getting ready. He can take a quick shower, toss on a pair of sweats and a hat and go for the door. A beautiful upside of having a job where his viewers don't actually see him. And, there might also be a plus side of Tom putting a hat on his wet hair. Elli will help fix it before he goes out later and Elli never fails to make sure he looks perfect.   
  
Within half an hour, Tom is out the door and to his car, putting his phone on shuffle and heading to the radio station not far from his and Elli's apartment. He remembers the day he got the job and it felt like things might be starting to look up. The station had been looking for another host. It was just a regular radio show where they talk about what's going on in the city and play whatever is popular. It wasn't exactly the dream Tom had envisioned, but he knew it'd be the start.   
  
And it was.   
  
He got the job and Elli and Harrison through him a party with a few of their other friends. It was amazing and just the start. Once he got that job, he got a gig at a dive bar a few blocks from the apartment and this time, it didn't fall through because of a storm. The customers enjoyed his covers and that got him a weekly job performing. A few months later, the radio station he was working for was wanting a new show and his boss had gone to one of his performances and loved the way he spoke and presented himself. Tom was offered to host alongside someone else and that is where he is today.   
  
This show is what Tom really wanted to. They play whatever they want and they can talk about whatever they want as long as it's radio appropriate. People call in all the time to talk, answer questions, anything and everything. It's now the radio stations most popular show. Tom gets his radio show and he gets his gigs, he's literally living his dream and he couldn't be happier.   
  
Tom arrives at work and is soon sitting in his regular seat aside his co-host, Alex. The two of them have their normal morning routine going. Songs lined up for the day, the scheduled time for the two to talk and what they're to talk about. For the moment, they have one of Arianna Grande's new songs playing while they're leaned back in their chairs. Alex has a scone from Starbucks while Tom is sat with cold coffee from Dunkin' Donuts.   
  
"Are you really going out tonight?" Alex asks.   
  
"Yeah, name's Chelsea." Tom explains.   
  
"How's Elliot feel?" Alex smirks, taking another bite of his food.   
  
"Fine?" Tom narrows an eye while quirking brow.   
  
"Thought you two were a thing?" Alex asks with genuine curiosity.   
  
"Nah," Tom sips from the straw. "Just friends."   
  
"Are you sure?" Alex presses. "I mean, dude, she's hot and you live with her. Nothing there?"   
  
"She's my best mate." Tom states, growing annoyed that Alex chooses to pay attention to Elli's appearance rather than anything else.   
  
"Alright, alright." Alex puts his hands up to surrender. Alex pauses for a few seconds before looking back to Tom. "Is she single then?"   
  
Tom groans, his annoyance growing with Alex asking about Elli. "Yeah." He answers curtly.   
  
"You cool if I ask her out then?"   
  
Tom grits his teeth and there's this weird burning in his stomach that wants to tell Alex no. Tom hates the idea of Elli going out with Alex and maybe that's because Alex has a habit of coming into work after a night out and sharing all of his stories with Tom and none of them are very appealing. Alex just treats women like they're the only one, only to kick them out after he's gotten what he wants. It rubs Tom the wrong way. But, there's another part of Tom that knows that's not the entire reason why he doesn't like the idea. However, it's not Tom's decision and Elli will kill him if she ever found out he told Alex not to ask. It'd make her feel like Tom wouldn't trust her to make her own decisions.   
  
"Not up to me."   
  
"She's your friend and your roommate. I thought it'd just be fair to ask you. If you're not okay with it, I won't." Alex explains and that's the thing with Alex. He's terrible when it comes to dating or anything even close, but as a friend, he's not so bad. He's actually quite decent and if Tom told him to stay away from Elli, Alex would never bother again.   
  
"I don't make her decisions for her. If you wanna ask, it's up to you." Tom says before taking a drink of the cold coffee.   
  
"Sweet, dude. Thanks." Alex chimes, a giant smile splitting his face.   
  
Tom makes sure the conversation is dropped when the song comes to an end and it's time for them to enter one of their Saturday segments.   
  
The rest of Tom's workday goes by and before he knows it, he's on his way home. He has about an hour to get ready for his date and as the time comes closer, he gets a little more nervous. It's normal nervous, though. Just the normal, pre-date jitters most people get. Tom doesn't know much about Chelsea so this is sure to be an interesting date, hopefully, a good interesting. But, even with that playing in the front of Tom's head, the back is loomed with Alex asking about Elli and he just has one thought:   
  
Would be wrong of him to bring it up to Elli? It's not really swaying her, just informing her so she can make an informed decision. Why is he even putting that much thought into it?   
  
Tom arrives home and when he opens the door to the apartment, it's quiet. The TV in the living room is off, there's no music playing, no shower running. Elli's shoes are still by the door along with her keys in the key basket on the shelf beside the door. She was clearly still sleeping and it brought a huge wave of relief over Tom. Too many times Elli has gone to sleep and woken up an hour after Tom left just to keep working. He's so happy she's actually sleeping but it breaks him a little to know he has to wake her.   
  
The alarm on his phone goes off while he makes his way to her room. He quickly shuts it off and knocks gently. There's no sound from the other side so he creaks the door open and sees she's sound asleep, curled up with a single blanket. He's seen her sleeping a hundred times. In the five years they've known each other, Elli has fallen asleep on Tom more times than he can count and if she's not falling asleep on him, she's falling asleep beside him. But, there's always a flutter that consumes Tom's chest when he sees her sleeping. She's just always so peaceful and beautiful.   
  
Tom walks into her room and takes a seat beside her. He lifts his hand to lightly grip her shoulder and shake her awake but there's a small bit of hesitance. She hasn't been sleeping that long but Tom knows he'll pay for it later if he doesn't just wake her. So, he shakes her shoulder until she groans.   
  
"Elli, wake up." Tom whispers.   
  
"Whatitmeisit?" Elli's words are almost incoherent.   
  
"Right 'bout six." Tom says, removing his hand from her shoulder.   
  
Elli groans and rolls over, facing him. "This sucks."   
  
"I can let you sleep longer." Tom offers, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.   
  
"No," She mutters. "I should get up. I have to help you get ready for your date."   
  
Tom rolls his eyes with a cornered grin. "I don't have to leave for forty-five minutes."   
  
"It'll take forty-five minutes to fix that mop you call hair." Elli's eyes glance to Tom's hair where he's since removed the baseball cap and his hair is an utter disaster.   
  
"If you insist." Tom chuckles.   
  
Elli sits up and looks to him, running a hand through his hair. "It looks like a birds nest and yet...it's so soft."   
  
Tom laughs, lightly shoving Elli away. "Fix it then."   
  
"Sit at the vanity and I'll get the hair stuff from the bathroom."   
  
Tom goes and takes a seat at the vanity and Elli goes to grab everything she needs to fix his hair. It's something fairly normal and she might tease him, but she doesn't mind at all. She actually likes when he asks for her help. It makes her feel like he really does value her opinion on his appearance. Of course, Tom values her opinion, they wouldn't be friends if not, but it's nice that he reminds her with things like this. Plus, when Tom does have a date that goes well, Elli gets to gloat that it's because she helped fix his hair and picked out his clothes.   
  
Elli returns within a few minutes with hair gel, hair wax, hairspray, and Tom's brush. There's a confident smile on her face as she places the products in front of Tom before running the brush through his hair. Tom watches Elli through the mirror and he has to smile to himself. She's his best friend and she'd literally do anything for him.   
  
"How'd work go?" Elli asks.   
  
"Uh, good, same old." Tom hesitates to answer, the fresh reminder of work and Alex asking about her being brought to the front of his mind.   
  
"What happened?" Elli glances at their reflection.   
  
Tom shrugs. "You remember Alex, ya?" Elli nods. "He asked about you, today."   
  
"Is that a bad thing?" Elli quirks a brow as she swaps the brush for hair wax.   
  
"Just asked if you were single is all." Tom brushes it off, choosing to just keep his opinion to himself. Elli is smart and she's heard Tom relay Alex's stories back to her. As her friend, Tom has full confidence there's nothing to worry about.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"He wants to ask you out." Tom explains and Elli freezes.   
  
She remembers meeting Alex, just the once, at a party he had invited Tom to. Tom brought Elli and introduced them. He seemed nice, just as Tom had said he would be, but there was something a bit off. Nothing, too bad or anything to raise any major red flags, he just seemed like maybe he wasn't as nice as he appeared. Elli's opinion only grew stronger when Tom would come home and tell her about how Alex left a girl high and dry or had given a girl a random number because he wasn't into her, even if she hadn't done anything to deserve it. But, now, Tom doesn't seem to have much to say about it.   
  
"Oh." Elli says. "Um, well, what'd you say?"   
  
Elli's heart stalls in her chest as she waits for him to answer. Her eyes go back to his hair while she works the wax in, making sure his hair lays right this way she's distracted. She wants him to say he told Alex not to. Elli isn't interested anyway but she also already feel the sting of her heart if Tom said he didn't care.   
  
"I just said it wasn't my choice."   
  
Elli bites her lip as the sting strikes hard. "Oh." She mutters and Tom's brows furrow as he watches her.   
  
"I figured you weren't interested but you'd tell him that yourself."   
  
Tom's remark manages to bring a faint smile to Elli's face, easing some of the sting because at least he's right with his reasoning. "Yeah, you're right." Elli's chuckles.   
  
"Thank God." Tom sighs with relief.   
  
"What?" Elli asks.   
  
"Was afraid you were interested for a minute." Tom lets out a low breath, a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding while telling the story.   
  
"Of course not!" Elli exclaims. "He's a dick to girls." Elli swaps the wax for the gel.   
  
"Yeah." Tom laughs in agreement and the two of them fall into a comfortable silence.   
  
Elli finishes Tom's hair and by then, it was time for her to help him pick out clothes. Tom was taking Chelsea to a nicer restaurant on the north side of the city so Elli suggested a button up with a tie and dress slacks. Luckily, Tom's family happened to have a lot of different occasions that required a dressy casual so Tom owned plenty of ties, slacks, and button-ups.   
  
Elli goes through Tom's closet and pulls out her favorite shirts, having Tom see if he'd be up to wearing it or not. She does the same with the pants and leaves the ties for whatever will go best with the shirt and pants she ends up picking. By the time Tom has denied over half of his dress attire, Elli is left with a maroon shirt, a navy blue shirt, and a plain white shirt with black dress slacks. Tom really didn't leave her with much but Tom is a lucky human who looks good in every color but especially maroon. So, Elli hands Tom the maroon shirt with a black tie and the black dress slacks.   
  
Tom changes into the clothes quickly, standing in front of Elli with his arms out to the side slightly, waiting for her approval.   
  
Elli nods, a proud smile making its way to her face. "I did such a good job."   
  
Tom tilts his head, arms dropping. "My mum bought the clothes."   
  
"You wanna tell your date that?" Elli retorts, arms crossing over her chest.   
  
"...no." Tom whispers, eyes narrowed at Elli.   
  
"Why do you suck at ties though?" Elli gets up and walks the small distance to him, taking his tie into her hands. "It's not that hard." Elli starts readjusting it so it lays flat and straight instead of crooked and bulky like Tom had it.   
  
"Because you're better at it." Tom smirks, watching Elli fix his tie.   
  
"You'd lose your head if it weren't for me."   
  
"And you'd starve if it weren't for me." Tom quips making Elli laugh.   
  
"I cook microwave food!"   
  
Tom laughs, head thrown back. "That's not good!"   
  
Elli lays the tie flat on Tom's chest, hands running over his shirt. "It's better than nothing!"   
  
"If you say so."   
  
"Shut up and go on your date." Elli rolls her eyes, taking a step back from her friend.   
  
"I'll text you if I need help."   
  
Elli nods, knowing what he means and understanding that if she doesn't get a text from him by nine, the date is going great and she won't receive that infamous sos text.   
  
When they'd moved in together, neither of them were into dating very much but when they would and they happened to bring someone home, that person always got the wrong idea. They always assumed Tom and Elli had something there so it took a lot of explaining and reassurance that they're just friends. However, that came with one upside.   
  
After a bad date, Elli had texted Tom, panicking because she didn't know how to get out of the date. The guy was a creep and she was afraid to actually leave him. Tom had Elli come back to the apartment where he was ready with a red face and fury streaming through his veins. The second Elli opened the door, Tom started yelling at the guy to leave because Elli was his girlfriend and she's just cheated on him. The guy ran out of there so fast, it's surprising there wasn't dust behind him like a cartoon. From then on, it became a thing where if either of them needed to get out of a date but didn't know how, they'd just text an sos and the other would pretend to be the significant other. It's not exactly the best thing but it works and it's gotten them out of not so good situations.    
  
Tom leaves for his date, sporting a black winter coat over his clothing. The house is completely silent and it's just Elli. It's not so bad, really. Now she can finish the work she wanted to finish before Tom had her go to bed. She can try to finish the book she'd been reading for the past week. Being home alone, without Tom, can be very nice but tonight, there's a soft ache and deep down, Elli knows it's because of Tom's date.   
  
It's weird really. The ache in her chest because she's happy Tom has a date but there's a part of her that wishes the date was with her. But, they're friends and they agreed on the benefits aspect. Elli tried to brush it off as she works because maybe the ache isn't what she thinks it is and maybe it's just because she hasn't been on a good date in awhile. It's not like she's tried anyway but that's not really her point. Work keeps her busy so she spends her free-time with Tom and Harrison so maybe that's where the ache is coming from.   
  
Maybe.   
  
Elli gets to work in the kitchen after making herself Easy Mac. Her laptop screen shines bright on her face just as it did that morning but this time she can focus and adjust the colors for the photos and it doesn't seem like it's the most boring and redundant task she's ever had to perform. Instead, she finds herself relaxing and enjoying it. Elli might work her ass off, but there's not a moment she doesn't enjoy what she does. It's why she works herself the way she does.   
  
Once Elli finished what she needed to, she found herself seated in the living room, a book in hand. It was only half an hour into her reading that she checked the clock on her phone to see it reads just after nine in the evening. She locks her phone and continues in the spot of her book, reading comfortably in the living room. If something were to be off with Tom's date, he'd likely have texted her by now. So, she lets herself get sucked back into her book. However, that doesn't last very long.   
  
A few minutes later, Elli's phone vibrates beside her. She glances at it before putting a finger in her book to hold her place. The screen lights up as she pulls the notifications down to see the sos text from Tom. She rolls her eyes while she tosses her phone on the cushion. She rolls her shoulders before getting up and heading to the kitchen. Within the next few minutes, she'll hear the key in the door and she'll follow the same routine as always. So, she leans against the table, arms crossed and ready to put on the show.   
  
The sound of the key in the lock brings Elli's attention from her feet to the door. She pushes herself from the table and shakes the terrible grin from her face while she approaches the door. The second the door open, Tom is standing there with a girl in an elegant blue dress and hair done perfectly. But, Elli, she doesn't miss a beat.   
  
"Tom!" Elli yells, face pink with anger. "Really?" The girl in the doorway seems to become paralyzed with the appearance of Elli. Her eyes are wide and she's taken a step away from Tom. "I'm his girlfriend and he's a dick." Elli looks to the girl. "You can do so much better."   
  
"I...I'm...I didn't." The girl stutters.   
  
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't because he doesn't tell anyone." Elli turns her attention to Tom. "Give her money for a cab home." Elli crosses her arms and Tom glares at her but gets his wallet out, handing the girl enough money for a cab.   
  
"I'm sorry about this." Tom mutters as he stuffs his wallet into his back pocket.   
  
"Maybe you shouldn't cheat." The girl says before looking back to Elli. "You should dump his ass." The girl states as she walks off.   
  
Elli pulls him in the apartment and just shakes her head. "Didn't have to call me a dick." Tom mutters.   
  
"I'm sorry." Elli giggles. "You're not a dick."   
  
"It was going great." Tom says as he looks over his shoulder, locking the door.   
  
"Was it?" Elli asks, intrigued.   
  
"Yeah, she was cute, ya, but also smart and funny. She wasn't boring at dinner." Tom rambles as he walks across the kitchen, shrugging his coat off and resting it on a chair. "We've similar interests, music and stuff." Tom continues while leaning against the counter, undoing his tie.   
  
"Okay..." Elli says, "So...what's the issue? Why the sos?" She leans her arms over the chair at the table.   
  
"She's in law school, so we talked about careers."   
  
"Right, right, normal date conversation."   
  
"Well," Tom sighs. "She talked more than I did and before I could tell her what I do, she said she was glad to be on a date with someone who wasn't some starving artist." Tom and Elli both wince with his words.   
  
"She said that? What'd you say?"   
  
"I told her I was a musician and a radio host." Tom shrugs. "She said I should find something else because it won't last. Then," Tom sucks in a breath. "She went on about photographers and artists, how I wouldn't wanna end up like them. So, I...,uh, I told her about you being a photographer and Harrison being a sculptor."   
  
"What the fuck? Keep going." Elli's grimace doesn't fade as she waits for the impact.   
  
"Said we'd all be mooching off of each other and our parents in no time if we didn't get better plans."   
  
Elli's eyes narrow and her jaw drops. "I should have screamed at her! What the fuck? I do our taxes! We make decent money, individually! What'd you say?"   
  
"I told her that!" Tom says, disbelief in his voice. "She was insistent but she didn't want the date to end and I didn't wanna be a huge prick and leave her stranded."   
  
"So you brought her back here?"   
  
"She wouldn't leave!" Tom says. "She was all over me in the car on the way back, wouldn't take no for a bloody answer. So, sos."   
  
"She just wanted to lay a musician." Elli scoffs but there's sarcasm in her voice.   
  
"Wouldn't be the first." Tom bites his lip and his face drops.   
  
Elli's heart aches with the look on his face. Tom has his moments where he doens't make all the right choices and he can be nicer, but everyone is like that. However, Tom is all around a very nice person and he'd do anything for anyone that would give him their time. He's not a pushover, of course, he's just very kind to the people who are kind to him. Unfortunately, girls sometimes take advantage and Tom is attractive and he actually makes a living playing music. Some girls think that means he's a fuckboy and only cares about sex. Luckily, it's only happened twice but it's seemed to stick with him, something Elli didn't fully realize until now.   
  
"She's not worth it, Tom." Elli says with honesty.   
  
"Yeah, I know." Tom looks to Elli with a grateful smile. "Thanks."   
  
"I'll always be here to help." Elli smiles back.   
  
"Think I'm gonna head to my room, you alright?"   
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna shower anyway." Elli reassures.   
  
Tom and Elli head their separate ways in the apartment. Elli grabs her things for the shower and Tom starts changing out of his clothes.   
  
There's a small weight in Tom's chest as he switches into a black t-shirt, a hoodie, and sweatpants. It's not that the date ended up not being good. It's the fact his date felt a need to insult him and his friends. There's a way to do something and insulting Tom and his friends aren't one of them. Everyone always said Tom wouldn't amount to anything. He's a musician who doesn't actually want the fame but he still wants to play for people. That's not exactly a good idea when it comes to making a living but Tom stood up and told every person that doubted him to watch him and he's doing it. He's doing it now which means he'll only keep moving forward, of course, there will be a few hiccups in the way but he'll keep moving forward. But, Chelsea didn't bother to even ask. It's not her, it's her reminding him of everything he could have lost. So, Tom does what he does best, he sits in his chair with his guitar.   
  
While Tom plays his favorite songs, Elli takes a quick shower, being done in only fifteen minutes. Elli shakes her hair out with the towel from around her head. Her hair falls in messy tangles as she flips her hair up, standing straight and looking in the mirror. Elli wipes the steam away with her hand and is met with her reflection, tired but clean. No makeup, no jeans or normal day clothes. It's just messy hair and Tom's old hoodie with a pair of her old sweatpants. It's comfort in an image. But, her brows furrow when she hears the strumming of a guitar from down the hallway. The furrowing of her brows quickly halts and she closes her eyes, listening to Tom play. She picks up her brush and slowly and quietly, turns the knob to creep out of the bathroom.   
  
The carpet of the floor eases her tip-toeing steps to Tom's room. The door is cracked, a yellow light illuminating a small portion of the hallway. Elli can see Tom sitting in the chair by his chest, back to her while he plays and she can't stop smiling. His voice fills the air and it's the purest sound she's ever heard.   
  
Over the four and a half years they've lived together, Elli never gets tired of listening to him. She could listen to him sing, play guitar, piano, drum, anything if it just meant he was doing something. But, there's something special about his voice. It's the second he starts singing, goosebumps rise to her skin and it's as if she's on another plane of existence for that small amount of time. Tom has one of those voices that just makes everyone turn and listen, it doesn't matter what he's singing. Tom's voice is beautiful. Tom's voice remains beautiful even though Elli has heard him play Ed Sheeran's Photograph a billion times. There will never be a day she doesn't stop and listen.   
  
The strumming stops and Tom finishes the last line of the song. It's only then that Elli brings her knuckles to the wooden door and knocks softly. Tom spins his chair quickly, his feet barely stopping him in order to not overspin. Elli giggles as she opens the door more and allows herself in.   
  
"How long've you've been there?" Tom asks.   
  
Elli shrugs but there's a gentle smile on her lips. "Long enough."   
  
Tom rolls his eyes. "Don't you ever get bored?"   
  
"Of?" Elli quirks a brow, taking a set on the edge of Tom's bed, facing him.   
  
"Listening to me." Tom chuckles, one arm across the guitar and another running through his unruly curls.   
  
Elli shakes her head. "Nope."   
  
"Liar." Tom shakes his head, scrunching his nose. Elli's mouth opens but Tom is quick to cut her off. "Don't you fuckin' dare quote Drake & Josh."   
  
Elli bursts into a fit of laughter. "But you called me a liar when I told you the truth!! I'm a truther!" Elli quips between laughs and all Tom does is groan.   
  
"You're so annoying!" Tom laughs.   
  
"I'm funny, you're annoying."   
  
"You're not funny if you're just quoting movies and TV." Tom smirks.   
  
Elli scrunches her face, sticking her tongue out. "You do it, too."   
  
Tom gets up and rests his guitar on its stand before walking in front of Elli. "So?"   
  
"So." Elli mocks.   
  
Tom smirks, pushing his way to stand between her legs. His arms go over her shoulders and he hovers over her until she's flat on her back and he's holding himself up with his hands on either side of her head.   
  
"So what?"   
  
"So..." Elli bites her lip as his breaths fans across her face. He smells like Armani with a tint of Old Spice. Her heart races as she glances between his lips and his eyes, knowing what he's thinking. "So, I'm getting your bed went." Tom's eyes widen but his brow is quirked and he's gaining a shit-eating-grin about to make a smart remark. "MY HARI. My hair is wet. I am getting your bed wet because I'm laying down and my hair is wet. Tom, shut up."   
  
Tom's elbows buckle slightly as his head hangs, uncontrollable laughter falling from his throat. "I didn't even say anythin'!"   
  
"You were gonna!" Elli defends. "I know you!"   
  
"Cause you ruined the moment!" Tom's eyes are wide, mocking her but they're locked on hers and there's a smile dancing across his face.   
  
Elli sighs and leans up, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Okay," She starts. "We have sex." Tom huffs, shaking his head but lets her continue. "And you brush my hair afterwards."   
  
Tom bows his head in the spot between her shoulder and her neck, laughing against the exposed skin. "What? Why?"   
  
"Why the se-"   
  
"Am I brushing your hair?" Tom cuts her off, finishing his question and looking back to her.   
  
"It's cute!" Elli's face lights up like a Christmas tree and Tom couldn't wipe the smile off of his face if he tried.   
  
Tom leans down, just centimeters above Elli's face. "I'll brush your hair if I get to the pick movie." Tom offers, his lips ghosting over hers before he tilts his head and starts kissing down her jaw.   
  
Elli hums, eyes closing with Tom's movements. "Sounds like a plan." Elli whispers as she reaches for the hem of Tom's shirt, urging him to tug it off.   
  
Tom sits up and tugs his shirt off exposing his perfectly toned torso. Tom sends Elli a smirk as she eyes him but the smirk disappears as Elli pushes up and wraps her hands around the back of his neck, pulling his lips to hers. His hands go down to either side of her head as Elli pulls him down with her. The kiss deepens and Elli moans into Tom's mouth as he rolls his hips against hers, his hardened length pressing between her legs.   
  
Tom detaches his lips from hers only to reattach them to her neck. Elli's eyes close as she tilts her head, giving him more access. He tugs her hoodie down low enough to start sucking a small mark close to her collarbones. A pleasure-filled sigh falls from Elli's lips as her hand comes up to Tom's back, lightly pressing her nails into his skin. A low breath falls from Tom's mouth with the sensation but he continues to leave the hickey, running his tongue over the spot once he's done to sooth the skin. Elli pushes up and strips herself of the hoodie she'd been wearing, revealing no bra or undershirt.   
  
A smirk comes to Tom's face while he wraps his arms around her, bowing his head to press open mouth kisses around her collarbones and down her chest until he reaches her breasts. One of his hands comes from behind her and plays with one of her nipples. Elli moans out, one of her hands going back to the bed to hold herself up while Tom's mouth starts working on the other nipple. Elli's eyes are closed as she starts to lose herself in the pleasure, her hips starting to just buck forward into Tom's.   
  
Elli pulls Tom's head from her breast, bringing his lips to hers before pulling him down with her and pushing his shoulder for her to get on top. His hands instinctively go to her hips while Elli follows the same pattern Tom did to her neck but once she's left the mark, Elli kisses her way down his chest, slow enough that it's becoming teasing. Once she reaches the hem of Tom's sweatpants, she slips her thumbs into the waistband, pulling both sweats and boxers off and moving to allow him to kick them all the way off. Elli strips herself of her own pants and underwear before kissing up his thighs and to his hip, around his pelvis and back up his chest, intentionally avoiding his twitching length.   
  
"Gonna tease me like that all night?" Tom's voice is raw with lust as Elli's lips meet his, her core hovering over his length.   
  
"Should I?" A cocky smirk comes to Elli's face as she pulls away to meet Tom's stare.   
  
"Fuck no." Tom says, hands coming up to up her face, lips colliding with hers. "No more teasing, please." He mutters against her lips.   
  
Elli doesn't a say a word, she just reaches beside Tom and opens his nightstand drawer for a condom, feeling him smile against her lips. Elli slides her folds against Tom's length, teasing him while she opens the condom and only moves once she's ready to roll it onto him. Once ready, Tom's head is against the pillows and Elli reaches behind her and lines his length up with her center. She brushes his tip across her folds a few times before she slowly sinks down onto him.   
  
Tom's fingers dig into her hips while hers dig into his shoulders. Elli lets herself adjust to his size before she starts grinding onto him. Tom's thrusts meet hers, grunts and moans filling the air and become louder as Elli increases her pace. A coil builds in her stomach and she feels herself getting closer. Tom knows her better than he knows himself and he can tell by the expression of pure bliss and lust on her face and the pitch of her moans that she's getting close so he takes a hand from her hip and presses his thumb to her clit. Elli jerks forward, a higher moan escaping her throat. Tom's thumb is relentless, keeping its pace until Elli is clenching around him and yelling his name before falling over his chest.   
  
Her heart pounds as her sweaty chest meets Tom's. Lazy kisses are pressed to his cheek to his earlobe, goosebumps rising on the back of Tom's neck. Elli feels him resituate under her, planting his feet on the bed but he doesn't move, not yet.   
  
"Alright, darlin?" Tom asks.   
  
"Mmm," Elli hums. "Keep going." Elli encourages. "Please."   
  
She doesn't have to say anything else before Tom's hips are smacking hers fast and hard. His length hits her g-spot and in seconds, she can feel the coil building in her stomach once more. She clenches around Tom and that pushes Tom over the edge. His hips rut against hers, Elli's name now coming from his mouth and sending Elli over the edge again.   
  
The two of them stall their movements, their breathing heavy and chests sticking together with a thin layer of sweat. Tom kisses her shoulder and Elli kisses his neck before going back to place a kiss to his cheek and then to his lips.   
  
"Good team." Elli chuckles, sitting up.   
  
Tom laughs, his chest rumbling under Elli's hands. "We make a good team, ya."   
  
Elli moves off of Tom and gets off the bed, walking around to get her clothes. Tom watches from the bed, lip sucked between his teeth. Elli isn't self-conscious, especially with him and how long they've had this going on. Tom has walked in on her showering and changing and she doesn't even flinch. She can walk around post-sex and grab her clothes without even putting in thought that Tom is watching her. She does the same with him and if anything, it builds Tom's ego.   
  
"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Elli turns to Tom, clothes in hand but still not making an effort to cover herself.   
  
"Sorry, but it's a pretty sight." Tom says with ease before he starts removing the condom and getting up himself.   
  
Elli's cheeks flush and her heart skips with Tom's words. "I'll be back."   
  
Tom laughs, knowing he's left her too flustered to have any form of a comeback. "We're watching The Avengers!" Tom yells as Elli walks down the hallway. Elli just groans louder than necessary and she can hear Tom laugh in response.   
  
Elli heads to the bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror. A bright red mark with blotches of purple decorate a small portion of her skin and she shakes her head but a smile comes to her face. Tom leaves hickeys just to tease her and she knows it but that's what makes it fun. However, her hair, her hair is not fun. It's now knotted and a tangled mess but it was worth it.   
  
Back int he bedroom, Tom is reclothing himself and turning on the TV that hangs on his wall in front of his bed. He loads the screen for The Avengers and climbs into bed to wait for Elli, sitting cross-legged with her brush in hand remembering that he's supposed to brush her hair. There's the faintest smile on his face as he fiddles with the brush, a faint smile he can't really explain but a smile caused by the thought of Elli.   
  
"You're serious?" Elli asks walking back into the room and pointing to the TV.   
  
"Yes." Tom states, patting the space in front of him. "Why're you surprised?"   
  
"I can reenact this entire movie start to finish from the times you alone have made me watch it." Elli jokes as she goes to sit in front of Tom.   
  
"Sorry, but I don't see the problem." Tom's breath fans over her ear as he laughs and pulls her hair back to start brushing.   
  
"Nerd." Elli mutters as she watches the movie play.   
  
Tom starts brushing, careful not to tug too hard on the tangles. "Yeah, but you love me."   
  
"Yeah." Elli holds out the word, a smile splitting her face as Maria Hill and Nick Fury appear on screen. "I do."   
  
  



	3. snowfall

The bar seems to be unusually packed for a Sunday night. Groups of friends were scattered about the tables, a few couples sat at the bar. Singles made their way around to each other, mingling and getting to know each other. Conversations all muffled together into a pleasant cluster while Elli and Harrison sat at a table, adding to the noise of the bar.   
  
"So, what'd you do last night?" Harrison asks, sipping his pop.   
  
"Finished some work for one of the schools, read a bit, watched a movie with Tom." Elli takes a sip of her Tequila Oasis.   
  
This was a usual routine for Harrison and Elli. Harrison would show up at the apartment and pick up Elli, taking her to wherever Tom would be playing his set. Tom always showed up with plenty of time to spare so that left Elli time to get ready on her own, to just show up with Harrison. And they always showed up a little early to make sure they didn't miss any of his set. While they waited, they always caught up even if they'd just seen each other the day before. The routine is something neither of them would trade.     
  
A sly smirk comes to Harrison's face. "Yeah? Thought Tom had a date?"   
  
"He did." Elli says, her eyes narrowing. "She was kind of bitchy to put it simply."   
  
Harrison nods. "Your words or Tom's?"   
  
"Tom's too nice to call her a bitch so, I'll say it." Elli chuckles.   
  
"Sure, mate." Harrison takes another drink of his pop and Elli furrows her brows but before she can ask, Harrison is back to talking. "What'd you have to do for the schools? Thought you weren't working with schools anymore."   
  
Elli sighs, running a hand through her hair. "Their sports' photographer fell through last minute. Photographing a bunch of teenagers might be annoying and a royal pain in the ass but hey, it's not their fault their photographer bailed."   
  
"Good on you." Harrison sips his drink slightly, a smile etched across his face.   
  
"How 'bout you? What'd you do?"   
  
"Working on a commission piece. Some guy in Orland wants a sculpture of a lion for his new house." Harrison explains with a quick brow raise.   
  
"That's...odd." Elli giggles.   
  
"Especially because he wants it life-sized and it's going in his house."   
  
"You at least having fun? It's something different."   
  
Harrison nods eagerly. "Yeah, yeah of course. It's fun to do a life-sized animal rather than people. Always like a challenge."   
  
"Good! I'm glad!"   
  
The conversation between the two of them dies off as they see movement from the corner of their eyes. They turn to the small stage a few feet in front of them where Tom is making his way out with his guitar. He's dressed in a plain black shirt and a red jacket with dark navy jeans. His hair is in its purposefully messy style as it almost always is and he's sporting a nervous smile. Months of playing at the same place a few days a week and he still gets nervous. He gets nervous until he takes a seat on the stool and his eyes fall on Elli, front and center with her camera around her neck. She gives him a thumbs up and Tom's nerves float away as if they were never there to begin with.   
  
Tom sighs before introducing himself like he's done a hundred times before. The people in the bar stop their conversations and give Tom their attention. All eyes on him while he speaks. He can hear his heart in his chest, beating against his ribs but he loves the way it sounds. He's in love with the way his heart pounds with anxiety and excitement while everyone waits for him to start. It's thrilling.   
  
Elli pulls her camera to her eye as Tom starts his set. Acoustic covers are his thing. It doesn't matter if the original artist has an acoustic version or not, Tom will rework it to fit his own musical style and make it acoustic. The genre doesn't matter, either and that's the part that blows Elli's mind. Tom's turned deathcore metal into something acoustic and it worked, and worked well. It wasn't something he had set out to do but he wanted a challenge and a challenge it was, but it'd paid off and it was amazing. He was amazing. But, that's just Tom.   
  
After about an hour, Tom wraps to allow the next regular to take the stage. He walks off with a pep in his step and a smile bright enough to illuminate the entire room. There's a flutter in Elli's stomach at the sight, something that happens everytime she sees him like that but he's her best friend and she loves seeing him so happy and proud. The flutter is the only right way to feel in that moment as she takes the picture.   
  
"Why do you always take pictures?" Harrison asks and he stands up, grabbing his coat from the back of the chair.   
  
"What do you mean?" Elli follows his lead.   
  
"Same thing every time, different clothes, I guess but other than that, it's the same."   
  
"Christmas is the same every year but I still photograph that." Elli argues.   
  
"That's different and you know it." There's a taunt in Harrison's voice and Elli knows exactly what he's getting at.   
  
"Fine, I take pictures at Navy Pier ever winter. It looks the same every time. It's what I do." Elli's eyes narrow as she shrugs on her coat.   
  
"Yeah, alright." Harrison chuckles above the sound of him zipping up his coat.   
  
He makes a good point and observation. Tom does play at other places sometimes but for the most part, it's this bar and it's the same thing. Different songs, different clothes, sometimes his hair is done if he had something to do but it's all pretty much the same. Elli probably has near identical pictures between her few flash drives so Harrison makes a good point. Why does she bother always photographing Tom's sets when they're almost the same?   
  
Tom comes from around back and meets his friends at their table, the same smile decorating his face. "Aye." He greets.   
  
"Hey." Elli and Harrison say simultaneously.   
  
"Was, uh, was I alright?" Tom asks, pulling his lips between his teeth.   
  
"You were amazing, just like every other time." Elli says, her smile meeting his.   
  
Tom beams but looks to Harrison for confirmation. "What she said." Harrison nods in agreement.   
  
"Thanks." Tom lets out a breath and runs his free hand through his hair. "Well, Marco's having a party if you guys wanted to go."   
  
"Marco would have a party on a Sunday." Elli jokes. "But yeah, I'm down." Elli says, her and Tom looking to Harrison.   
  
"Fuck it, not like I'm gonna go home and actually work. Follow you guys there?"   
  
"Did you wanna drop your car off?" Tom offers as he nods to the door and the three start making their way out.   
  
"Nah," Harrison shakes his head. "I'll have a beer at most, you sure you don't wanna drop yours off?"   
  
Tom shakes his head. "Elli's turn to drink." A chuckle falls from his lips as Elli gives the boy finger guns and a wink.   
  
"I'm gonna get drunk!" Elli cheers. "And regret it in the morning!"   
  
Tom and Harrison burst out laughing while Tom wraps an arm around her shoulders. "You're a loser."   
  
"Yes, that's why I'm getting drunk tonight." Elli quips, scrunching her face at him.   
  
It's been a tradition since they'd moved together. If they were ever going out, they always just took turns on who would drink and who would be the designated driver. It was easier for one of them to drink rather than both, especially after Harrison had moved out and left the two of them to themselves. Neither really minded either. It was actually Tom's idea.   
  
They'd gone out drinking because the guy Elli had been seeing cheated on her and she was devasted. Tom had an early class so he didn't plan to drink much anyway but Elli had plenty for the both of them. She paid for it that night and slept on the bathroom floor but Tom made sure she was okay. He didn't sleep much, really. He camped out outside the bathroom just to be sure she would be okay and he was prepared with aspirin and plenty of water for whenever she could keep it down. And he was there when she could hold herself awake and keep the contents of her stomach down long enough to cry about the guy that cheated on her. Tom was there to tell her he was terrible and she deserved better. Of course, Elli didn't remember any of that by the next morning, but Tom did. He meant his words and he didn't regret staying up with her. He was just happy he opted to stay sober. So, it was then that Tom offered the idea of only one of them drinking, just in case the drunk one needed the sober one for anything.   
  
Harrison goes to his car while Elli and Tom head to Tom's. He rests his guitar in the back while Elli takes her place in the passenger seat, the seat perfectly adjusted to the way she likes it. Tom gets in and starts the car, immediately cranking the heat. Bursts of cold air hit the to of them as they scramble for the vents, closing and moving them.   
  
"That wasn't smart." Tom remarks, his teeth chattering.   
  
"No, it wasn't." Elli agrees, her arms crossing over herself, legs squeezing together to try and keep warm until the car heats up.   
  
"Here." Tom reaches to the backseat and tugs the blanket over the center console, giving it to Elli.   
  
She wraps it around herself and gives Tom a grateful smile. "Thanks, Tom. I'm glad I convinced you to keep a blanket in your car." Elli grabs her seatbelt and buckles over the blanket, pulling her legs up to her chest.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, always got the best advice." Tom mocks with the role of his eyes.   
  
"Glad to hear you admit it." Elli chortles.   
  
"Be quiet otherwise I won't make you food anymore." Tom remarks as the car starts to heat up and he opens his vents and Elli's.   
  
Elli gasps making Tom laugh and looks to her, brown eyes wide and innocent. "That's just mean!"   
  
"Pssshhh," Tom starts. "All's fair, darling."   
  
"Fine, I pick music." Elli struggles for her phone in her pocket before being able to pull up Spotify.   
  
"Have fun." Tom says, not minding that she wanted to pick the music.   
  
Elli turns on their normal playlist that contains bits of everything while Tom starts driving to Marco's. The two fall silent while music plays. Elli's eyes are glued to the window, the blanket still wrapped around her, keeping her perfectly warm. The blanket smells like Tom and Elli can't help but find it funny. Of course, it smells like him but the blanket sits in his car all the time. It should smell more like his car than him but it doesn't and it makes her feel like she's home, not watching the houses pass by. There's a nice comfort with it, really.   
  
The city streets turn into a highway and the highway takes them to Oak Park, city fading and turning into more residential appearance. The drive isn't long, just under half an hour but on the way Elli finds her mind wondering. She likes going to parties especially with her two best friends. They always have fun together and there's never a dull moment but lately, whenever they go, there seems to be a weight in Elli's chest.   
  
At home, it's her and Tom and they can do whatever they want. That's the fun part of being friends with benefits and living together, they do what they want, when they want without getting caught but at a party, they can't do that. There are more moments than Elli wants to admit where she wishes she could pull Tom into her just like she'd do at home. But, she can't and it's a good thing because a part of her isn't sure if she wants to pull him into her because that's just what they do when they're alone or if it's more.   
  
The house starts to come into view, pulling Elli from her thoughts. Elli turns the music down as Tom pulls the car against the curb, putting it in park. Snow starts to fall and decorate the windshield, the flakes large and falling fast. It's the kind of snow that covers fields in the minutes. Tom unlocks the car and the two of them exit. Elli looks to the sky as the snow falls and she smiles. She smiles and her heart soars, the cold not even remotely bothersome and flakes fall onto her hair and coat.   
  
Elli likes snow, not really the getting around in snow aspect, but the falling of it. The aftermath of how pretty and pure everything looks. Before people and city animals walk through it, it's perfect. Undisturbed and elegant across the small lawns and sidewalks. It's like a lace blanket, beautiful and perfect, soft and graceful.   
  
"Hey." Tom whispers as he stands next to her.   
  
"It's snowing." Elli says in astonishment as if she hasn't lived in the city most of her life.   
  
Tom looks down to her and watches as her eyes are bright with the snow. The streetlamps keep her illuminated and he has to keep watching her watch the snowfall because Elli has this look that makes Tom's stomach twist with lightning bugs. She's so beautiful and she's in a skirt, likely cold but the snow distracts her because it's one of her favorite things in the world.   
  
Tom looks down to her and watches as her eyes are bright with the snow. The streetlamps keep them illuminated and he has to keep watching her watch the snowfall because she has look that makes Tom's stomach twist with lightning bugs. Elli is so beautiful and she's in a skirt, likely cold but the snow distracts her because it's one of her favorite things in the world.   
  
It's kind of funny, really. Tom always hated the snow. He hated it with every fiber of his being. It's wet and it turns to slush. It gets in shoes and boots. He's forced to layer and layer his clothing if he doesn't want to freeze his ass off. The roads are usually terrible and if it's not the roads, it's the people using them. Sidewalks are slick with ice, ice and hard snowfall prevent reliable power and heat. Tom just always found the snow hard to deal with and too much effort, which makes it ironic he'd move to Chicago, a city that's covered in snow four to five months a year. But, the first time Elli ever photographed him was in the snow and a part of him seemed to hate the snow a little less.   
  
It was their first year at the Art Institute. Elli and Tom had only been friends a few months at the time but that didn't prevent Elli from asking if she could photograph him for one of her classes. Tom was nervous at first, no one had ever asked before and he didn't want to mess up her project and he fucking hated the snow but he agreed because Elli's big blue eyes were looking at him with hope and hesitance and trust. She had trusted him then and Tom couldn't say no even though he wished he had when he found out Elli wanted to photograph him at Navy Pier in the snow, in the cold. But, his mind changed when she showed up.   
  
A small part of Elli's hair was braided and clipped to the side while she sported a bright purple coat and black boots with jeans. Her camera dangled from her neck and she wore the most beautiful and joyful smile Tom had ever laid eyes on. Elli was radiate in that moment to meet him, the snow crunching beneath her feet and the cold not bothering her even a little bit. Tom's chest burned with a warmth he'd never felt before and his cheeks flushed red when she approached him and for the first time, he stuttered around he because he didn't know what to say. Elli had left him breathless and speechless just by the look of happiness on her face and she didn't even know.   
  
Elli directed Tom on how she needed him to pose and where and Tom listened without question. But, Elli did have to keep telling him to not look at the camera for every picture but every piece of Tom wanted to keep looking back to her because that smile was permanently etched across her face and it only grew as she started photographing him. And, it grew bigger and Elli had gasped when the snow started to fall.   
  
Normally, Tom would have been so angry but Elli, Elli looked to the sky as if the heavens had opened above her and were showering her in everything she loved. Tom pulled out his own phone that day and took a picture of her. Today, that picture sits in Tom's room, framed and alongside a few others he's kept of family and other friends. But it was on that fateful day, Tom started falling in with loving the snow.   
  
"You guys ready?" Harrison grabs their attention as he approaches them.   
  
"Oh, yeah." Elli looks to him, cheeks softly tinted red.   
  
"Lead the way." Tom gestures a hand out and he follows Elli up the driveway, Harrison walking beside him. Harrison smirks at Tom, making Tom glare. "What?" He asks through gritted teeth.   
  
"I didn't say anything." Harrison shrugs, shoving his hands into his pocket. "Enjoying the snow, Elli?" Harrison asks as Elli keeps looking to the sky.   
  
"Of course!" Elli chimes her voice gets the glare to immediately vanish from Tom's face. He loves how in love with the snow she is.   
  
The three of them enter the party, loud electronic music bounces off the walls. There are people scattered everywhere, drinking, laughing, mingling. Some are playing beer pong, others are dancing with each other. It might be a Sunday but that's not stopping anyone at this party. They walk further into the party, Tom being greeted by a few people on the way. Once they find a spot that's not too crowded, Tom is the one to offer to get drinks.   
  
Tom comes back in no time with drinks, Marco right beside him. Marco was a classmate of Tom's back in college. They had a music history class together and have managed to keep in touch, mostly for whenever Marco has a party but it counts.   
  
"Elli." Marco greets with a charming smile.   
  
"Hey." Elli says as Tom hands her the red cup.   
  
"Sup, Harrison?" Marco nods at Harrison.   
  
"Sup?" Harrison responds while Tom hands him a cup.   
  
"Any of you up for a game of beer pong?" Marco doesn't waste time in asking.   
  
"Not drinking." Tom says. "Driving."   
  
"You don't have to drink." Marco chuckles.   
  
"I'll drink for you, anyway." Elli offers, gaining a smirk from Marco. "Unless Harrison wants to play."   
  
Tom's face drops slightly with the suggestion and Harrison doesn't skip a beat. "You two play. I'm shit at it." Harrison nods to Tom before taking a drink of his beer.   
  
"Come on, then." Marco cheers, a hand coming to Tom's shoulder.   
  
"We're gonna kick their asses, ya know?" Elli says as they're lead to the table where they'll be playing.   
  
"Aways do." Tom huffs with a wide smile.   
  
Elli and Tom take their place while Harrison stands to the side, Elli handing him her camera and asking him to take a few pictures while they play. The four players arrange their cups in a triangle, readying themselves. Each team is given a ping pong ball to see who would go first. Tom makes his shot while Marco's partner misses, allowing Tom and Elli to start the game.   
  
Elli takes her first shot, making it in a cup in the back and off to the left. Marco shakes his head as he removes the cup before Tom takes his shot, his going off to the right but landing in the third row of cups. Tom and Elli share the same cocky grin watching Marco and his partner take a drink of their beers. It's their turn and Marco is the only one to make it, allowing Elli to take a single drink of her beer.   
  
The game goes on and laughter starts to disrupt any form of perfect shots. There are jokes being thrown around to get either team to mess up and miss. Cups get rearranged when someone calls for it and there's joked grumbling but all in good fun. It gets down to the last cup on Marco's side and Tom allows Elli to take the shot. She makes it and water splashes up, declaring Elli and Tom the winners of the game. They cheer and beam with joy all while Harrison is standing a bit behind them watching his friends interact.   
  
Harrison isn't blind like they are. He knows they have something going on between them and it's all in the way they interact. They're friends first and they'll always be friends first but something has changed between them over the years they've been friends and Harrison knows it. Tom is softer around Elli than he was and Elli smiles more around Tom. There's something and the way they just mix makes sense. They get each other better than anyone else ever could. Harrison and Tom grew up together but Elli still understands him far better than Harrison ever could. There's something there and the way they hug over a game of beer pong makes Harrison pull out his phone instead of Elli's camera and take a picture of them. He knows they'll both want that moment documented eventually.   
  
"How'd the pictures turn out?" Elli asks as her and Tom let other people take their place to play.   
  
"Good." Harrison says, taking her camera from around his neck and sliding it around hers. "Two of you make a good team."   
  
Tom shakes his head. "Only because she's not drunk yet."   
  
"Hey!" Elli scolds. "I'm good even when I'm drunk."   
  
"Yeah, you keep thinking that." Tom pats her head. Elli glares at him and all Tom can do is laugh. "You're not scary."   
  
"I'm terrifying!" Elli says, pretending to be offended.   
  
Harrison snorts. "I'm sorry but a caterpillar is more intimating than you are."   
  
"Hey," Elli's expression goes serious. "They turn into butterflies and they can't be trusted."   
  
Tom rubs his hands over his face, shaking his head as he laughs. Elli drops the serious expression the second she hears his laugh. The most adoring smile takes over and the fluttering in her chest starts again.   
  
"Are you drunk already?" Tom finally asks.   
  
"I wish." Elli scoffs and she really wishes she were drunk because the fluttery is starting to scare her. "Which," Elli holds up a finger. "I'm gonna get another drink so I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." Elli holds her empty cup, nodding before she turns on her heels and walks to the kitchen. Tom watches her and he shakes his head. Elli isn't the only one who can't seem to stop the fluttery.   
  
The party continues over the next few hours and since then, Elli, Tom, and Harrison have met up in between, only to separate again. At the moment, Elli is standing by the staircase conversating with a guy Tom and Harrison aren't familiar with. They aren't really watching her. They're keeping an eye on her just to make sure she doesn't black out or anything crazy but they aren't really "watching" her per se. Well, at least they weren't but now Tom's eyes are almost glued to her.   
  
Elli just looks really beautiful tonight. The skirt she's wearing is black and pleated, flowing with every step she takes and it compliments her legs. Her boots give her a little extra height and accent her outfit perfectly. A jean jacket covers her shirt that's black with a white geometric pattern and her hair is off to one side, her makeup done. Elli looked like she was trying to impress which she usually does. She likes her jeans and sweats but she likes her skirts and dresses, too, even when it's freezing. But, there's something about tonight that's just got Tom's attention glued to her. Maybe it's just one of those days, a day where Tom just wants to be with Elli like they are at their place or maybe it's the way Elli is smiling at the guy talking to her.   
  
"Mate." Harrison waves a hand in front of Tom's face.   
  
"Huh?" Tom snaps out of his thoughts, looking to Harrison.   
  
"You alright?" Harrison glances between Tom and Elli. "Look like you're gonna rip the dude's head off."   
  
"Nah," Tom shakes his head, taking a drink of his water. "Just thinking."   
  
Harrison shrugs his shoulders. "If you don't want her talking to him, that's on you."   
  
Tom's brows furrow as he looks to Harrison with confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"   
  
Harrison sighs and pulls out his phone. He goes to the photo app, pulling up the picture of them from earlier. They're both really happy and it sends a wave of joy overcome now, looking at the picture. Elli's a little shorter than him but her boots make up for the height difference a little. His arms wrap all the way around her and a smile splits Tom's face. Elli is beaming just as much, her arms wrapped up his back and eyes bright and innocent. Tom would be lying if he didn't really like the picture and he'd be lying if he denied he knew why Harrison took the picture. He knows.   
  
"Send that to me." Tom says, taking another drink as he wished it weren't water.   
  
Tom's eyes are back on Elli and the guy she's talking to and Tom could break it up. He could. All he'd have to say is that he has to work in the morning and it's getting late. Elli's had quite a bit to drink and it's time to go home. She won't argue and fight, she'll be okay with it because that's how the two are when it comes to leaving parties. When they're ready, they're ready together. But, that's not Tom. Elli is flirting with this guy and all Tom can do is watch from a distance because she's his friend and their friendship will always come first.   
  
Harrison, though, he sees it. He sees the look on Tom's face and he knows it's killing Tom not to walk over there. Elli doesn't usually go off on her own, not like this anyway. She goes on dates and brings guys home, just like Tom but there's something different here and Harrison see it written across Tom's face.   
  
"I'm gonna ask you something, but tell me the truth, ya?" Harrison asks and Tom nods, preparing himself for whatever Harrison had to ask this time. "You still like her, don't you?"   
  
  



	4. tongue tied

The problem with questions like that, there's always more to them. There's not always a simple 'yes' or 'no'. There's more to it because feelings are complicated. They're always complicated especially when the two people involved have a friends with benefits deal. Of course, Tom does like Elli, he has to to some extent otherwise he wouldn't be sleeping with her. He wouldn't make out with her or any of the benefits of their friendship but, that's not what Harrison means.

**\---- 4 years ago ----**

_ Tom fumbles with his keys as he tries to hold onto the plastic grocery bags, partially cutting off his circulation. The lock clicks and Tom struggles to turn the knob, it's only when Harrison opens the door that Tom can enter properly, a look of relief on his face. Harrison quirks a brow watching his roommate enter the apartment with the bags looking to contain quite a bit. _

_ "Thought Elli was going the shopping this week?" Harrison asks after relocking the door and following Tom to the kitchen table. _

_ Tom's cheeks blush as he starts pulling out Orville Redenbacher popcorn and a few frozen pizzas. "Uh, yeah..." Tom pauses and looks to Harrison. "I kind of need your help." Tom rubs the back of his neck, looking to Harrison. _

_ "Okay?" Harrison looks at Tom with confusion, opening one of the bags and pulling out little boxes of candy. "Are you planning to run a cinema from our flat?" Harrison jokes but Tom stares at him, almost holding his breath. "Oh...wait. What?" Harrison stacks the mini boxes and waits for an answer. _

_ "Well, uh, I like Elli." Tom bites his lip and Harrison gains a smirk. _

_ "Do you? Never woulda guessed." Harrison chortles. _

_ "Fuck off." Tom rolls his eyes. "Was gonna ask her out tonight but I need your help setting up because class ran late and she'll be home soon." _

_ "Oh, shit." A soft laugh comes from Harrison's throat. "So, you're really going for it, eh?" _

_ Harrison has been pressuring Tom to ask Elli out for nearly a year. Tom's never admitted that he liked Elli until now but Harrison knew. He's not blind and Tom is terrible at hiding it, especially since the three of them have moved in together. But, Tom's always been different around Elli than he has been around other girls. Tom isn't the cocky type but he's not overly confident either. He can be shy but he can talk to girls. It's Elli that seems to leave him tongue-tied and flustered. So, Harrison never really thought Tom would get the guts to actually ask her out but he's happy with this new found confidence. Of course, he's not sure where it came from exactly, but he's not gonna bother to question. Instead, he's just gonna help anyway he can because he knows Tom and Elli could be incredible together. _

_ "I  _ **_really_ ** _ like her, mate." Tom sighs and a smile is etched across his face. _

_ "Alright," Harrison rests a hand on Tom's shoulder. "What am I doing and how late ya want me stay out? Should I ring Ryan?" _

_ "No," Tom groans. "Just a few hours." Tom's cheeks are back to a vibrant shade of red making Harrison laugh. "Just go to the closet and grab the spare blankets. Put 'em in the living room." _

_ Harrison doesn't ask any more questions. He goes to the closest for blankets and Tom heads to his room for pillows and then Elli's room for a string of her fairy lights. _

_ Movie nights weren't anything out of the ordinary for any of them. Whenever they had time and needed a break, the group of three would plop down with popcorn and pizza and a movie. But, it's never been just Tom and Elli and tonight was going to change that. _

_ Tom knew Elli had to work and her days were always long, she had a rough class that day according to her text to Tom earlier so he wanted to have a better movie night. Elli can be kind of a hopeless romantic and she's showed him on more than one occasion pictures she's come across with a couple having a movie night where they had a fort and fairy lights set up. She's always thought they were really cute and Tom decided that that's how he'd ask her out if he ever got the nerve. So, here he is with Harrison, the two fo them rushing to set everything up before Elli gets home from her shift. _

_ Once the living room is set up and all of the snacks are set up, all of which are Elli's favorites, Harrison leaves, leaving Tom to himself. Elli's due home within a few minutes but Tom's heart is thundering in his chest and in his ears. He thinks she likes him, too but he's never asked and she's never said anything. As far as he knows, Elli's never told Harrison anything, it's purely based off his assumptions and he's hoping he's right. _

_ Deep down, it's been bouncing around his head for a little while now. He's known he's liked Elli but he's always sat in a state of denial because it was easier and it was too soon for him. Just moving to the states for school and starting the first year of college, he wasn't in any position to start something. Plus, Tom's a firm believer that friendships before relationships are important but now it's been about a year and last night, Elli fell asleep on his shoulder while they watched an older movie. Her arm was stretched across his torso and her hand gripped his t-shirt and Tom's heart fluttered. Butterflies exploded in his stomach and he couldn't wipe the smile from his face. She was peaceful and he was comfortable with her sleeping on him and that made him realize that he didn't just like you as a friend. He adored you and you are his best friend, but there is so much there, so many unsaid things and he's ready to admit them. _

_ Of course, he's worried that maybe asking her out will ruin their friendship and/or their roommate situation but he also feels like since they've been friends a little over a year and Elli isn't the type of person to ice someone out over feelings. She's one of the most understanding and kindhearted people Tom has ever met so it's a little reassuring as he paces back and forth and goes over what he's going to say. _

_ "Elli....I like you." Tom mutters. "No, that's lame." He whispers to himself. "You're my best friend and I don't wanna ruin anything and this is going to go to shit and words. Why am I so bad at words? I'm a musician. I write music for fuck's sake." Tom groans, hand running over his face as the other falls on his hip, frustrated with himself. _

_ What's he gonna say? How is gonna tell Elli? Should he actually tell her? Or should he just wait for the right moment and ask if he can kiss her? That's never gone horribly for anyone, right? And it's kind of romantic so Elli should like it. Elli is his best friend, basically his other half, if asking anyone out should be easy, it should be Elli but instead, it's just putting more and more pressure on Tom's shoulders. He just wants it to be perfect.  _

_ The lock of the door clicks and Tom's heart goes from thundering to completely silent. He holds his breath and his mouth goes completely try as he waits for Elli to enter the home. It's only then that he really starts worrying about her saying no. What if she really doesn't like him back? What if this is all for nothing? _

_ "Tom!" Elli chimes once the door is open and she sees Tom standing in front of the table. _

_ "Hey, Elli." Tom gives her a bashful smile, cheeks red. _

_ "What're you doing?" She asks and she's beaming like the sun on the first day of spring. _

_ "Just, nothing." Tom says and he could kick himself for the response. _

_ Elli catches a glimpse of the living room from the corner of her eye as she enters the apartment. Tom sees Elli looking and his heart is just erratic. She doesn't say anything and he thinks maybe it's because this is too much. Maybe Elli knows exactly what's going on and it's too much. Or maybe she liked the idea of fairy lights and blanket forts with someone else, not Tom. He is praying to anyone that this isn't too much and she wants to do this with him. Maybe Elli gets it and maybe she's gonna be the one to blurt out that she likes him. Maybe. _

_ "What's this?" She points a finger, looking up to Tom. _

_ "Uh, well, j-just wanted to have a movie night, ya know? You'd mentioned that you always thought stuff like this was cute." Tom sucks in a breath and runs a hand through his hair. And it's then that he thinks maybe he should have showered again, maybe done his hair, dressed differently. _

_ "Really?" Elli's eyes are soft as she looks to him and it's enough to make every fiber in Tom's body fill with electricity. _

_ "Yeah." Tom says softly. "You said you had a bad day and...uh, I wanted...to talk to you about stuff so...." Tom trails off, gesturing his hand to the living room. _

_ "That's great because I have something to tell you, too!" Elli beams, taking Tom's hands in hers and shaking him slightly. _

_ Tom laughs and his heart swells because maybe he has nothing to be nervous about. "Okay, okay, go sit and I'll make the popcorn. I've all your favorite movies queued." _

_ "You're the best." Elli chimes, leaning in and pecking his cheek. _

_ The gesture never made Tom's heart skip a beat like this before. Elli kisses his cheek all the time as a thank you or a 'you're welcome'. It's just what she does and he's never put thought into it but now he is because he's leaning on hope that tonight will bring them to be more than friends. _

_ She has to feel the same way, right? Tom is who she spends most of her time with when she's not at work or school. They're best friends and they get along and he swears he's not the only one who felt something a year ago in the snow. She always asks him for pictures now and Tom always plays her favorite song when she's had a rough day. And she always, always hugs him tighter and longer and she's there for him. She has to like him back. _

_ Tom heads into the living room, bowl of Elli's favorite popcorn in hand. He plops down on the blankets and pillows, surrounded by other blankets and fairy lights while Elli is sat beside him on her knees. She's still bouncing with excitement so Tom decides she can go first. _

_ "Okay, what's up?" Tom asks, putting the bowl between them. _

_ "Okay," Elli's smile splits her face. "You remember Shawn, right?" _

_ Oh no. _

_ Of course, he remembers Shawn. Tom remembers everyone Elli introduces him to and she'd just introduced him last week at a party. Tom's heart starts to sink as he remembers everything she's said about him. _

_ Tom nods. "Yeah, from, uh your graphic design class, right?" _

_ "Yeah!" Elli cheers. "Okay, today he came into my work and he asked me out!" Elli bounces in her seat and Tom's heart plummets. _

_ Elli's words were like a stab to his heart. She didn't know it and Tom is happy she doesn't know because she'd feel guilty but it hurts. He's trying to smile, he's trying to put on a smile because Elli is so happy but he planned this night to ask her out because he likes her. He likes her so much he wonders if he'd ever be able to not like her. But he waited to too long to realize it and now, Tom's heart is breaking as he watches Elli get excited about a date that isn't with him. _

_ "Yeah?" Tom puts up a smile and he can feel a lump rising to his throat. _

_ "Mhm! We have a date on Saturday!" _

_ Elli is ecstatic and all Tom wants to do is sink into the floor. He really thought he had a chance but maybe he never did. Elli's been talking about Shawn but Tom thought it wasn't much to be worried about. Elli's talked about other girls and other guys before but none of them have turned out to be anything. They've become friends if anything, really so Tom didn't think Shawn would be any different but maybe he should have because Elli has been hanging out with him when Tom's in class and she's always told Tom about it. Elli's given him every indication that she's like Shawn but Tom just didn't realize it. That's the thing about hope. It can fool people and make them blind to the most obvious situations. _

_ "I'm so happy for you, Elli!" Tom cheers and he fakes his excitement because Elli is his best friend. He pulls her in for a hug and she squeals quietly before pulling away, smile bright as could be. "You'll have to tell me all about it." _

_ Maybe if it weren't for Elli's excitement, she would have seen the sadness in Tom's eyes and the way they didn't crinkle at the edges like they always did when he smiles at her and maybe she would have seen them gloss over wanting to spill heartbroken tears but she didn't. _

_ "Thanks, Tom." Elli blushes. "Okay, your turn, what's up?" _

_ "Uh, yeah, right," Tom stutters, trying to make something upand swallowing the lump in his throat, hoping his voice doesn't crack. "Um, oh, Harrison's presenting his sculptures at this upcoming event and so we gotta help him get ready and he wants you to photograph it." Tom says and it's not a complete lie but Harrison was supposed to be the on to tell her. _

_ "That's awesome!! Yeah, of course whenever he needs the help." Elli smiles. _

_ "Yeah, yeah, told him you'd be down." Tom agrees. _

_ "That all?" Elli asks and it just seemed like Tom had more that he wanted to talk about when she first entered the home. _

_ "Yeah, all good. What movie?" Tom asks, grabbing the laptop. _

**\---- Present ----**

The party is loud and Harrison wonders if Tom even heard him but he did. Ever since that day, the boys haven't talked about Tom's feelings towards Elli. Harrison knows his hype is part of why Tom was able to get up the courage so it was easier for him to just leave it, knowing that Tom got hurt partially because of him. But it's been a long time and the question is harmless. He's been watching Tom and Elli dance around each for years.

"Doesn't matter." Tom furrows his brows, taking a drink of his water.

"C'mon, mate, yeah it does." Harrison groans. "'S been years."

Tom shrugs. "If I still liked her, I'd have done something about it after Shawn, ya?"

"You were dating Vicky then." Harrison challenges.

"Yeah, and we broke up and Elli and me..." Tom trails off, knowing he can't tell Harrison about the friends with benefits deal with him and Elli.

"You and Elli what?" Harrison asks, eyes wide with curiosity and touches of worry.

"Nothing." Tom says, his attention going back to Elli. "I just went on a date. I don't like her anymore."

"When was the last time you played her song?" Harrison asks and it's almost taunting.

"Dude, I swear, I don't like her like that anymore." Tom looks Harrison in the eyes and Harrison just nods, surrendering to Tom's answer.

Elli never directly rejected him and Tom did get over it. Elli went on her date with Shawn and came home, telling Tom and Harrison all about it. It stung like a thousand wasps but Tom nodded along and he smiled because Elli was happy and that's what friends do. That's what friends are for. Being happy when their friends are happy. So, as Elli and Shawn dated, Tom got over her. He moved onto someone else and they both had their people. They went on double dates and it didn't hurt anymore because that's what friends do. They pick up, and move on. Tom did.

But, there is still a tint of annoyance when Tom sees her with this guy across the room but maybe that's just because Tom is sober and Elli isn't and he's afraid the guy she's talking to might be more sober than she is. So, maybe it's not jealousy and it's just Tom wanting to protect her but keeping his space because Elli is a force of nature and can handle herself better than anyone. And she definitely proves that only moments later when the guy goes to kiss her and she dodges him, pushing him away. A smirk comes to Tom's face as he watches the disgruntled look on the guy's face and Elli moving away from him, her feet not steady but she still holds herself with confidence.

Harrison nudges Tom, hinting that they should help Elli before she runs into someone or falls. The two make their way to her, meeting in the middle, Tom holding onto her shoulders once they reach her.

"You alright, darling?" Tom asks.

"He tried to kiss me!" Elli's words are slurred but she's clearly offended. "Good talk, shitty guy!"

Harrison and Tom chuckle. "You give him a piece of your mind?" Harrison asks.

"Told him he's a prick and his prick is probably small if he's trying to kiss me while I'm wasted."

Tom laughs, head going back and he pulls Elli in for a hug. "We should get you home before you start telling the wrong people they have a small dick." It wouldn't be the first time Elli has mouthed off to the wrong person and it's resulted in a fight or two, but Harrison and Tom are no angles when it comes to that either. Tom might even be worse than Elli.

Elli sighs against Tom's chest. "Okaaaayyy."

"How many drinks do you have?" Harrison asks as they all make their way for the door.

"Not enough!" Elli chimes, Tom's arm around her shoulders, keeping her steady.

"Are you sure?" Harrison and Tom ask at the same time.

Elli looks at Tom, clearly thinking about her answer. She's wasted and is going to be paying for it later but she looks at Tom and his messy hair that makes her smile and his brown eyes are the prettiest eyes she's ever seen. Not enough alcohol. "Positive!"

Tom shakes his head. "Sure, Elli." Tom always keeps track of how much Elli drinks to make sure she's safe and she does the exact same with him.

"You'll be paying for that in the morning." Harrison chuckles, looking past Tom to Elli. "Call me if she's wrecked in the morning and I'll come by so you can go to work." Harrison offers as they reach Tom's car.

"Thanks." Tom says.

"Bye, Harrison!" Elli scrunches her face at Harrison before getting in the car.

"How long do you give her?" Harrison asks as Tom closes Elli's door.

"She'll be puking by the time we get home." Tom scoffs but he chuckles softly.

"Good luck, mate." Harrison gives him a sarcastic thumbs up as he makes his way to his car.

Tom gets into the driver's seat of the car and Elli is already curled up with the blanket she'd left in the front seat, Elli's camera still around her neck. Tom pokes her forehead to grab her attention and she looks at him with adornment, a kind smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

"You comfy already?" Tom asks, starting the car.

"Mhm." She hums and watches Tom put on his seatbelt before she leans over and rests her head on his shoulder. "Good idea to leave, you're comfy."

Tom chuckles before pressing a kiss to the top of Elli's head. "I'll wake you up when we get home if you fall asleep."

"Thanks." Elli mutters, eyes already closed.

Tom pulls away from the curb and sets for the drive home. This time, he makes sure to avoid potholes and he takes extra caution in turns to make sure he doesn't disturb Elli. The music is playing softly, picking up where it had left off and he keeps it that way. Elli can sleep like a rock, especially after she's been drinking but he'd still prefer to allow her to sleep even when his shoulder is going numb halfway home. Elli always lets him sleep so he lets her sleep, it's just what friends do.

Once they arrive back at the apartment, Tom wakes Elli up and helps her inside their apartment, him taking her camera from her in case she falls and he isn't able to catch her. It only takes the time for Elli to start taking off her shoes for her face to drain of color and Tom knows what's coming. Elli runs to the bathroom, the door quickly slamming behind her and all Tom can do is sigh. It's clockwork. The second she starts to settle down, it's at most forty-five minutes before she's locked in a bathroom. Tom's been here plenty of times with her before and he knows the drill. He goes to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water before heading to the bathroom, knocking softly.

Elli is flushing the toilet before leaning back against the wall as Tom peaks in. "Hey, you alright?" He asks.

"Mmm." Elli hums, eyes closed and knees pulled to her chest.

"Here." Tom lets himself all the way in and gives her the bottle of water. "Do you want me to grab you clothes?" he offers as he goes through the medicine cabinet and grabs the bottle of aspirin.

"Can I have one of your hoodies?" Elli whines, peaking her eyes open to look at him while he squats in front of her.

Tom gives her a gentle smile. "Yeah, I'll be back."He pulls her head closer to him and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Elli hums in response and Tom heads to his room first, quickly changing himself before heading to Elli's room. He grabs a pair of her pajama pants and the hoodie of his she was wearing the day before. There's always been something about Elli wearing his hoodies that makes Tom smile. They always look good on her, in fact, he thinks they look better on her than they do him. It's part of why he buys certain colors, because they look good on her and he knows she'll just end up swiping it at least a few times.

Tom goes back to the bathroom and Elli hasn't moved an inch. "C'mon," Tom says as he kneels beside her. "Sit up and I'll help you change." Tom pulls her hands and Elli sits up.

"Everything spinning." Elli slurs.

"That's why I'm helping you change, arms up." Tom says and Elli does as told, allowing Tom to help her swap from her shirt to the hoodie. Elli leans back once the hoodie is pulled completely over her, and allows Tom to help get her skirt off and pajama pants on. "Good?" Tom asks once Elli is set.

"Nope." Elli mutters and she lunges forward, head burying in the toilet.

Tom leans forward and pulls her hair back in a ponytail with one hand and the other rubs her back. Tom doesn't have the strongest stomach and it's taking everything in him not to follow her lead but this is what happens. If it were a regular thing, it'd be different but this happens maybe once a month between the two of them and Tom can handle being nauseous to make sure Elli is okay. It's not that big of a deal to him.

"Ew." Eli mutters and she sits up. Tom releases her hair. "Thanks." She looks at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"You're welcome." Tom leans against the wall with Elli, handing her the bottle of water again. "Drink."

Elli looks up to him and does as told. "You don't have to stay." She mutters, capping the water.

"Nah, I want to." Tom reassures.

"You have to work."

"It doens't matter, Elli." Tom says with the shake of his head.

Elli looks at him with eyes soft and caring. She's drunk, very drunk and she's nauseous but she adores Tom for everything he is and everything he does. And in her drunken state, she wants to curl up with him because he's the most comfortable person to exist and she wants to say everything she should have said before but that's alcohol. It's always the alcohol so she leans her head on Tom's shoulder and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

"You're my best friend, Tom." She whispers, eyes closing.

Tom squeezes her shoulders as his chest clenches and his thumb rubs against her arm. "You're mine, too." He whispers back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

 


	5. confused hangovers

The afternoon sun beats against the navy blue curtains of Elli's room as she stirs awake. Her head pounds as she tries to open her eyes, her face scrunching with the nausea becoming prominent. She shakes her face into her pillow before looking back to her nightstand, a note being held up against a glass of water and a bottle of Advil are sitting in front of her phone. Elli squints with a quirked brow, trying to recall the events of the night before. The last thing she remembers is leaving the party and then ending up on the bathroom floor, not her bedroom.

She reaches out and grabs the note, careful not to move too much and aggravate her headache."Elliot (nerd)" is scribbled across the front in Tom's barely legible handwriting. She chuckles to herself before opening the note with one hand. A smile tugs at her lips as she reads it over.

_ "Harrison's here. Don't walk out with your bat or pepper spray. Don't wanna repeat ;)" _

A groan comes from Elli's throat as she rolls her eyes, disregarding the note back to her nightstand.

"It was one time." She mutters to herself.

Tom had called Harrison to come over once after a night of drinking had taken place, only, he didn't tell Elli so when she woke up only to hear someone walking around and rummaging through cabinets, her head went to the worst place. She grabbed her bat from under the bed and walked out, ready to swing. And she did. She just happened to swing and hit Harrison in the back of his knees. That trip to the ER was not fun and it was just Elli spurring apologies.

Elli sits up, hand holding her head in an attempt to steady the dizziness with the new position. The echo of the TV from the living room starts becoming clear the longer she sits in bed. She reaches over and grabs the Advil bottle, grabbing two pills and swallowing them with a gulp of water. Once the pills are washed down, she gets out of bed, grabbing Tom's hoodie from the chair at her vanity and tossing it over her head before making her way to the living room.

Harrison is seated on the couch, scrolling through social media as Fuller House plays on the TV. It's always a little heartwarming to see Harrison so comfortable in the apartment. It was also his just a few years prior. In fact, there are days Elli finds herself missing living with both Harrison and Tom but deep down she knows it was for the best.

"Hey." Elli's voice is ragged as she reaches the couch, taking a seat beside Harrison.

Harrison looks up to her, locking his phone. "Feelin' alright?"

"I'm so hungover, dude." Elli whines, leaning her head on the back of the couch while Harrison laughs.

"You did drink a lot." Harrison comments, going back to his phone for a few seconds.

"I don't remember drinking that much." Elli mutters, pausing for a few seconds. "Don't remember much but that's not the point."

Harrison laughs once more, turning to face her. "Don't remember saying a guy has a small dick?"

Elli picks her head up, forehead wrinkling at Harrison. "I did??"

"Oh yeah. Guess he tried to sleep with you and you just wanted to talk." Harrison chortles.

Elli laughs quietly. "Did he try anything?"

"Nah," Harrison shakes his head. "You walked off and Tom and me lead you out to leave right after."

"Thank the lord." Elli mumbles.

"Yeah, what we said." Harrison agrees, turning his attention back to the TV.

The room falls silent besides the TV and that's when Elli notices the scattered boxes around the living room. She can see her handwriting on one of the boxes that says "Christmas lights" which means the other boxes would be Christmas decorations, too but she doesn't remember Tom ever saying he'd be stopping before work just to grab them. Which leaves Harrison.  

"So," Elli furrows her brows, looking around the living room and taking in the few boxes that are scattered about. "What's with the boxes?"

"Ah," Harrison nods. "Tom asked me to pick up some of your Christmas decorations from storage."

"Oh, cool." Elli nods, confusion ticking at her brain. Her and Tom always just get the decorations together and they each pick up a few boxes on their way home from work. Having Harrison do it just seems a bit odd. "Why?"

Harrison shrugs. "No clue." Elli was about to open her mouth to ask what was going on but Harrisonwass quick to ask another question. "Tom going to London again this year?"

Elli sighs, taking the hint that Harrison wasn't going to tell her anything else, and there's a part of her that wants to smile but she keeps it to herself. "No, actually he'll be here."

Harrison's head whips in Elli's directions. "Why's he not going home? He always goes home."

"His parents are gonna be in Venice, I guess and he said he doesn't wanna be on vacation for Christmas. He'd rather be here or at his parents' house in London. So, he'll be here." Elli explains.

Harrison gives her a smirk. "Assume you're happy to have him."

"What makes you think that?" Elli inquires.

Harrison scoffs, rolling his eyes. "It's his first Christmas in the states, you gonna tell me you're not happy to have him?"

Harrison's right and Elli can't even deny it. She knows Christmas is really important to Tom but for selfish reasons, she's happy he's decided to stay in the states. It's going to be their first real Christmas spent together and it's going to be nice. They usually Skype and discuss what's all happened but due to the six-hour time difference, the video calls were never very long. To say Elli misses Tom during the Christmas season when he was away would be a huge understatement. It's her favorite time of year and all she wants is to spend it with Tom and now she can without ever having to ask him.

Elli bites her lip and shrugs sheepishly. "Well," Harrison chuckles, nodding quickly. "I am but also not because I know it's a big deal for him to spend it with his family."

"Clearly not as big as just wanting to be home." Harrison retorts.

"Fair." Elli sighs.

"What's the plan then? What're we all doing?" Harrison asks, knowing the normal plans for Christmas would change.

Usually, the three of them would get together before Tom would head to London and have their own Christmas early. But, with Tom being home, they won't need to have an early Christmas.

"Uh, yeah Tom is gonna come with me to my parents' for dinner and we're opening presents from each other here. I figured that when we're all done, you can come by and we'll do our exchange and eat whatever food my mom's sent us home with."

"Sounds good." Harrison agrees. "Excited to be having Tom over though?" Harrison laughs knowing what Elli's entire family think of Tom.

Since the first time Elli's mom met him, she's sworn up and down that they would end up more than friends. She calls it her a mom's intuition but Elli just says it's bullshit. Well, she did because now her mom is a little right. Friends with benefits, is more than friends technically but her mom doesn't need to know that. Either way, her mom is certain that they'll end up together despite Elli and Tom's constant "nope, still friends." every time they meet up. But, it's not just her mom. It's her dad, too. Her dad adores Tom and while he's always been protective of Elli, he knows that Tom would be perfect. However, the hardest person to get anything by is Elli's older sister Elizabeth, Lizzie.

Lizzie has been telling Elli since the first time she met Tom that Tom likes her and she knows Elli likes him, too. Elli, of course, brushed off her comments because they're friends. Guys and girls can be just friends. It's not a big deal. Girls and guys can live together and have nothing going on. The only lie being told is that they are strictly just friends. It's just hard convincing Lizzie of that.

"About that..." Elli trails off, a look of guilt taking over her expression.

"What?" Harrison asks hesitantly

"You know how my family bugs me to hell about when I'm gonna date Tom?" Elli asks and Harrison hums, remembering the constant complaining. "Well....I might....have....told them... I was.....kind of....sort of....possibly..."

"Elli, for fuck's sake, what'd you do?" Harrison cuts her off, growing impatient.

"I told them I was dating you." Elli spits the words out so fast, she was hoping Harrison didn't actually catch what she said.

"You what?" Harrison yells. "Why the bloody hell would you do that?"

"I got tired of them bothering me about Tom!" Elli yells back. "They stopped when I said I was dating you!"

It was a rash decision but Elli's family doesn't see Harrison as much as they see Tom. They like Harrison, they always have and she knows that they can badger Harrison and it won't even bother him but with Tom, there's a part of her that fears one day it'll be too much. Maybe the constant pressure of jer family will make him call off the benefits and it'll go downhill. It's easier to lie and say she's dating Harrison.  

"Doesn't that completely deflate your argument that you can be just friends with a guy?" Harrison argues.

Elli nods. "Yeah, I didn't think it through but they were all ganging up on me. Even the cousins!"

"When the hell was this?"

"Labor Day." Elli gives Harrison the 'yikes' expression.

"That was three months ago." Harrison just blinks in disbelief.

"Yeah, I forgot to tell you."

"How?"

"It didn't seem important." Elli shrugs.

"To who?" Harrison raises his voice, shock still evident.

"Okay, I didn't forget. I just chose not to tell you." Elli guiltily admits.

"Yeah, why?" Harrison pushes.

"Because, I was just so tired of them bothering me about Tom that I'd rather have them bother me about you and I was afraid if I told you, you'd be mad and tell me to tell them the truth."

Harrison sighs and he feels for her. Talking about her and Tom can be a sore spot, especially with how persistent her entire family can be. She said it happened on Labor Day and Harrison knows that's when her entire family gets together for a fish fry, her aunts, uncles, cousins. Everyone. He can only imagine the badgering she had to deal with so of course, he's not mad. He just wishes she would have told him.

"I'm not mad." Harrison says. "You just should have told me."

"Yeah, I know." Elli admits. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Harrison gives her a gentle smile. "I don't care if you wanna keep saying it but only if Tom knows."

"Why's it matter it Tom knows?" Elli's heart immediately sinks with the thought of telling Tom.

"Don't you think he'll be a bit confused on Christmas when your family asks about me?"

"I mean, yes...."

"You've gotta tell him." Harrison's voice is almost demanding and it's sending a red flag up for Elli.

"Why?" Elli's eyes narrow in suspicion.

"Just, because, okay?" There's frustration tugging on Harrison's words.

"Do you not wanna fake date me to my family?" Elli asks honestly, completely willing to tell her family she lied if Harrison is uncomfortable.

Harrison bites his lip, the fluttering in his chest becoming impossible to ignore, and his eyes are soft as he looks at her. He sighs softly and shakes his head. "It'd be an honor." Harrison sends Elli a sweet smile. "But, you've to tell Tom."

"I don't want to." Elli sucks in a breath.

"Why not?"

"I don't want him to be mad, maybe he'll think I chose you over him." Elli looks to her hands, picking at her pink nail polish.

Harrison tilts his head and his heart sinks to his stomach. Elli would never choose between Tom and Harrison. She doesn't believe in having to choose between people she cares about, not when she doesn't have to. If either of them ever told her she had to choose, she'd pick the one that wasn't asking. The one that wouldn't ask her to choose is a real friend. But, that's not whatHarrison is getting at.

Elli did choose to just say she were dating Harrison and not Tom. Saying she were dating Tom would be easy. They live together, spend most of their time together, most people think they're together anyway. Harrison seems to be a choice out of left field. And Elli admitting she's worried Tom will think she chose Harrison over him, proves it and it stings.

"Didn't you though?" Harrison asks. "You could have said you were dating Tom. He'd have gone along with it but you chose to say me."

Elli looks away from Harrison, running a hand through her hair. "Yeah....I...I don't know. I guess it's because we live together and if I said Tom, then they'd start asking about kids and marriage. It's like, we'd already have been 'established'." Elli says the word with air quotes and in a mocking tone. "And...I don't wanna deal with it."

"Alright." Harrison squeezes her shoulder. "Just tell Tom that, he'll understand. Last time we went to England, his mum was asking the same questions. He'll get it."

"Yeah, yeah." Elli rolls her eyes. "I'll tell him."

"Yeah, alright." Harrison chuckles before getting to his feet. "Well, I'm gonna head out since you're up."

"I'll text you when I tell Tom."

Harrison gives her an approving nod. "Good. I'll see ya."

Once Harrison leaves, that allows Elli to be by herself. She stares at the boxes, knowing that Harrison likely grabbed one box of ornaments and two boxes of random decorations. It doesn't make any sense, really. And that just makes her wonder why Tom had Harrison come over. If it were to look after her because she were hungover, she would have woken up on her bathroom floor and having him come over to bring decorations is just weird. Tom's weird but he's not this weird. It only makes Elli think that maybe she said something to him when they got home and she just doesn't remember. It's something she'll definitely be bringing up to Tom once he gets home. But, until then, she does have some work she should get done.

Elli gets up and gets ready for her day that will be spent in front of her laptop. She showers and changes into sweats and a hoodie, the headache from her hangover slowly getting better and nausea is turning into hunger. By the time she's out of the bathroom, she's ready to grab herself a pop tart and sit in the living room. Elli plays one of her playlists and gets to work.

She's set to have a meeting the next day with a couple getting ready for their wedding. They had a photographer but their photographer bailed due to a scheduling problem. To be a last minute choice isn't exactly Elli's favorite thing but she does love photographing weddings and she's going to make sure this couple picks her and she's not going to disappoint. So, she readies all of her best photographs from previous weddings and other events, preparing herself with everything they might ask and won't ask, what she should cover. Everything. It's all saved on her laptop and on documents for her to memorize.

Photography is more than a just a job for her, it's her hobby, her favorite thing in the entire world. Her mom was the one that told her that if she loves her job, it'll be like she never worked a day in her life and Elli couldn't agree more. It's how she manages to spend her entire day preparing herself and it's only when she hears the door open that she realizes, four hours have passed and it only felt like half an hour.

"Hey." Tom greets, kicking his shoes off at the door.

"Hey." Elli glances over the couch while Tom makes his way to the kitchen.

The fridge opens and Tom's thumb taps on the handle, looking for anything that seems appetizing but he spots nothing. The second the fridge shuts, Tom starts groaning. His groaning pulled Elli's attention from her laptop. She moved the device to the end table, turning to look over at Tom but his groaning just continued as her eyes followed him to the couch until he were standing right in front of her. She quirked a brow, looking up at him until he started laying down, his head in her lap.

Elli blinks down at him a few times. "Um...hello?" Elli squints at him while Tom puts his hands over his face. "Did you have a rough day?" Tom mumbles something completely incoherent into his hands making Elli sigh in response. She peels his hands from his face, his eyes closed and face scrunched in irritation. "What?"

"I'm tired." Tom mutters.

"Did you not sleep?" Elli asks, her hand coming to run through his hair.

Tom sighs in content, face relaxing. "Was lookin' after you." His voice is a tired whisper.

"I told you that you didn't have to." Elli scolds, her fingers still threading through his hair.

"'S what friends do." Tom mumbles, a lopsided etched across his face.

_ Friends. _

"Feels good. You should keep going." Tom continues his mumbling.

"I'll keep going if you tell me why you called Harrison over and used Christmas decorations as an excuse." Her hand stalls, fingers threaded through his hair while his eyes open widen.

 

"W-what do you mean? We needed-"

 

Elli scowls at him, knowing there's more to it. The Christmas decorations were never a big deal and the two of them would normally grab them themselves. Having Harrison do it and then to stay until she woke up, that's got one of Tom's ulterior motives written all over it.

 

"Yeah, but you could have stopped or you could have just....texted me and told me to pick some up from storage."

 

Tom purses his lips, eyes going to the left as he tries to find something believable to tell her. "Maybe I didn't want to, darlin'."

 

"Tommy." Elli whines out his name and a lopsided smile covers his face. She pokes his cheeks, making him laugh. "C'mon, really why was Harrison here?"

 

Tom sighs, taking her hand away from his face. "Tell you over a few beers?"

"I thought you were tired." Elli challenges.

"Never too tired to take you out to the pub 'round the block." Tom smirks.

"Are you ever gonna say bar?" Elli teases.

"Nope." Tom chuckles, sitting up. "You wanna go?" Tom asks, a smile still etched across his face with eyes alluring and tempting.

"Nah," Elli shakes her head. "You just wanna go to try and avoid telling me. We've got beers here though?" Elli offers, getting up from the couch and going to the fridge.

Tom watches Elli with endearment and that's why he had Harrison come by. It wasn't anything unusual. Elli had a lot to drink, she threw up three times and she slept. Tom brought her to her room before he had to get ready for work and he left the note with the water and medication. It was normal but there was something tugging at the pit of his stomach telling him to stay home. But, he couldn't so he had to call Harrison. There isn't a reason, not really. Not one Tom can properly explain. It's as simple as he felt worried about Elli because he cares about her more than anything.

Elli comes back with two open beers, handing one to Tom as she takes a seat next to him. "So, spill your guts."

"I was just worried 'bout you." Tom admits, taking a drink from the bottle.

"You've been worried before, why's it a big deal now?" Elli questions.

"'S not." Tom shrugs. "You asked."

Tom avoids her eyes and it's weird. Tom doesn't hide anything from Elli. He's open and yet he can't seem to tell her why Harrison was over. It's unsettling and Elli hates it.

"Tom, is something wrong?" Elli asks, allowing concern to coat her words.

"What?" Tom shakes his head quickly. "No! Of course not."

"What's going on then? Why have Harrison bring the boxes by, it's just weird?"

Tom sighs and he finds an excuse that's not a complete lie. "You know I like to decorate but I was already havin' a shit day at work so I wanted Harrison to grab a few boxes for me so I wouldn't have to stop and I asked him to just make sure you were alright." Tom admits.

Elli eyes him but that sounds more like the Tom she knows, so she buys it. "I could have picked a few boxes today." Her voice is soothing.

"Yeah," Tom chuckles. "I didn't wanna bug you, 'case you were sleepin'. Knew you'd need the sleep."

Elli's chest floods with warmth and she really does adore how much Tom cares and worries. "Ya know, it's nice you worry so much about me." Elli whispers.

"Yeah?" Tom quirks a brow.

"Mhm." Elli smirks. "You don't have to though." The smirk falls into a gentle smile as she stares at Tom with adoring eyes.

"I know." Tom whispers back, his eyes glancing to her lips. "But I'm gonna. You do the same." Tom moves his hand to cup her face.

Elli leans into his touch, eyes fluttering closed. "It's because you sprained your wrist walking home a few ago."

Tom's hand drops as he stares at her with a straight face. Elli opens her eyes and immediately starts laughing.

"It's true!" She defends.

"That's just mean!" Tom pouts, arms crossing as he turns away.

"It's not mean, it's true. I believe, you whined like a baby and I had to take care of you." Elli sticks a finger up, reminding Tom of the day he begged her to make him a grilled cheese since he  _ 'couldn't' _ . 

Tom glances at her, trying his hardest to conceal the smile slowly coming to his face. "Sorry, don't quite recall that."

"Oh, I do." Elli comments, moving to sit on her knees and get closer to him. "Remember? You made a bad a joke about not being able to jerk yourself off."

"Fuck off!" Tom laughs through a groan, his head hitting the back of the couch.

"You're a righty." Elli's stomach twists in her fit of laughter.

Tom lifts his head, a dark look crossing his eyes. He quickly pulls Elli onto his lap, her straddling him. "Yeah? But it worked didn't it?" His thumbs brush under the hoodie Elli's wearing, rubbing the soft skin.

"Maybe I took pity on you." Elli quips, biting her lip.

"Oh?" Tom quirks a brow. "So, I'm a pity fuck?"

Elli stares at him, a devilish smirk across her face. Tom's brows raise, waiting for her to say whatever is crossing her mind. "Maybe."

"Dick." Tom scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"Hey," Elli maintains the smirk, slowly closing in and allowing her lips to brush over his. "I said maybe." Elli mutters before taking his bottom lip between her teeth, a quiet moan coming from Tom's throat.

His hands grip her waist tighten, grinding her into his hips as she releases his lip. "You really gonna tease me like that, Elli?" Tom looks at her with eyes drenched in lust, silently begging her not to tease him.

"You really did have a rough a day at work, huh?" Elli giggles before kissing his jaw.

"Mhm." Tom's eyes close, letting Elli make her way to his neck. "Alex is annoying." Tom mutters as Elli sucks on the sweet spot of his neck.

"Sounds fitting." Elli mumbles, moving back up Tom's neck, his eyes fluttering open as her lips hover over his.

"Hey." Tom's voice is already hoarse.

"Sh."Elli hushes him before pressing her lips to his is a sweet kiss, the taste of her lingering beer beer mixing with his on Tom's lips as she slides off of his lap and onto the floor.

Tom watches Elli's hands move to the buckle of his jeans, anticipation rising in the pit of his stomach. "What're you doin'?"

"Gonna make your day not so shitty." Elli winks up at him, undoing his button fully and unzipping his jeans.

"God," Tom groans as he helps pull his jeans and boxers down. "You're the best, ya know?"

"Oh, I know." Elli smirks, her hand wrapping around his hardened length and pumping him a few times.

She teases the tip of his cock with her thumb before moving her hand and licking the underside of his length. Tom's head goes back and Elli slowly starts taking him into her mouth. Tom swears under his breath as his hand goes to her hair once he's hitting the back of her throat. Her tongue twirls around him a few times before she starts bobbing up and down.

The site alone is one of the biggest turn-ons. Elli's hair is falling in front of her face, cheeks slightly sunken in, taking him fully. Tom can't help but buck his hips up to meet her movements. Elli moans around him, the vibrations sending chills down Tom's spine and a grunt to fall from his lips. Tom tugs Elli's hair in a messy ponytail, helping her along as he can feel his high approaching. His breathing becomes heavier, sweat starts to form on his forehead and his moans are becoming more erratic until he pulls Elli off of him.

"Wh-" Elli goes to question what made him pull her off when she's pulled to her feet and into Tom's lap, his lips catching hers in a heated kiss.

Elli hums against his lips before he turns her over, laying her flat on her back. Tom sits up, stripping his shirt and his pants and boxers the rest of the way off. Elli smirks at the site. She reaches her hand out, her short nails lightly tracing over Tom's abs making Tom laugh.

"It tickles!" Tom's eyes widen, his hands going to her side.

"But they're so nice." Elli bites her bottom lip, brows wiggling.

Tom shakes his head, his hands sliding further up her hoodie and under the wire of her bra. "So are these." Tom gives her a cheeky grin as his hands cup her breasts.

"Well, if you say so." Elli shrugs, pulling his hands out from under her shirt and sitting up, tugging her shirt over her head.

Tom doesn't let her lean back before wrapping his arm around her, his lips attaching to her neck and revisiting the mark he'd left a few days before. The open mouth kisses and small bites traveled down her collarbone to above her bra before Tom started pulling it down, releasing one of her breasts. His lips attached around the sensitive nipple and Elli let out a soft moan, almost immediately melting into Tom's touch.

Elli reaches between their bodies, palming Tom's cock, precum slick across the tip. Tom hums against her breasts before picking his head up. His eyes are dark and lust-filled, a gorgeous shade that Elli has fallen in love with during these heated moments. Tom captures her lips in a quick kiss before pushing her flat on the couch and tugging her sweatpants and lace underwear off.

A grin spreads across Tom's face as he sees how wet Elli already is. "You impatient, darlin'?"

"For you?" Elli almost mocks as Tom tilts his head. "Always." Elli wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him to her and her hands wrap around his neck.

Tom snickers but doesn't waste any time in letting his lips fall in sync with hers and lining himself up with her entrance. Elli's jaw goes slack as Tom pushes in, the warmth of the familiar coil is already building and all Elli can do is buck her hips, signaling Tom to start moving.

"You are impatient." Tom chuckles against her lips.

"I wouldn't be if you'd start moving." Elli retorts, her nails gracing over the skin of his back.

"Where's the fun in that?" Tom kisses her cheek.

"You're annoying." Elli mutters but the smile across her face contradicts her annoyed tone.

Tom pulls out and thrusts in, the annoyed expression turning into one of pleasure. "Annoying?" Tom pulls out and watches Elli's expression change once more.

"No." Elli takes her comment back, her legs trying to pull him back to her.

Tom thrusts in again, Elli moaning in response, eyes closing. "Good." Tom's voice is raspy before he starts pounding into her.

Tom's hands are on either side of Elli's head, veins protruding and muscles tight. His breath is heavy and warm against her skin, her breasts hitting his chest with every thrust. Each thrust is causing their moans to escalate, jaws going slack and sweaty foreheads pressed against each other.

Elli slides her hand between their bodies, finding her clit and circling it. Tom watches her movements and it's nearly enough to make him hit his high. His lips crash against hers, his tongue exploring her mouth as his thrusts become sloppy and Elli's hips roll against his.

"Tommy," Elli gasps out in a moan just before her orgasm hits. Her legs shake and she clenches around Tom, just enough to finally send him over the edge. He pulls out just in time to finish on her stomach, pumping himself of every last drop.

Tom gasps, his chest glistening with a sheer layer of sweat. "Thanks." Tom chuckles.

"Mhm." Elli hums, eyes closed. "Thank youuuu." Elli opens her eyes, a lopsided smile looking back at Tom.

"I'll be back to clean that up."

"Yes, please." Elli chimes, moving her arms behind her head.

Tom shakes his head at her and his heart is in his throat. There is nothing like Elli completely naked, staring up at him with his come on her stomach. He has half a mind to ask if he could take a picture but he knows better. Friends don't do that.

Tom grabs his clothes from the floor and makes his way to the bedroom, grabbing pajamas and heading to the bathroom. He changes and cleans up before grabbing a damp rag and towel for Elli. He makes his way back in and Elli is still laid out on the couch, only scrolling through her phone. Tom takes a seat on the floor and starts cleaning off her stomach.

"That's cold!" Elli hisses.

"Sorry." Tom laughs. "Thought it was warm enough."

"I can confirm that it's not." Elli's eyes are wide as goosebumps form against her skin.

"I'll make sure it's hot next time."

"Please!"

Tom's eyes roll as he finishes cleaning her off and he tosses her her clothes from the floor. Elli gets up and puts her clothes back on, her eyes traveling to the Christmas boxes which reminds her of the conversation she had with Harrison earlier. Tom is always in a good mood after sex so maybe now is the best time to tell him?

"Hey," Elli starts, tugging her hoodie over her head. "So, you're coming with me for Christmas dinner, right?"

"Yeah, why?" Tom quirks a brow at the seemingly random question.

"I...kind of told my family I was dating Harrison."

_Oh._


	6. polaroids

Elli told her family she was dating Harrison. What’s that even supposed to mean? Why would she do that? And why is she telling Tom this now? It seems so random and strange for her. Elli doesn’t lie to her family, not like that. Well, not really. She’ll lie about her and Tom but that’s their agreement. But, what could be lying to her entire family about Harrison have to do with anything? Why would that even be important? Why didn’t she tell him sooner?   
  
Tom stays quiet, just looking at Elli. There’s this almost burning feeling in the pit of his stomach again and it’s making him keep his mouth shut. It’s keeping his stare on her, straight face and confused eyes. And Elli is just watching him with growing panic. Tom is never quiet. Quiet Tom is bad, always bad so while Tom’s gut is twisting with a burning tinge, Elli’s is twisting with guilt.   
  
Tom clears his throat, shaking his head to brush off the feeling he hates. “Why?” He asks and there’s a flood of relief that flows through him as the word comes out nonchalant, contradicting the feeling in his stomach.   
  
Elli feels the same relief with the ease of the word and she thinks, maybe it just caught him off guard. “My family, ya know? They just, they always think we’re dating and I got tired of hearing it so I told them I was dating Harrison.”   
  
Tom nods in understanding before running a hand through his disheveled curls. “But, why Harrison?” Tom asks and this time, his brows are tugging together and an eye is slightly squinting. “I mean, ‘s fine. But, why? We say we’re dating anytime one of us needs to get out of a date and we’re each other’s plus-ones to parties.”   
  
There it is. It’s the fear Elli was wishing wouldn’t happen. He’s hurt. Tom’s lost the nonchalant attitude in his smooth words and he’s asking why she chose Harrison. Everyone has to make choices but choosing between her best friends was never something Elli intended to do. And now she has to deal with that choice, as small as it may seem. And it may seem small to her but it’s not to Tom because, to him, he’s good enough to pretend to date when she needs to bail on some jackass but not when it comes to her family. Tom is the one she can show her friends but Harrison is the one she can bring home to her family.   
  
“Uh,” Elli shrugs a shoulder, her heart sounding like a thousand racehorses in her ears. “If I said you, they’d push harder I think.” Elli tugs at the sleeve of her hoodie as she licks her lips. “I don’t want it to change what we’re doing.” She looks up and her eyes meet Tom’s, his expression softening.   
  
Of course, when Harrison asked, Elli couldn’t tell him that part. It’s all a secret but the truth is that she’s scared if she were to tell her family she were dating Tom, it’d change their friends with benefits deal. She’s not entirely sure how, but she’s afraid it could complicate things with how often they’re around her family, especially this time of year. Elli likes where her and Tom are. Friends, benefits, roommates. It’s everything she could want and need and it’s fun, no pressure, just the two of them having fun and trusting each other in every way. Elli would hate to put any of that at risk. It’s just not worth it to her and she can only hope that Tom understands.   
  
A chuckle falls from Tom’s lips and Elli’s heart lifts. “Why would it change anything?” Tom doesn’t get it but the look at her face shows she's genuinely worried it would change things, so he’ll hear her out.   
  
“I dunno.” Elli shrugs. “Maybe you’d get bored of always having to pretend to date me in front of my family and you’d get bored of what we do here.”   
  
Tom scoffs. “Bored of all this,” He gestures his hands out. “With you? You’ve gone mental. I’d never get bored.” Tom's words are airy and sweet like honey, just the way Elli loves them.   
  
The look of regret and remorse that took over Elli’s expression squeezes Tom’s heart and he knew right then that Elli hadn’t meant to hurt him or anything of the sort. And hearing her reasoning, hearing that she just didn’t want things to change, it makes Tom’s heart grow. He doesn’t want their thing to end either and while he doesn’t think Elli saying she’s dating him would change it, he gets it. He understands where she’s coming from and he understands why. So, he lets his voice become airy and light-hearted, for the sake of Elli.   
  
“Aren’t you just the best.” Elli states.   
  
Tom shrugs a single shoulder, gaining a large smirk. “Eh, yeah.” Tom chuckles. “Have you told Harrison?”   
  
Elli nods. “Yeah, I told him earlier today.” Elli admits.   
  
“Oh, so he didn’t know either.” Tom mocks.   
  
“Nope.” Elli blushes.   
  
“How’d he take it?”   
  
“Good, he said he’s perfectly okay with it.”   
  
Tom freezes again and he’s not quite sure what he expected. Harrison is almost as laid back as Tom is and Tom knows Harrison adores Elli but it’s surprising Harrison would just be okay with it. He’s not one for lying, especially to families, just like Elli. Yet, he’s okay with this. And there’s this small part of Tom that couldn't help the clenching of his jaw.   
  
“Did he?” Tom asks, Elli quirking a brow at him.   
  
“Mhm, why wouldn’t he?”   
  
Tom shrugs and he tries to play off the gnawing in the pit of his stomach. “No reason.” Tom pauses. “‘S good is all, be a mess if he’d not been okay with it, ya?”   
  
“Uh-huh.” Elli nods slowly, her eyes slowly narrowing at Tom. “You’re….not like, mad are you?”   
  
There isn’t a reason for Tom to be mad, especially when he seemed fine just a minute prior but Elli knows Tom better than anyone. The last thing she wants is Tom mad over something as small as this and it doesn't even concern him. Telling him is simply a courtesy but it’s going to eat at Elli as to why Tom would be mad that Harrison doesn’t mind. It doesn’t concern him.   
  
“What?” Tom’s brows furrow. “No, ‘course not. Why would I be?”   
  
Elli shrugs a shoulder. “You shouldn’t be.” Elli states and the air seems to become thick and stale between the two of them. “You just seemed...less than happy?”   
  
Tom just shakes his head and for some reason, that comment sends the gnawing over the edge. “How do you want me to react, Elli?” Tom scoffs. “Should I be happy that you’ve lied to your parents, Harrison, and me? Should I be mad about it? Should I be mad you’ve said you’re dating Harrison? Should I be happy you’ve said you’re dating him? I’m sorry that I seem ‘less than happy’ that you’ve told your family you’re dating Harrison but screwing me here.” Tom snaps and just stares Elli down.   
  
Elli’s eyes dart over Tom’s face. He never snaps on her, not like this. He was fine moments ago but now he’s upset, he’s pissed and Elli wishes she could just go back and not tell him. She knew it’d happen. She knew Tom would think she chose Harrison over him just because of their benefits and now Tom’s hurt. But, does that really give Tom any right to snap on her? Just for asking if he were mad about it?   
  
“Um…” Elli stutters, Tom’s eyes not losing their annoyance. “I-I didn’t...I just, what’s your problem?” Elli finally gets out, her voice drenched in disbelief.   
  
“Nothing.” Tom huffs. “Nothing, forget it.”   
  
“Tom.” Elli raises her voice slightly. “Why do you care so much?”   
  
“I don’t!” Tom yells, his hands flying out in front of him. “But you asking me if I’m pissed, pisses me off and--” Tom’s jaw clenches as he stares Elli down.   
  
It’s jealousy. He knows it is. There’s no denying that that’s what’s eating at his stomach and Tom hates it. He’s not a jealous person and the last person he ever thought he’d be jealous of is Harrison. They’ve been friends their entire lives and Tom has never had a reason to be jealous but when it comes to Elli, he is. It’s something he can’t explain but he’s so damn jealous that it’s making him snap despite him knowing Elli never had bad intentions. Elli never has bad intentions when it comes to people. And Tom knows that so even when his face is turning red and his eyes are screaming with anger, he keeps his mouth shut. He holds back the words he would say if he didn’t care about Elli because he doesn’t mean them. The secret was Elli’s idea, not Tom’s but Tom agreed. But, that’s a low blow and he’s not going there because he doesn’t mean it.   
  
“I’m going to my room.” Tom says, walking past Elli.   
  
“Tom!” Elli grabs his wrist but Tom pulls it out of her grip. “What were you gonna say?”   
  
“Elli.” Tom’s voice is taut, not threatening but scolding. “Leave me the fuck alone.” He doesn’t yell, it’s just flat but enough to tell Elli to leave him alone and she does.   
  
Tom walks off and the sound of his door clicking shut, not slamming, makes her heart sink. He was fine. It doesn’t make any sense as to why he suddenly felt like he needed to snap. He tells Elli that it's because she asked if he was mad but she’s not stupid. That’s not what it is, not with the way he phrased it. So, now, Elli is stuck feeling guilty and questioning if maybe she should have just said Tom. It seems no matter which choice she could have made, it would have eventually changed things for her and Tom. At least, that’s what she thinks.   
  
It’s in the back of her head that this fight, this fight over her lying about Harrison, is going to cause him to back out. It shouldn’t bother her as much as it does but it does. Elli loves everything about them. She loves that she can come home after a long day and curl up with Tom and sleep with him. Or when they’ve both had a day or they’re both just in the mood, they have each other. They’re right there and they’re friends. That’s what makes it so much fun. That’s what makes the sex and the making out and foreplay fun. They’re friends first so it’s not awkward or nerve-wracking. It’s them, giggling and being themselves. It’s everything Elli could ask for and now she’s terrified she’ll lose it all over something so seemingly so small. But, there’s nothing she can do about it now. It’s out in the open and all she can do is wait for Tom to calm down so they can talk it out. So, she shuts everything off in the living room and kitchen and heads to her room.   
  
As Elli sits on the edge of her bed, she takes notice in the silence. Tom isn’t playing any music. No computer, no guitar or keyboard, no drum pad, no turntable. Just, silence. It’s beyond unsettling and guilt just chews at her veins. However, she can’t just sit on the edge of her bed and wait for Tom. It’s not going to do her any good just to wait for him so, she moves to her closet and takes a seat on the floor, pulling out a few shoe boxes that contain polaroids she’s never hung up.   
  
The first few she finds are ones she took when Harrison introduced her to Tom for the first time. They’d all gathered at a Starbucks right off campus before the school year had started. Elli and Tom clicked immediately and they ended up in the Starbucks for hours, all three talking as if they’d all been friends since birth. The pictures even express it.   
  
Tom’s laughing, nearly choking on the straw of one of the iced drinks and Harrison’s looking at Tom as if he’s lost his mind. The two together are a force and Elli can’t help but smile. They’re all friends but she admires Tom and Harrison’s friendship.   
  
Elli continues to look through pictures, finding some more of Harrison from years prior. They weren’t anything too special, mostly just him nearly falling on a skateboard a few times and focusing on a sculpture but Elli likes them, nonetheless. There’s one she finds of him with his family at his first art exposition for school. Elli has more from that day but nearly all of them were taken with her old Canon and were developed and printed in multiple sizes for his family but the polaroids are cool. So, Elli sets them aside, deciding she could give them over to Harrison, knowing he’s trying to put together something special for his mom for Christmas and maybe he could use the pictures.   
  
Box by box, Elli sorts through pictures, figuring which ones she wants to give away for Christmas and which ones she wants to rotate out around her room. Nearly three hours have passed by the time she’s on the fifth box and a knock brings her back to reality.   
  
“Elli?” Tom’s voice is quiet and gentle, even slightly shy as he opens the door just enough to peak his head in.   
  
Elli looks over and gives a single nod, the ache and guilt she’d been able to ignore coming back like a flood of water after a dam breaks. “Hey.” She matches his tone.   
  
“Can I come in?” Tom asks.   
  
“Yeah.” Elli looks away and Tom lets himself in, closing the door behind him.   
  
He walks over to her bed, picking up a box of photos to take a seat. “What’re you doin’?”   
  
“Sorting pictures.” Elli answers flatly.   
  
Tom looks from the pictures to her, her back facing him and her pale fingers sorting through the photos. “I’m sorry.” Tom says, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. “I shouldn’t have snapped on you like that, didn’t deserve it.” Tom says and Elli looks over her shoulder, her eyes meeting his.   
  
“Why’d you get so mad?” Elli asks, resting the small stack of photos on the floor.   
  
Tom shrugs. “I like,” He motions his finger between the two of them. “Us, don’t want it to change, like you said. But, uh,” Tom sucks in a breath. “It was just a blow to my ego, I think.” Tom chuckles awkwardly, one eye closing with the scrunch of his face.   
  
“Because we keep this thing,” Elli mimicks Tom’s gesture between them. “Between us but I openly said I was dating Harrison.”   
  
Tom nods. “Yeah,” Tom licks his lips and lets the word hang in the air.   
  
There’s more to be said but he doesn’t know how to say it or what to say or even if he should. His mind is clouded and he’s going to convince himself that his ego has been bruised and that’s as deep as the cut goes.   
  
“I’m so sorry, though. Honest, it’s fine, I don’t care.” Tom says.   
  
Elli nods. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”   
  
Tom just shakes his head. “Nah, don’t be. Didn’t have a reason to.”   
  
“Still, should have told you and Harrison, for the record.”   
  
“Yeah,” Tom laughs. “Harrison you should have asked first, but definitely told sooner.”   
  
“Hindsight.” Elli chuckles.   
  
“Mhm,” Tom hums, running a hand through his hair. “We good?”   
  
“Always.” Elli says, getting to her knees and moving towards Tom before wrapping her arms around his neck for a hug. Tom’s arms wrap around her, squeezing her slightly and the jealous gnawing and slimy guilt disappear from both of their veins.   
  
“So,” Tom pulls away. “What’s got you going through the photos?” Tom grabs the box from beside him.   
  
“Oh,” Elli says. “Ya know, that time of year I gather pictures for everyone. Harrison wants to make his mom something so I found some he might wanna use.”   
  
“Want me to drop them off tomorrow? I get off early and you’ve got your interview, ya?”   
  
“Yeah, that’d be great.” Elli smiles of relief. “I don’t know what time I’ll be done and if I’m stopping to get decorations, ya know?”   
  
“I’ll stop on my way home, which ones?”   
  
Elli pulls out a smaller box with around thirty photos. “This one.” She hands it over. “Should be plenty for him if he wants to use them.”   
  
“I’ll give ‘em to him.” Tom promises with a gentle smile. “Got any for me?” Tom’s words are sarcastic but that doesn’t stop Elli from grabbing another box. Tom rolls his eyes as the smile widens. “I was kiddin’, darlin’.”   
  
“I know.” Elli huffs. “But look what I found.” Elli beams, pulling out a picture and handing it to Tom.   
  
He takes the picture from Elli and the wide smile softens to one of nostalgia. It’s him reading a comic book in the middle of Elli’s favorite comic shop. It was the first day they hung out together, just the two of them without any other friends. Harrison had bailed last minute which lead Elli and Tom to themselves. It was Tom who mentioned wanting to grab a few new comics and Elli jumped at the opportunity.   
  
Their friendship bloomed from that exact moment and they spent the entire day in that shop, discussing DC vs Marvel, having mutual respect for both but still having a preference. And the picture Elli had taken, it was so simple and she just couldn’t help it. He was reading a Spider-Man comic and he just looked to be in his own little world for a minute, peaceful and beautiful. Turns out, that’s just Tom when he’s into something he loves but that picture always remained one of Elli’s favorite, just in private.   
  
“Can’t believe you’ve kept this.” Tom chuckles, handing it back. “‘S been years.”   
  
“I know.” Elli laughs with him. “But that’s why. It’s what started everything.” Elli shrugs a shoulder and a soft blush starts to creep onto her face. “It’s one of my favorite days.”   
  
A wonderful sense of contentment and warmth consumes Tom with Elli’s words. The day in the comic shop is one of his favorites, too. He just never knew it meant the same to Elli. They get each other in ways other people don’t and sharing their favorite days, that’s just something else other people don't get but they do. It’s the simple days with each other that mean the most.   
  
“Mine, too.” Tom says, voice just above a whisper as his eyes meet Elli’s, gentle and sweet while Elli's cheeks are a delicate shade of rose. Tom’s heart is racing but not thundering, just racing and there’s an unexplainable feeling coursing through his veins with his stare on Elli. “Uh,” Tom clears his throat. “Well, I’m gonna head to the shower and bed. Gonna be up awhile?”   
  
“Nah, probably head to bed now and shower in the morning, pretty tired.” Elli says with a cornered smile, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.   
  
“Right,” Tom’s hands rest on his knees as he pushes up to stand up. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Tom leans down and presses a soft kiss to Elli’s forehead, her eyes closing in response.   
  
“Goodnight, Tom.” Elli says as Tom heads for the door.   
  
“Goodnight, Elli.” Tom chuckles, closing the door behind him as he exits.   


* * *

The next day comes around and Tom finds himself in Harrison’s kitchen as Harrison goes through the box of photos Elli sent over. The day has been like every other. Tom made eggs and french toast for him and Elli while she made the coffee and they proceded like they’d never fought the night before. It was never brought up and all-in-all, Tom’s been relieved but as he stands in Harrison’s kitchen, drinking a bottle of beer, he’s worried that’ll be brought up. After a day of working, he doesn't really want the gnawing to start again. But that’s just his luck, isn’t it?   
  
“So,” Harrison puts the lid back on the box once he’s done looking over the pictures. “You and Elli alright?”   
  
“Yeah, why?” Tom asks, taking a sip from his beer.   
  
“Texted me and said you fought last night.” Harrison quips, eyeing Tom.   
  
A sigh falls from Tom's lips as he hangs his head. The gnawing comes back but this time, in the form of guilt and regret. He never should have snapped on her and he's been stuck thinking about it on and off. Tom swears he'll make it up to her for overreacting but that doesn't exactly mean he wants to talk about it. He just wishes the whole thing never happened.   
  
"Yeah..." Tom says.   
  
“Yeah, so, you wanna talk about it?” Harrison asks with concern.   
  
Tom just shrugs. “Nah, not really.”    
  
“She said it’s because she told her family she was dating me, that true?” Harrison pushes.   
  
It's just odd for Elli and Tom to fight. He wants to make sure Tom is okay and that they did manage to smooth things over. Harrison's with Elli on this one, it was out of character for Tom to get mad so he needs to make sure there's nothing else going on.   
  
Tom almost groans at the question. He can’t control Elli and Elli can tell Harrison about their fight. It’s her life, too but he wishes more than anything she wouldn’t have. Tom hates lectures from Harrison and he can feel one coming.   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“Why’s it matter to you?” Harrison asks with genuine curiosity.   
  
“It doesn't, mate.” Tom takes another sip of his beer.   
  
Harrison shakes his head and he knows if he wants Tom to just admit what everyone besides Tom and Elli seems to know, he has to just cut to the chase. “Are you sure? Doesn’t have anything to do the hickey on your neck, does it?”   
  
“What?” Tom’s eyes widen as his hand goes to his neck, the bruise Elli left from a few days before still a pretty shade of red and purple. “No, why would it?” Tom tugs the top of his hoodie up to try and get better coverage.   
  
Harrison puts his hands up in defense. “Just making sure.” Harrison brushes it off as a light-hearted question. “Nothing’s going on between the two of you?”   
  
Tom hates lying to Harrison but it’s his and Elli’s deal. Tom isn’t even going to dare to break it. “Nothing. We’re friends, that’s it.” Tom’s tone remains calm and collected. “Anything going on with you two?” Tom tosses the question back, knowing the answer but figuring if Harrison can ask, so can he.   
  
“Nah.” Harrison shakes his head, taking a drink from his own beer.   
  
“Why’re you so okay with her saying she’s datin’ you then?” It’s a genuine question that leaves Tom’s lips.   
  
Harrison pushes for answers but Tom can do the same. There’s something telling Tom there’s more to why Harrison seemed to just roll with it. He’s not usually someone who just rolls with whatever punch is thrown his way and since the conversation is being brought up, Tom is taking his chance to ask.   
  
“It’s Elli.” Harrison says.   
  
Tom’s eyes widen slightly as he pauses, looking at his best friend and it's like he's just been hit by a semi. “Wait.” Tom watches as Harrison fiddles with the end of the beer bottle. “Do you like her?”   
  
Harrison meets Tom’s stare, cheeks a pale pink. “It’s _Elli_ , mate.”   
  
  



	7. lego house

Harrison's stare lingers on Tom before it goes back to his beer bottle. It's something Harrison's kept to himself for months. It never seemed important enough to tell Tom. Friends mind friends' feelings and that includes feelings towards other friends. Whether Tom likes Elli now or not, it still eats at Harrison because Tom liked her first. She's not property but, to Harrison, if anyone ever had a chance with her, it's Tom. And Harrison isn't gonna compete for her attention or be a second choice because Tom doesn't know what he's doing or because Elli believes she just likes Tom platonically.

"How long've you liked her?" Tom asks, his tone remaining surprised.

Harrison shrugs. "Uh, couple of months, maybe."

Tom nods, swishing the small bit of beer left in his bottle as he watches the top. "Gonna...do anything about it?" Tom glances up to Harrison and a tinge of jealousy coats his stomach like chard fabric.

Harrison shakes his head quickly before taking a drink of his own beer. "Nah," He chuckles softly. "She's not into me like that. We're  _ friends _ ."

Friends.

And suddenly it's like a spear with Tom's name carved on the handle is impaling his heart. Elli feels like a dirty little secret right now. Tom's lying to his best friend knowing that if he's doing what he's doing with Elli, Harrison never stands a chance to even find out if Elli  _ does  _ like him. Tom might hate the idea of losing what him and Elli are doing but that's not very fair for Harrison to be left out of the loop. But, then again, if Elli liked Harrison, she could call it all off with Tom. She has just as much control in the matter as he does and Tom hopes more than anything that if Elli had feelings for anyone, Harrison or some random guy from a bar, she would tell him. She always has before. So, Tom ignores the tinge of heat in his stomach and the stabbing pain in his chest.

"Yeah," Tom fakes a half-hearted smile. "Elli does have a habit of just saying how she feels, huh?"

Harrison scoffs, gaining an almost annoyed expression. "Yeah, guess." Harrison's brows rise and fall quickly while the neck of the beer bottle comes to his lips again. Tom's brows furrow as he opens his mouth to question Harrison's expression but Harrison beats him to speaking. "Anyway," Harrison sighs. "I've got that piece I'm workin' on and you said Elli should be home 'bout seven, ya?"

Tom flicks his wrist, the face of his watch lighting up as he checks the time. "Oh, yeah yeah. Leave ya to it then."

"Tomorow, right?" Harrison checks as Tom dumps the last bit of his beer down the sink and tosses the bottle.

"Yep, same time. Picking Elli up?"

"As usual." Harrison laughs, holding his bottle up to Tom as a goodbye.

"See you then." Tom heads for the door and heads back home.

The drive felt heavy, almost guilty. Tom knows that Harrison would never be mad about Tom and Elli's arrangement, not even now. It's just not Harrison and he'd probably just brush it off, assume Tom still liked Elli and that'd be it. But, from a best friend stance, it just makes Tom feel a little guilty. Not guilty enough to stop or even the type of guilt that lingers in the back of his throat, just the kind that's there for a little bit and eventually fades to nothing. And lucky for Tom, it only takes the drive with his favorite playlist and the sight of Elli struggling to get boxes out of her drunk for the guilt to fully fade.

"You're gonna hurt yourself." Tom chimes as he comes up from behind Elli, making her jump in surprise.

"You're gonna give me a fucking heart attack!" Elli whips around, glaring at Tom as her heart pounds.

Tom just laughs, moving to the side of her. "That's not good. Who'd pay half the rent?"

"Fuck you." Elli groans, turning back to the backseat of the car.

Tom's hands come to her shoulders and lightly pull her away. "Ya know I'm kiddin'."

"Mhm." Elli hums, trying to hide the smile that's tugging at the corner of her lips.

"How're you plannin' to get these upstairs?" Tom asks as he grabs a lighter box and hands it to Elli.

"Lots of trips and a lot of struggling and hoping you were home to get the tree and breakables." Elli beams, a cheeky smile on display as Tom turns to look at her.

"So, you're just lucky I'm home." Tom quips before turning back to the backseat to grab another smaller box.

"Well, I would have left the other boxes and just asked you once you got home anyway." Elli giggles as Tom stacks the smaller box on top of the bigger one.

Tom rolls his eyes and jerks his head towards the apartment. "Shut up and go upstairs." His words are airy with a gentle chuckle as he turns back to grab the box with the tree.

"Love you." Elli holds out the last word as she heads for the apartment.

Tom leans up and watches as Elli walks. Her jeans hug her hips just right, pink coat hood slightly bouncing with every step and her head peeking around the boxes to make sure she doesn't trip. Her boots slush through the soft snow that's leftover from the snow plows and Tom just smiles to himself. How does one person look that perfect from just walking away?

As Elli enters the apartment, she rests the boxes on the table, the fresh warmth of the home sending a calming chill down her spine. She lets out a breath, her nose starting to run with the new warmth while she starts shrugging her coat off. By the time she's onto taking her boots off, a knock sounds on the door and she's opening it for Tom.

Tom carries the large box with the tree inside to the living room, boots tracking melted snow across the hardwood floor until he reaches the carpet. He lets out a breath as he rests the box on the floor, turning around with a triumphant smile on his face.

"You tracked snow in the house." Elli crosses her arms.

"Technically, it's water." Tom gives Elli a cheeky grin, happy with his quip.

"You wanna wipe it up?" Elli retorts.

"If you wanna get the other ornaments."

Elli scrunches her face in disgust with the thought of facing the cold yet again. "Fine." She walks over the paper towels, ripping a few off.

She hears Tom chuckles as he starts jogging down the hall, leaving the door cracked open. She shakes her head and gets to cleaning up the leftover water so no one slips. Elli might love winter but she hates the actual clean up that comes with the snow. It gets tracked everywhere, salt strips the color of shoes if they're not protected, floors are slick and an accident waiting to happen. She'd never move anywhere where it didn't snow, but she wishes the snow could be a little less of a mess and a little less of a hassle.

In minutes, Tom is coming back, lightly nudging the door open with his hip and walking to the table to rest the box beside the ones Elli brought up. His eyes go to the living room where Elli is already sat on the floor getting pieces of the tree out and already changed into sweatpants and a tank top. He can't help but smile to himself as he shrugs his coat off, hanging it up beside Elli's.

"Couldn't wait to get started?" Tom asks.

"Christmas is in like two weeks, we're behind!" Elli exclaims, distress in her voice as she looks to Tom with a pout.

"I'm sorry." Tom smirks, hands up in surrender.

"Are you gonna help?" Elli asks, eyes wide and pleading.

"Yes." Tom remarks, crouching down to take off his boots. "You want coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?"

Elli beams at him. "Hot chocolate."

"Okay." Tom says softly, looking up to send Elli a smile sweet enough to cause cavities.

Elli works on sorting the different tree branches while Tom works on making hot chocolate, insisting to make it on the stove since it tastes better despite it taking longer. As he waited for the milk to heat up, he brought the remaining boxes from the kitchen into the living room and set them aside so Elli had plenty of room to continue to sort the green branches. By the time the branches were sorted and the base of the tree was set up, Tom was pouring hot chocolate into a Batman mug for Elli and a Spider-Man mug for him. Steam rose from the tops of the mugs as Tom walked them into the living room, carefully bending down to hand Elli hers.

Elli smiles delicately, wrapping both hands around the mug as she brings it to her lips and taking a small sip, careful not to burn herself. She hums in delight, eyes closed as the chocolate flavor consumes her mouth and the warmth floods her body.

"Good?" Tom asks.

"Mhm." Elli hums, eyes opening to take another sip. "Thanks."

Tom nods, still crouched in front of her. "Smells like Christmas in here already." Tom chuckles, taking a small sip himself.

"Good." Elli mumbles, taking another sip.

"What d'ya want me to do then, darlin'?" Tom asks, eyes soft and not leaving Elli's.

"You can either attach the branches or start untangling the lights."

Tom scrunches his face. "Think I'll take the branches." Tom says but he doesn't make the effort to move.

"What's your deal with the lights?"

"Kind of your thing." Tom shrugs a shoulder, taking a sip of the warm drink. Elli furrows her brows in curiosity. "You've all those lights 'round your room."

"Are you sure it's not because you broke a strand a few years ago?" Elli questions, tilting her head innocently to the right.

Tom's smile drops as he squints his eyes. "That strand was already broken."

"Okay." Elli laughs. "Whatever you say." She leans forward and presses a chaste kiss to Tom's cheek.

Tom shakes his head as the gesture sends a warm chill down his spine and electricity through his veins. "I'll start on the branches." Tom says with a mocking tone, getting to his feet.

Elli moves to her knees and moves over to the box with the lights, resting her mug on the coffee table. As she opens the box, Tom opens the case to his turntable and puts on + by Ed Sheeran, soft guitar fills the room with the first song. Elli's eyes move with Tom as he grabs a few branches and starts placing them in their correct positions. Blue flannel with dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt sneaking out from under the flannel, his hair flatter than usual from the long day and there's something about him today that makes her heart flutter more than usual. Maybe it's because he looks absolutely striking in the color blue or maybe it's because it's rare to see him with hair not a disheveled mess, or maybe it's just that they're two people sharing the moment of decorating with a record playing and he's busy barely singing to the record. Maybe it's more.

Tom turns and grabs more branches, sticking his tongue out at Elli, snapping her from her thoughts making her cheeks shoot red. Tom just chuckles with the new branches in hand and mouth moving to the lyrics of the song while Elli grabs the lights to untangle them. There are very few things more satisfying to Tom than catching Elli staring at him and making her blush over it. Sure, it's an ego boost but the way she turns red and immediately goes to doing something else as if they haven't been friends for years, it just makes Tom wanna pull her into him and never let go.

By the time Elli has the lights untangled, there's been a hundred stolen glances and four songs have passed while Tom's just finished adding the last branch to the tree. The two of them work together to start stringing the lights around the tree, neither one willing to speak as the record continues to play. There's a sense of complete happiness that fills the air as it's just them decorating the tree. There's smiles and hearts skipping a beat with every glance at the other. Tom's humming is just barely heard over the record and it sends Elli's heart soaring.

The ornaments are being hung, Tom on the floor as he hands them one-by-one to Elli, fingertips brushing against hers and then Tom's favorite song of the album comes on. His eyes close and the delicate smile he had almost permanently etched across his face spread wide and his voice grows louder and he sings the first words of Lego House. Elli looks to Tom, no teasing on her lips or in her eyes, just genuine and sincere warmth and adornment for him. It makes the tiny butterflies flutter through Tom's stomach and to his heart. He gets to his feet and sticks his hand out. Elli's brows furrow but she gives him her hand without hesitation.

Tom's hand holds Elli's tightly while his other hand goes to her hip and a smile so fragile comes to Elli's face and she places her free hand on Tom's shoulder. The two of them sway to the song, both becoming slower and the small space between them becomes just enough for them not to be tripping over each other's feet. Tom bows his head, his forehead pressing against Elli's as he continues to sing to the song, his voice low with a quiet tone.

And for a moment, they both forget they're friends.

Anything can be platonic. Friends can do anything lovers can, there's no rule that says they can't. So, while just dancing in the living room against the lights of the Christmas tree with a record playing and Tom singing, it doesn't feel like they're friends. Elli can swear that every word that comes from Tom's mouth is meant for her despite this being the billionth time she's heard him sing those same words. He's sung them to her before, while making breakfast, in the car, practicing before his first live set. He's sung them in the shower and from the quiet of his room. It's nothing new but this moment, this moment with their hearts beating at the same nervous and adoring rate, it feels like they're meant for her and maybe she's hoping they are.

As for Tom, he can swear his heart is just  _ beating _ for her. She could ask him for anything and he would do it right now without ever questioning it. He never wants to move, never wants the song to end. This moment, it's perfect and he can feel her breath against his skin, the scent of her flowery shampoo mixing with the scent of the tree is like home. It's home and it engulfs him, making him swear to everything in his being that he's hopelessly and endlessly addicted to her. Addicted to her in moments like these and moments of laughter, and tear-stained cheeks. He's addicted to her in every sense of the word, through the good, the bad, and the ugly and all he wants, right now, is for Elli to be happy and have everything she ever wanted because he is crazy for her.

The song starts to come to an end and Elli doesn't wanna lose the warmth of Tom, doesn't want to lose the moment so, her hand drops Tom's and moves to the back of his neck while her nose brushes his softly. Tom's free hand goes to her hip, squeezing her clothed hip as his lips meet hers in a delicate and hesitant kiss. The kiss remains tender and soft as their lips move together in a type of melody only they know, tongues dancing in perfect harmony.

The record plays on the kiss deepens and Tom's hands play at the hem of Elli's shirt, sliding under the fabric. Elli gasps against Tom's lips, his hands warm against her skin. A smile spreads across Tom's face as he goes back for a kiss, Elli gliding her hands across his shoulders and to the buttons of his flannel. One-by-one Elli gets the buttons undone and tugs the fabric from Tom's arms, his hands leaving her skin just long enough to let the shirt be tossed to the side. Tom's quick to tug up Elli's tank top, tossing it away with his shirt before his lips connect with her collarbone.

Elli reaches behind her own back, undoing the clasp of her bra and tossing it aside. A devilish grin crosses Tom's face as he stops marking her collarbones but Elli doesn't waste much time moving things to the floor, tugging the collar of Tom's shirt for him to fall on top of her. Tom's mouth is right back on Elli's, the kiss fevered and electrifying. Her fingers thread through his hair, tugging slightly and gaining a lovely grunt from the back of Tom's throat.

The sounds of their breathing getting heavier mixes with the music but they're only focused on each other. Tom's snaking his hand into the hem of Elli's sweatpants and underwear, gliding a finger along her already slick folds and Elli is palming Tom over his jeans. They're entangled in each other, lost in gruntled moans and hips grinding against each other, silent pleas for more contact, something to relieve the pressure in their stomachs.

It's Tom that makes the move to remove Elli's sweatpants and underwear, his pants and boxers following right after and soon, he's flipping Elli on top of him, her hands flat on his chest. She looks down at him, her chest heaving in the same rhythm as his. Her eyes scan from his eyes to his flushed cheeks down to his chest to his abs he's worked too hard to get. When her eyes meet back to his, Tom's gained a smirk, sticking his tongue out at her. Elli scrunches her nose with a giggle, sticking her tongue back out at him only for him to reach a hand and tweak her nipple. A moan falls from her lips, eyes closing and smile falling. Elli grinds down on Tom, nails digging into his pale skin.

"Condom?" Tom mutters out, hands trailing from her breasts and down her sides until they reach her hips.

"Bedroom?" Elli quirks a brow, knowing her condoms would be in her bedroom.

"Wallet? Pants pocket?" Tom offers with a cheeky smirk.

Elli rolls her eyes but a smile doesn't budge from her lips while she bends back and grabs Tom's pants and his wallet from the back pocket. She grabs the condom and tosses the wallet with the jeans to the side. Tom's hands glide over her sides sending goosebumps over her body as Elli tears the package open. She lifts herself up and grabs Tom's erection, sliding the condom easily onto him before lining her center up with his tip. At an agonizingly slow pace, Elli sinks down onto him, Tom's grip on her sides tightening while her nails go back to digging into the skin on his chest.

Once Tom's cock fills her up fully, she takes a minute to adjust, Tom adjusting to feeling with her as his eyes take her in. Eyes going from hers, lingering on her breasts, and traveling down to where their lower halves connect, an involuntary groan coming from Tom's throat at the sight before he looks back up to Elli. Once his eyes are back on hers, she sends him a lust-filled smirk before she starts riding him, slowly at first and speeding up as Tom's grip starts to tighten on her hips.

Tom's name starts sputtering from Elli's lips, hitched breathing in between as her head is thrown back, blonde hair dangling down her back. She starts clenching around Tom and he takes his chance to move his thumb to her clit, rubbing figure eights against the bud. Elli jerks and an almost pornographic moan comes from the back of her throat.

"T-Tommy." Elli gasps out.

"C'mon, 's it. You're so pretty like this darlin'." Tom pants, the rubbing of his thumb never stopping.

In only seconds, Elli is yelling Tom's name, her orgasm hitting her hard as she falls onto Tom's chest. Tom's feet plant themselves on the floor as he pounds into her, chasing his high as he helps Elli ride out hers. Elli starts coming down but she whispers praises into Tom's neck, kissing and biting, sucking on the glistening skin. The whispered praises and assault on his neck are enough to throw him over the edge.

Tom's movements come to a halt, his breathing heavy in Elli's ear. He buries his head in the crook of her neck, trailing kisses from her neck to her cheek. Elli giggles in response, turning her head to look at him before pressing a quick and sugary kiss to his lips.

"Your hair's a mess." Tom chuckles, his voice gravely as he reaches up to try and part it the right way again.

"So is yours." Elli mimics his movements, the two of them laughing with each other but not exactly fixing the other's hair.

"Mmmm." Tom hums. "Better get up."

"Yeah," Elli sighs, sitting up slightly. "I'm stealing your shirt."

"You always do." Tom quips, eyes widening in a teasing manner.

"You love it." Elli retorts, sliding off of Tom and finding her underwear and Tom's flannel.

"Yeah," Tom says, the word just above a whisper. "I do."

Elli sends him a wink as she wiggles her underwear on, not bothering to actually stand. Tom just rolls his eyes before he gets to his feet and goes to dispose of the condom, his clothes in hand. By the time he comes back, Elli is still laid on the floor with Tom's flannel buttoned enough to show her cleavage but nothing more, the blue cheeky underwear peeking out from under the fabric as she watched the lights on the tree.

"You alright there, darlin'?" Tom asks, swapping out + for X on the record player before laying beside Elli.

"Perfect." Elli mumbles, sending Tom a sincere smile.

Tom returns the smile and offers his hand to her. The two of them fall silent, enjoying the music and the post-sex bliss, both having their minds on the moments before the kissing had started. They'd never shared a moment like that before and they're both questioning why not and why now. If it even met anything to the other. If that's what the other really wants. That kind of loving and adoring type of happiness.

A few songs pass and Tom's fingers are interlaced with Elli's as she's laid on her side, her eyes on her hands, carefully moving to the soft sound of the record playing from the opposite side of the room.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Tom asks suddenly, his eyes coming to her face.

"Anything, darling." Elli responds, mocking his usual tone as her eyes meet his.

Tom rolls his eyes, propping himself up on his elbow, resting his head on his hand as he faces her. "I'm serious."

Elli sighs, gazing up at him. "Okay, what?"

Tom licks his lips and he gives you hand a squeeze, brows furrowing as a few beats pass. "Uh, just...how long...did you want to, ya know....keep this up?" Tom asks and the hesitance in his voice snaps Elli from her blissful state. "I mean, um, we never, er, established it, suppose?"

Elli's heart sinks as his eyes dodge hers, now solely on their hands, fingers still moving effortlessly together. "Do you want to end this?" The question burns Elli's tongue, a sour taste consuming her mouth.

She'd never thought about ending it. In fact, the idea has never once crossed her mind. This is who they are now. Friends with benefits. They're still friends without the benefits but the very idea of losing it, of losing moments like this with his fingers intertwined with hers and one of his favorite records playing while she's in nothing but his flannel and lace underwear, it's....soul-crushing.

"No," Tom says quickly, shaking his head. "I just," Tom takes a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. "You're kind of a hopeless romantic, makes me wanna gag half the time." Elli scoffs at Tom's remark but it just makes him grin. "Wouldn't call this very romantic."

Elli's eyes narrow and her heart rate is speeding up with every passing second. "You're stalling."

Tom chuckles but the smile he had gained falls short when his eyes meet hers again. "Okay, um, you're not gonna have your happy after or whatever if you're fuckin' me on our living room floor."

"Maybe you're my happy after or whatever, ever think of that?"

Tom raises a brow, knowing Elli can't be serious. "Oh, I'm your happy after?"

"We could get married at the Shedd aquarium, move the burbs in some house with a white picket fence and have three kids."

Tom bursts into a fit of laughter. "Three kids? Really?"

"Yes!" Elli exclaims.

Tom flicks her forehead. "C'mon, Elli. I'm being serious." The laughter subsides and the smile falls.

Elli's heart stops and her smile falls with Tom. "Why does it matter?" She asks. "I like what we're doing and you do, too. We're not seeing people. What's it matter of a sudden?"

Tom watches her, Elli's face reddening in a way Tom knows is panic. Her face always reddens around her ears first when she's panicked about something. Her voice is always higher pitched just like it is now and there's no reason for her to panic. Not when it comes to him.

"I just want you to be happy, Elli." Tom admits, licking his lips before swallowing hard. "I, uh, I just....I know that stuff means a lot to you so, I just want to make sure you get everything you ever wanted. I want you to be happy."

"Yeah, but I'm  _ happy with you. _ " Elli says, the words coming from her mouth without a second thought. Second nature. Tom is second nature. He's her happiness."That's why you're my best friend. Ya know, my person. You make me really happy." Elli whispers, unlacing her fingers from Tom's as she cups his cheek. "I'm always happy with you, Tommy."

  
  



	8. frozen bearings

Happy.

It is to feel joy or contentment or pleasure. It's yellows and oranges, sunrises, and the summer sun beating on exposed skin. And it's laughter, laughter of oneself and/or someone they care about. Smiles, racing hearts, adrenaline, goosebumps, and butterflies. To be happy is important and lovely. But, to be happy with someone, to be happy because of someone is otherworldly and a little dangerous, but usually worth it.

"You're happy with me?" Tom's eyes lit up with a touch of adornment.

Elli nods. "Mhm, would I be living with you if you didn't make me happy?" She quips, the usual smirk tugging at her lips.

"No," Tom says, the word falling almost reluctant as his lips pull into a smile.

"Exactly. You're my best friend and if whoever the hell I'm supposed to end up with," Elli pauses and flashes Tom a toothy grin. "If it's really not you, can't accept that I live with you and we're us, then they aren't for me. Sorry, I'm with you till the end of the line, pal."

Tom bursts into a fit of laughter, his arm collapsing and allowing him to fall to the floor. The corners of his eyes wrinkle and his chest rises and falls with every laugh that falls from his lips.

"That's the line, right?" Elli asks, biting her lip as her cheeks start to tint.

Tom nods, his laugh calming. "Yeah, 's line, stop quoting shit!"

"I would if you would stop laughing so hard every time I did it!" Elli lets out a laugh cross her lips.

"It's funny, darlin'. You've so much confidence in it and you do it at the worst times." Tom's eyes soften as he looks up to her.

"That's a good thing! It makes me funny." Elli defends, voice airy and sweet as sugar.

"Not sure that's how funny works." Tom snorts, his arms bending under his head.

"Uh-huh!" Elli's eyes widen as she pokes his cheeks. "You laugh and that's the point."

Tom chuckles, grabbing her hand and bringing the back of it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the soft skin. "Sure, Elli." He mumbles.

He releases her hand and extends his arm, gesturing for her to move towards him. Elli sighs but scoots over, her head laying on his bare chest, his warmth immediately consuming her. She feels Tom press a kiss to the top of her head as her eyes close, the sound of the record becoming her focus once more.

Tom's fingers lightly brush over Elli's arm as the lingering scent of her shampoo consumes his scenes. He chose to laugh and maybe it was the wrong decision because it'll be eating at him now but he didn't want to push Elli into an argument. She's usually a pretty open book when it comes to Tom but when she doesn't want to talk about something, she's not going to and her throwing sarcasm and quips out means she doesn't want to talk about it. But, it's bothering him that her idea of a joke, of a good quip, is that they could end up together. Then again, it's not like unusual for the two of them to joke like that but there's tonight.

Tonight it feels different and she looks different, not literally but figuratively. It just feels different, Elli, the sex, the records, the songs, the decorating. Just everything and it's gnawing at the back Tom's brain so, he picks a conversation.

He moves his shoulder, gaining Elli's attention. "I thought you wanted to get married in a castle, by the way?"

Elli's eyes widen as he look at him. "W-what? I, you pay attention when I talk about that?"

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I?"

Elli shakes her head, the warmth spreading throughout her chest too warm to ignore. "Just...I dunno." She furrows her brows, laughing it off. "Didn't think you cared much about it."

Tom shrugs his free shoulder. "I care, care 'bout whatever you talk about."

Elli's heart sinks with his words. It's the kind of sinking like a ship, utter dread. She knows it's happening, she can feel it, like passengers on a ship. The inevitable is right there and it's only a matter of time. The impending doom looms over and tugs everything under until it finally hits. It's the kind made of pure fear of getting hurt but knowing there's nothing to be done because she's just along for the ride.

"So, what's with shed aquarium?" Tom asks.

"Oh, uh," Elli looks down, her hand spread across his stomach. "I had that interview with this couple today and they're getting married the day before Christmas Eve at the shed aquarium." Elli scoffs, her eyes coming back to Tom's. "Anyway, they hired me." Elli's voice lightens with the words. "So, do you wanna be my date and assistant?" Elli flashes him a cheesy grin.

Tom chuckles, nodding his head. "Be your date and your assistant to a wedding at the shed aquarium, specifically?"

Elli nods. "Yes."

Tom's heart shouldn't have fluttered the way it did. It's for her job. They ask each other to be each other's dates all the time. But, his heart flutters anyway like a million hummingbirds back for the first spring.

"Yeah, yeah I will." Tom's smile turns nervous as he looks down to Elli.

Elli's smile widens, lighting up all of Tom's world. "Thank you!" She leans over and kisses Tom's cheek before giving his torso a hug. She wiggles out of Tom's grasp, her eyes going to the finished tree.

"We got the tree done this time." Tom winks up at her.

"Shut up." Elli groans before getting to her feet.

"Where're you goin?" Tom whines, bottom lip sticking out. "I'm cold, now."

"Sucks to suck." Elli chortles, tugging at the ends of Tom's flannel she's still wearing. "You have work in the morning."

Tom sighs, sitting up himself before running a hand through his hair. "How unfortunate." He quips.

"You could shower." Elli suggests, almost teasing him.

"I could."

"You'll be warm then." A teasing smile pulls at Elli's lips.

Tom shakes his head, getting to his feet. "Not quite the same, darlin'."

"You could shower and I could be in your bed after?" Elli offers, eyes temping and daring.

"Yeah?" Tom asks, brows drawn together as he moves his hand to Elli's hip.

"Mhm, it's cold tonight. Probably fifteen degrees."

"If that." Tom chuckles with a scrunched nose. "Really gonna sleep in my bed so 'm not cold?" Tom matches the teasing expression on Elli's face.

"Yeah," Elli squints an eye, her hands coming to his sides. "You're playing Ed Sheeran and it kind of makes me not wanna sleep alone and you're warm."

"Alright." Tom whispers, his lips pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'll shower and you get comfortable."

"Okay." Elli whispers back, a kiss being pressed to his cheek.

The two of them make their way down the hallway and into Tom's room. Elli flops on the bed as Tom grabs his things for the shower. She grabs the remote for the TV hanging on the wall and readies herself to turn a movie on but she watches Tom from the corner of her eye. She can't help it but that's always been a bad habit of hers.

She stares and watches, most of the time not even noticing but she can't help it. He's her best friend and she wants to always look out for him, that's what she likes to tell herself anyway. The truth is hidden in old scars and poor wording. The truth is gnawing at the back of her head as he exits the room, allowing her to herself.

Elli lets herself put on a film and just let it consume her. She pushes every gnawing feeling and every idea out of her head and just watches the screen play. The movie is better than anything she could be thinking or possibly doing. And by the time Tom gets back, Elli was nearly asleep. Tom climbed into bed, tugging the blankets over them and within minutes, they were both asleep.

The next day comes around and the morning proceeds as it usually does when they choose to sleep with each other. Tom's alarm goes off and it wakes him first, followed by Elli a few minutes later. There's lots of groaning and Elli telling Tom to shut it off and once he does, Tom is up to make breakfast. Elli follows in the kitchen not long after, unable to fall back asleep. And their morning goes on as it does every morning.

Now, it's mid-afternoon, a little before sunset and Elli's just gotten done with her showering routine. The blow-dryer still warm as she combs out her hair once more. It's then that she starts hearing the familiar sound of wood on pavement, over and over and over again.

Normally, she'd roll her eyes as excitement would flood her veins knowing that sound meant a day of picture taking and laughter but not today. Today her brows are pulled together in confusion, questioning who's outside or what she could be hearing. No one else in the building is fond of the sport and no one but Tom is crazy enough to be outside right now. But, sure enough, she goes to the window in her bedroom that overlooks the parking lot and there's Tom with his skateboard.

"Tom!" Elli calls down, just grabbing his attention.

He looks up to her, breath white in the air. "Yeah?" He calls up, a cheesy grin plastered across his face.

"What the hell are you doing? It's twenty degrees!" Elli scolds.

"Not when you're skatin'!"

Elli's eyes widen, jaw slightly agape as she wants to rip her hair out. "You'll get sick!"

Tom laughs, looking to the ground for a few seconds before looking back up. "You comin' down or what? Haz's almost here!"

Is it dumb to go outside in twenty-degree weather to watch two dork skateboard? Yes. But is Elli going to turn down the opportunity? Never.

Elli sighs, the scowl being replaced by a reluctant smile. "Yeah! One sec!"

Elli closes the window and rushes around her room. She grabs one of her thick hoodies, pulling it over her head. She locates her coat, followed by her gloves, hat, and a scarf, making sure she's going to stay as warm as possible. Once she's dressed for the weather, she retrieved her camera, putting it around her neck and she rushes out the door. She takes the stairs, hand gliding across the railing with every step and she's like a kid on Christmas morning.

The boys always loved to skateboard and even taught her. They're much better than she is but she can at least cruise and not fall on her ass the entire time. But, she always found more comfort and happiness in just taking pictures. In fact, taking pictures of Harrison skateboarding on the school steps is part of how she got into the art institute. It's more fun when it's not for a project but some of her best days have been at skate parks or in vacant parking lots with the boys. Most of her favorite memories are with the boys.

"Finally!" Tom cheers as he sees Elli exit the building, Harrison now standing beside him.

"Fuck off!" Elli rolls her eyes, making her way over to them. "Why're you home?"

Tom shrugs a shoulder. "Our whole bloody system went down, sent us home knowin' they weren't gonna get it back up for the day."

"That blows." Elli states.

"Nah, quite nice, get to be here now." He grins, releasing the nose of his board so it's on all four wheels.

"Ya know, you're both gonna freeze your bearings, right?" Elli reminds them.

"Not like I've not done it before." Harrison shrugs.

"Need new ones anyway." Tom states.

"Why don't you get  _your_  deck?" Harrison questions, just the corner of his mouth pulling to a soft smile.

"Because I don't need new bearings and there's patches of ice all over and I don't feel like getting road rash today."

"Lame." Tom chortles with the shake of his head before stepping onto his board and pushing off.

"You're gonna need new grip tape, too." Elli moves her stare to Harrison.

He shrugs, dropping the nose his board. "Yeah, but this is more fun than sitting inside all day, don't you think?"

Elli's eyes go to the ground, a rush of heat coming to her cheeks. "Yeah, I'll let you know tomorrow when I'm coughing up a lung."

Harrison chuckles as he starts on his board. "I'll bring you soup if you're sick tomorrow." He looks over his shoulder and gives Elli a sweet smile.

"Yeah, I'll hold you to it!" Elli hollers after him, his laugh blending in with the should of plastic wheels on slick pavement.

Elli sighs to herself but a smile dances across her face as she removes the lens cap from her camera. She makes her way a little over to Tom and Harrison, out of their way but close enough. Her camera is turned on and she starts taking pictures of the boys.

Tom tries a kickflip only for the grip tape to be too wet and his shoe slips, allowing him to collide with the ground. Elli catches it on camera while Tom lays on the ground, groaning through a laugh and Harrison is laughing, walking over to help him up. He's up unscathed and back on his board to try something else. Harrison doesn't learn from Tom's mistake and tries himself only to fall the same way. Elli gets the picture and just shakes her head but laughs along with them.

There's only been one time where either of them have been injured fairly bad in the time they've been friends. Usually, it's just a few scrapes and bruises, the two of them getting back on their boards to retry whatever they just didn't land. It's something Elli is definitely happy about. It makes photographing them and being with them while they skate together a lot more relaxing. Despite the ice and snow and wet pavement, they're careful, as careful as someone can be while on a piece of wood with four wheels.

As time passes, Tom's handed his phone off to Elli as to hopefully not crack the screen again and music blares from it. Elli's taken plenty of pictures of the two of them, on the ground, in the air, pushing to gain speed for the trick, and a few of them just standing together to catch their breath. It's been well over an hour and her hands are freezing, her legs are numb, and her teeth are starting to chatter but she's not about to go inside and leave them. Being cold is worth it for them. But, that doesn't mean she can't walk over to the sidewalk and take a break to look over her pictures.

Elli takes her seat on the freezing sidewalk, her knees bent just over the curb. She looks at the boys who are playing a game of skate and for a few seconds, she can't help but think about how lucky she is to be a part of that. She might be an onlooker right now, but she's usually right there with her own quips and her laughing mixing in perfect harmony with theirs. The three of them are there for each other through thick and thin and she is forever grateful for it. They might have known each other longer than her but it never once felt like that and Elli would be damned if something ever came between them.

With glove-covered hands, Elli presses the forward button on her camera, looking through the pictures she's managed to take. They all look great, of course they do, they always do. Tom and Harrison are both on their boards just cruising and avoiding small patches of snow or they're just mid-air trying to land a trick, she's got a few of them landing them and a few of the falling. A smirk crosses her lips at the ones where they've fallen or they have their infamous "almost pain faces". They're both disasters but at least it's all in good fun. It's the ones she's got of them just talking. Those are her favorites. But, that's not much of a surprise because they're always her favorites. It's like they say, a picture says a thousand words.

The sound of plastic wheels gliding against pavement brings her attention up. Harrison is pushing over towards her, allowing Tom to have full reign of the parking lot for a few minutes.

"Whatcha doin'?" He asks as he stops against the curb of the sidewalk, taking a seat on his board to face her.

"Looking at pictures of you dumbasses." Elli chortles, glancing between Harrison and Tom.

"Any turn out good?" He quirks a brow in genuine curiosity.

"Don't they always?" She retorts, a smirk still crossing her lips.

Harrison hangs his head with a cold chuckle, his breath white in the air. "Yeah, fair, I guess."

Silence falls between the two of them and there's a pulling in Harrison's chest as he looks at Elli. She's watching Tom, eyes soft and the smirk gone, replaced with a smooth and quiet smile. He said he wouldn't ask her out because he knows she doesn't feel the same way but there's something about how Elli's looking at Tom that he would love for that to be him. And there's even a thought that that could be him and he just doesn't notice. Maybe. Tom said he doesn't like her and it's been years. All's fair, right?

But he doesn't know the extent of what happened within Elli and Tom's apartment walls when it's just the two of them. He doesn't know the story of the songs or the dance, the routine her and Tom have fallen into, like two lovers destined for each other. He doesn't know and Elli and Tom are too oblivious to realize it.

Elli feels Harrison's stare on her so she glances at him, just her eyes moving in his direction. "Why're you looking at me like that?" Elli furrows her brows but a half-hearted smile replaces the quiet smile.

Harrison's eyes widen, his cheeks tinting a warmer shade of red. "Like what?" Surprise is laced in his words, lucky for him.

"Like you've got something you wanna tell me?" Elli turns her head to fully look at him. "You're like.... _staring_  staring. So, what's up?"

Harrison's mouth runs dry as he stares at Elli. Her eyes are an icy blue but it fills him with this warmth even the twenty-degree weather can't touch. Her cheeks are rose pink from the cold, her lips pale and chapped and all Harrison can think about is what it would be like to kiss her. He wonders what it'd be like to pull her onto his lap and just cup her face, show her just what he's been hiding for the past few months. He wants to know so bad it burns.

"Uh," Harrison stutters, his heart beating like a jackhammer against his rips. "I just, um," The rolling and familiar sound of a skateboard getting closer makes Harrison look over, seeing Tom pushing towards them. "Well, I wanted to know--"

"Aye," Tom greets, unknowingly cutting Harrison off. "'S going on?" Tom raises a brow at Harrison.

"Harrison was about to ask me something?" Elli asks, her stare still on Harrison, eyes gentle with curiosity.

Harrison shakes his head with the role of his shoulder. "I just wanted to know if you were riding with Tom? I've to go back to my place for something." Harrison brushes it off, deciding it's better to let it rest for the time being.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Elli smiles, looking up to Tom. "You care?"

"'Course not." Tom chuckles, stepping on the tail of his board and grabbing the nose. "We should start gettin' ready to head out then, ya? 'Bout time." Elli and Harrison exchange glances of confusion, knowing it's a little early to be heading out. "Oh, uh, yeah right," Tom starts. "'M playing the Bottom Lounge for some event show or somethin' so we've to get a bit early and it's business casual."

"Aaahh," Elli sighs, nodding slowly. "Gotcha."

Harrison sucks in a breath, the hammering of his heart still echoing through his ears. "I'll see you guys there." Harrison gets to his feet, grabbing his board. He nods to the both of them and heads off to his car, parked in the far end of the lot.

"That he wanted to know?" Tom asks, sticking out his hand to help Elli to her feet.

She shrugs a shoulder, not thinking too much of it. "Probably, he's always making sure plans haven't changed." Elli walks onto the sidewalk. "Why?"

Tom shakes his head. "Just wondering 's all." He gives her a closed-lip smile, following her lead up the sidewalk and to the apartment doors.

Truth is, Tom would be lying if he said he wasn't watching Elli and Harrison as they talked. He never noticed before, probably because he's always caught up in his own head and not paying much attention, but Harrison gives her the  _look_. He gives her the look that says everything Harrison says he won't say. And there's this piece of Tom that was pleading to the stars that Harrison wasn't saying anything, that he was going to keep his word and keep his feelings to himself. But, there's another part of Tom that pushes that part so far deep into denial, he's only convinced he's worried that Harrison or Elli will get hurt if Harrison says anything. It's not a full lie, of course, he doesn't want his friends to get hurt, especially by each other, but maybe he's projecting his fears onto his friends.

Tom shakes it off as him and Elli get to their apartment. The two of them go their separate ways to gather what they need for the night and to change. Tom's set to get his guitar and pedals, making sure everything is in order. Once done, he immediately swapping into black Dick's slacks and a button up, his red jacket being thrown over top.

Elli grabs her camera bag and grabs an extra lens as well as swaps out the memory cards. Once your camera is ready, she swaps into a black pencil skirt and a plain red shirt, tossing a black jacket over top. Within twenty minutes, the two of them are headed back downstairs and to the parking lot, Tom's playlist immediately playing the second they get into his car.

Once they get to the venue, they're allowed in through the side door and directed to a room for them to wait. It's small with a few chairs and a small couch. A counter with a long mirror above it lines perpendicular to the door and a small fridge sits against the farthest door. Elli takes her seat in one of the chairs while Tom takes the couch, opening his guitar case and readying to tune it.

"So, I thought you were done with all this? Thought you just wanted to focus on bars?" Elli questions, watching his fingers adjust one of the tuning pegs.

"You said you were done with helping with schools." Tom glances to her, the tiniest smirk barely tugging onto his lips.

"Fair." Elli huffs. "What is it? Like, what's the event tonight?"

"It's a promotional party, I guess." Tom scrunches his face, not knowing the details given the short notice of his hiring.

Elli nods as Tom strums a few times, his hands growing shakey with every movement. "Are you okay?" Elli asks.

Tom looks up to her, breath catching his throat. "Uh, yeah, yeah why?"

"Your hands are shaking and you're usually...." Elli pauses, trying to find words to describe what she was thinking. "I dunno, you usually know every detail about everything when you have to play somewhere, especially last notice and you usually tell Harrison and me immediately but you don't seem to know much and you told us half an hour ago."

Tom sighs as he looks to Elli. "I just," He runs a hand through hair. "Been awhile since I've played somewhere like this, ya know?" Tom lets out a dry chuckle before scratching his brow.

"Yeah," Elli's smile is sad as she watches Tom go back to tuning. "You're gonna be amazing though, ya know?" Her voice is gentle as she tilts her head, leaning her elbows on her legs.

Tom looks to her, a relieved expression spreading across his face. "Thanks."

Elli nods and leans back, checking her phone, knowing Tom will be just fine as long as he focuses on his music and his guitar. It's easier for him to do that if she's quiet, just keeps to herself until he's ready. But, the thing is that he's not just fine. He's nervous. He's nervous to be playing here even though the musicians playing are mostly for background, as he was told, but it's getting to him. This isn't a bar, not where he's set to play and promotional events put that extra strain on him to be absolutely perfect. He knows he's good but it doesn't stop him from worrying and on top of that, he knows that Harrison is going to show up soon and while he's on stage, Elli and Harrison will be chatting. Tom's tried pushing the way Harrison looks at her to the back of his head into a dark and lifeless corner but it's still front and center with a spotlight on it.

After a few minutes of not being able to concentrate, Tom sets his guitar aside and stands up. "I'll be back." He mumbles, not glancing to Elli as he moves past her and to the door.

"You okay?" Elli turns just in time to see him open the door.

"Yeah, 'm fine." Tom says, curling his lips together with the quick rise and fall of his brows.

Tom exits the room, shutting the door behind him before Elli can say a word. Elli's eyes linger on the door, the smallest touch of worry starting to trickle into her veins. Tom isn't one to get super nervous or get stage fright even at a new venue so him being nervous here, nervous enough to be acting a little out of character makes Elli question if there's more he's not telling her. But, Elli also knows that following right after him and asking before he's set to play would only stress him out more. So, she goes back to her phone and texts Harrison to make sure he'll be there soon.

Meanwhile, Tom finds himself in the single bathroom down the hallway. He's anxious to have to play and he's kicking himself for not telling Harrison not to say anything. People change their minds all the time and he knows it's only a matter of time and tonight might be that time. He knows as his grips the edge of the counter so tight his knuckles start to turn white that he lied to himself when he woke up that morning.

When he woke up, his alarm hadn't gone off yet and Elli was asleep beside him, facing him with her hand under the pillow and she looked so beautiful. It was breathtaking and it wasn't the first time Tom had woken up to her like that. Him and Elli have woken up to each other more times than they could count but the night before was different. Tom doesn't know what exactly was different but it was and when he woke up to see her and his breath caught his throat as a rush of pure and utter happiness ran through him, he knew it. But, he shoved it aside because they're friends and friends can be happy to be waking up next to each other. Friends can make each other feel like they're dreaming the most wonderful dream when they're awake and friends can make each other feel like they are flying. Right?

A soft knock pulls Tom's attention and he just hangs his head, a few loose curls falling onto his forehead. "Yeah, one second." He calls out.

"It's Elli." Elli's voice brings goosebumps over Tom's skin and the smallest bit of relief comes over him. Tom walks to the door, unlocking it and opening it just enough to allow Elli inside before he locks it again. "What's wrong, Tommy?" Elli asks, her brows knitting together as she crosses her arms.

Tom shakes his head. "Nervous," He mutters, dodging her eyes.

"That all?" Elli asks. It's been fifteen minutes and he's never gone that long. She knows him better than anyone, kind of.

Tom licks his lips, glancing from her to the floor. "Stressed."

Elli squints her eyes, tilting her head slightly. "Stressed as in you wanna talk about it stressed? Stressed as in you want me to fuck off? Or stressed as in...." Elli trails off as she waits for Tom to meet her gaze.

Tom chuckles, looking to the ceiling and he bites his lip as he looks back to her, knowing he's not going to say anything to her. Not now, not her. It'd be easier to just tell Harrison. The thought of telling her makes him want to jump off the Short Bridge. So, he goes for the latter.

"You're riding home with me, right, stressed." Tom manages a smirk as he answers, knowing Elli will know what he means.

"Don't have to wait till we get home if you're that stressed. I mean," Elli takes a few steps forward, standing directly in front of Tom. "If you're that stressed and nervous, shouldn't you try to relieve it before going on stage?"

Tom sucks in a breath as his eyes darken, Elli tempting him with the offer. "We're in a bathroom, darlin'." Tom's voice is low and graveled.

"A locked bathroom." Elli quips, smirking up at Tom.

Elli pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and wiggles her brows. It's all Tom needs before he cups her face and collides his lips with hers in a heated rush. Elli groans into the kiss, hands moving to his neck. Tom moves his hands down her sides and to the back of her thighs before picking her up, the two of them don't disconnect their mouths for even a second.

This might night solve Tom's internal war he's fighting with himself but it's a good distraction. Elli is always a good distraction whether it be the sex or just being an ear for Tom to vent to or someone to keep him company and a distraction is just want he needs to get through his set. He might regret it later but right now with Elli placed on the counter and one of her hands working on his slacks while his hands are under her shirt, palming her breasts, he couldn't care less. Right now, it's about focusing on this, on just Elli and him.

Elli gets Tom's pants undone and pushes them down just enough to reach into his Calvin Kleins, her hand wrapping around his shaft and pumping him slowly at first. Tom moans into her mouth, already feeling the stress and anxiety start to dissipate.

"Sh," Elli hushes through a giggle as she speeds up her movements. "Won't look good if we get caught." Tom whimpers as she whispers, leaning in close to his ear, her warm breath sending chills down his spine before she starts kissing his cheek and down to his neck.

Tom's fingers start tweaking her nipples, making it Elli's turn to gasp out. All Tom does is chuckle and collide his lips with hers once more before moving one of his hands up her skirt and to her heat. He doesn't waste any more time before pulling her underwear to the side and moving his fingers up and around her slit, gathering her wetness.

Elli's heart skips a beat as every nerve seems to be on end and she pulls Tom closer to her. Their mouths work together in perfect harmony, swallowing the other's moans until Tom's yanking her to the end of the counter, Elli's reaching for his wallet out of his pocket and grabbing a condom before sliding it on him, and Tom lines himself up with her entrance. He pushes inside her slowly and only allows them a few seconds to adjust before he starts thrusting into her. Their kissing becomes messy, mostly missing each other's mouths and kisses the corners of lips and cheeks, all of it being lost in whimpers and whispered moans and grunts.

Tom rests his forehead against Elli's, his eyes meeting hers in a moment of pure lust. Her eyes a darker shade of blue and all he wants to do is drown in them while Elli wants to melt into his chocolate colored eyes. Elli's legs wrap around his waist, pulling him closer and his thrusts speed up, her hands coming to tangle in his hair and keep his forehead to hers. Their eyes stay locked while Tom's hand snakes between them and his thumb finds her clit. He rubs quick circles, Elli letting a moan of his name a little too loud, making Tom quickly move his lips to hers, swallowing her moans.

"Gotta be quiet, darlin'." Tom gasps through a teasing smirk, his thrusting growing sloppy as Elli bites her lip so hard she's sure she's going to break skin.

Only a minute more passes before the rubberband in Elli's stomach snaps and she's biting down on Tom's shoulder to conceal her moans. As she falls over the edge, toes curling and body shaking against the counter and Tom, Tom follows right after her, his hips stalling against hers as his release hits. The two of them come down from their highs, heads light and lazy smiles decorating their faces as they rest their sweaty foreheads together.

"Better?" Elli asks, catching her breath.

"Much." Tom nods and he gives her cheek a sweet kiss before pulling out. "You alright?" Tom asks, still catching his own breath.

"Amazing." Elli giggles, putting her hands on the counter to get down, Tom being quick to help her.

Tom smiles shyly as he works on removing the condom and tying it off to toss it. "Thank you."

"Eh, anytime." Elli smirks, adjusting her skirt before looking in the mirror and fixing her hair. "When do you have to go on?"

"Uh," Tom flicks his wrist, the face of his watch lighting up. "Like five minutes." Tom says, gaining a yikes expression.

"Okay, fuck. You use this bathroom and I'll use the ones down the other hall."

"Meet you back here after I'm done?" Tom asks before Elli can leave him to the bathroom.

"Yep." She gives him a wide smile with a thumbs up before leaving him to himself.

Tom takes a second to sigh to himself, feeling quite a bit better. Sure, he didn't actually deal with an issue but he definitely got to get the nerves out of his system and it's pushed every other thought out of his head. His muscles are tensed and he's in a state of tired bliss but it's the best kind. He knows he's going to go out there and he's going to play just as good as he does every other time and Elli will be right there photographing him, documenting the experience. It was sex, sure, but Elli helps. She would have helped had she just talked.

By the time Elli has cleaned herself up and grabbed her camera from the room, Tom was taking his place on the stage and she was making her way out to the crowded room, finding Harrison who Tom had listed as an extra set of hands. It's not fancy, just like Tom said and given that it's the Bottom Lounge, Elli didn't expect anything crazy but it is quite nice. Purple lights mix with the all black room and everyone is dressed in business casual attire. Most of the people have a drink in hand either talking to who's around or watching Tom take the stage. But, as Elli looks around on her way to Harrison, she can't figure out exactly what this event is for, who it's being held by, or what it's even promoting. But, it's definitely better than the last time Tom played where everyone was about as rowdy as they get for a metalcore or deathcore concert. This is more of Tom's scene and Elli couldn't be happier for him.

"Hey," Harrison greets with a joyful smile, eyes brightening with the sight of her.

"Hey, you weren't waiting long, were you?" Elli asks.

Harrison shakes his head. "Nah, just a minute or two." He shrugs as he looks Elli over.

The same feeling he had earlier floods over him. It's so tempting to tell her how he feels and to ask her out. She's right there and she's smiling, clearly happy and everything about her presence nearly takes Harrison's breath away. Tom's started his first song and Harrison knows he won't be interrupted if he tries to ask again. The worst she can say is no. He's not afraid of losing their friendship because he knows Elli would never let that happen. If she doesn't like him back, if she says no, Harrison knows he'll be over it in a week or two. It's  _Elli_ and he could never hold that against her. And he knows Tom will understand. Tom will get it more than anyone, especially with him saying he doesn't like her anymore. It's just the fear of actually being rejected by his friend that he's trying to force himself to overcome.

"How long he's playing for?" Harrison asks, clearing his throat.

"I think he said about twenty-five minutes." Elli recalls Tom mentioning it in the car as she pulls her camera to her face to take a picture. "Why?" She turns back to Harrison once the picture has been taken.

Harrison sucks in a breath and his eyes lock with Elli's. "I wanted to ask you this earlier but I didn't want to ask in front of Tom." Harrison starts, making Elli eye him with timid confusion. "It felt weird to ask in front of him." Harrison continues with a shrug, clearly stalling and it's only making Elli grow more confused. Harrison isn't one to get nervous when he asks things. He's the blunt one.

"What's up?" Elli asks hesitantly.

Harrison takes a deep breath and gains a timid smile but his voice gains confidence as he finally asks. "Do you wanna go on a date with me?"


	9. just friends

Elli's eyes are wide just like a deer in headlights and everything around her has seemed to still. Did Harrison really ask her on a date? She had no idea Harrison even saw her like that, they're friends. They've always been friends. It's who they are and they've cuddled a few times while watching a film or spending a night together but nothing more. And it hasn't happened since her thing with Tom started.

As far as Elli knows, he's never even flirted with her. But, Elli never knows when anyone is flirting with her, nonetheless, she's seen Harrison around other girls he's liked and she could swear up and down she wasn't one of them. Not until this exact moment with her mouth completely dry and her mind running a mile a minute, questioning how she's supposed to answer.

"Y-you...w-wh...what?" Elli stammers, trying to wrap her mind around how she could have been so oblivious. "I mean, it's not that-- it's just...I, uh--"

"It's okay." Harrison blushes, trying to hide the hurt and disappointment in his voice. "You don't have to. I've just liked you for a bit and figured the worst you could say is no, figured it'd best to just ask." Harrison sucks in a breath and forces a smile to his face, trying to show Elli that it's okay if she doesn't want to. "It's okay."

Elli shakes her head frantically. "No, no, it's not that I don't want to, it's just...I, ya know, just didn't know you liked me and I just, wow."

Harrison lets out a dry chuckle as he scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah, 've liked you for a bit but I thought you and Tom had somethin' going on." Harrison admits, his eyes going to the stage where Tom was sat on a stool playing his guitar and starting to sing the first song of his set. "Said you didn't so..." Harrison looks back to Elli.

"Yeah, no we don't." Elli huffs through a small smile, trying to ignore the pinking of her own cheeks.

Of course, she lies because that's the deal with Tom. They lie to anyone who asks and that's just how it is but this feels different. She's lied to Harrison before, plenty of times even because he's asked about random hickies and he's had his suspicion but it's been a while since he's asked her. And maybe this is why. Maybe he hasn't asked her because if she says yes, it'll hurt. It'll hurt hearing that her and Tom are the two with something going on and his feelings aren't being reciprocated. But, nonetheless, Elli finds herself blushing because It's Harrison. And he's a sweetheart and good friend and the idea of a date with him doesn't sound bad, not even a little bit.

The corners of Harrison's mouth can't help but pull into a sheepish smile as he looks at her. "Cool," He says, biting his lip. "So, do you want to? We could see a movie, maybe?" His brows raise slightly, hope in his eyes and more confidence in his voice.

Elli looks to the stage and Tom is looking at them, singing the cover of the song and strumming his guitar. The red and white jacket compliments his skin and the low lights hit him in just the right way making him look effortlessly beautiful. His eyes are on Elli and she has to turn back to Harrison because if she doesn't, she'll fall. The waves singing Tom's name over and over in the most beautiful and exquisite melody will pull her in and she'll fall harder for him than anyone she's ever met and she can't. So, she looks away.

"Uh," Elli licks her lips, the roaring of her heart drowning out everyone and everything in the room besides her and Harrison. "Yeah, actually. We can go on a date." She smiles up at Harrison, his eyes widen just as hers did only moments ago.

"W-really?" Harrison asks and it's like he'd be holding his breath just waiting for the no he was positive he was going to get.

"Yeah," Elli giggles. "Why not?"

Harrison never expected her to say yes. He only asked because he just wanted it off of his chest. He didn't want to have to look back in ten years and wonder what if or what could have been. But, he never thought she would agree because he's been sure that Elli likes Tom. And if she likes Tom, she wouldn't go with him. He's absolutely ecstatic and fireworks are going off in his stomach and through his veins but he's shocked.

"I didn't think you liked me." Harrison admits, his brows furrowing, his expression switching to hope again, hoping she isn't just being nice.

"Uh," Elli shrugs a shoulder and a gentle and kind smile is on her lips. "I never thought about it, ya know?" Elli pulls her bottom lip between her teeth with the confession. "But, we're friends and we've been friends, never know unless we try, right?"

Harrison's heart sinks a little with her words. It's not exactly what he wanted to hear which is weird for him. He expected her to say no and now that she's said she just hasn't thought about it, it hurts. He expected it and it still hurts, something he didn't think would happened because it was expected. But, just because something is expected, doesn't mean someone is prepared. And now he knows that going on this date, it might not end the way he wants it to and he has to prepare for that because if it doesn't, it's going to hurt.

He'll be hurt by his best friend and it's a terrible feeling. But, he pushes it away and decides to look on the bright side. It might end well. It really could and it'll be worth it. And he knows that either way, he'll still have her at the end of the date, whether that be something exclusive or just friends, he'll still have Elli and that's what's important.

"I get it." Harrison nods through a huff, forcing the corners of his mouth into a smile to hide the soft ache and fear. "Well, how's Friday?" The confidence comes back to Harrison's voice, leaning on hope.

"Okay." Another blush creeps onto Elli's face. "What movie were you thinking?"

"Well," Harrison scratches the back of his neck before he lets out a nervous laugh. "I really didn't think you'd say yes so I hadn't thought that far into it."

Elli laughs, her eyes moving to her feet before she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "That's some positive thinking, ya got there."

She looks back to him and for the first time, she sees the way he looks at her. Really, really looks at her. Eyes gentle and kind, offering safety and no temptation. There is no danger in his eyes, just safety nets and life preservers, prepared to be there for her when she feels like she's drowning in anything and everything. His eyes aren't tempting to do anything she might regret and they aren't tempting her to fall or take a risk. They're beautiful and safe, calm like the sea.

"Hey," Harrison's eyes widen, teasing her. "At least I asked."

"Yeah," Elli's smile widens, her cheeks starting to ache. "You're right."

"But, we can see whatever you want." Harrison offers.

"I'll check the schedule and see what's playing and let you know." Elli matches his expression, teasing grin pulling at her lips.

Harrison nods, a relieved chuckle hitting Elli's ears. "Okay," His cheeks are pink with the word. "Well, I'm gonna get a drink, want something?" Harrison raises his hand slightly, gesturing towards the front of the building where the bar is.

"A water is fine, thanks." Elli says, her eyes lingering on him and watching his movements more than normal.

Harrison nods, the smile that's aching his own cheeks not able to move even the slightest touch. He heads to the front, leaving Elli to turn to her attention back to the stage, where her eyes are supposed to be, where her eyes have always been before now. Tom is looking at her and Elli brings the camera to her face and starts taking pictures as she normally would.

Tom can't think much of it, not now in front of all these people, in the middle of his second song. It'll distract him and he'll mess up, he can't afford it but he's been watching her as much as he can and Tom isn't stupid. He could tell from his seat, from his view, what was happening and all he wants to do is go  _home_.

Elli takes her pictures and pretends she doesn't notice the haunting look in Tom's eyes everytime he looks at her. It's easier to pretend like she doesn't notice rather than match his stare. It'll cause more tension than what's already building and will surely be ready to snap by the time they get home. And, if she addresses it, if she brings it up to Harrison who seems to be ignoring it just as much as her, it'll make it real and she'll be forced to ask why he's giving her that look. And she's not sure she wants to know why.

By the time Tom's set is done and he's set to leave after speaking to the person who's holding the event, Elli has taken more than enough pictures and she's itching to leave just as well as Tom. Elli and Harrison choose to wait outside, leaning against Tom's car as they wait for him and it's not long when he comes out.

His heart drops at the sight of them. Harrison's talking, hands in his pockets and Elli is laughing alongside whatever he had to say. It's a normal sight but tonight, it burns the inner depths of every fiber that makes Tom.

"Hey," Harrison pulls his attention from Elli as he spots Tom walking towards them. "Good show, mate."

"Yeah." Tom responds curtly, lips tight together as he unlocks his car.

"You alright, Tommy?" Elli asks hesitantly, already knowing the answer.

Tom pauses with the sound of his name and it's never irritated him. Not coming from her but it does now. But, he has to brush it off because what? How can he be mad about something he doesn't know for sure? He didn't hear them, he doesn't know what they were talking about in the building or out of it. So, he can't be mad or irritated. There's no reason to be.

"Yeah," Tom sighs, opening the back door and resting his things inside. "Just tired." He answers, before shutting the door, refraining from slamming it shut.

Elli and Harrison glance to each other, getting the vibe that Tom is far from tired, at least, not in the sense of wanting sleep.

"Right, uh, I'll see you guys later." Harrison nods towards Tom who's already getting into the driver's seat. He doesn't so much as nod back before shutting the door and starting the car. Harrison squints an eye at Elli. "You're gonna talk to him, right?"

Elli nods. "Yeah, I got him, don't worry about it."

Harrison lets out a breath through his nose, air white. "Just, call me if..."

"If what?" Elli asks, brows furrowing.

Harrison shakes his head. "If you need anything, or him." Harrison says, eyes glancing to the ground and back to her.

"I will." Elli gives him a reassuring smile before moving to the passenger door. "Goodnight, Harrison."

"Goodnight." Harrison gives her a delicate smile before he starts to walk off and she gets into the car.

The car is still freezing as Elli closes the door. Tom already has music playing but he's switched it from earlier. Now it's only playing his favorite acoustics and ballads. It fits the somber mood of the car, sure, but that's what has Elli concerned. But, she stays quiet because the car is not the place to get into what's got him upset. Home is the place to bring it up, a place where they're on even ground and even playing fields. It's the two of them and neither will be able to just leave until it's sorted out, a rule they made. Fights and issues get sorted before they leave because anything can happen. So, she holds her tongue and listens to the infamously sad break-up song I've Given Up On You play through Tom's car radio.

The two of them arrive back at their apartment, no words spoken the entire drive or on the way up to their door. The tension has been building like an old rubber band threatening to snap. And now, Elli isn't even sure if she can ask properly what's wrong because Tom just looks annoyed and angry, ready to snap himself. But, as his friend, as his  _best friend_  and roommate, she needs to make sure he's okay. So, as they kick off their shoes at the front door, Elli sucks in a breath.

"What's wrong?" She asks, keeping her voice nonchalant as to not put any more pressure on him in case he's going to snap.

"'M fine, Elli." Tom mutters, making his way to his room but Elli follows on his heels.

"Yeah? You lying to me or yourself?" She asks as Tom enters his room.

He keeps his back to her as she leans on the doorframe. "Not allowed to be tired now?" Tom retorts, turning to face her once he's set his things down.

Elli matches his glare as he crosses his arms. "What's your issue?" She pushes off the doorframe and walks towards him. "You were fine in the bathroom and then....now what?" Elli's eyes scan over Tom's face, looking for anything to tell her what's got him in a mood.

Tom sucks in a breath and he can't blow up on her because he has no reason to. He pushes aside his annoyance and uncrosses his arms, resting his hands on her shoulders. "I'm tired, alright?" Tom says, eyes begging her to stop asking him and let him be. "I didn't...it felt weird playing that event and it's put me in a mood. Just wanna sleep."

Elli and Tom keep their eye contact and it's like time just freezes. There's tension and touches of pain leaking into the room but time still freezes as if it's magic and it doesn't even make any sense. But, that's just them. When it's them, and it's like this, time stops because nothing else matters besides the two of them. So, Elli pushes his hands from her shoulders and closes the small distance between them, wrapping her arms around him. Tom's arms wrap around her and she can feel him let out a heavy sigh of relief. His body relaxes under her touch as her head is pressed to his shoulder and her thumbs rub up and down the red jacket, just barely putting pressure on his back. But, the relaxed state doesn't last long.

Tom needs to know if Harrison went against his word. Of course, it's not that he actually promised or anything and Elli isn't property but he needs to know. He needs to know because if Harrison did, would it be wrong of him to continue the benefits with Elli behind his best friend's back? And, that question will eat at him until he knows, it'll eat because it's taking every muscle and every piece of strength for him not to lift her chin up and kiss her, allow things to go further just as he would do any other time. Tom has to ask.

"Uh," Tom clears his throat. "You and Haz..." Tom starts but he's not sure how to finish.

If he's wrong and Harrison didn't ask her out, he doesn't want to put the idea in Elli's head. And, he doesn't want to accidentally tell Elli about Harrison's feelings out of respect for Harrison. It's not Tom's place, so he hesitates.

"Oh..." Elli pulls away just enough to look at him. "Um, about Harrison, I....uh, I was gonna just...." Elli stammers, dodging the eyes she's endlessly fascinated by. "I was gonna tell you tomorrow since you said you're tired..."

"Tell me what?" Tom asks as his heart races like a stampede.

"Harrison asked me out." Elli says softly, the words not rushed but instead, slow as if she needed them to be slow, to make sure they were real.

_Ow._

"And...uh, you said?" Tom asks, relying on selfish hope.

"Well," Elli looks away as she licks her lips. "Yeah, I said I would." She bites her top lip, chewing on the skin as she waits to see what Tom has to say about it.

Tom feels like he's just been hit in the gut by a sledgehammer. He figured so much but he really didn't expect the words to come from her lips, the ones he's used to kissing in private. It hurts. It burns and it stings but Tom can't let Elli see it because she'll ask why and she'll cancel and that's not what Tom wants. His heart might beat for her and he may have a tinge of denial, but he knows what that box in the black corner of his mind is and what it contains. But who is he to grab a flashlight and finally open it? When his  _best friends_  might be  _happy_  together?

"Oh." Tom says and everything feels awkward and sticky.

Shame floods Elli and for the life of her, she doesn't know why. They aren't together. It's not cheating that she decided to go on a date. Tom just brought it up the night before, her not going out with people and how she would never get her happy ending if she kept fooling around with him. He brought it up, he said it and Elli feels like she's cheating on him. And there's still the added guilt that Harrison doesn't know about either of them. She's ashamed of her secret and ashamed of herself.

"So, you like him?" Tom asks and he pulls away from her grasp only to head towards his drawers, rummaging for pajamas. He can't look at her right now, not with the gnawing and clawing of his stomach or the tearing of his heart or the golf ball-sized lump in his throat.

Elli watches him, her body seeming colder than usual with him not hugging her. "I don't know." She admits.

Tom grabs a pair of pants before turning to her with one brow raised as high as it'll go. "What'd ya mean you don't know?"

Elli hangs her head and thinks of the things she wants to say. The comparison between them. She thinks about how she could tell him that it feels right with him, not Harrison. Harrison doesn't make her heart sing that pretty melody that causes goosebumps over every part of her body.

"I mean I don't know." Elli states as she runs a hand through her hair. "I never thought about it before but he asked and..." She pauses, still not bringing herself to look Tom in the eye. "Why not just see how it goes?"

Tom has a whole list of reasons for why not but he keeps them locked away. "Yeah, okay." Tom says, turning away from her as his eyes gloss over. To him, Elli wouldn't give Harrison a chance if there really wasn't a part of her that liked him more than a friend. Elli is the kind of person not to lead people on and she wouldn't drag this out unless she really thought that her and Harrison could work. And it burns.

Elli continues to watch him gather his things, unsure of how to continue. "Um, so...we're gonna go see a movie on Friday."

"Cool." Tom says and he really does try his hardest to push the lump down and sound happy for his friends. "What're you gonna see?"

"Dunno yet." Elli shrugs. "I'm gonna check and see what's playing."

Tom turns back around, his clothing in hand and eyes glossy. "I'm gonna shower." He says, walking towards Elli and for the door.

"Okay." Elli says and her voice matches the mood.

"Uh," Tom turns in his doorway with one last question. Just one more question and then he can take his shower because this question, it's one he needs to rip off. Get it over with before he drowns himself in worry and thoughts. "W-where's that leave us?"

That's the question Elli knew Tom would be asking. And she's been dreading it. She doesn't want to answer because the morally right thing to do is call it off until after the date, after she sees how things go with Harrison but it's her and Tom and she never wants it to stop with him. That should be her key sign but she pushes it off as that Tom is just fun and comfortable and he's good at what he does. So, she doesn't want to stop with Tom but she's going on a date with Harrison. Harrison doesn't know about Tom and Elli knows the only reason they're having this discussion is because it's Harrison. If it were some random guy she met at a bar or on Tinder, there would be no discussion. They'd continue their antics until things were exclusive but this is their  _best friend_. Is it fair to keep him in the dark where there's that bit of potential?

"I don't know."

"Because it's Haz, right?" Tom asks.

Elli nods softly. "Yeah."

"Got it." Tom says and swallows the lump that's getting too much for him to handle. He turns and starts to head to the bathroom.

"Tom." Elli calls after him, still standing in his room. She closes her eyes and takes a shaky breath before she starts moving. Tom's got a distantly haunted look in his glass-like eyes and she knows he's hurt. She can't just let him walk away. "Tommy." She says, reaching the bathroom just before Tom closes the door.

"Showering, I'll see you in the mornin'." Tom mutters, not looking at her as he shuts the door and locks it before Elli could get another word in.

Elli lets out a breath and hangs her head. She really wasn't sure exactly how Tom would take it but she didn't expect this. They're friends who happen to sleep together and make out sometimes. They're friends who live together and cuddle with each other but they're friends and that's it. They go on dates with other people and it has never once been an issue. Elli thought at most, Tom would just be surprised because it's Harrison. That's it but she knows he's upset and her surface level thoughts only think it's because of their benefits. Other dates, they usually are just one date but Harrison and her have history. A history of being friends, sure, but history nonetheless so they actually have a chance of going on more than one date and becoming something. If that happens, Tom and Elli's arrangement comes to an end.

It's terrible of her to think that's what's got Tom upset but she can't help it. What else is she supposed to think? But, that said, she does know Tom well enough and she knows that he'll take a long shower, music in the background, go to bed, and the morning will come around like nothing ever happened. Sure, they'll still have to discuss what they'll be doing, if anything, before Friday but Tom will be fine. It's their friendship. The other's happiness always comes first.

So, that leaves Elli to head to her room and get ready for some much-needed sleep and Tom to be up alone, taking a long and warm shower. The water beats over his head and down his back as his forearm is pressed against the tile of the shower wall. His head hangs and he can't tell if the water falling from his face is more tears or more shower water. They blend together in a blur as his body shakes, trying to keep himself together without fully breaking down, without making a sound loud enough for Elli to hear.

Everything just hurts and Tom hates every part of it. It shouldn't hurt, not like this but it does. It aches and stings and he can't breathe as he tries to gasp for air. It's like barbed wire is trying to strangle every last breath from his body and it just kills him. He encouraged Elli to go out and be happy and date but, he didn't think it'd affect him, not like this. Not bringing him to tears in the shower. But it is and he's just telling himself it hurts like this because it's Harrison and Harrison knows how deep his feelings were for her. Harrison said he wouldn't ask her and he did. Tom doesn't own Elli but there is something in him that feels he had the right, earned the respect from his best friend, to be told first. But he wasn't. Instead, he's just lied to.

And what makes it all worse, he just feels like a dirty little secret to Elli. Harrison doesn't know about them and he should. It's Harrison, he wouldn't have cared in the first place but Tom agreed because he never expected it to go on this long. He agreed because why not? Maybe Elli's right and it'd have caused more problems but standing in the shower with the taste of salt running across his lips, he doesn't think so anymore.

Hickies still litter his skin and it's all a secret, some girl from the bar or some girl he had a one date with, some one-night stand. It's all the same bogus lies. The hickies are marks screaming Elli's name but only behind these walls and Tom just feels like some secret and it stings in the worst way.

However, Tom has to take deep breaths and swallow the ever-growing lump in his chest and be happy because he cannot and will not get in the way of his two best friends being happy. It might kill him but their happiness, the friendship between the three of them comes first. Always has, always will, even when it's hard.

And this, it's going to be hard as hell.


	10. selfish

Elli is sat on the floor, leaning against the frame of Tom's door with her legs extended partially down the hallway. Her phone screen illuminates her face as she sat texting Harrison and listening to the music that was still coming from the bathroom. The shower had stopped running about ten minutes prior and it was only a matter of time before Tom cut the music and made his way out. And that's exactly what she was waiting for.

As she put her pajamas on and got ready for bed, it didn't feel right and it won't feel right until it's sorted out. They have to figure out what they're going to do about their arrangement tonight, not tomorrow or the day after. Not with the look Tom had given her.  

Maybe Elli should leave well enough alone. Maybe that could be the right thing to do but friends don't let friends go to bed with unresolved issues and they have a big issue staring the two of them down. So, she's sat outside his room, waiting for him.

Tom finishes brushing his teeth, his eyes still burning from crying and his chest still aching. But, mostly, exhaustion is setting in and all he wants to do is get to his bed. He wants to pretend like the night didn't happen and he can go to work the next day, proceed like it's all fine. He never talked to Elli. He didn't ask about Harrison, he didn't see Harrison ask her out right in front of him. He can ignore it tomorrow. Shove it into the black box with everything else.

Tom opens the door, allowing the cold air of the apartment to hit the warm and steamy bathroom. A shiver runs down his spine as he exits the bathroom, his eyes on the floor as it creaks beneath him. But, as his eyes go to look in front of him, he sees Elli resting her phone on the side of her, her eyes widen and he can almost see her holding her breath as he stops walking.

"Hey." Elli says.

"Hey...?" Tom asks, raising a tired brow before he starts slowly walking to her. "What're you doing?" His voice is raw and achy, immediately tugging on Elli's heartstrings.

"I thought it would be creepy if I waited outside the bathroom so I decided that waiting outside your room was a better option." Elli says, trying to bring a smile to Tom's face but he just stares at her, eyes distant and begging for sleep. "Okay," She sighs and stands up, phone in hand before she shoves it in her hoodie. "We gotta figure this out."

Tom runs a hand through his damp hair, his curls loose. "Can't we just talk in the mornin'?" He puts a hand on his hip, gesturing out with the other.

"You know we can't." Elli reasons.

"Yeah, well," Tom shakes his head, finding it harder to look at her the longer they stand in the hallway. "We're gonna." He moves into his room, brushing past Elli.

"Tommy." Elli says, her voice pleading. "Please, talk to me."

Tom turns to look at her, a sense of disbelief across his face. He knows she cares and that's the only reason she won't leave him alone. And he knows her well enough to know that she hates bugging him about it. The only reason she's standing in his doorway right now is because of a deal they made. Elli respects his space and he respects hers, but they don't go to bed mad or upset and they don't leave mad or upset. It's the rule.

Tom takes a deep breath and takes a seat on his bed, ready to start talking. He already planned out what he was gonna say that didn't involve the secret locked box. "Haz's in my mate." Tom says, eyebrows furrowed as he fiddles with his fingers. "Don't want you goin' out with him because I brought it up, your happy ending or whatever. Don't want you goin' out with him just to see, it's leading him on. He's my best mate and I don't want to see him hurt by you." Tom looks up to her, his eyes still begging for sleep.

Elli sighs as she walks into his room and sits beside him. "I'd never do that to him, ya know?"

Tom nods. "I'd hope not, yeah."

"I told him that I never thought about it before but we could give it a chance. I never said I liked him."

"Alright." Tom sighs, looking to her with a bland expression. "Can I sleep now?"

Elli pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing the skin but nods. "Yeah, okay." Her eyes are sad as she forces the corners of her lips into a smile.

Tom hangs his head as Elli starts to get up. He knows he's made her feel guilty and bad and he feels horrible. That wasn't his intent, not at all. The last thing Tom ever wants to do is to hurt her. All he wants, in the entire world, is to make her happy. So, yeah, maybe he's hurt that it's not him going on a date with her, that it's Harrison. Maybe he's hurt that she doesn't know what they are and maybe he's jealous because he's a secret and Harrison isn't. And maybe he's beyond pissed off at Harrison for lying but that doesn't mean he's okay with making Elli feel bad.

"Wait." Tom says, his hand flying out, catching Elli's wrist and pulling her back to him. Her hand lands on his shoulder, steadying herself as she raises her brows down at him. Tom lets out a long breath, tilting his head up and putting his hands on her hips. "I, uh, you make me...." Tom pauses.

It's like he's just standing there, holding the flashlight to open the box and show off everything he's too scared to admit. She is right there, and he could say it. He could say anything that could float up from that box once the light is shown onto it. He wants to so fucking bad but he's scared. He's scared to tell her because it took him a long time to build up that courage the first time. And it crushed him when she came home to say she had a date. He remembers calling Harrison after Elli had gone to sleep and he cried to his best friend from the parking lot because it broke him. And he's scared to do that again. Elli just makes him the happiest he's ever been, just like this.

Tom swallows, his eyes glossing over as his eyes are locked with hers. "You make me happy." Tom finally gets the words out because she does and it doesn't have to mean anything. It does, it always does, but it doesn't have to.

Elli looks over Tom's face, taking in every line of his face and old acne scars and she doesn't want to stop. She never wants to stop. What she said the day before and day before that and the week and months before that, she doesn't want to stop. Not with Tom. She's endlessly and hopelessly addicted to him and maybe that's a reason she agreed to out with Harrison. Maybe if she goes out with him, goes on a date with a friend, she'll know she won't need this, need  _Tom_. Maybe she won't want him anymore. But, his eyes are big and brown, rims a pale shade of pink and she still wants him, all of him.

Elli's hands glide slowly over Tom's shoulders as she presses her forehead to his. Tom sucks in a shallow breath, eyes locked with hers as he waits for her to say something. He's scared that she'll say it back but mean it differently. And he's scared that she won't say anything at all. And there's parts of him that hope she doesn't say anything because she has a date with Harrison and Tom, he will never get between the two of them. Even when it hurts.

Her lips brush over his before pressing softly. "You make me happy, too, you know that." She pauses and places a sweet but gentle and tender kiss to his lips. "It's why you're my best friend."

_Best friend._

Her eyes close and Tom follows her lead, kissing her back. Elli deepens the kiss as her lips move against his, Tom's hands moving to her ass, pulling her closer to him as his hands glide down her thighs. She pushes forward, just enough for them to slowly fall back onto the bed as her hands cups his face. And Tom lets out a breath through his nose, the breath he'd been holding finally being let out and his heart starts pounding.

Tom's mouth is moving against hers and she's moving her knees to either side of his waist, straddling him. And Tom feels the ache of his chest disappear and lingering sting of his eyes fade to nothing as Elli grinds down onto him slowly, almost on instinct with her fingers threaded through his damp hair. His hands are gripping her thighs, holding her up and close to him and there's something in him that keeps going back to the flashlight in his mind, wanting to pick it back up and shine light on the box in the corner. Everything just feels right with her. Kissing, sex, hickies on him, and hickies on her, nights together, their friendship, music, everything. If Elli is involved, it all feels right.

But, he has to pull away.

Tom's hands move up her body until they reach her face, pulling them both away from each other as he brushes her hair back. "What 'bout Harrison?" Tom asks.

Elli tries to steady her breathing as she looks down at him. "We stop if you want and we tell him if you want to."

Tom shakes his head. "We don't tell him." He says without a thought. He doesn't want to deal with the questions and accusations Harrison will throw, so this can stay a secret even if it feels dirty and wrong. "But you've to decide if we stop. You're the one goin' on a date."

"Am I shitty friend if I don't want to stop?"

Tom holds a straight face, thumbs brushing over her cheeks. "I can't answer that, darlin'."

"Because if you say yes, you know I'll say we stop but if you say no, you know I'll say we keep going."

Tom nods. "Yeah." Tom chews the inside of his cheek as his eyes are sad, waiting for Elli to figure it out.

Her face is contorting, clearly fighting the battle in her head and it's not fair. The only reason she's forced to even question it is because it's Harrison. If this date goes further than just one date, she'll have to tell him. It won't feel right for her not to but he'll ask when they stopped and how long it went on for. It'll hurt finding out that her and Tom were still screwing after she agreed on a date.

But, that's the thing. Elli's mind is on how not to hurt Harrison. She's running every possible situation through her head, all of them involve not stopping with Tom and that's why she can't decide. She doesn't know how not to want him.  _And she doesn't want to know_.

Tom brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, hating the look of uncertainty and guilt across her face. Friendship sometimes involves sacrifice. It's not about being selfish. "You don't have to make a decision." Tom's words are soft and caring. "We don't do this every day," Tom forces himself to nod and give her a small but reassuring smile knowing that this might be the last time. "Go on your date with Haz, if all goes well," The reassuring smile falters to sadness but just for a fraction of a second. "Won't really matter 'bout us, ya? And if you decide you're better friends, we pick this up."

He'd be dammed if he said it didn't hurt to say this. But, Tom knows Elli is going to feel guilty no matter what she would decide and he won't let you. He'd rather just deal with having to wait to get back to this, if at all. Her happiness, here, comes first. That's all it comes down to. Tom wants Elli to be happy even if it's not screwing around with him. She says she's happy, that was the point of their conversation the day before but Tom knows her better than the back of his favorite record. The two of them dancing around each other won't keep her happy forever and  _she deserves better_. She deserves someone with the guts to not have everything shoved into a box. She deserves someone who is honest with themselves and with her. Tom isn't that person. So, he makes a sacrifice of his heart for her.

"Y-are you sure?" Elli stutters. "You said it was my decision?"

"Yeah," Tom sighs. "But you'll feel guilty no matter what you say and 'm not gonna let you do that yourself." He moves his hands down to her shoulders and to her back before wrapping an arm around her and sitting up, Elli now seated in his lap. "We're just screwing around anyway, right?"

_Ow._

"Yeah." Elli nods, her voice quiet. "Right."

"All good then." Tom doesn't even give her a smile.

Elli leans in and kisses his cheek, thankful that he's willing to make the decision for her. "You know I love you, right?"

Tom gives her a dry chuckle. "Yeah, I know."

Elli runs a hand through Tom's hair, making him smile and roll his eyes. "Did you wanna sleep now?"

Tom leans forward and presses his forehead to her shoulder, her hand still going through his hair. "Yeah, I've to work in the mornin'." He picks his head up, looking up at her.

"Okay." Elli traces her hands to his cheeks, one of her hands going to his chin and bringing his lips to hers.

Tom closes his eyes and exhales through his nose, his other arm coming to wrap around her and pull her flush against him. He tries to be optimistic but he knows this could be the last time anything like this happens with her so he's going to enjoy it for a few seconds.

He deepens the kiss as Elli's hands wrap around the back of his neck for leverage. Tom pulls her against him, Elli rolling her hips to meet his.

The two of them allow themselves to get lost in the moment of lust. It's as if the previous conversation didn't happen. Their mouths are moving together as one, Elli's grinding down on Tom with his help, and their hearts are beating together as one. Tongues dance together in perfect harmony and hands start to roam under shirts and through hair. Gasps and breathless moans start to consume the air and it's just the two of them. It's the two of them as Tom forgets everything and moves his mouth to her neck, sucking a bright mark, a signature that's just his, one only Elli will understand. And Elli tilts her head and lets herself get lost because everything feels right with him. It always feels right with Tom and that's the problem.

Elli turns her head, kissing up Tom's cheek to his lips. "We should stop." She murmurs.

"Mhm." Tom hums and he pulls away, his chest moving in a steady rhythm. "Okay."

The corner of Elli's mouth pulls into a smile. "Just, for now." She nods, more telling herself than Tom.

"Okay." Tom says once more with a simple nod. "'S fine, darlin'." Tom assures.

Elli pulls her bottom lips between her teeth, her fingers playing with the few hairs at the base of his neck. "Can I sleep in here though?"

Tom chuckles softly as he nods. "Yeah, of course." He jerks his head to the right, eyes following suit. "Gotta get in your spot though."

_Her spot._

Tom squeezes her hips as a hint for her to get up. Elli scrunches her face before placing a quick kiss to his cheek and climbing over him and to her side of the bed. Elli pulls the blankets back and gets underneath, Tom following right after. She takes her phone from her pocket and rests it on Tom's nightstand before stripping the hoodie from her torso, leaving her in a tank top and pants. Tom strips his shirt, grabbing the hoodie of Elli's and tossing them to the floor to be out of their way before they both lay down and as if to be on instinct, Tom moves his arm out, welcoming his bare chest to Elli and without hesitation, she moves over to him as he reaches for his remote to turn on a movie as background to fall asleep to. It's all habit. Routine. Two things they refuse to admit.

\------

The next day comes and goes, Tom and Elli refraining from any urge they have. It's weird because like Tom said, it's not like it's an everyday thing but now that they've decided to stop, it's like it's that much more tempting. But, they hold to their agreement because it's the right thing to do and their day proceeds like it normally would, with the exception of Tom dodging all of Harrison's texts. It's easier for Tom to ignore Harrison for the moment, just until the date with Elli is over. He doesn't want to say something he'll regret, so Thursday passes and Friday comes.

Elli makes her way into the living room, red flared dress with a few scattered white and yellow flowers, cutting just above the knee. A black leather jacket hangs from her shoulders and black and white converse cover her feet while her hair is simple and makeup kept more natural.

"So, how do I look?" She asks, standing in front of Tom as he's sat on the couch.

He looks her up and down and his mouth pulls into a smile. "You look good."

Elli sucks in a breath, cheeks turning a soft pink. "Good?"

"Beautiful." Tom specifies, eyes gentle but the moment is bittersweet.

The other night, it felt sorrow-filled, kind of like this was just something she had to do but yesterday and today, Elli's seemed to grow more excited and that makes Tom happy. It really does because bottom line is that he wants her to be happy and he knows that her being happy might not include him. But, that's what makes it bittersweet. Because he wants to be the reason for her being excited and happy.

"Thanks, Tommy." Elli pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "Um, Harrison wants you text him, by the way." She bites her top lip.

"Yeah, yeah, I will." Tom nods, brows furrowing. "Forgot to respond, I guess."

"Okay." Elli nods, running her hands over her dress, not wanting to get into the two of them right now. "He should be here soon so, I'm gonna wait out by the front door."

Tom nods. "Alright, have fun, ya?" Tom lets out a soft huff.

"I'm sure I will." Elli sends him a closed lip smile. "You doing anything?"

"Yeah, meeting Alex at the pub few blocks over." Tom smirks.

Elli rolls her eyes but a smile dances across her face. "Don't get too shit-faced."

Tom gives her a thumbs up. "No promises."

"Mhm," Elli hums as she makes her way towards the door, grabbing her bag from the table. "Have fun."

"Will do." Tom leans his head back to look at her over the couch.

Elli exits their apartment and makes her way to the front door of the apartment complex. She can't help the way her palms sweat or the way her stomach turns with nerves. It's Harrison and she's never been nervous when it comes to Harrison but now that this is a date, she's nervous.

It's different and it's simply nerve-wracking. What if it doesn't go well? What if this ends terribly and they won't be friends anymore? What if it goes perfectly? What if it's amazing and she does like him? What if he finds out he doesn't really like her but she likes him? There's a lot of possibilities running through Elli's mind as she waits at the door. But, there are also the questions of what to do. She's not sure if he'll try anything and if he does, how she'll react. She's nervous that he will make some type of move but the thought of him not trying anything, makes her heart sink which only confuses her.

But, Harrison is pulling up and now isn't the time to overthink. She needs to just go and see how it goes first.

"Hey." Harrison greets as he exits the car while Elli exits the building.

"Hey." Elli chimes, nervous smile shining against the dim lights of the building.

"You look nice." Harrison sucks in a shaky breath as he looks at Elli, always liking how red looked on her.

"Thank you." Elli blushes. "You look nice, too."

Harrison is dressed in black jeans and a black shirt with a burgundy leather jacket overtop. His hair is freshly cut, longer on the top and styled with the very front slightly spiked. His hair appears more light brown than dirty blonde at this length and it always suits him nicely.

"You think so?" Harrison's eyes are wide as he reaches to open the passenger side door, clearly surprised but ecstatic that Elli thinks he looks nice.

"Yeah." Elli giggles. "Of course you do."

"Thank you." Harrison's eyes are bright and Elli can almost see the anxiety melt off of him while he opens the door for her.

Elli gets in the car and Harrison shuts her door before making his way to the driver's side. Once Harrison is in the car, he sends Elli a sweet smile before buckling his seatbelt and putting the car in drive. The car is quiet besides the music Harrison has playing while his thumbs lightly tab the steering wheel, something he never does, only showing just how nervous he is to be taking Elli out. And Elli is sitting, fiddling with her thumbs, watching the city lights pass by hoping the nerves and growing awkwardness will go away.

She expected it to be a little nervous but she really didn't expect the air to grow awkward. It never got awkward with Tom and that's more than just sitting in a car on the way to the theater. It's weird for this to be awkward but it not to be awkward with Tom and in the back of her mind, she knows she can't compare the two. One of them is just sex and making out and the other is actual feelings. They're different. But, the three of them are friends so she compares them until Harrison finds a parking place.

"Are you warm enough?" Harrison asks as they meet at the front of his car.

Elli looks to her legs and back to him. "Oh yeah." She smiles. "It's a short walk to the door anyway." Elli stuffs her hands in her pockets as they make their way towards the building.

"This is awkward." Harrison sighs, running a hand through his hair.

Elli lets out a breath as if she'd been holding it since they left the apartment building. "I thought I was the only one feeling it."

"No!" Harrison laughs. "Not at all, quite weird. No offense."

"Non-taken." Elli laughs with him. "Think we're putting too much thought into it?"

"Yeah." Harrison nods. "Think so. Act natural." Harrison jokes, opening the door for her.

"Mmm," She hums, looking over her shoulder as he moved beside her. "Easier said than done, don't you think?"

"We can try." Harrison challenges, putting his arm around her shoulders just as he would have done any other time. "Friends first, anyway." He looks down at her, charming smile on display.

"Alright, Haz, lead the way then." Elli meets his stare before they start walking to the ticket booth.

They get their tickets to the agreed movie and move onto the snack counter. They opt for a medium popcorn, choosing to split it and two drinks for the both of them. Harrison gets a package of cookie dough bites and Elli doesn't bother with the candy, happy to just get popcorn. After getting their things, they enter the right screening room and choose left middle, Harrison allowing Elli in first. And by the time they were settled, the lights started to dim for the film.

The film plays and the awkwardness before has completely melted away. Instead, Harrison's holding the bag of popcorn and their hands brush every few times and both of them blush, thankful for the dark lighting. They smile at each other and whisper every now and then about whatever the film was playing, sometimes even laughing and they're both having a good time. A great time really. It's fun and easy now. And a little over halfway through, Harrison has his candy open with his arm around Elli and he's pouring a few pieces into her hand. It's as if it were never awkward to begin with.

"Did you like the movie?" Harrison asks as they exit the building, his arm still around Elli's shoulders.

"Yeah, it was really good." Elli beams up at him.

"Cool." Harrison breathes a sigh of relief.

"Cool." Elli mimicks, her cheeks aching from smiling as a blush creeps back onto her face.

There is something there. Elli can feel it. It's small butterflies when Harrison smiles at her and she loves the way it feels to have his arm around her. It feels  _good_ with Harrison, like maybe this could work. There is something. And Harrison can feel it, too. He worried that he wouldn't. He feared that he might feel the same but he'd know Elli didn't and it'd hurt but that's not it. It feels right with her and there's no doubt in his mind that they could work. They got past the awkward and they could work. And he fucking wants them to.

The drive back to Elli's apartment is full of laughter and conversation. Harrison's hand is holding hers, thumb gracing over the top of her hand and it feels  _good_. It's like they're really teetering on the edge of friendship and more and it just feels almost adrenaline inducing. There's something different about it that makes their skin tingle and hearts dance, lips pull into smiles and eyes drift towards each other. There's something about being with each other that just feels  _good_.

"So," Harrison says, standing outside Elli's apartment door with her in front of him. "This was fun." There's hope in his eyes and anxiety in his breath.

"Yeah, it was." Elli agrees and her hands grow sweaty, knowing this is judgment time.

Harrison's heart is his throat as he wonders if he should ask for a second date or if he should let her sleep on tonight. Maybe sleeping is a good idea. But maybe it's not. He knows that her answer won't change with sleep, he knows deep down, but maybe if she has a night to think about how great their night went, she'll ask to go on a second date. He wants it to be up to her, not him but he doesn't just want to leave like this. It'll feel unfinished so, he takes a step forward and brushes Elli's hair aside, catching a glimpse of the hickey from the other night she tried to cover up with makeup. He pauses, his eyes glancing between the bruise and her and he knows he shouldn't continue because it doesn't sit right. He has a feeling but he pushes it away because maybe denial is a little less painful.

He leans in and his lips brush against Elli's before they connect. He tastes like leftover cherry coke and his lips are soft. Elli kisses him back and it's  _nice_. It is. Her hands go around his neck and she likes the way his mouth feels against hers. It's different from what she's used to and it makes her hold her breath for a second. But it's different.

She feels something between them and it feels  _good_. Holding his hand, his arm around her, kissing him, it all feels  _good_  but it doesn't feel  _ **right**_. There's a big difference between something feeling good and something feeling right. And while their mouths move together, Elli can feel tears building behind her eyes because she knows that she doesn't like Harrison. She likes the idea of him and it hurts. It hurts because Harrison isn't Tom and that is not fucking fair.

Elli pulls away, her hands coming to his chest. "I can't." She breathes, looking up at Harrison.

She sees the happiness and hope leave his face. "It's Tom, isn't it?" He asks.

"No," Elli shakes her head, a few tears falling onto her cheeks. "It's not."

Harrison takes a step back as his eyes goto her neck. "Yeah? Who gave you the hickey? Didn't have it when I asked you out." Harrison's voice is drenched is hurt.

"Some random guy...last night." Elli lies as she sniffles. "I...I just....I want to-"

"Don't." Harrison stops her. "It's fine. You don't like me, that's fine but don't lie to me."

"I'm not." Elli croaks.

Harrison scoffs. "Fine. It'd hurt lot less if you were though because at least you'd be with Tom and--" Harrison stops himself, not wanting to have an argument in the middle of the hallway. "You said you would give me a chance but if you were out last night with some guy, feels like I never had a chance."

"That is not it." Elli says, making her voice as stern as possible. "You did. If you didn't, I wouldn't have come tonight."

Harrison looks at her, tears rolling down her cheeks and he knows she's not lying to him about  _that_  but that doesn't make him feel any better. Either she's lying to him about Tom or she's not and either way, it just feels like he never had a chance. He doesn't care if she were with someone else, he doesn't own her and they aren't dating. They aren't exclusive but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It's the fact that she  _could_  go out and do whatever with some random guy she doesn't know when she had a date. It just sucks to be him right now.

"Then what is it?" Harrison asks, the heartbreak written in every line of his face.

"You don't deserve this." She whispers.

"I know." He says, expression hard, trying to hold back his emotions. "I know I don't but you went with me tonight anyway."

"I'm sorry, Harrison." Elli says, her voice wavering.

"Yeah." Harrison says, starting to walk past her as he feels the lump in his throat grow to the size of a golfball. "I know."

"Harrison, please don't go." Elli whines, turning to face him before he heads down the hallway.

"No." He says simply, swallowing hard.

"Please." Elli begs, feeling the weight of the world starting to crush her. She never wanted to hurt him. That was the whole point but she can see the rims of his eyes turning red and she knows he's trying not to break. "I'm sorry."

Harison looks to the ceiling, taking in a breath. "I know and look, I'll call you, okay?" Harrison says and the first tear rolls down his cheek. "I just...." He squares his jaw. "I need a minute."

Elli nods, knowing there's nothing she can do now. "Okay." The word comes out a sniffled whimper.

"Goodnight, Elli." Harrison's voice cracks as he turns back around and heads down the hallway before Elli could say anything else.

Elli hands shake as tears flow down her cheeks. Her heart aches and her eyes burn, her blurred vision making it hard to open the door with her key. This was the last thing she wanted and all because she tried to do the right thing, the thing that might hurt the least, she's broken not just her heart but Harrison's. She broke her best friend's heart and it hurts. She wants to like him. Hell, she wants to be in love with him but she isn't. And he doesn't deserve any of this. It is so unfair and she curses the world for it as she enters her home.

All she wants to do is put pajamas on and talk to Tom about it. The hickey is from him but it's not his fault. It's just that he always knows how to make her feel better. He'sgoing to tell her what she needs to hear and wants to hear. It's what friends do. But, as she takes off her shoes, she sees a set of heels at the door and she can hear Chase Atlantic blaring from Tom's bedroom meaning he's brought a girl home. And it's going to be a long lonely night for her.


	11. 5 words

The apartment is dead silent, the time reaching quarter after nine. Elli's sat with her elbow on the kitchen table, head in her hand as she sleeps. Her laptop is open in sleep mode, keeping everything in Lightroom saved. As she sleeps, she's completely unaware of the stranger tip-toeing from the hallway and to the door behind her.

The stranger picks up her heels and goes to unlock the door. Luckily, or unlucky, for Elli, the clicking of the deadbolt wakes her. She jerks awake, head nearly falling onto the keyboard of her laptop. The stranger freezes, watching Elli and a tint coming to her cheeks. Elli turns and meets a girl with pretty light brown hair, streaks of red and yellow that remind her of a phoenix. She's dressed in a slick back sequin dress, likely from the night before and her black mascara and eyeliner is smudged under her eyes with shades of red shadow fading over her eyes.

"I'm so sorry." She says. "I was just trying to leave." She says, her voice just above a whisper.

Elli nods, eyelids still drooping with sleep. "It's fine." Elli turns her head to her computer, swiping across the trackpad to wake it up and see the time on the screen. "He'll be up in about fifteen if you needed to use the bathroom, call for an Uber, or whatever before you actually leave."

She lets out a breath and pushes her hair over her shoulder, giving Elli a thankful smile. "Thanks." She says before looking to her phone and quickly and quietly calling herself an Uber.

"Yep." Elli says, returning the smile, hers a bit more tired.

"Are you his roommate's girlfriend?" She asks once she's off the phone and Elli just raises her brows. She was in a hurry to leave and now she wants a conversation?

Elli shakes her head. "I  _am_  his roommate."

The girl's face turns red as she starts to apologize. "Sorry, I just...assumed--"

"It's okay." Elli cuts her off. "It's not a big deal. I assume you're a one-night stand?" Elli asks but she makes her tone joking as to not offend the girl in the doorway.

"Yeah," She chuckles. "Any guy who takes a girl home and is already covered in hickies, he's the one-night stand."

Elli laughs a little, a weird sense of pride in her chest knowing she's the one who's put those small bruises over his chest. Elli puts her arm on the back of the chair to better face her. "Yeah, that's fair enough."

"What's it like? I mean," She pauses for a few beats. "To have him bring home girls all the time? Does it bother you?"

Elli shrugs, knowing full and well that he doesn't do it as often as it appears. "Nah, it's his life, ya know?" One-night stands don't linger to talk to a roommate, or anyone, unless there's a reason and the girl's face is telling Elli there might be a little more to her still standing in the apartment.

She looks to her feet, nodding. "Yeah, you're right."

Elli's eyes narrow slightly. "Do you not want to be a one-night stand? Because you're loitering and asking me about him."

She shakes her head softly. "He's good, and cute, a musician, smart, funny, a good time--"

"But?" Elli inquires.

"We talked." She shrugs a shoulder. "There's someone or  _something_  and I'm not gonna be some guy's second choice or a rebound. He seems great but he's not that into me."

"What do you mean you talked?" Elli asks, brows furrowing as she knows Tom's habit of not exactly being a conversationalist with people he doesn't know even when he's drunk.

"We just talked for maybe two hours before deciding to come here and we were here awhile before..." She bites her lip before continuing. "Ya know, like we heard you come home while we were talking. He's good conversation."

"What'd you talk about?" Elli pushes, her own curiosity killing her. It's so unlike Tom that she wants to know what got him talking.

The girl can't help but smirk, a chuckle leaving her red stained lips. Elli's brows furrow as she watches her expression, like she knows something Elli doesn't. "You'd have to ask him."

Elli shakes her head with a huff. "You're gonna leave me hanging like that? At least tell me what gives you the impression that there's someone or something?"

"It's the way he talks and maybe you should talk to him because I assumed you were his roommate's girlfriend because of the picture on his dresser. You, him, and another guy."

"Yeah, uh, an old friend took it for us but what about it?"

"Because the both of them are looking at you and they give you that look." She sighs and reached for the door handle. "But, it's none of my business, just an observation from a picture and body language."

Elli feels her cheeks tint red as she looks back to her computer screen. "You're my favorite one-night stand of his."

The girl tilts her head back and laughs. "You're my favorite roommate I've met." She opens the door, smile still etched across her face. "Thanks again."

"No problem." Elli returns the smile before the girl who remains nameless leaves, the door shutting quietly and leaving Elli alone in the kitchen for the next few minutes.

Normally, she doesn't talk to Tom's one-night stands. They don't usually run into each other just like Tom doesn't usually run into hers. But, when she does run into them, it's just usually just an awkward eye contact moment before they slip out of the front door. It's rarely anything more but this girl, it's different. She woke Elli up and is the reason Tom is going to wake up and ask about the date with Harrison, completely oblivious to Elli's tired state and everything that unfolded the night prior. But, she's really different because one-night stands are just that, one-night and Tom is always respectful from Elli's understanding but there's not usually a lot of talking from what he's said. Something about her made Tom want to talk and there's the point that she had to mention the way Tom looks at her.

It's Elli's job to look at pictures, look at people's face and how they look at their surroundings and other people. It's what she does, every single day. Of course, she knows the way Tom looks at her in certain pictures because it's her job but just because she knows doesn't mean she wants to coherently admit it to herself and it doesn't mean she wants other people pointing it out because denial is easy.

The next few minutes pass, Elli logged back into her laptop but staring blankly at the screen, half focused on everything Tom's one-night stand had to say and half focused on how Elli is gonna tell Tom about her date. It's not gonna be a fun morning but that's why she fell asleep at the table in the first place. She couldn't sleep and the kitchen and living room are further away from Tom's room so she wouldn't disturb him and the stranger with any possible sobs and this way, she would be right here to talk to him whenever he got up. Or maybe not even talk but just see him.

The door to Tom's room creeks open, Elli hearing him yawn as his footsteps travel down the hallway towards her. She looks to the left and sees him walking in, grey sweatpants and no shirt, the usual attire for him.

"Mornin'." He says, voice rugged and still drenched in sleep.

"Morning." Elli says, turning back to her laptop and making herself look like she was actually being productive.

"Up early." Tom mutters, walking to the coffee pot.

"Yeah." Elli answer shortly.

Tom pauses, looking over his shoulder. Elli's eyes are on her laptop screen, brows furrowed and mouth in a straight line. Her eyes are slightly puffy and she looks exhausted, hair tied back in a messy bun. One of her old Art Institute hoodies wrapped around her shoulders, remanence of faded black eyeliner on her cheeks as if she missed it washing her face the night before.

"You alright?" Tom asks, not turning back to the coffee pot.

"Yeah." She answers plainly, not looking to him.

Tom turns back to make the coffee, making sure there's plenty for the both of them before he turns back to her. He walks over to the chair closest to her and takes a seat, tilting his head, his bed-headed curls sticking up and falling lopsided.

"What happened?" Tom asks, resting an arm on the table and one on the back of the chair.

Elli looks to him and shrugs with a deep inhale. "I'm a shitty friend because I'm fucking you and went on a date with Harrison, got a hicky from you, lied about it to Harrison after he asked me point blank if it was from you, and I definitely broke his heart and I don't think we're friends anymore because I don't think anyone has ever looked at me the way he did and I have disappointed a lot of people. He left crying and I haven't heard from him yet. That's what ya missed."

Tom runs his hand over his face and all he can feel is guilt. He could have stopped that night, he could have stopped all of this and at least some of her own guilt would be lifted. He knows just by the tone of her voice and expression on her face that she was up crying and he had a girl home. Any other time it doesn't matter but this one time it does because he wasn't there when she needed him.

"Why didn't come and tell me, Elli?" Tom asks.

"You were playing Chase Atlantic and that's the band you have sex to."

Tom squints an eye and scrunches his face. "You could've texted me and I'd have come out here."

"I know." Elli says. "But, what, I ruin my night and Harrison's night? I'm not gonna ruin yours, too."

"You wouldn't have ruined my night." Tom's voice loses the caring tone as it grows stern. "If you need me, you tell me."

Elli sighs. "I was fine." She shrugs. "It just sucked."

Tom pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes going to the side as he seems to go into thought. "He's not texted you back?"

Elli shakes her head and slides her phone to him. "Nope. He said he'd call today and that it was fine but he didn't look fine and it wasn't fine." Elli's voice starts to go quiet and she can feel a lump building, the guilt feeling like a thousand bricks weighing her to the bottom of the ocean.

"Hey," Tom scoots closer to her. "Are  _ **you**_  okay? Forget Haz right now, are you alright?"

Elli just stares at him and chews the inside of her cheek. "I dunno." She mumbles, feeling herself about to start crying. "I wanted to like him but I don't and it's not fair. I was just trying to do the right thing." Elli starts rambling, speaking a mile a minute as a few tears fall down her cheeks. "He deserved a chance and I gave him one but then I just and I... I fucked it all up. And the worst part is that..." Elli pauses, taking a few breaths, eyes locked with Tom's. "There's still not a part of me that wants to tell him I lied or that we've been lying and there's not any part of me that thinks cutting off with you would be a good idea. And I know that's fucked up and I'm selfish for it and I just feel bad that Harrison got hurt in all this and I should have just told him no because at least today would be Saturday and we'd be okay but now it's Saturday, the day after our date and I'm crying and everything sucks."

Tom's heart just shatters as he listens to her and watches the tears fall down her cheeks. Maybe it's selfish and a little conceited to think but he can't help but think that this is his fault. Tom could have texted Harrison back like he said he was going to but he didn't. He's too stubborn and too proud. He could have suggested they just let Harrison know because, in this moment, maybe that really would have been their better option. Maybe they both wouldn't be hurt. And he could have told Harrison the truth. Any of those options could have resulted in a different outcome other than both of his friends crying with broken hearts. But, Tom can't change what happened last night, just what happens today.

Tom moves closer and reaches out, cupping her face allowing his thumbs to wipe her tears. "It's gonna be okay and it's not your fault." Tom says. "You did the right thing and you know you did. He's hurt and that's all it is. I'll go by and talk to him today, ya?"

"You don't have to." Elli says. "It'll probably make it worse." Elli croaks out, a sniffle following.

"I won't let that happen, okay?" Tom stands up and presses a kiss to her forehead. "Just," He sighs and starts over to the coffee pot. " and we'll sit on the couch and you can sleep, ya? I'll go over later if he doesn't text you back."

"Okay." Elli whispers, wiping her own eyes and knowing that there's no point to argue. Tom is just trying to make her feel better and he just wants what's best for her _and_ Harrison. "Sorry for ruining your morning."

Tom turns to her and shakes his head. "You didn't ruin my morning. Batman or Flash? Both clean."

"Flash." Elli says, looking away from him and closing her laptop. "Was your night good?" Elli opts to change subject, hoping he'll have something to lighten the mood with. She doesn't want to talk anymore, she wants to hear Tom talk, about anything and everything. 

"Mhm." Tom hums as he grabs her Flash mug from the cabinet. "Good time."

"Good." Elli bites her lip and she means it. She might have had a shitty night but she's happy Tom had a good one.

"Just in time for our appointment, right?" He asks, a tint of sarcasm in his voice as he brings Elli her mug.

Elli called and made their regular appointments at the clinic for an STD screening. The both of them are safe but they sleep with other people so it's just to stay safe and they go in every three to six months. It's routine with her and Tom, just like everything between them. Routine.  

The comment brings a smile to Elli's face. "Yeah, we get tested on Monday, appointment's at six. I can pick you up from work if you want?"

"Yeah, that works." Tom agrees, getting his own cup of coffee. "Gonna have to take me, too though."

"That's fine." Elli nods, taking a sip of her drink.

"Alright." Tom says, running a hand through his hair. "Let's get in the living room and we'll turn something on, okay? If Haz doesn't text you or call you by three, I'll head over and if he does and you're sleeping, I'll wake you, ya?" Tom offers with a sympathetic smile.

Elli nods, getting her cup in hand. "Thanks, Tommy."

"Of course." Tom says, putting an arm around her shoulders before the two of them head into the living room.

Elli and Tom take their seats, Elli leaning against the arm of the couch with her legs across Tom's lap and Tom right next to her, a blanket from the back of the couch pulled over the both of them. Elli lets Tom pick the show, him opting for Game Of Thrones, knowing it's more for his entertainment than hers given her state of exhaustion.

While she did fall asleep at the table, total, she slept for just about an hour. A long night of crying and drowning herself in her own guilt and regret has caused her to be the most exhausted she's ever been. So, Elli lets Tom pick his show and Tom rubs her shin lightly while she sips her coffee and he doesn't budge after she finishes it and manages to fall asleep while he's only on the third episode.

Episode after episode goes by and Elli's phone only goes off when her sister texts her, nothing from Harrison. So, by three, Tom is moving Elli's legs off of him carefully so he doesn't wake her up and he gets ready to leave.

He made a promise and while he doesn't know what he'll be walking into, he wants to sort it out. He wants Harrison to text Elli back and make sure they're okay but he also wants an explanation. It's a bit selfish, sure, but while he's there, while it's eating at his gut and while he's fueled with fire over Elli, he might as well find out why Harrison lied. And so he heads out to Harrison's apartment.

Tom's knuckles tap a few times are the blue-gray door before he stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets. Footsteps echo from behind the door before he hears the locks. He sucks in a breath and braces himself for the conversation he'd never thought he'd have.

"Hey." Harrison says as he opens the door.

"Hey." Tom says, expression flat. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, since you've been ignoring me." Harrison says sarcastically as he opens the door further and allows Tom inside.

Tom narrows his eyes at Harrison as he walks inside. He should have answered his phone, especially when Elli told him to. But, he didn't have anything nice to say. He was annoyed and angry so he kept it to himself so he wouldn't say something to Harrison that he would regret. That was the whole point of blowing off texts but now him and Harrison are walking to Harrison's kitchen because Tom just can't get the image of Elli out of his head and he needs the two of them to be okay.

"Text her. She's upset." Tom blurts out.

Harrison scoffs. "She tell you about last night? I told her I'd call her today and I will."

"Yeah, she did so you need to do it sooner than later. She was up all night over it, found her at the kitchen table this mornin' in front of her computer."

Something in Tom's tone has Harrison's blood set to boil. It's demanding and demeaning. Even accusing and Harrison is certain that Tom is involved in last night. Tom comes in pointing fingers as if Harrison doesn't have a right to be hurt.

"And where were you?" Harrison retorts, arms over his chest. "You found her? Where were you that she couldn't talk to you?" Tom's jaw clenches and all he can see is red as Harrison continues. "The two of you are attached at the damn hip, so what had you so busy last night she couldn't talk to you? When I left her she was crying. Where were you, huh?"

"Just text her, for fuck's sake!" Tom yells, frustration in every vein of his neck.

"What? Pissed off because she needed you and you weren't around? I'll call her later. Like I fuckin' said. That all you wanted? Be her knight in shining armor?"

Tom's eyes narrow and yes, he's beyond pissed off but he's more in disbelief than he is everything else. Harrison said he liked Elli but he didn't say he liked her enough for this. Tom did come in too hard. He should have just talked but he's protective of Elli, like Harrison says but is that really a reason for Harrison to attack Tom, too?  

"Fuck off." Tom groans. "That's all of why I'm here."

"Go on then." Harrison gestures a hand out, one arm still across his chest. 

"You said you weren't gonna ask her." Tom states, both of them standing on the opposites side of the kitchen island.

The anger starts to fade with Tom's statement. He did lie.

Harrison shakes his head and walks to the fridge, grabbing two bottles of beer, sliding one to Tom. Tom looks the bottle and back to Harrison and guilt floods him. "I changed my mind. You said you didn't like her, what's it matter?"

Tom's jaw squares as he lets out a shallow breath. "You lied to me about it."

Harrison scoffs, dry chuckle immediately following and he can feel his blood starting to boil again in utter disbelief. "You're fucking with me right?"

"I don't care." Tom tries to play it off, grabbing the beer bottle. "It's that you lied about asking her out when you know--"

"Know what?" Harrison cuts him off, an annoyed smile tugging on his lips. "Go on, say it."

"That I liked her before."

Harrison's fist comes down on the counter as he stares Tom down, his hands starting to shake. "You're fucking serious? God!" Harrison groans in frustration. "You and her have been lying to me for weeks! Months even! But what? I change my mind because I'm not a fuckin' coward and I'm the bad guy here?"

"What?" Tom asks, taken aback by Harrison's outburst.

His heart starts to race and he can almost feel the color draining from his face. Elli never said anything about telling Harrison about them. He's had his suspicions but it's bold of him to go out and not only call Tom and Elli a liar but call him a coward. There's a reason he doesn't want Harrison knowing about them and it's because he will seem cowardly. He can have sex with Elli any day of the week, he can full out act as though they are dating in their apartment, but he can't open a damn box for eight letters. It's cowardly.

"You've both been fuckin' around. I'm not stupid." Harrison says through gritted teeth. "You can lie to yourself and she lies to herself all you fuckin' want to but stop lying to me!"

"If you think we're fuckin', why'd you go behind my back and ask her out?" Tom asks bluntly, allowing no time for Harrison to add anything to the end of his statement.

"You said you don't like her. I took my chance because I wanted it off my chest but I never thought she would say yes. Ever. She was sitting on the sidewalk and that's when I knew I had to say something, alright?" Harrison snarks. "I know you are because you two are always covered in hickies and the two of've you don't go out that often and if you do, you're usually with each other. It's not fuckin' hard to figure out."

"But I did!" Tom yells, his face turning a pale shade of red. "I did like her! And you know how much but you still lied to me and asked anyway!" Tom takes a breath and the two are silent for what feels like hours when it's only a few seconds. "And we're not fuckin' or anything. Got it? We are friends and that is it."

"For fuck's sake!" Harrison yells again. "I got my damn heart broken last night because you two are in love with each other but are too fuckin' stupid to say anything! I asked her last night if it was you and she lied to my damn face that it wasn't but being her friend for years, I know. I see the way she looks at you. She's in love with you and I think she might love you more than anything on this damn planet but you're too busy trying to cover your fuckin' pride and don't want to see it! You're in love with her and for the fuckin' life of me, I dunno why she can't fuckin' see it because it is so obvious it's a damn tragedy to watch."

Tom stares at Harrison, stunned. He knows Elli hurt him but it wasn't supposed to be like this. None of it was supposed to be like this. No one is supposed to get hurt, ever. That's the beauty of being friends. But, romantic feelings can develop and then friends can break hearts just as easily as strangers and it hurts even more, sucking the air right out of the lungs of everyone involved. It's not just Harrison that's hurt here. Everyone is hurt and it all just sucks. Who's hurt the worst though?

Tom's on the edge of suffocating himself with his own blanket of denial and it feels like Harrison's stabbed him with a knife, smiling. Harrison found out he's not a first choice by his best friend and he's being lied to. And Elli, she's the person stuck in the middle of everything.

"Look, do what you want, I don't care anymore. But, don't come to me when something happens and it's too late. One day, something's gonna happen to one of you and whoever is left, is gonna have to deal with the fact you were both too scared to just say it." Harrison says, voice low and honest as he looks Tom over.

"Fuck off." Tom mutters, sliding the still closed beer to Harrison.

"It's true." Harrison says, stopping the bottle from sliding off the counter. "You're a coward and so is she."

"Take it back." Tom takes a step towards Harrison and Harrison meets his stance, standing two inches taller.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you really feel nothing for her and that there's nothing going on and I will."

Tom's fists are balled at his sides and all he can hear is the rumbling of his heart in his chest. "I can't." He says, lips right and jaw locked.

"Why not?" Harrison asks, matching his hardened expression.

"Because." Tom says.

"Why? Gonna lie to me more? Gonna stand here and be a coward 'bout it? It's been years." Harrison starts raising his voice, getting in Tom's face. "It has been fucking years that you've looked at her like she's the reason you play music. She's the reason for everything you do. Fucking years so what the hell are you gonna do? Keep lying to me? Keep lying to  _ **Elli**_? You're gonna lie to me? Coward and you're a shit fuckin' friend, too."

Tom's head feels like it's going to explode with Harrison's yelling. He's right and Tom knows it. It's been years and Elli makes him happier than anyone or anything on the planet. And he is a coward and he's lying to Harrison every single day about everything and it feels like he's literally suffocating himself.

"You're selfish, mate. It's about time you--" 

That flashlight, it's like oxygen and Tom just keeps tossing it away, seeing how long he can live without it and Harrison is an airbag hitting him in the face at thirty miles hour, knocking the wind out of him. He can't breathe so he snaps.

"I'm in love with her, okay?"


	12. how's this for honesty

The words just fell from Tom's mouth, catching not just Harrison but even himself off guard. It's like the box itself got tired of listening to Harrison's pestering that it shook and shook and shook until it exploded and shed just enough light until Tom could reach it and hold it closed once more. And now the two are standing there, Tom's eyes moving to floor and Harrison's peering at him.

"Okay." Harrison says, taking a step back. "Tell her that."

"Can't." Tom says without hesitation.

Harrison can almost feel himself starting to vibrate with frustration and fury.

"You've come here to yell at me for asking her out because you're the one in love with her but you won't tell her? You've lost your fucking mind." Harrison rolls his eyes and takes a seat at one of the chairs.

"I told you," Tom runs a hand over his face, moving his other to his hip. "I don't fuckin' care you asked, it's that you lied."

"Whatever." Harrison mutters, tired of going in circles.

Arguably, he lied but Tom isn't innocent in lying. He's lying through his teeth and Harrison is just exhausted so he just accepts it and moves on. They've both lied and it's time to address the bigger question, the main reason Tom stormed to Harrison in a fit of protection over Elli.

"Why don't you tell her though? Pretty sure that's kind of the elephant in the room at this point." Harrison gestures a hand out.

Tom shakes his head, barely lifting his shoulders. "She deserves to be happy--"

"You know she's happy with you." Harrison cuts him off, voice filled with annoyance.

"Wasn't done." Tom says through a clenched jaw. "And better. She deserves _better_ than me."

"Fuck's sake." Harrison groans, elbows on the counter as he puts his face in his hands for a few seconds. "Go on, share why you think you don't deserve her. Humor me."Sarcasm and frustration coat Harrison's words.

"It's not some joke, Haz." Tom snaps, eyes narrowing.

"Yeah, sounds like it. Who are you to dictate what or who she deserves and what or who she doesn't?"

Tom licks his lips, holding a straight face. "She deserves someone who doesn't ignore her when she tells them she loves them."

Harrison's eyes widen and his face falls, watching Tom switch his attention to the bottle of beer, opening it. Harrison questions if he even heard Tom right but of course he did because what else could he have heard? But, why would Tom ignored Elli if she told him she loved him? That can't be what Tom means. Maybe Harrison has just misunderstood.

"What?" Harrison asks, voice showcasing his confusion.

"She told me she loved me and I ignored her." Tom admits, taking a swig of the drink.

Harrison blinks, clearly trying to process the thousands of questions going through his head. "Hold on. She told you she loves you? When?"

"I dunno." Tom shrugs. "Few months before she dated Shawn."

"And you just...ignored her?" Harrison just asks completely dumbfounded.

"Yep." Tom says.

"Because...?"

Tom shakes his head with uncertainty. It's been years and he still doesn't know why he flat out ignored her. He ignored it, the whole situation. It was easier to ignore it then and it's easier to ignore it now because now he just regrets it. He regrets it because it hurts now and he knows it hurt her then. And maybe that was his chance and he blew it and for what? Because he was scared or not ready for a relationship with her? Because she deserves better.

"I couldn't..." Tom trails off. "I dunno, mate. I just froze." Tom admits and the defeat is evident in his eyes. "It's like my whole brain short-circuited and I just couldn't say it back."

"Bullshit!" Harrison yells, his veins are now full of fury as he pieces together his own timeline and figures out that this was likely the night Elli has called him in tears from her parking lot. "You called me a shit friend well maybe you need to look in the fucking mirror."

"I know." Tom says, voice flat as he takes another drink. "I know and that's why she deserves better and why I won't tell her. I couldn't tell her then and it's not fair to tell her now."

"Why'd she tell you anyway?" Harrison spits. "Not like she's open with her feelings either. What the bloody hell did you do to make her think you'd say it back?"

Tom looks away from Harrison, recalling the night and knowing damn well he can't tell Harrison what caused her to tell him. He can't tell him when exactly she did or how. The only thing Tom can tell Harrison is that Elli said it. He can't tell him the look of hope and terror in her eyes and how Tom just ignored it. He ignored it and continued on with what they were doing because he couldn't say it back. Not then. Maybe if she said it now, he could but not then. He wasn't ready and that wasn't fair to her and Tom can't tell Harrison about it because Tom will be the liar Harrison thinks he is.

"She tells me things, I guess." Tom swallows back another drink and Harrison is ready to throw his fist into Tom's face.

"You lead her on?" Harrison asks, but it's more of an accusation.

"I-yeah, I guess maybe. Somewhere, the lines blurred."

"Yeah, I'd fuckin' say." Harrison scuffs in disgust. "You came because she was crying over me last night but you said this happened a few months before she dated Shawn, ya?" Tom nods. "What'd she do after? She leave, right?"

"Yeah, I think, it was two and a half years ago, I don't remember the details." Tom fibs because he remembers every detail, every single detail.

He remembers the words spilling from Elli's mouth and he remembers himself freezing, his heart stopping in his chest. Every time he can replay that exact moment over and over and over and his breath catches in his throat every fucking time just like it did the first time and he can feel the weight of the world crushing him just as he did when Elli told him.

Time stops just like it did that night and he remembers not saying anything and seeing the look of devastation come into her eyes and Tom remembers wanting so bad to open his mouth and say something,  _anything_  to make it better but he didn't. He let Elli kiss him and they continued without another word and then he remembers Elli tossing her old hoodie on and saying she'd be back. He can remember hearing the door shut, almost too quiet as she went to leave and he got to the window and saw her sit in her car, alone, not leaving. He remembers but he lies to protect himself.

"Yeah, Elli cries, what? When one of her favorite characters dies or something amazing happens in her books? She called me crying and refused to let me come over. She refused to come over. She told me everything until then. Don't think it's a coincidence." Harrison just stares Tom down, his turn to be the protective best friend.

Harrison normally wouldn't remember something like that. He might remember Elli calling him crying but not the exact time. This time he did because Elli refused to let him really help. The only thing she wanted was for Harrison to talk to her. Talk her down. That's it. She wouldn't say what happened and she denied it had anything to do with Tom. And Harrison did as she asked because he didn't want to push her as she sobbed on the other end and it nearly broke him having to listen to her. Now he knows that it was because of Tom.

Tom shakes his head. "I'm sure it's not. Sure she called you."

"Yeah, but I'm a shit friend." Harrison mutters under his breath and then he remembers something. "Wait. You said you froze, why? You liked her then." Tom's brows furrow, silently asking Harrison how he knew. "You said it was only a few months before Shawn had asked her, and we all know what happened that day."

Tom nods. "Yeah." He exhales and raises his brows, eyes cold. "I was scared, she caught me off guard."

"What made you decide you were gonna ask her that night then?" Harrison pushes for more answers.

Tom shrugs because he really doesn't have a full, coherent answer. "I dunno, tired of not saying it. It felt weird between us and I just, wasn't scared anymore? I don't know! But then she came home and Shawn asked her out."

"So why didn't you just fuckin' tell her after? Or that night? I get she was happy but--"

" _She was happy._ " Tom cuts Harrison off in a rush of a panicked yell and that's when Harrison gets it.

" _Shawn_  made her happy." Harrison confirms.

"Yeah," Tom's eyes widen. "I already fucked it up and I wasn't gonna fuck it up again for her. She doesn't deserve it."

"He cheated on her though." Harrison offers words of clarity.

"Yeah," Tom sighs with a wince. "And I had to watch her go through it. Don't want her like that cause of me."

"That's a bit selfish, don't you think?"

"Maybe." Tom remarks. "But you wanted to know."

"You wouldn't cheat on her." Harrison states the obvious.

"Nope." Tom pops the 'p'. "But we could break up and we could fight and I could hurt her and I don't want that. I saw it first hand on our bathroom floor. You didn't see her like I did and I won't let it happen."

"How is she okay? I mean.." Harrison trails off, trying to figure out how Elli has managed to just be okay, continue living with Tom and interacting like nothing happened even right after the fact.

Harrison feels like a mess and Elli, she seemed to just pick herself up like it never happened. Harrison didn't know and he was called right after. Tom and Elli never acted any different. He doesn't get it.

"She's incredible." Tom says with ease and the corners of his mouth tug into a smile, his eyes crinkling at the ends and Harrison can just shake his head.

"Yeah, well, I won't tell her because I know that's what you'll be asking of me." Harrison takes a drink of the beer.

"Yeah."

"Will you ever tell her though?"

"Probably not." Tom says.

"You really wanna risk not ever giving it a shot?" Harrison asks and it's not so much a question but a statement.

"Gotta be." Tom lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a drink.

He would love to tell her but he also knows himself and while his past relationships haven't been horrible, he has been the one to call off almost every single one of them. It's always because things just stop working or he stops feeling the same way he did at the beginning. He feels guilty every time but that doesn't make the other people feel any better. He doesn't want that for Elli, he doesn't want that for his best friend. He hurt her once and if he has to live with not telling her in order to not hurt again, he will. Tom will sacrifice his heart for her without question.

A few minutes of silence pass, Harrison and Tom finishing off their drinks. The air starts to thin out, the tension subsiding and it almost feels normal. They both yelled and got out their frustrations as best they could. They said what they wanted and had to and it just about feels normal, finally.

"We good?" Harrison asks.

"Yeah, we're good." Tom chuckles. "Sorry."

"Yeah, me, too." Harrison chuckles.

"I'm gonna head back then." Tom walks over to the trash and tosses the beer bottle.

"I'll call her when you leave." Harrison says. "Is she alright?"

Tom nods. "Was asleep when I left, waiting by the phone for you."

Harrison nods with a breathy sigh. Of course, he really was going to call Elli but he planned to do it later. He wanted to do it later in the night so he could call and say they were fine and make up an excuse to get off the phone but after the honesty that unfolded in his kitchen, he knows that's not an option.

He's pissed at Tom for freezing but he gets it. If it were him, maybe he would have froze, too. If it were him, he would know when she told him and how and what they were doing and maybe he would have froze, too so maybe Tom isn't such an ass. He's an ass for waiting but if it's not said then, it almost feels insincere later, like it's just being said out of guilt or pity. So, Harrison gets why Tom needed to build up courage and why it took a few months. Pissed, but he gets it and now he doesn't want to do the same thing Tom did. Ignore her over her candour.

"Alright." Harrison states. "Cold?"

"It's December." Tom retorts as he walks to the door. "Yeah 's cold."

"Right." Harrison's face drops as his brows furrow.

"Gonna see if she can meet you at the Pier?" Tom grips the door handle as Harrison nods. "Have 'er meet you at Jeni's. She's been wanting ice cream." Harrison quirks a brow at Tom. "What?"

Harrison has stuff he'd love to say but it'd likely cause an argument. He finds it a bit funny that Tom can play off an 'i love you' from Elli but he knows when she wants ice cream and where to go. Sure, they live together so maybe it's not that weird but Harrison finds it so ironic it's almost comical. But at the same time, it almost brings this sense of acceptance over him. Tom pays attention to Elli in ways Harrison doesn't. Tom might not think he deserves Elli and she deserves better but Harrison would be dammed if he didn't think the two of them had their names written in the stars.

"Forgot she's got a thing for Jeni's." Harrison chuckles.

"Yeah," Tom runs a hand through his hair, shaking the loose curls. "It's her favorite."

"Thanks."

"Yep." Tom gives a single nod. "Now, call her, please." He opens the door but before he leaves, Harrison just has one more thing to say.

"It's not gonna change your mind, whatever, but for the record," Harrison sighs and Tom turns to face him. "You guys would be good together."

He's not looking to change Tom's mind but in case Tom can't see it, Harrison needed to tell him. They are good together. It's why people always assume they're together. They work as one while working as individuals. They look like the dream, what everyone who wants to be in love dreams of having. So, Harrison had to tell him and Tom nods because he knows.

 _We're so good together._ Tom thinks but it's just another thing on the list of things he'll never say.

"Yeah," Tom nods before heading out.

On the way back to the apartment, Tom feels like he's lifted a few bricks from his chest for the first time in years. As far as Tom knows, Elli never told anyone besides him that she loved him and arguably, that was probably a misstep of Tom to tell Harrison but he needed to say something. He had to tell the truth about something and that, those three words from her perfect pink lips, have haunted him and he needed to just say it out loud. He can't talk to Elli about it, especially now, it's been over two years, so it feels good to have Harrison know and understand some of his thinking. It feels good not to lie about liking her or being in love with her anymore. But, there's a sadness there, too.

With Harrison knowing, it feels good but Elli will never know and it's sad. Tom feels like he missed his chance. And every time he replays her words, every time he thinks about being madly in love with her, it hurts. It burns and stings and aches, it pulls and tugs at every muscle and veins and string of his being. It's sad but he hurt her once and he doesn't want to risk that again. He's _scared_. He's scared of being in love, being in love with anyone but being in love with his best friend is the scariest of all.

Tom arrives back home and he's met with the sound of the tv still playing when he walks through the door but Elli isn't laying down, she's sitting up, her blonde hair pulled in a messy bun with the phone pressed to her ear. Tom's quiet as he takes his shoes off, careful not to disturb her, assuming it's Harrison but by the time he got off both shoes, Elli was hanging up the phone and turning to face him.

"Hey." She greets, an almost shy smile on her lips.

"Hey." Tom matches the expression as he walks over to her.

Tom stands against the back of the couch while Elli is on her knees, hands on the back of the couch and facing him, putting them at almost the same height. He waits for her to say something, expecting her to say she's going to meet Harrison but she doesn't. Instead, Elli reaches up and cups his face, bringing his lips to hers in a deep kiss.

A rush comes over Tom and for this second with her lips on his, he thinks maybe Harrison had told her what he said and maybe she feels the same and he's got nothing to worry about. The rush is relief and love for her and it's overflowing as if a dam collapsed.

His arms go around her back and pull her as close to him as the back of the couch will allow and he doesn't want to let go. She tastes like coffee and vanilla and she is so warm, he swears he could never be cold again, not even in the worst of the Chicago winters. But, then she pulls away and she's smiling at him.

"Thank you."

"For what?" Tom asks, his voice holding a breathy quiver.

"Talking to Haz." Elli's eyes are gentle like a baby deer's.

"Of course, do anything for you." Tom mutters and his heart starts to deflate.

_That's what the kiss is for._

"He wants to meet at Jeni's." Elli says with excitement as she moves her hands to his shoulders.

"Good, you gonna go now?" Tom asks, shoving away the crushing feeling.

"Yep, but I had to thank you first." Elli kisses his lips again, this time just a quick peck and Tom just nods. "I don't know what you said or did but thank you. He's my best friend and I think I would lose my mind if I lost him."

"I know." Tom says and he does know, he's always known what Harrison means to her because Harrison means the same to him.

"Do you want me to bring you some ice cream?" Elli offers with a cheeky smile.

Elli's eyes are bright and happy and it almost relieves the deflating. "No," Tom laughs. "'S alright, thanks though."

"Text me if you change your mind." Elli says.

Tom puts his forehead to hers and whispers. "I will."

He doesn't want to let go but he has to, she'll be back because she always comes home. But for the moment, he just doesn't want her to leave. And if it weren't Harrison, Elli wouldn't want to leave either because every time Tom does this, every time he looks at her with his forehead to hers, her heart stops. And it's always in the most exhilarating way, that makes her feel like she's in the clouds.

"You know I love you, right?" Elli asks, tone hushed.

"I know." Tom repeats.

"I owe you." Elli whispers.

"No, you don't. It's what friends do." Tom pulls away and kisses her nose. "Should get going before Harrison beats you there."

Elli pushes off his shoulders and gets off the couch, clad in her pajamas still. "You're right, I'ma get dressed."

Elli rushes off to her room to make a quick change into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, a pullover hoodie over top. Tom makes for the fridge to find anything to eat and allows the air of the apartment to fall back into something normal.

It'll wear off, the feeling of being deflated like a forgotten balloon. It always does. The air will go back to laughter and music, normal and happy like it always does. The unsaid words will be etched along the walls in invisible ink but they'll be silent. No pounding of everything Tom should have said and should say, just silence with Elli's laughter reverberating off the hidden letters. The way Tom loves it.

"You have a show tonight, don't you? Usual bar?" Elli asks as she makes her way back into the kitchen, still buttoning her jeans.

"Yeah, play 'round seven." Tom looks over his shoulder at Elli.

"Just making sure." Elli says, close-mouthed smile on her lips.

"Riding me or Haz?" Tom asks, looking back to the fridge and opting for lunch meat for a sandwich.

"Up to you." Elli offers with the shrug of her shoulders while she reaches for her coat.

"If Haz is coming, you can ride with him since you'll already be with him." Tom suggests.

"Alright." Elli nods. "I'll grab my camera and let him know. See you there?"

"Yep." Tom flashes her smile before reaching for the bread on the counter.

Elli goes back to her room for her camera and heads out. She knows she owes Tom for whatever he said to Harrison even if Tom says she doesn't. Sure, it's what friends do but Harrison is his friend, too and Tom didn't have to step in and it means a lot to her. Tom would do anything for her and Elli knows that. He never has to but he does and it's what makes Tom one of the most important people to her. Losing Tom would be just as bad as losing Harrison so she's just happy to have them both, at least, hopefully.

While she makes her way to the ice cream shop thanks to public transport, she realizes that Harrison wasn't talkative, not that he ever is over the phone so for all she knows, it might not go the way she thinks it will.

If they weren't going to be okay, Tom wouldn't have let her go. He would have told her or given her a heads up but there's a part of her that worries maybe he's still pissed, and rightfully so. She would be if she were him. But, she wants to take it all back and be honest with him or at the very least, take back kissing him. Maybe if she hadn't kissed him, he wouldn't have been nearly as upset. It was just a disaster and she wants to make up for it in any way she can and now all she can do is hope that Harrison will let her.

Elli walks into the shop and Harrison is already sat at one of the tables with his mint chocolate chip ice cream. Elli smiles when Harrison smiles at her, lifting the small cup with the white plastic spoon to greet her and it's that moment she knows everything between them is just fine.

She goes to the counter and orders just a small chocolate ice cream bowl before meeting Harrison to take a seat. "Hey."

"Hey." Harrison smiles. "How ya feeling?"

"Should be asking you that." Elli takes a bite of her ice cream.

"I'm fine, now." Harrison chuckles.

"Good, I'm really sorry."

Harrison shakes his head."You've said that a hundred times. It's alright, I would've done the same."

"Yeah, but I should have just been honest with you and told you how I felt instead of going out and everything."

Harrison shrugs a shoulder, knowing Elli did what she thought was right. "It's okay. I get it. We're friends and we try to do what's best for each other even if it sucks or it hurts, right?"

"Yeah." Elli huffs with a smile. "Even when it hurts."

"So, we're good. I'm good. I'll get over it." Harrison gives her a genuine smile.

If it weren't for what Tom had said, that would be a blatant lie but now it's not. He'll get over it, he's fine and they're good. They're good and fine because whether Elli is still in love with Tom or not, she at one point was and Tom puts himself through hell to make sure she's happy. So, Harrison's okay with her screwing up a date she did to try and make sure he didn't get hurt. She did for it for him and he gets it.

"Really, you alright? Tom said you were pretty upset."

"Yeah," Elli sighs, cheeks flaring red. "I was just afraid I was gonna lose you and I knew I hurt you."

Harrison's brows furrow before he starts to smile and pokes her forehead. "You're stuck with me, sorry. We've been friends too long to throw it away because a date didn't go well."

"Yeah, you're right." Elli says, with wide eyes. "You're just important, ya know?"

"Oh, I know." Harrison laughs. "You'd probably be dead without me."

Elli tries to glare at him but only breaks out into laughter. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Remember when you almost got hit by a bus and I pulled you out of the way? You would be dead but I saved your life." A cocky grin comes to Harrison's face as he sticks the plastic spoon in his mouth.

"Yeah! And remember when you told my fucking mom and she almost killed me! I do!"

Harrison leans back in his chair, laughing. "It slipped!"

"Oh, bullshit! You wanted my mom to rip me our for that!" Elli points the spoon at him, unable to hold back her laughter.

"You should have looked before crossing the damn road!"

"I did!"

"Yeah," Harrison scoffs. "Thirty seconds before you were gonna walk and put your camera to your face."

Elli laughs, mouth closed as she nods. "Yeeeeaaahhhhh. Not my finest moment. But, remember that time you had to get stitches because you thought it was a good idea to try and kickflip the five stair when you could barely land one on flat ground?"

"Grounded for a damn week over that!" Harrison groans, tilting his head back.

"Yeah, cause you cost your parents five hundred dollars in the ER! Don't be stupid!" Elli chortles before going to finish the rest of her ice cream.

"Yeah, we'd be dead without each other." Harrison says, pushing his empty cup to the center of the table.

"You're right." Elli chuckles, pushing hers against his.

"We have nearly a decade of near-death experiences from the other."

"Longest decade of my life." Elli fakes a disgruntled sigh.

"You've only been alive for two decades." Harrison retorts.

"And it's been a fucking long one." Elli points a finger at him, straight-faced but only for a seconds before a smile breaks through.

"I'd miss this too much, ya know?" Harrison says, dropping the banter.

"Me, too." Elli's smile softens and it really feels like everything is gonna be okay. "Thanks, Haz."

Harrison just smiles and the ache in his chest is gone. Their friendship is more important than anything. It's not often they go back and forth, it's more her and Tom's thing but when they do, it's some of the best conversation they have and Harrison would hate to ever lose it. Yeah, he's got a crush on her but it's a crush. He'll move on and he'll still have her. He loves her, but he loves her as a best friend and he accepts it. It's not supposed to him and her and he knows now.

"What?" Elli asks, breaking Harrison's thought.

"Happy to have you as a friend. You and Tom." Harrison says, quiet smile pulling at one corner of his lips.

"Speaking of who, he's got a show, goes on around seven." Elli says.

"That means we have time for more ice cream." Harrison smirks as he checks the time on his phone. "Same?"

"Yes, please." Elli beams.

"Got it." Harrison nods, grabbing their bowls and getting up.

Harrison walks off and Elli watches him. He's her best friend and she is so eternally grateful to have him. He makes her happy and there's not an ounce of her that thinks he won't be okay or happy in the end. He's one of the good ones. A good guy, a good friend, a good person. He's one of the best and Elli looks forward to the day she gets to see Harrison with someone who makes him as happy as anyone ever could. He deserves the world. Both of her friends deserves the entire world. Maybe one day Harrison  _and Tom_  will get the world.


	13. wanted

The next week and a half goes by as normal. It's as if Tom never had the conversation with Harrison and it's as if Harrison and Elli never went on a date. The three of them are back to how they've always been, together and nearly inseparable. The friendship always comes first.

Now, it's the day before Christmas Eve and Elli is standing in her room looking at herself in her full-length mirror. She's done her hair in an updo, bits of it braided and tied off in a bun in the back. Her dress a vibrant red and cuts just above her knees, flaring out. The neckline shows just enough cleavage for sex appeal but not enough to cross the line into unprofessional. Fire engine red lipstick coats her lips, the rest of her makeup on the natural side with a little extra highlighter on her cheeks.

A knock on her open door pulls her attention from the mirror. She spins to face where the sound came from to be met with Tom and his heart stops. He can't breathe with the site of her. She's absolutely stunning and it takes everything in Tom not to let his jaw fall slack. It's taking everything in him to clear his throat and give a casual compliment because, she's wow. He almost feels like Austin Ames watching Sam walk down the stairs from A Cinderella Story. Elli has him speechless.

"Do I look okay?" Elli's eyes widen, looking down and back to Tom.

"Y-yeah, yeah, you look..." Tom swallows thickly as he tried to refrain from running a hand from his freshly gelled hair. "You look, uh....breathtaking." Tom smiles and Elli beams like the sun.

"Thank you." She lets out a breath of relief before looking back to him.

His rental suit fits well, hugging his body in all the right places; shoulders, arms, thighs. Elli always tells him he looks best in color but the grey is doing something for him and he looks absolutely amazing.

The small vibrant red pocket square sticking out of his pocket sends small bursts of butterflies through her stomach. It's subtle and it doesn't matter because they're going together and it's a job. But, there's this small part of her that knows that small piece of fabric represents that they're going together. For the night, he's hers. They're each others. And the butterflies just don't stop.

Tom sucks in a shaky breath as he waits for Elli to say something. For the first time in a long time, he feels self-conscious about what he looks like in front of her. He might be in love with her but part of being in love with her is that he's so damn comfortable around her nothing really matters.

They have sex and they have hair matted to each other and to themselves. Sweat covers their bodies and they wake up together, morning breath and all. They see each other when they're on the bathroom from a night of drinking and hangovers. And they're there when the other is sick and hasn't showered in four days. Tom can't care less about his appearance around her because it doesn't matter but right now, right now with her in a red dress and him in this suit, he's worried about what he looks like and he wants her approval.

"You're...uh," Elli stutters, refraining from biting her bottom lip. "You look....amazing." Elli says with eyes honest and innocent.

Tom lets out another sigh of relief and his entire body just relaxes in the doorway. "Thank you, darlin'." Tom blushes, looking to the floor to try and shield the pink tone. "You 'bout ready?"

"Yeah, I just need to...put my...shoes.....on." Elli looks around, not seeing the silver three-inch heels she planned to where.

Tom clears his throat, Elli looking to him as he holds them up by the straps. "Kitchen, said you'd lose 'em--"

"If I put them anywhere else." Elli finishes Tom's sentence. "I'd be shoeless without you." Elli jokes, striding over to him and taking the shoes from him.

"Yep, be callin' Haz from the ER 'bout having toes frostbit." Tom chuckles as he follows Elli out to the kitchen.

"Can you imagine frostbitten toes? That'd be horrible." Elli laughs as she takes a seat at the table.

"Yeah, so make sure you've your other shoes with socks, please. I don't wanna have to give you my shoes and I end up with frostbite." Tom teases as he grabs his shoes and takes the seat beside her.

"Already in your car." Elli winks at him before going back to her shoe. "Put my bag with pants and a hoodie and shoes in there already."

"Prepared." Tom says, tone mocking which gains him a glare from Elli before she sticks her tongue out at him.

"Only for work." Elli smirks before working on her second shoe.

Tom finishes tying his own and there's been a question eating at the back of his mind all day. It's her job, sure, but everyone always asks. They always assume they're together and they ask how long Tom and Elli have been dating. Always. And if this were someone either of them knew, they'd laugh it off and say they're still just friends but came together since that's what friends do and then they'd go off and complain that everyone thinks they're together. But, they don't know this couple. They won't know anyone there so, are they friends tonight or are they more?

"Uh, hey." Tom pulls Elli's attention as she rests her foot on the floor, both heels on. "If someone asks, what do I say?" Tom keeps it short and nonchalant, casual like he normally would because this is normal.

"Oh," Elli furrows her brows, the thought never crossing her mind. "Whatever you want." Elli gives him a sincere smile as she stands up.

That puts Tom in an uncomfortable situation. It'd be so much easier just to play it off like they're together on the off-chance that someone  _does_  ask. He knows Elli and he knows before they're let off, Elli will be a pile of mush. Weddings make her mushy and cuddly and the cute kind of clingy. It'd be so much easier to just say they're together that way when Elli gets like that and Tom embraces it and encourages it, it won't seem like they lied or that it's weird. But, Elli doesn't know Tom's in love with her and as her friend, it feels wrong to want to say they're together. Even though Tom would never trick her into a date or manipulate her or take advantage, it feels like if he says they should lie, he would be. He'd be doing it for himself and not her.

"We can say we're friends if you want." Tom shrugs, standing up and grabbing his coat from the back of the chair.

"Okay." Elli agrees with ease, shrugging her coat onto her shoulders. "Ready, then?"

"Yep." Tom nods with a close-mouthed smile as he grabs Elli's camera bags from the table.

Elli thanks him before the two of them exit the apartment and head out to Tom's car. Elli gives Tom another rundown of the camera he'll be using and likely what he'll be photographing after the ceremony, assuming this wedding is like every other one she's done. Tom nods along, paying attention to her words while his eyes pay attention to the road. There's not a chance Tom will mess this up for her so he's been taking note of everything Elli does with her camera. He's helped her before but not with a wedding like this. This is bigger and is paying way more than Elli's ever earned. So, Tom is determined to make sure he doesn't mess anything up.

They reach the Shedd aquarium and Tom parks where he's supposed to before the two make their way into the building. They're directed to where the bride is getting ready with his bridesmaids. Elli already knew this wedding was going to be something else but she didn't expect the energy to be different. It's a wedding. The bride is always stressed to hell beforehand and then a happy and apologizing mess during the reception, even when the bride wasn't mean. But, it's always stressful first and then it's filled with the feeling of magic after. But this? It's different.

Music is playing from a speaker and the women in the room are laughing, including the makeup artist and hair stylist. They're all getting ready but it just seems like they're having fun. Not an ounce of tension can be felt in the air and the second the bride sees Elli, Tom waiting outside the room, she greets her with a cheerful smile.

"The photographer's here!" She cheers, waving her hand for Elli to walk over. "It's Elli, right?"

Elli nods. "Yep. Emily?" Elli asks, just making sure she's got the name right.

"Yep!" She cheers and Elli has never seen anyone this happy on the day of the wedding. It's refreshing. "If you could start soon and I just want to make sure I have pictures of the entire party, my side, his side, our parents, the ring exchange, and the kiss. Everything else is up to you."

Elli nods, making a mental note of everything. It's the typical things everyone wants so she's not too worried. "I can get started now. I do have my friend here and he knows what he's doing so I can send him to the groom and he can work that side while I get you guys?" Elli offers with a kind smile.

"That'd be great!" Emily says with enthusiasm. "Thank you! And you can check your coat in at the end of the hall."

"Thank you." Elli nods and makes her way to the door to let Tom know.

Tom is leaning against a wall, camera bag on his shoulder while his gaze is set to his phone screen in his hand. His fingers swiping at the keys, a message back to Harrison but the sound of the door makes him nearly drop his phone and a giggle comes from Elli as she watches him fumble his phone.

"You okay?" She asks.

"I'm fine." Tom says, gripping his phone a little tighter than necessary.

"Good." Elli walks up to him and opens the bag, pulling out the camera and attaching the right lens. "Okay, you go to the groom and get pictures. You don't have to have them like....pose, just get pictures of them getting ready, ya know?"

Tom chuckles. "I know. I've done it before." He reassures her as Elli hands him the camera and he slides the strap over his head.

"I know." Elli sighs as she grabs her camera from the bag and slides it around her neck. "Just making sure."

"Aye," Tom rests his arms on her shoulders. "Won't let you down, promise."

"Thanks, Tommy." Elli leans into him and presses a kiss to his cheek making them flare in red. Tom raises a brow, eyes narrowing as he gives her a side-smirk. "What?" Elli asks.

"Nothing." Tom chuckles. "Meet you when they're ready?"

"Yep." Elli confirms."Do you also wanna check our coats in?" Elli gives him a toothy smile and Tom rolls his eyes but a smile pulls at his lips as he sticks out his arm for her coat. "Thank youuu." Her smile widens as she takes her coat off and hands it over.

"You're welcome." Tom chuckles.

The two of them head their separate ways and photograph the wedding party in their rooms. It fills with ease and while this is the biggest job Elli has had, it's the most laid back. She doesn't feel any pressure. And she is so comfortable, it's amazing. Emily has been amazing and even told her that her and Tom can enjoy the wedding as if they were guests rather than workers. She wants the pictures taken but she explained that she always wants everyone to have a good time, it's a celebration.

The ceremony came and Tom and Elli met back up, Elli directing Tom where he could get his pictures while she got hers, directly asked by Emily. The groom was ready and waiting, face filled with nerves while his groomsmen looked insanely happy. But when the music started playing and Emily started walking in, her white, lace gown with an exquisite long train hugging her body, the groom immediately started tearing up and Elli got a picture. It's moments like those that really make her love photographing weddings. It's always the looks the couples give each other when seeing each other in the suits or dresses for the first time.

The bride and groom exchange rings and vows and Elli and Tom steal glances from each other the entire time. She doesn't see it. She doesn't see the way Tom looks at her when she puts the camera back to her eye. She doesn't see the look of absolute love and adornment he gives her.

Harrison's right, he looks at her like she's the reason he does everything. She puts stars in the sky and she doesn't see it but Tom can live with it because it's Elli. But, he does wish that he'd have the courage to ask her. To tell her and maybe the couple sharing their first kiss as husband and wife could be them one day.

She could be a white ball gown, just as she's talked about a thousand times and he'd be in a tux she picked out with Harrison and his brothers behind him. And he'd cry the second he sees her because he knows she'd be glowing like the moon over the lake and he'd be so close to making her his, to sharing their lives together with vows Tom has written on three pieces of paper to make sure he didn't lose them. He'd promise to love her through it all no matter what, thick and thin, all of that but also to be her friend first. Because they were friends first. And a bittersweet smile comes to Tom's face as Elli looks back to him, the bride and groom already on their way to the reception hall as everyone follows and it's not them getting married because they're friends.

Tom and Elli meet in the middle and follow the wedding party to the reception. It's held in a large room, tables surrounding a large fish tank in the center of the room. The ceremony was gorgeous given the fact they were married overlooking the lake but even the reception is beyond any normal standard. It's gorgeous and Elli just wants pictures of the place, so she makes a mental note to take a few extra.

The reception starts after Elli gets pictures of everyone Emily wanted. Once everyone is seated, a toast to the bride and groom kicks off dinner being served and finished before Elli or Tom knows it. They made casual conversation with a few of the bride and groom's friends that were sat at the table, of course being asked if they were together and stating they're friends, but soon enough, they were off to the open and connecting room for the dance floor, readying to watch their friends have their first dance as husband and wife. Elli and Tom kept up, grabbing the cameras and getting ready as well.

The dance starts and they dance to I Hope You Dance, a popular wedding song but one that always makes Elli want to be in their place. So much so that between taking pictures, she glances at Tom across the room, him getting pictures from a different angle, and she wonders what it'd be like if that were them.

Without question, she knows it wouldn't be I Hope You Dance but Photograph because it's special. It's theirs and she knows it would be the original, sung\ by Ed Sheeran, not Tom's cover that Elli falls in love with every single time Tom plays it. And she knows that Tom would be a blushing mess but he'd be smiling so wide his cheeks would ache and his eyes would sparkle under the lights above them, letting her see the hidden galaxies mixing in the deep browns. And it'd be them. Just them together on the dance floor and it'd feel like they were in their own world. But, it's not Elli and Tom because they're friends.

The dance finishes and then it's the father-daughter dance and a few other special dances for the wedding party. But, eventually, those all come to an end and everyone is back on the dance floor, the DJ playing music for everyone to enjoy and the room just echoes with mixed happy chatter and upbeat music.

Tom and Elli keep to different sides of the dance floor for awhile, both capturing pictures of everyone they can, all of whom are having a good time. The two meet back up at their table for a quick drink and for Elli to look over the pictures Tom has taken and they look amazing, just as Elli figured they would.

"How're they?" Tom asks.

"Good, they're really good, thank you." Elli gives him a thankful smile before handing the camera back.

"Happy to help." Tom says with ease. "This all we've left to do for the night?"

"Yep." Elli says. "Emily wants us here awhile longer just to make sure we get as much as possible but she said we can leave around eight. Bored?" Elli chuckles, lightly nudging Tom with her shoulder.

"Not at all." Tom chuckles. "Was just makin' sure I'm doing it right."

"You're doing amazing." Elli says. "So, we should continue to do so." Elli holds up her camera and nods towards the floor.

Tom moves the side and moves an arm out, gesturing for Elli to go first. She walks in front of him and they go their separate ways to photograph the reception. Time goes by and while Elli and Tom are mostly just glancing at each other from a distance, they're both having a good time. The music continues to be upbeat and it puts a good energy into the room. Everyone dances with each other, some a bit intoxicated but no one in a sour mood or too drunk to stand. It's a lot of fun but then, the current song changes.

The music starts to slow with the sound of a piano as a ballad starts playing from the speakers about the area. Elli identifies the song as Wanted by Hunter Hayes and it brings a soft smile to her face. Most people around the dance floor either come together with someone they came with or a friend they met along the way, others took their seats by the large fish tank. Elli and Tom were two of the people on the dance floor, both on separate ends and getting pictures of everyone. But, Elli can feel him looking at her and heat creeps to her face as she meets his gaze.

Tom walks over, camera around his neck and his hand holding it still. "Do you wanna dance?" Tom asks and he's got a cheeky grin that tints in shyness.

"We have a job, Tom." Elli reminds him and takes a picture of a couple off to the side.

"Mhm," Tom hums and pulls the camera from her face. "But, pretty sure the bride said we could also have fun and dance and eat and everything else, ya?"

Elli sighs and licks her lips. "She did, yeah." Elli says reluctantly, not wanting to seem unprofessional. "But, is that professional?"

"Be kind of rude if we ignored her offer?" Tom smiles wide and offers his hand to her.

"One song." Elli says with a stern tone before her hand connects with his.

"All I'm asking."

Tom leads the two of them off to the back center of the floor. He slides the camera strap under his arm as Elli does so the pieces of tech are out of the way and won't be hit. One hand of his comes to her waist and the other holds both of their hands out just as the two of them danced in their living room. Elli's hand goes to Tom's shoulder, the fabric of the suit jacket taut under her fingers.

"Are you glad you came?" Elli asks as the two of them sway in time to the music.

"'course, I am." Tom chuckles."Why wouldn't I be?"

Elli shrugs. "Weddings aren't your thing."

Tom shakes his head before lightly knocking it against hers. "Anything that's your thing is my thing by association." Tom looks to her side where the camera hangs. "Not a photographer but it's your thing and you're no drummer but it's my thing so you do it."

Elli laughs softly and nods. "Yeah, guess we do kind of share everything."

"Yeah," Tom hums and his eyes fall gentle, looking at Elli and there's this shine to them and it just makes Elli's heart skip.

_Like mini galaxies._

"You've been in love before, right?" Elli asks, chewing on her lip and Tom's eyes widen.

"That's a loaded question." He chuckles but nods. "Yeah, why?"

"What was it like? I mean, was it really..." Elli pauses and looks around at the extravagance of the wedding.

Blues and greens with silver accents, fish tanks and expensive gowns and suits, stunning flowers with coral themed holders sit elegantly on the tables, and it's so under the sea but it's magical in a sense.

"Like this?" Elli asks with a nervous laugh. "Ya know, the whole butterflies and fireworks, closest thing to magic, thing?"

Tom's brows furrow as he looks Elli over knowing she believes in the whole fairytale ending. The question isn't like her and it's got him wondering what has her doubting. Maybe it's the wedding itself and the fact it's not her time yet. She's willing to wait, patient because she won't settle for someone who doesn't deserve her. But, Tom wonders if that's what has her questioning it. Maybe her head is where his is, picturing the two of them as a bride and groom, together through thick and thin.

"Yeah, yeah, the whole thing." Tom confirms and there's only honesty in his eyes as Elli looks to him.

"How many times?"

"You gonna tell me why you're asking?"

"Yeah, but....after." Elli's thumb brushes over the material of his suit, dodging his eyes.

"Once," Tom says simply but he pulls her closer to him and she rests her head on his shoulder, his breath warm against her skin as he talks. "And everything your romance films and books and everything you ever said about it, 's true. Like, I can't breathe when she'd walk in the room but then she'd smile it's like a catharsis. I dunno," Tom chuckles to himself. "It hurts but in a way you know it's worth it somehow. Maybe soulmates exist in some realm and everything we feel here is the aftermath of it, maybe. Maybe people really are destined to be together. It makes all those damn songs worth it, ya know? Like Lego House and Photograph, suddenly they make sense and I get it. It's hearing my favorite song on repeat and that feeling just...." Tom pauses as he realizes he's rambling. "It's terrifying but...yeah, it's what you think it'd be, Elli."

Elli picks her head up to look at Tom and she can't breathe. But it's not scary because he's there and nothing can be scary if Tom is there. Tom feels like the safest place on earth so even though his eyes are like Jupiter and she can't breathe looking at him, she feels content and safe and so happy. Warmth is in her chest and spreading through her bones and Wanted is playing and it makes sense. Everything makes sense, it always has. Always.

"Was it Jenny?" Elli asks innocently, genuine curiosity in her voice as she ignores her own heartbeat and Tom can feel himself holding his breath.

His head just screams.  _It's you. It's always been you._

"No," Tom chuckles, his arm hugging around her back a little tighter. "I thought it was, ya know, then but...no, I just really liked her."

"Who was it then?" Elli quirks a brow, tilting her head and knowing Tom hasn't had many serious girlfriends.

_You._

Tom shakes his head. "Some girl."

"Why won't you tell me?"

Tom sighs and sucks in a breath. "It hurts."

"Did you ever tell her?"

"Nah," Tom bites his lip as he looks at the only person he's ever been in love with. "I thought about it but....timing is always off." A dry chuckle leaves his throat.

"Do you think she knows?"

A smile comes to Tom's face as he shakes his head again. "Nope," He laughs quietly. "She's, uh, she's got a heart of gold and sees the best in everything and everybody and she's so damn smart that I kind of hope she knows but I know if she did, she would have said something or asked but she hasn't."

"Why don't you say something though?" Elli pushes for more answers. She thought they told each other everything but clearly, not everything.

"Elli," Tom sighs and squeezes her hand. "I can't and, I, um," He pauses, licking his lips. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, is that alright?"

Elli nods. "Yeah, that's okay."

"Why're you asking?"

"I just...I look here and I wanna be here one day and I dunno." Elli shrugs. "I know Shawn cheated and everything but..." Tom's heart aches as he listens, knowing what's coming. "I see people here and I wonder if the love was real and maybe I should have given him a second chance. Like, maybe he was supposed to be my person and he fucked up once and now I won't get this happy ending because maybe I was just too hard on him."

Tom lets go and moves his hands to her cheeks. "You listen to me, alright? He cheated on you.I know you don't remember a lot of that night because you were fucked up, but I do. I wanted to bash that prick's head in so fuckin' bad because of how it hurt you."

"Why didn't you?"

"You needed me. Prick will get what's coming to him and you needed me to help get you get trashed and let you cry so I stayed. And Elli, I have never seen you like that and that prick  _ **did**_  that to you. You rambled on and on and on about how everything hurt and that you don't hurt the people you love. You don't destroy the person you love and he broke you. Your words not mine but, I was there and I believe it. And I remember you curled up on the couch for two days eating ice cream and crying to Jenny and me and Harrison and your sister. He's not your person and he never was. Ever. You don't deserve someone who's gonna cheat on you and hurt you. Fuck him and his apology because, Elli, he's not sorry he fucked some girl. He's sorry you walked in on it."

Elli's heart aches as she looks to Tom, brows furrowing as she nods because he's right. And truth be told, she didn't have that feeling with Shawn. Not like what Tom is describing and now what she felt for Tom when she told him those infamous three words. Tom is just confirming that Shawn isn't her person and he never was and never will be. Tom doesn't know it, but he's also confirming everything she's felt towards him.

"I know." Elli says quietly. "Thank you."

Tom wraps his hands around her waist as he nods. "It's the truth."

Elli nods again and explosions of warmth come through her stomach looking to Tom. "I know." Her eyes look over him and they don't know anyone here and Tom is simply incredible. "I know we agreed on the friends things here..." Elli trails off and Tom's grip tightens, heart skipping a beat as he waits for her to finish. "But would it be alright if I kissed you?" Elli laughs softly but Tom doesn't.

He looks at her, music the only thing between them and then he pulls Elli flush against his chest, lips on hers in seconds. Elli's back arches and her hands come up to his face, eyes closing as she melts into his touch and feels like home.

They hold their breaths for those few seconds with their lips connecting perfectly. Just hold their breaths and neither knows why. Neither even realizes they're holding their breath until they pull away and gasp, as if they've completely forgotten the simplest task. Sly smirks start to come to their lips, both of them thinking the same thing.

It was a kiss but it was deeper than normal and it's got both of their hearts thumping a mile a minute. But the song is over so they both brush it off and gain sly smirks.

"Song's over." Elli states.

"Only twenty minutes before we can leave." Tom checks his watch, quirking a brow.

"We'll finish this in twenty minutes then." Elli winks at him, pulling her camera back around and walking off.

Tom watches her, a giant smile across his face and his fingertips brush his lips.  _She's incredible_.

The next twenty minutes go as they did before. Both of them photographing the reception and stealing glances from across the room. But, this time, the stolen glances were smirks and grins rather than sweet and gentle smiles. And the minutes seemed to pass at the slowest pace they have all night. But, Elli sucks it up and she keeps her patience, focusing on the work and then focusing on congratulating Emily and her new husband once more and thanking them for hiring her before finally being able to leave, arm in arm with Tom.

The crisp air hits Elli and Tom as they make their way to the car, both barely bothered by the contrast as their minds are set on other things. Elli leans into his side, their arms still connected and Tom kisses the top of her head. Elli's heels click against the black pavement in time with Tom's footsteps, the echo almost being masked by the city sounds. Tom's black car comes into view. He unlocks the car and opens the backset for Elli before he goes to the front and starts the car. He cranks the heat, knowing they'll have to deal with the cold air blowing for a few minutes but also knowing it won't matter much.

A shiver runs down Elli's spine as the air hits her through the vents. Tom chuckles as he moves back to her, her teeth chattering as she hugs herself.

"It's fucking freezing." Elli mutters.

"We can fix that." Tom wiggles his brows, making Elli roll her eyes but she doesn't protest, instead she strips her coat and Tom follows her lead.

Her hands come up to his jaw and pull his mouth to hers. Tom sighs against her lips, his hands going to her hips and pulling her on top of him, her legs going on either side of him. Elli grinds down on him, Tom's hands going to her bum, pulling her closer. Her hands intertwine in his gelled hair. Their kissing is sloppy and heated. Quick and needy. They're missing lips and catching the corner of the other's mouth. Teeth are knocking but not for a second to either of them come up for air.

Elli grinds on Tom in a steady rhythm, heat building in her core and through her body. The windows are just starting to steam and the cold air of the car is turning slightly warm. Tom's pants strain under him with every movement Elli makes. Her hands slide down his neck, goosebumps forming against Tom's skin with every second and amplify when her hands go to his shoulders, sliding under the fabric of his suit jacket, pushing it off.

Tom leans forward, Elli moving her hands to his jaw to hold his mouth to hers as he strips the jacket from his body, tossing to the front seat. Tom's hands immediately go to the back of Elli's dress, pulling the zipper down, the strapless material falling slightly, exposing just enough of her breasts.

Elli works on unbuttoning the white shirt Tom's wearing while Tom kneads her breasts, feeling her rapid heart through the flesh. Elli traces her palms over Tom's chest, his heart beating just as fast as hers and all it does is make her want him more.

"Glove compartment?" Elli asks, between kisses, barely breathing.

Tom pulls back, trying to catch his breath. "Yeah, yeah should be there."

Elli twists around, barely noticing the fully fogged up windows as she leans into the front to the glove compartment. With her standing and leaning forward, Tom has a perfect view under her dress. A devilish smirk crosses his lips as he slides his hand up her thigh and to her core, chills of pleasure running over her body. Tom slips her black lace thong to the side and cups her heat, thumb just pressing between her lips.

The sound of her rummaging stops and is immediately followed by a half gasp half moan.

" _Tom_ \--" Elli's voice wavers and Tom's grin turns cocky.

"What?" Tom chuckles, thumb pressing between her lips and messaging slowly.

"You're a tease." Elli rushes the words as she finds the condom.

She twists back around, straddling Tom again and his hands are back on her hips. "Mm," Tom hums, taking the condom from Elli's fingers. "How many times have you done something similar?" Tom mocks before he leans in and presses open-mouthed kisses under her collarbone.

"Shh, talking about you." Elli giggles, her fingers brushing the back of his neck.

"We don't have to." Tom picks his head up and Elli expected to see a grin and eyes dark with lust but she doesn't.

His eyes are gentle, still darker with lust but not hungry or needy. There's no grin, it's a sweet and corner smile. His entire expression is soft and almost innocent, a stark contrast to what's taking place in the vehicle but it makes Elli's heart jump.

"Okay." Elli whispers, leaning in slowly and kissing him like honey.

She sits up on her knees as she works on undoing Tom's pants and lets him tug the material and his boxers down enough to finally release his erection. He rips the package of the condom open and slides the latex over his length. One of his hands holds himself while the other goes Elli's hip to guide her onto him as she holds her underwear to the side.

The two let out moaned sighs as Elli sinks onto him, eyes closed for a few seconds. Their foreheads lean against each other, Elli's hands wrapped around the back of Tom's neck and his on her hips, thumbs rubbing softly. Their eyes open and sparks them both, adrenaline of fireworks and electricity flooding their systems. Hearts beating at the same rapid rate and wanting nothing but the other.

They've had car sex before but, the feeling in their veins and hearts and the look in the others' eyes, it doesn't feel like a friend thing but more. It's all starting to feel like a more than friend thing but neither says a word. Elli just moves her hands to Tom's shoulders for leverage and starts bouncing. Tom lets out a breath, head falling back as he squeezes her hips and guides her onto him, following her pace.

Their pace picks up, Tom bucking his hips to meet Elli's. And Elli can feel the coil being ready to snap. Her moans grow a higher pitch with every thrust of Tom's hips and she slides her hand between the two of them, fingers working on her clit.

" _Fuck_." Tom mutters, glancing between her hand her eyes. "'s it, come for me." Tom mumbles, voice swimming in lust and heat. "You're so beautiful like this." Tom says between breaths, his arms flexing as he helps Elli grind against him harder and faster and that does it.

"Tommy--" Elli calls out, eyes slamming shutting and toes curls while her legs shake. Her walls clench around Tom, spasming as she rides out her orgasm in heavy, gasping breaths.

The shaking subsides and Tom has a triumphant smile as Elli's eyes open, half-lidded with post-sex lust. "Yeah?" He chuckles.

"Mmm," Elli hums, leaning forward to his ear. "It's your turn."

"Sure you're good?" Tom asks, brows raised up at her.

"Absolutely." Elli says as she grinds against him.

Tom groans out, fingers tightening on her before an arm wraps around her and swiftly but sloppily he repositions them with Elli on her back and Tom hovering on top of her. His lips connect with her as he pounds into her at a ruthless pace. He's been close but has managed to hold himself off for Elli and now he's just chasing his high. His thrusts are sloppy and unsteady, grunting with a heaving chest.

Elli kisses down his jaw, making her way to his ear. "I wanna feel you." She whispers and Tom just whimpers, hips faltering. "Please, Tom."

Tom's hand hits the window, sliding against the steamed glass as a moan of Elli's name comes from the back of Tom's throat as he hits his high. His hips rut against hers, his head falling and arms shaking.

Elli grins up at him before moving her hands to his hips and rubbing up his back. "You good?"

Tom gives a tired chuckle. "Good." He leans down and kisses her forehead.

Elli closes her eyes in content. "Home?"

"Bed." Tom laughs, sitting up and giving Elli his hand to help her up. "Where's your bag?" He asks. Elli reaches to the front again and grabs her backpack, giving it to Tom with a raised brow. He opens the bag and tugs out his navy blue hoodie. "Knew you'd have one of mine." He smirks, pulling it over his head.

"I was gonna wear that." Elli says, jokingly pouting.

"Give it back but I'm not buttonin' my shirt and putting that jacket on to toss a condom in the trash." Tom squints an eye before moving his attention to the condom and working on taking care of it.

"Right." Elli says with a nod. "Hurry then."

"Since you asked nicely." Tom teases, opening the door and letting a burst of freezing air hit the two of them before Tom gets out and shuts the door.

While he walks the few feet to the trash, Elli digs out a pair of sweats and changes into the pants, neatly folding her dress and laying it in the open spot beside her. She moves to her heals, exchanging them for the converse in her bag and by the time she's done, Tom is back and already pealing the hoodie from his body to hand it over. Elli tugs it on and slides into the front seat, Tom working on putting on a playlist.

"Ready?" He asks.

"Mhm," Elli hums before Tom puts the car in reverse. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" Elli asks, looking to him as she leans her seat back a little.

"Yeah," Tom says with ease. "Ya know you can whenever you want, right?" Tom glances to her before pulling out of their parking spot.

Elli bites her lip, red lipstick now smeared away. "I know."

Tom glances to her and gives her an adoring smile before reaching over and offering his hand to her. Elli takes it without thought, holding it with both of her hands. Her thumbs brush over the smooth skin of the back of his hand, texture completely different from his calloused finger and palms against hers. Her head leans back against the headrest and her eyes close, promising she'll only rest her eyes in the short drive back to their apartment but she's out within seconds, making Tom chuckle to himself.

He glances at her once more before his eyes focus on the road and yeah, maybe Harrison has a point. Maybe he should tell her. Elli told him and she's been okay with them despite his freezing like an asshole over it. So, maybe he should tell her but how? And when? Now doesn't seem right because the only reason he's even second-guessing his decision is because of the wedding. It's got him in a mood to just have that with someone, have it with Elli specifically. It's about timing because he's gonna tell her, he will, he just doesn't want to fuck it up. But then he's at a stop light and the light is red so he looks at her and he just loves her.

"Elli?" Tom asks quietly, seeing if she was completely asleep and she is. She didn't move or groan, the grip on his hand is still loose, she's sound asleep. "I am so in love with you." Tom whispers, eyes lingering on her before looking to light just before it turns green.


	14. it's jenny

When Tom and Elli got back to their apartment, Tom gently woke Elli up and in her groggy state, Tom helped her up the stairs and into his room. She barely took her shoes off before climbing onto his bed and making herself comfortable, falling asleep within minutes once more. It only brought a smile to Tom's face with a rush of warmth before he changed himself and got into bed with her. And two slept through the night, allowing Christmas Eve to come.

That morning, everything proceeded as it normally did and there were parts of Tom that tinged with anxiety. He remembers telling her he's in love with her and there was a twisted part of him that hoped that maybe she wasn't really asleep and she heard him. But, the day went.

They had gone to Harrison's parents' house for dinner and Elli didn't say a word about it. It was normal between the three of them. Tom was a little disappointed but also relieved because what if she didn't feel the same way? It would have really ruined everyone's Christmas Eve with a pitiful mood. So, Tom enjoyed his first Christmas Eve with his two best friends and pushed the thoughts of the night before from his mind.

Christmas came and by then, Tom intentionally pushed telling her his feelings out of his mind. She didn't hear him and she was really asleep and it's not the right time. He'll tell her but not on Christmas. So, the two have their own gift exchange and prove once again that they know each other better than anyone.

Elli got him a new guitar strap, one he's been talking about every so often for the past six months. It's covered in Marvel characters, custom designed pattern by Elli just so his would be different from any other one. His name is even etched on the inside of the strap in the Spider-Man font. Of course, Tom was thrilled and surprised she put that much into it but also found it funny.

His present to her was a new camera strap. Elli had been wanting a custom one just to swap out every now and then instead of having the name brand Canon strap. This one though, it's all pictures she's taken at the Pier. Tom had snuck into her room and scanned them all while she was at a job. He picked more than enough and ones he knew Elli loved, like the ones where the Pier is covered in snow with minimal footprints, ones of the lake being frozen, and some of the Ferris wheel covered in snow. Her name is etched on inside in a pretty and elegant cursive font.

They had their own form of a thank you afterward, which lead to the two of them needing to shower.

They'd gotten ready and made their way to Elli's parents' house for dinner, Elli reminding Tom that they think she's dating Harrison and Tom hated it. He hated having to pretend it's true and he hated that Elli was so nonchalant about it but he gets it and he went with it and he had fun anyway. No one bothered them about if they were dating and that didn't sting. For the first time, it didn't sting. Instead, he got to have good conversations with her mom, dad, and sister. It was all in all, a perfect Christmas.

And it only got better when they got back to the apartment, Harrison stopping by for the night right after. They had their own gift exchange, the three of them getting all new mugs, a tradition they've had over the past five years. Elli got a Wonder Woman mug, Tom got a Miles Morales mug, and Harrison got a Riddler mug. The three of them spent the rest of the night washing their mugs and drinking hot chocolate from them while watching Christmas movies.

The next two weeks went by like normal. New Year's Eve was even pretty uneventful. Elli had a job she had to photograph, Harrison had plans with a few friends from a sculpting class he'd taken in college, and Tom had to work the radio. After new years, the next few weeks went by like normal. The three hung out regularly. The friends with benefits remained the same between Elli and Tom. Neither giving it up and both keeping it a tight-lipped secret. Everything was normal until Elli got a phone call the first week of February.

"Hello?" Elli asks, phone to her ear, one hand running through Tom's hair as he's laid on her lap reading an old comic book.

"Hey, is this Elli?" The feminine voice asks.

"Yeah, who's this?" Elli's question brings Tom's eyes up to her's.

"Hey, um, it's Jenny." Jenny says, the timidness reading through the few words.

Elli pauses, fingers still threaded through Tom's hair. "Uh....hi?"Elli says, unsure of what else to say.

"Um, I know this is random and totally out of the blue but...I'm in town." Jenny says in a quick ramble.

"Okay." Elli states, allowing her uncertainty to come through while Tom mouths a 'who is it?' to which Elli just shakes her head.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up? Maybe today if you could? I just want to catch up and explain everything if that's okay. You can say no, I understand." Jenny rambles and Elli just sighs, looking down to Tom and she feels herself wanting to scream a no but Tom's big brown eyes are always so damn forgiving that Elli knows what the right thing to do is.

"Yeah, okay." Elli says after a few beats. "Starbucks on Madison and Clark?"

"Two hours?" Jenny offers.

"I'll be there." Elli agrees.

"Awesome." Jenny's voice lightens for a split second. "And....do you still live with Tom?"

"Yup." Elli answers flatly.

"Can I talk to him, please?"

Elli has half a mind to hang up but Tom's still looking at her with big puppy-like eyes and she can't withhold the call from him. So, she hands Tom the phone.

"Hello?" Tom asks.

"Hey, Tom." Jenny says, voice sweet but ringing sour in Tom's ears.

"Jenny?" Tom asks, breath nearly hitching in his throat as he stares wide-eyed at Elli, all color draining from his face.

"Yeah, um, hey."Jenny says.

"What do you want?" Tom's voice goes cold as he sits up.

"I just...I wanna meet up if that's okay with you. I owe you an apology."

"Yeah, you do." Tom states, no sympathy or empathy in his tone.

"Please? Give me an hour tomorrow." Jenny pleads.

"Hold on." Tom groans, putting her on hold. "What the fuck?"

He thought he'd never see her again. He didn't think he'd ever even hear her voice again and he's been more than okay with that. She hurt him, broke his heart. People don't just up and leave like nothing ever happened and then come back like this. Tom's heart aches with every beat, just staring at Elli, almost pleading for her to take the phone away. He doesn't like her. He's not in love with her but hearing Jenny's voice hurts.

"Yeah." Elli says with eyes just as wide as his. "What's she want?"

"To meet tomorrow." Tom mutters.

"Meeting up in two hours." Elli says, eyes soft.

"You're gonna meet with her? After everything?" Tom nearly yells, almost offended by it.

"She was my friend before she was your girlfriend, so yeah. I'm gonna see what she has to say."

Tom looks to the phone and Elli's heart aches for him. He's fighting a losing battle. "I should go then, right?"

Elli shrugs a shoulder with understanding eyes. "I...I mean....maybe?" Elli fumbles for words. "She hurt you but....it's been years."

Tom bites his lip, eyes back on the phone screen and watching the smaller timer keeping track of the call time. "Yeah....can always leave if it goes south."

"And hey, just plan it an hour before we're supposed to eat. Remember? We're goin' for pizza with Harrison."

Relief comes over Tom's face as his thumb hovers over the hold button. "Yeah, yeah, can do that." He sends Elli a small but thankful smile. "Yeah, okay." Tom says into the phone. "Hour tomorrow, 'bout three. Getting Georgio's with Elli and Haz at four so we can meet at the Starbucks 'round the street." Tom says, his voice flat.

"Sounds good, I'll be there." Jenny says with her voice remaining sweet but relieved.

"Here." Tom hands the phone back to Elli without another word before he gets up and goes to the kitchen.

"So...I'll see in a few hours." Elli says once the phone is pressed back to her ear.

"Okay." Jenny agrees and the girls hang up the phones.

Elli makes her way to the kitchen, watching Tom grab a bottle of water from the fridge. He fiddles with the cap and she knows it's because now he's nervous about meeting her again. Sure, he said he wasn't in love with her and he just really liked her. But, that's the thing. He really liked her and then she broke his heart.

Elli remembers the details because she's never seen Tom like that after a breakup. He cried to her about it. He was just muttering that he didn't know what was going on or what went wrong. He thought they were fine but then Jenny just broke it off. But, that's not what hurt the most. She broke it off and left for Michigan the very next day. It wasn't so much that Jenny simply didn't want to be with Tom, it just seemed she didn't want anything to do with him at all. It was devastating looking at Tom for the first two days after the breakup.

"You alright, Tommy?" Elli asks, walking in front of him.

Tom takes a deep breath, looking down at her with distant eyes. "Yeah...didn't think I'd see her again..."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." Elli offers a hand for the water bottle.

Tom hands the plastic over. "If I don't, I'll regret it."

Elli unscrews the lid and keeps it so Tom won't be picking the plastic and hands the bottle back. "Yeah, probably but you just text me or call me and I'll come in to get you." Elli gives him a cornered but protective smile.

"Thanks, darlin'." Tom half smiles before taking a sip of his water.

"I always got you, you know that." Elli smiles as Tom wraps an arm around her and brings her in for a hug.

"Yeah," Tom huffs before kissing the top of her head. "Be lost without ya."

"Glad you can admit it." Elli jokes as she looks to him, wide grin on display.

"Fuck off." Tom groans with a laugh.

"I should get ready anyway." Elli moves out of his grasp with a soft laugh.

Elli leaves Tom to himself and goes off to shower. While she spends her time getting ready, she can feel the nerves building. It's not much, not enough to actually cause panic or even be in for-front of her mind but it is enough that Elli can feel her palms sweating.

Seeing someone who leaves without a trace after two years isn't what someone would normally call fun. The last time Elli saw Jenny, Jenny was fine. She was happy and smiling, laughing and talkative just as she always was. And then later that night, Elli's home alone until Tom comes home with red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks, muttering that Jenny and him had broken up. By the next day, Jenny was just gone. No calls, no texts, radio silence. The whole thing was weird so it's only right for Elli to be slightly nervous as she finishes getting ready.

Before Elli leaves, Tom wishes her luck and tells her to just text him if she needs him to bail her out. But after that, Elli is out the door and on her way to the agreed Starbucks. She chooses to walk, knowing the air will do her good and walking around the city has its own way of keeping Elli calm.

It's going to go one of two ways. Elli is either going to explode for Jenny leaving and not only hurting her but hurting Tom or Jenny will explain and things will be squashed. Elli tries to stay optimistic in her walk, hoping for the latter. They were friends for a reason and people fuck up, they do stupid shit, but people change. People can be remorseful and they can have forgiveness and redemption. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Elli reaches the Starbucks, seeing Jenny waiting outside. Jenny's smile widens as she sees Elli and Elli smiles back, a rush of happiness comes over her for those few seconds. She didn't realize how much she missed Jenny until she saw her there. She looks the exact same. Dark brown curly hair running naturally down to the middle of her back, round but thin glasses hang on the bridge of her nose, and her skin is clear as ever. She still looks perfect.

"Hey." Jenny greets as Elli closes the distance.

"Hey." Elli says back, a soft nod. "We should go inside, assume you're cold." Elli reaches for the door and holds it open for Jenny.

"Thank you." Jenny says and the girls leave the conversation for the moment, getting in line to order their coffees before finding a place to sit.

Chatter surrounds Elli and Jenny as the two are seated in their own silence by the window. Elli keeps her eyes either on her coffee out the window, watching traffics pass by the busy Chicago streets. Drops of water drip down to the pavement, melting snow and ice falling from the roof of the building. Jenny fiddles with her fingers, not expecting the air fall as awkward as it is between the two of them.

The girls were friends from a festival. They clicked, similar to how Elli clicked with the boys. Jenny became a fourth person to their group but she also had her own friends and she went to a different school to study law, so they only got together when Jenny wasn't swamped. Nevertheless, the four did get along quite well and the girls appreciated the friendship of more than just guys. But, that changed when Jenny left and now it's just awkward.

"So, how's the photography thing going?" Jenny asks, breaking the silence.

"Good, photographed a nice wedding at the Shedd aquarium before Christmas." Elli answers, sipping from her coffee. "How's school?"

"Good." Jenny smiles, softly. "Still have two more years left but it's good."

"That's good." Elli answers, eyes trained back to the window.

Jenny sighs, leaning forward. "Elli, look, I'm sorry I left and that was it."

"Can I say I told you so?" Elli quirks a brow back at her.

"Yeah," Jenny scoffs but a smile comes to her lips.

"I told you if you dated Tom and it ended, it would end on bad terms. Told you so."

"It's not like I wanted to leave." Jenny mutters.

"Then why did you? No one forced you."

"Because I was hurt and--"

Elli laughs, eyes widening. "You were hurt?" Elli leans back, scoffing with both hands wrapped around her cup as Jenny's brows furrow. "Yeah, you break Tom's heart and leave without a trace but you're hurt."

"Oh, here we go." Jenny huffs. "Protective Elli, always looking out for Tom." Jenny rolls her eyes. "You still in love with him or are you still living that lie?"

"I don't know, how's the lie you're living?" Elli's eyes are cold as she stares Jenny down.

"What lie?"

Elli licks her lips, shrugging. "You hate law school. It's why you hung out with us."

Jenny groans, moving the curly strands of hair from her face. "That's fair." She nods with a sigh. "I'm really sorry, okay? I am. I'm sorry for what I just said and for leaving without at least telling you why."

Elli nods, bringing the cup to her lips. "Okay," Her voice loosens the chilled tone. "Why didn't you just text me or call me? Or even Harrison? It just wasn't like you and you had us worried. Even your social media went dark for a month."

"Harrison really can keep a secret, damn." Jenny's brows raise as she takes a drink of her coffee. "I called Harrison back, granted, I told him to stop calling but I did call him back."

Elli gets it. She's hurt that Jenny was supposed to be her friend and up and left, leaving her to worry but Elli understands. Jenny needed to do what was best for her and if leaving was best, then so be it. So, Elli lets it go.

"Well," Elli lets out a breath. "You never told me your side. I forgive you for leaving but I do wanna know your side. You were my friend, too. Not just Tom."

"Okay, do you really wanna know what happened?" Jenny asks and Elli nods. "Tom, he's great, Elli and I will always love him but he was never in love with me. He's been in love with you." Jenny pauses and Elli just lets her take the time she needs. "I didn't care that he'd bail if you needed him because I know how much you guys mean to each other and I'd never come between that but....he.....he was different with you. We'd go out and people always assumed you two were together, not us. He never told me but he didn't have to do."

"Tom said you broke up because it just wasn't working." Elli states, keeping her voice level as to not show her annoyance with people telling her Tom's the one in love with her.

"Yeah," Jenny nods. "It wasn't. He didn't lie but it wasn't working because I wasn't going to be his..." Jenny pauses, trying to find the right way to phrase her words. "Backup."  
  


"You're not a backup and he's really not in love with me. He was crushed when you ended it and left."

Jenny shakes her head. "Yeah, he is. Present tense and I know he was, I have no doubt he had feelings for me. I feel awful but he's fine." Elli rolls her eyes and Jenny notices her expression going annoyed. "I'm just saying. Have you guys ever talked about it?" Jenny asks calmly, knowing she's approaching shark waters with her next question. "Ya know, what you told him that night?"

"You're steering this away from you leaving." Elli chuckles.

"Yeah," Jenny laughs. "I'm sorry I left and didn't contact you because I was dumb, hurt, and selfish. I promise to keep in touch. Moving on."

"Well, what exactly are you talking about?" Elli asks with a nervous laugh, hoping it's not what she thinks.

Jenny just stares at her, eyes narrowing. "I listened to your voicemails. You're in love with him and you told him. He froze. Come on, continue."

Elli closes her eyes and sighs, putting her arms on the table and her head lays on her arms. She groans out and Jenny holds back a snicker. "You were ignoring me. Why'd you listen?" Elli's mumbled grumble causing Jenny just starts laughing.

"Just in case there was an emergency." Jenny says through a laugh, making Elli pick her head up and glare. "C'mon, what happened? And when did you even tell him? Your voicemail wasn't exactly detailed and it didn't sound like it was something new."

Elli picks her head all the way back up. "Listen, I was having a really bad day when I had called you. I had to deal with shitty people on the job and I needed a void and your voicemail was that voice and Harrison doesn't know and Tom doesn't know you know, obviously."

"I have no idea what we're talking about right now." Jenny jokes, gesturing for Elli to continue.

"I told him a few months before I dated Shawn...." Elli lets her voice trail off and Jenny's eyes nearly shoot out of her head.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jenny shakes her head, leaning an arm on the table. "You told him before Shawn? So before I dated him?"

"Uh-huh." Elli sips on her coffee, knowing Jenny is about to ask a ton of questions.

"So, you've been in love with him for like three years? And then you just.......didn't say anything to him or to me? Or Harrison? We're friends!"

"It was two years--"

Jenny narrows her eyes. "Math, Elli. That's like two and half years at least."

"Whatever, that's not really the point. Time is just a concept."

"Oh my gosh." Jenny groans. "Anyway, regardless, why didn't you tell me? I never would have dated him had I known? I had my suspicions, of course, but if I ever really thought it was something serious like that, I wouldn't have dated him."

Elli groans, running her hands over her face. "I dunno, alright? You both liked each other, I wanted you guys to be happy. I was with Shawn, I was over it by then. Look, I don't even know why I told him. Haven't you been in a situation where something and everything just feels right? Like, there's no reason, nothing different but there's this uncontrollable urge to just spit it out? Cause that's basically what happened."

Jenny quirks a brow and leans in, fully invested in the story. "Well, what were you guys even doing that caused you to say it? I'm not judging, it's just...ya know?"

Elli shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "We were just watching a movie and it slipped." Elli lies, not wanting to deal with the whole discussion that would come with the truth.

"And he just froze?" Jenny asks.

"Yeah....just....stared at me." Elli says, feeling her cheeks redden and her heart sinks with a horrible ache.

"And you guys just never talked about it?"

"No..." Elli says quietly. "Why bother? If he felt the same way, he would have said something but he didn't. He just...stared at me like, he was in a bit of shock but also terror. And then I moved on and dated Shawn and he dated you."

Jenny's heart aches for her reunited friend. "I'm really sorry."

"It's fine." Elli says. "It's been two years and  _a half years_  so I've moved on from it, ya know?"

"Well, like a year since you left a voicemail but..." Jenny counters.

Elli's face switches to distaste. "Whatever, I've moved on from it and I haven't even thought about it since." Elli lies again, trying to get it to be dropped and she makes a mental note that seemingly dead voicemails aren't actual voids.

Jenny nods, not fully believing her. "Are you sure?"

Elli nods. "Yeah, I'm sure. But can we not talk about it, please?"

"Yeah, sure." Jenny agrees. "

"Tell me about your love life." Elli lightens her tone with the wiggle of her brows and Jenny's face lights up.

"I have a girlfriend and she is the epitome of perfect." Jenny says with the brightest smile.

"Please give me every single detail." Elli urges, coffee cup held to her lips.

Jenny immediately starts gushing about her girlfriend of the past year and Elli hangs onto every word as if they didn't just have an argument and as if they hadn't gone two years without speaking. It was easy to fall back together. They got out what they needed to and now it's a fresh start, picking up where they left off. What started with a day of nerves, ended with Elli more than relieved and happy. The girls promise to keep in touch and Michigan isn't that far, an easy drive even so they'll figure it out, promising not just to drop off the face of the earth again.

By the time Elli gets home, Tom is sat in the living room, headphones over his head and his keyboard out in front of him. He's playing away, something new Elli hasn't heard before making him completely oblivious to her entry. She listens as she takes her shoes off and hangs up her coat before making her way into the living room, going to the floor beside him and scaring him.

"Why?" Tom seethes, eyes wide as he rips the headphones off.

Elli giggles as she leans against the couch. "You couldn't hear me anyway."

Tom glares at her before shaking his head and looking back to the keyboard. "How was it?"

"Good." Elli says. "We're fine now, talked it all out."

"Just like that?" Tom asks, not bothering to look back to her.

"Yeah...." Elli says. "She said she'll explain it to you tomorrow but I think you'll get it."

"Do you?" Tom scoffs, looking over his shoulder.

Elli's brows raise in offense. "Uh, yeah because you'd do the same thing."

Tom figures she's talking about leaving but he doesn't know for sure so he just stares at her as Elli shrugs. Elli knows him and if it were him, as much as she doesn't want to admit it, it wouldn't be beyond him to leave if something like that happened. He wouldn't just stop answering phone calls or texts but he would leave. He'd run and that's how Elli knows Tom will understand Jenny's reasoning. It'll be fine.

"Why's she back?" Tom moves onto another question, not wanting to ask about the previous statement.

"Her cousin's baby shower."

Tom nods a few times. "Ah."

Tom falls silent and Elli moves closer to him, a hand resting on his shoulder. "Look, you don't have to go if you don't want to. I wouldn't blame you and if you wanna just give her the finger and call it a day, I'll support you."

Tom chuckles, head shaking and loose curls falling onto his forehead as he looks to Elli. "Thanks." Tom says. "'M gonna go, you can hear her out, so can I." Tom sighs before resting his forehead against Elli's shoulder.

"I'm proud of you." Elli chuckles, hand fluffing his hair.

"Are you though?" He squints an eye, looking up to her and the corners of his mouth pull into a smirk.

"Always." Elli says in an almost mock tone but the smile on her lips is genuine. "What're you working on anyway?"

Tom picks his head up and leans over the keyboard for his notebook and pencil, the writing just chicken scratch. "Re-working a cover, makin' it different."

"What song?" Elli takes over the notebook, looking at the music notes written in the makeshift shafts and the small notes scribbled on the sides.

"My Thoughts On You." Tom answers, pushing a key.

"Nice, that's gonna be interesting to hear a keyboard version." Elli gives Tom an approving smile.

"If I can get it right." Tom groans with a hand running through his hair.

"You always figure it out." Elli hands the notebook back. "You always do." She leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek.

Tom blushes, a smile splitting his face before he bites his lip. He looks back to Elli, eyes gentle and loving. "Thanks." Tom says, voice a little quieter than he intended and all Elli can do is smile, a genuine and gleeful smile. Tom looks down, the blush still vibrant as ever. "I'ma keep working."

"Can I listen?" Elli asks and Tom's heart stops in his chest for a split second.

"'course." His hand comes up the back of her head, pulling her softly to him and he presses a kiss to her forehead before he moves back to the keyboard.

Elli leans back against the couch and reaches up to the small end table, grabbing her book. Tom unplugs his headphones, neatly resting them to the side and he starts where he left off. The two of them sit comfortably for the rest of the night. Just Tom playing away, stopping to change notes and rhythm, adjusting what needs to and Elli reading. No words are spoken, it's just the music and the book and the both of them couldn't be happier or more comfortable with each other.

The next day comes around and Tom finds himself at the Starbucks down the street from Georgio's. Elli wished him luck before he left, promising that she's a text away if he needs her to come in and save him. She reminded him what time they were to meet up and that she'd already be there with Harrison. But, Elli isn't the person at the front of his mind for the first time in months. It's Jenny. It's Jenny as she walks into the coffee shop, high waisted jeans and long leather jacket making her look exquisite. And Tom remembers everything he really liked about her.

Jenny gets her coffee before taking a seat in the small booth Tom had gotten, sitting opposite him. "Hey." Jenny greets, voice a little timid.

"Hey." Tom says flatly. "What'd you wanna talk about?" Tom asks right away, just trying to get it over with. He remembers what drew him in. She is the definition of everything beautiful but he remembers why he doesn't love her. So, he wants this over with.

"I just wanted to apologize for leaving." Jenny says and Tom nods, gesturing for her to continue. "I owed you more than that. We were dating but we were friends first."

"Yeah." Tom agrees, sipping his coffee.

"I'm really sorry, Tom. I know I hurt you and I just, I'm just really sorry." Jenny's face scrunches with sincerity and Tom can feel himself wanting to forgive her.

"You said I was in love with Elli and that's why you broke up with me." Tom states.

Jenny rolls her eyes. "Are you not in love with her? Honestly? Are you really not? Because no one believes it."

"You're missing the bloody point." Tom says through gritted teeth. "I'd never have dated you had there been a doubt about you. I'd never date someone being in love with another person."

Jenny sits back and he has a point. The question isn't if he was in love with Elli then, it's if he was denying it. He knew he had liked her, of course, he had wanted to ask her out. But, he didn't know he was in love with her and after she started dating Shawn, Tom threw himself so far into denial, he really didn't think he had feelings for Elli. His focus was on Jenny because that's who he was dating and he really did think he was in love with her. He's not lying and she should know that.

"I...yeah." Jenny nods. "That's fair. But, look, I think you've always been in love with her but I know that you're not that person. I think you were just in denial." Jenny says tentatively.

Tom leans back in his seat. "'m not in love with her, Jenny."

"Okay." Jenny says, clearly defeated. "She's in love with you though."

Tom completely freezes as he stares at her while she sips her drink. "She's what?" Tom asks, ready to hear whatever Jenny has to say no matter how long it takes.

* * *

As Harrison and Elli start to approach Georgio's Pizza, Elli feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulls it out, clicking the lock button to illuminate the screen and sees Tom's name with a message displayed neatly across her background. A sigh escapes her lips as she reads the message and shoves the phone back in her pocket, pulling Harrison's attention away from what he was saying.

"All good?" He asks, looking down to her.

"Tom's gonna be late, he said. He's still with Jenny, I guess." Elli says with the shrug of her shoulders.

Harrison's eyes sadden slightly as he watches touches of disappoint fall over Elli's face. "Did he say how long?" Harrison asks.

"Nope, just said he'd be late and he'd text me when he was on the way."

"Well," Harrison sucks in a breath, looking over his shoulder. "Could be an hour for all we know so, you wanna hit up the Barnes N Noble 'round the block and he can meet us there instead?"

The disappointment in Elli's chest starts to fade with Harrison's offer and her lips pull into a gentle smile. "You sure?"

"Yeah," Harrison stops walking, jerking his head in the direction of the book store. "C'mon."

Elli turns with Harrison and the two make their way to the store and Elli takes her phone back out to let Tom know where to meet them. Her fingers glide quickly across the slick screen and Harrison glances as she types, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets and he knows by the look of disappointment she had what she's thinking and it looks like that that's killing him to keep the secret. But, it's Harrison and Harrison can keep a secret better than anyone. So, he looks in front of him and doesn't say a word. Not until Elli starts up.

"Think they might get back together?" Elli asks, looking up to Harrison and disregarding Jenny's words about her girlfriend.

Harrison chortles, shaking his head quickly. "Tom and Jenny? Fuck no."

"What?" Elli furrows her brows, the two of them coming to a stop at the crosswalk. "They were good together."

Harrison sighs, pulling a hand from his pocket to run it through his hair. "Yeah, but she hurt him, bad. You were there."

"Yeah," Elli widens her eyes. "But it's been two years."

"So?" Harrison challenges. "He might be willing to forgive her, that's Tom but he's not..." Harrison pauses, eyes lingering on Elli before moving ahead of him. "He's not into her anymore and I don't think he would be after one coffee."

Elli huffs, looking away from Harrison and following the few other people across the street and turning to the other corner. "How do you know?"

"Why does it matter?" Harrison counters.

"It doesn't..." Elli whispers.

"If it didn't, you wouldn't be askin'." Harrison chuckles softly as he nudges her with his shoulder.

"I don't want him to get hurt and if she did it before, she can do it again." Elli states.

It's the truth, it is. Jenny could leave Tom again and break his heart. She could still think Tom is in love with Elli and it could cause the exact same break up all over again. It's all true but it's been two years and people change. Elli might not want Tom to get hurt but she'd be lying if she said she wouldn't be the one hurt if Tom and Jenny got back together, even if just for a night.

"Doesn't Jenny have a girlfriend, anyway?" Harrison raises a brow.

Elli pauses before nodding just once. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

Harrison chuckles and slings an arm over her shoulders. "He's fine, okay? Let's get you a book so you can stop thinking."

"Thanks, Haz." Elli leans into him with a quiet voice and Harrison just squeezes her closer.

The rest of the walk was quiet besides the bustling sounds of the city. It's a normal Saturday, sidewalks busy with people and cars every stop light. The weather is nicer today and everyone is trying to get out while they can. It's nice, it's nice not freezing and being able to get some fresh air without the air hurting their faces. In fact, it's so nice and refreshing, Elli almost groans when they reach Barnes And Noble. She'll be cooped up for the next few months because the weather isn't going to last like this so all she wants to do is stay out but, there's nothing else to do. So, Harrison holds the door open and the two walk inside.

Elli leads the way to the second floor of the building, Harrison following right behind her. They choose to go their separate ways, Harrison to the magazine section and Elli near the young adult books. They agree to just meet up whenever the other is done or whenever Tom texts them, whichever comes first.

While Elli walks through an aisle of shelving with plenty of books, music plays softly from above her. It's a popular Chicago station, not Tom's, but a popular one that plays all of the top hits that are currently on the charts. It's quiet though, barely even audible but still pleasant. Elli even finds it a bit calming as she looks through books and reads the backs, trying to figure out what her next choice will be.

Maybe it's the music or the calm atmosphere of the store, but Elli really could spend hours in here without a care in the world. Hours could pass and she wouldn't even know. She doesn't even have to read a book, all she needs to do is read description after description. Books will stack over in her arms but it's not until it's time to leave she'd even notice. There's just something about this store that can calm her, every worry. Maybe that's why Harrison offered.

"Hey," Harrison says, coming up to the side of Elli.

Elli jumps, spinning to face Harrison with a glare. "Scared the shit out of me."

Harrison chuckles with a shrug. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Elli sighs with a smile. "You done already?" Elli raises a brow, seeing the magazines in Harrison's hand. Rolling Stone, an art magazine she can't make out, and another one smooshed between the two.

"Already?" Harrison questions gaining a teasing smirk. "It's been an hour."

"What?" Elli's eyes widen as she pulls her phone out to check the time. "Oops."

"Yeah," Harrison laughs. "Figured we could head down to the cafe and grab a coffee while we wait for Tom." Harrison sighs, expression growing annoyed.

Elli's face falls as she stares at her phone screen that's lacking the text from Tom. "Yeah, okay, um..." Elli looks at the books in her hands. "Lemme just..." She looks them over, trying to figure out which one she wants.

"Hey." Harrison's expression switches as he starts looking around. "Do you smell that?"

Elli pauses, looking to Harrison and then around like he's doing. Her heart sinks to her stomach and her palms grow ice cold. "Is that smoke?"

Harrison's eyes are just narrowed with concern. "I think so, we should go."

"Right behind you." Elli says, putting the misplaced books on the shelving and following Harrison through the row of books.

The two of them work on getting away from the back wall and to the stairs. Other people are already rushing down the stairs and people from the first floor are rushing out of the building. The scent of smoke starts to become clear and grey clouds filter through the air, finally triggering the fire alarms.

Harrison's hand reaches behind him, grabbing Elli's to make sure she's right behind him. And the two are just around to round the corner to get away from the wall, to the railing of the balcony, and to the stairs but then that's when it happens.

A loud rushing boom sounds through the entire store. The floor rumbles beneath the two and they're thrown off their feet in a quick motion. Smoke clouds their vision as the shelving starts to come down, everything happening at once giving neither of them any time to avoid the impact. of the blast or the shelving that's coming down onto them.


	15. oxygen

Fire alarms blare as people uninjured make their way towards the exits. There's coughing, crying, and screaming with the accompaniment of a crackling fire coming from the first floor. The second floor remains quiet, as if no one was there to begin with. Smoke builds with every passing second and the fire from below builds, consuming books and shelving on its course, flame and heat working its way to the second floor.

Those who can't make it out are either injured, trapped, or were knocked unconscious from the blast. Their only hope is that help will come and when help comes that they'll be able to help before too much damage is done. But, that's the thing about explosions and fire. No one knows what exploded or what caused it so for all anyone left in the building knows, it could be toxic, able to kill in less than a few minutes. But, if it's not that, it's still smoke. Smoke inhalation can be deadly. Most people who die in a fire, die from inhalation, not the burns. And if it doesn't kill anyway, it can cause long term issues. And of course, there's the fire.

Burning alive must be one of the worst ways to go out. A sunburn hurts let alone flesh literally being boiled and torched. It is the worst form of physical pain and there is nothing to be done about it, not against an open flame like this. If it doesn't kill, it sends people to burn units where they have to pick the dead flesh off and there isn't anything they can give the victim that's strong enough to numb the pain. It is an agonizing hell.

So, help has to come soon and they have to be able to get in and rescue those who are left. But, there's no telling if it'll be soon enough. All there is hope.

Sheering pain shoots through Harrison's elbow, bringing him back to consciousness. He groans and rolls onto his back, left arm reaching to hold onto his right elbow and it's not clicking. He's dazed, ears clogged as if he were underwater. His eyes are burning and his throat is already growing sore. His eyes fall on the ceiling, smoke rising above him and the lights of the store completely off. The alarm continues to ring and slowly but surely, it finally hits him.

Harrison's eyes bulge as he sits up, forgetting about his elbow and he needs to get Elli. She was right behind him, hand in hand. The blast had knocked them from their feet, disconnecting their hands and Harrison swears she should have been right there but he doesn't even remember how his elbow was hurt. It happened quick. It was too fast to register the bookshelf coming down and separating the two of them.

The bookshelf is only a few inches away from Harrison, just barely missing him. Lucky for him, too because he can see over it and he catches a glimpse of Elli on her back, not moving. All he can see is from her torso up, nothing more and nothing less. Her face is almost a blur in the smoke that seems to be utterly relentless and Harrison knows he can't waste any time just staring or paying attention to the pain in his elbow as he works on crawling around the shelving to her.

"Elli?" Harrison yells through a cough as he gets closer. "Elli!" It's almost a whine that comes from his mouth before his elbow gives out. But he's close now, able to see that her legs are trapped under the heavy wood. "Hey, Elli."

He can feel the panic wanting to set it. He's fighting against it, knowing he has to remain calm but Elli's trapped. These shelves are heavy and what if he can't get her out in time? What if he can't help her? What if he can't even wake her up? Harrison is her best friend and best friends help protect each other, they're there when the other needs them. Harrison might be right here but he wasn't able to protect her from this and she wasn't able to protect him. And all he keeps thinking is what's going to happen if he can't wake her up and get her out from under this shelving?

What's her family going to think? What's Tom gonna think?

Harrison scoots closer, just using his left arm. Her eyes are shut and there's a cut at the top of her head but Harrison can see her chest moving. "Elli," He moves to his knees and cups her face. "Wake up!" He yells before dodging his face into his shoulder as he starts to cough. "Elli!" Harrison's hands tighten on her face as he gets closer to her. "Wake up." His words are stern, voice hoarse and Elli groans.

Harrison's chest burns as he lets out a sigh of relief. Elli starts groaning, hand coming up to her head while her eyes stay closed and her ears are clogged just as Harrison's were. But, Elli can hear the alarm blaring above them and it just makes her think it's Tom's alarm going off, that is until she felt the warm and sticky liquid on her forehead.

"What the f-" Elli's eyes open as she brings her hand in front of her face.

She sees the dark red liquid, the bookshelf and everything in front of her blurred with her vision focused on her hand. Her heart starts to jump at the sight of the blood and then, just as it did with Harrison, everything rushes back. Her legs ache, pressure building. The room is literally burning and it's hot. Her chest hurts, eyes burning, and her throat feels like sandpaper. The hearing starts to return and sirens can be heard from outside but that doesn't stop the panic from spreading through her body.

"Harrison?" She looks to him, hands coming to the floor for her to try and sit up despite her legs being trapped.

"You're okay." Harrison says with relief. "We gotta lift this, okay?" He says without waiting a beat.

Elli nods and the two of them try to move it off of her but it's too heavy. It's laying horizontally across her legs and they can't physically lift it up. Maybe if Harrison had two working arms, they could lift it just enough to slide her legs out from under it but not now. And it's too heavy to just push off of her. If they push it off, it could cause more damage. It could cut her. Elli's adrenaline is running ramped through her bloodstream so for all they know, she could be cut and not know it and sliding the shelving off her could make it worse. So, she's trapped.

"Go," Elli coughs out. "Get out." The coughing continues as Harrison puts his hand on her back and shakes his head.

"I'm not leaving you." Harrison says and takes off his hoodie.

"Get help!" It's a whine now, a hoarse whine leaving her lips. "You have to get help."

"They're outside." Harrison reassures and gives her his hoodie. "Put that over your mouth, okay?"

"But we don't know how long--" Elli bursts into a coughing fit, making Harrison grab her hands and put the hoodie over her mouth for her. "Please," Elli whines once the coughing subsides enough for her talk. Tears swell in her eyes and  _she's trapped._

Harrison shakes his head. "No." His voice is soft. "It's gonna be okay."

Harrison says it'll be okay but will it really? She's stuck in a fire after an explosion. She's coughing up a lung, she's bleeding, and both of her legs are trapped. That doesn't sound okay to her. Her chest is burning and it hurts everything in her body to even swallow. Optimism isn't her friend in this moment and she swears this is going to be her end and tears just start falling.

"You have to get out, okay?" Elli pulls the hoodie from her mouth. "Please, just go, okay?"

"I am not leaving you." Harrison grits his teeth, tears swelling behind his own eyes. "I'm not."

"What about Tom?" Elli starts sobbing. "He could be here and we wouldn't know. And if he knows we're here and he's out there, he's gonna--"

"Stop." Harrison cups her face. "Look at me." A few tears fall down Harrison's cheeks. "He wasn't here. He might be outside but no one is gonna let him in here. He's fine and you're gonna be fine and I'm gonna be fine. But you have to be calm." Harrison tries to suck in a breath but all he does is start coughing, hands falling from her cheeks.

"I don't wanna die here." The cries are quiet and weak as she leans forward against Harrison.

"Well, we're not gonna die." Harrison says, tears coating his cheeks freely.

All they can do is wait and hope. Harrison knows it shouldn't be long. Firefighters and rescue work quick but they'll hit the bottom floor first. They'll be the last helped depending on how many hands they have. But, he can't let Elli know that's his concern so he sits with her and Harrison coughs while they both struggle to breathe for another minute that feels like a year. But, by the time the second minute is up, a bright light comes through the front door and people in black and yellow gear come in.

Harrison can see them from his spot on the balcony and he immediately yells for help, gaining the attention of a few of them through the smoke. He can't see them clearly but he can hear them coming closer and he nudges Elli. But she doesn't move.

"Hey." He nudges her again. "Elli, c'mon, they're here." Harrison says, holding back a cough as he nudges her with his good arm. Nothing. "No, no no, come on." Harrison's words rush as two firefighters come to kneel beside him and Elli.

"We gotta get you out of here." One of them says through the oxygen but Harrison just shakes his head, mouth quivering. "We got her but you have to go."

"I can't leave her. I promised." Harrison insists as a third firefighter comes up. "Elli, wake up." Harrison pleads, shaking her slightly and it's enough to pull her back to reality.

Elli's eyes peek open and she's met with two men in fire gear with oxygen masks. Harrison's still holding her but her eyes are begging to close again. Her chest is begging her to just let the smoke win, let it win for a few minutes. But, she keeps her eyes open because Harrison's eyes are the prettiest shade of blue even in the smoke and she knows if she lets the smoke win, those eyes will be drenched in sorrow for the rest of his life.

And she stares up at him and she adores him but Tom flashes across her mind and she has to hang on because the big brown eyes of his are the ones she'd want to see before anything else. And those big brown eyes would never show the gleeful and youthful spark if she loses, the crinkles by his eyes will fade and the toothy grin will never be the same. And what she would give to see the cocky smirk of his. She loves her best friends so she holds on and keeps her eyes open. He's her best friend and so she hangs on for the pleading look in his eyes.

"Alright, we got her now." One of the firefighters says, gently pulling Elli from Harrison and Elli nods at him, barely able to lift her arm to give him a thumbs up.

He's reluctant because how is he supposed to leave? But, he has to. This is the help they've been waiting for and if Harrison stays, he's risking his own life and he's risking getting in the way of them saving Elli's. So, he follows a third firefighter who's come onto the second floor to help. It eats at him, but she's in good hands.

"Your name Elli?" The firefighter asks, looking down at her and she nods. "I'm Kelly and we're gonna get you outa here, alright?"

Elli nods again, eyelids drooping. "That'd be great." She says and Kelly smiles at the remark before turning his attention to the other firefighter.

Outside, Harrison is sat on a gurney, oxygen mask over his face, arm in a temporary sling until he gets the hospital to have it x-rayed. His eyes are set on the entrance of the building, though. His elbow is throbbing and breathing has never been more difficult but his full attention is on the door just waiting for the firefighters to bring Elli out. 

Touches of guilt start to hit him as he waits. It should have been him pinned but he decided to walk first. He decided to lead the way out because at least he could pull her behind him. But, it should have been him and he should have let her go first. Maybe she would have chosen a different direction and they could have gotten out before the explosion anyway. Or if not, maybe they would have been okay to get out afterward. Maybe Elli wouldn't be trapped and maybe Harrison wouldn't be coughing and stuck on oxygen while fighting the paramedics who want him to go to a hospital.

"Your friend will be sent--"

"No." Harrison says. "She's my best friend and she's my best friend's person. 'M not leaving until they get her out."

The paramedic looks back to the building and sighs. "Fine, but keep the mask on your face, please."

Harrison nods and says a quick thanks. His eyes immediately go back to the door and he's sure Elli will be okay. She probably just passed out from the smoke but it wasn't long that she was out. So she has to be okay because if she's not, Harrison will never forgive himself. And Tom will never forgive him.

If Elli dies and Harrison is sitting out here, Tom is gonna blame him. Harrison is going to blame himself and Tom will blame him. It's not anyone's fault and Harrison did what he could but it'll still fall onto Harrison's shoulders. Friends look out for each other. They're there when the other needs them and Harrison isn't there. Not now. He's outside and it's his fault and he needs his best friend. It's gonna suck to say anything but he needs someone because waiting isn't doing anything. It hasn't been five minutes and it's killing him. But, as he stares at the store, relief finally hits him when he sees two firefighters walk out, one carrying Elli.

"Elli!" Harrison rips the mask from his face and jumps off the gurney, trying to make his way to her but he's quickly stopped by one of the cops. "She's my best friend! Let me go!" Harrison pushes against the cop.

"They're bringing her over. Just, calm down and let them do their job, alright?" The cop's voice is calm and steady, trying to cool Harrison down.

Harrison doesn't fight, just watches them bring her over to an ambulance and to a few paramedics. All he can do is watch as they start an IV and put a mask on her, checking things Harrison doesn't understand and all he wants to do is run over there. And luckily for him, the paramedic who was handling him is handling Elli and looks for him, gesturing for him to come over.

The cop lets him go and Harrison runs overs, ignoring the pressure and burning of his chest with every step. "Is she okay?" He asks as they put her in the ambulance.

"We just need to get the both of you to the hospital and run some tests, okay? B--"

"But is she okay? Is she gonna be okay? She's breathing right?" Harrison's panic is evident with every word.

"But," The paramedic brings herself a soft smile. "She should be okay. You can ride with us." Harrison lets out a breath and he can feel the tears swelling again. "And you're going back oxygen." The paramedic states, gesturing towards the ambulance.

"Yeah," Harrison nods and gets into the vehicle, immediately reaching out for Elli's hand once he's seated. It's then that Elli turns her head.

" _Haaa_ , didn't die." Elli mutters through the mask, eyes barely even open.

"You're awake?" Harrison's eyes widen before he's given an oxygen mask.

"Mmm." Elli hums, turning her head back away, eyes closing fully as she squeezes his hand. "Thanks, Haz."

"Don't thank me." Harrison says, thumb running over her hand.

"Thanks." Elli says again before she turns her head back to him. "Call Tom."

Harrison nods. "Will when we get to the hospital, alright?" He sends her a smile with his words, knowing her concern for him is genuine but also a distraction from her own well-being.

* * *

"You've been dodgin' my damn question for an hour. I was supposed to meet Elli and Haz over an hour ago, would you bloody tell me what the fuck you're talkin' about?" Tom groans, pushing his third cup of coffee away from him.

Jenny has been dodging her own statement about Elli being in love with him. She knows it's wrong to just tell him but her and Harrison share the same view. She wanted Tom and Elli interact. They're a walking tragedy with how they dance around each other and don't just admit it already. Harrison is too good of a friend to the both of them not to say anything but Jenny, she'll do it without question. It's just, she's been gone so she doesn't want to ruin it. She's just been rambling about different times the four of them have spent together, hoping Tom would grab his own conclusion but of course, he didn't.

Jenny sighs. "Alright," Jenny sucks in a breath. "She's in love with you. She had left me a voicemail like a year or so ago and told me, or the void as she said. And hey, I'm telling you right now, that hasn't changed. She never denied it."

Tom just freezes and he feels like his world is spinning with butterflies. "She...she told--why should I believe you?"

Jenny glares him. "I've been sitting here listing everything between the two of you. I broke up with you over it. Tom, you're cute but you're an idiot."

"Hey!" Tom scoffs. "I'm not an idiot."

"Yeah, you are." Jenny scoffs back. "She's head over heels in love with you and you two could be something epic but for some reason you're not telling her you love her? And she isn't saying anything?" Jenny pretends like she doesn't know about Elli telling Tom, that she can keep to herself. "I don't get it. I don't get the two of you. All I know is that you two are meant to be together so why the hell aren't you?"

Tom stays silent, looking to the empty coffee cup and back to Jenny. "'S complicated."

"Oh, bullshit." Jenny rolls her eyes. "What's complicated? Your friendship? Are you two screwing? There's nothing complicated about if you love someone. You either do or you don't and if you do, you need to say it while you can. If you don't, fine but we both know you love her."

"It's just fuckin' complicated." Tom groans. "Just is."

"You're insufferable, you know that?" Jenny shakes her head.

Tom's phone vibrates. He glances at the screen to see Harrison's name and picture before sliding the ignore option. It's the tenth time he's called but Tom figures, if it's important, Harrison will leave a voicemail or he'll text him. So, he grits his teeth but sighs in defeat.

"Why do you assume you'll break up?" Jenny counters.

Tom sits there and he goes to answer but nothing comes out because Jenny makes a good point. Who says they would break up? They could be each other's somedays, each other's person. They could be each other's. A break up isn't inevitable.

"I just..." Tom pauses. "Okay, if we break up."

Jenny shakes her head. "If you break up, you'll figure it out. I know I've missed a lot but..." Jenny stares at Tom and gives him a sad smile. "It's always been her and for her, it's always been you. Friendship or something more."

"You're right," Tom says and Jenny gains a smirk that quickly falls when Tom continues. "You've missed a lot. So, how the fuck would you know?"

Jenny's eyes roll and she licks her lips, leaning into him. "It's just the way you–"

Tom's phone vibrates again on the table and he just glances at it before sliding the ignore option and flipping it upside down. "If you say look at her, I'll walk out." Tom's jaw clenches with the words and Jenny just shakes her head at Tom's annoyance.

"No, I mean, yeah." Jenny's eyes widen. "It's how you look at her but that's obvious. It's the way you talk about her." Tom raises a brow, leaning back with his arms crossed and head cocked slightly to the right. "You don't talk about her like she's something temporary. You talk like she's someone permanent and..." Jenny shrugs and looks to her coffee. "I don't know, Tom, it's different. It's....you just....you don't talk about anyone else the way you do her, not Harrison and if you did, I'd shut up but you don't."

Tom nods, listening and knowing she's right but she's the ex that broke his heart. He doesn't owe her the truth when he hasn't given Elli that same truth. That's not exactly fair or right. The only reason Harrison knows is because he pushed too many buttons. Jenny though? It's not really her business anymore.

"As for her?" Tom asks.

Jenny's expression falls flat as she glares at him. "She literally left me a voicemail that she's in love with you and I don't see that changing suddenly so."

Tom groans and he's about to fight her on it when his phone vibrates yet again. "Fuck's sake." He mutters before grabbing his phone and answering without looking at the screen. "I'm comin', alright?"

"Tom, you need to get to the hospital." Harrison says, voice hoarse and drenched in exhaustion.

Tom's face falls and every bit of annoyance and frustration he felt is replaced with worry. "What happened?" He asks, ripping his coat from the back of the chair, Jenny watching him with a confused expression.

"Have you not heard? You're down the street." Harrison starts coughing and Tom pauses, remembering hearing the sirens but paying no attention while Jenny was talking. "There was a fire and we were in it. Just get here, alright?"

"Is Elli okay?" Tom asks, making his way to the door and ignoring Jenny calling after him. "Are you okay?"

"They've taken her for a chest x-ray and I'm fine but we could both use here." Harrison's voice is quiet but touches of worry and sadness fall through the seams.

"I'm coming." Tom says running to where his car is parked before hanging up the phone.

Fear and panic flood Tom's body as he gets to his car. He fumbles his keys as he unlocks the car and everything in him is shaking and he can feel the burning behind his eyes already starting. He has no idea what happened and now he's kicking himself for not answering the phone. He should have known something was wrong. Harrison wouldn't blow up his phone like that, not without a text in between with an explanation. But, Tom was too caught, too caught up to find out if what he really wanted was true. All he wanted to know is if Elli really was in love with him but now he's on his way to the hospital in panic.

Tom parks his car in the nearest garage to the hospital before running to the ER entrance. His heart rate is beating so fast he can swear the people he's passing can hear his heart. His head is starting to spin but he has tunnel vision. He knows he's passing people but the only thing he's set on is the emergency room. It's the only thing in full focus, in lighting and he's not gonna stop until he reaches it. And when he does, he immediately goes to the counter, not bothering to even gasp for a breath before he starts rambling.

"My friends are here. They were in the fire at Barnes and Noble, Harrison Osterfield and Eliot Summers." Tom finally takes in a breath, both hands on the counter of the nurses' desk.

"I'm sorry," The nurse starts. "We're not letting anyone besides family back–"

Tom groans. "I don't bloody care. I'm the emergency contact for both of 'em, that's 'bout the same, ya? Close enough to bein' family. Tom Holland, just look up their files."

"Well, yes, but–"

"Harrison was here 'bout a year ago with walking pneumonia and Elli was here 'bout six months ago with a kidney infection. I was there both times, both put me down. Elli's my damn roommate." The panic rises in his voice as a security guard starts to walk up to him. "Please, just lemme see them." There's desperation in his eyes as his thumbs tap the wood, his chest rising and falling with every breath.

"I have to verify you as the emergency contact, do you have an ID?" The nurse asks and Tom doesn't hesitate to reach for his wallet. "Just wait in the waiting room and I'll get you when I can."

Tom thanks her and sucks in another breath. His muscles ache as he walks the small distance to the waiting room. His adrenaline is calming and he's feeling the effects of it as he takes one of the last open seats. Everything aches as his head spins and his heart still pounds in his ears, leaning on hope.

A few people throughout the waiting room are crying softly and others are staring blankly at the wall opposite them. Tom's heart aches as he looks at them and his leg starts pouncing with impatience and anxiety. What if he ends up like one of them? Staring blankly or crying? Maybe they didn't lose anyone, sure, but maybe they did and what if Tom ends up like them? He might have talked to Harrison but his voice was hoarse and he had a bad cough, anything can happen. And he doesn't know why Elli took them for a chest x-ray. He doesn't know anything but if he would have just answered his phone, maybe he would. He wouldn't be sitting here by himself in a state of paralyzed panic, praying and hoping to someone out there that his two best friends, the two people he cares about most, are gonna be okay.

"Tom?" The nurse's voice registers in Tom's mind, making him turn to the left. "I can take you back now."

It's the rolling of thunder in his ears as he walks with the nurse. Air can't come to his lungs with anticipation and his face is drained of color. His eyes gloss over and his hands shake at his sides, feeling like they're turning into icicles with every step they make. When the double doors open, nurses, doctors, and patients are scattered about, all of them talking and making plenty of noise but none of it registers. It's all constant pounding to Tom, just the beating of his heart in his throat and shallow breathing, eyes dead set on the nurse leading him to his friends.

The nurse looks over her shoulder and gestures out, still walking and that's when Tom sees them. Harrison is seated in a bed. His arm is in a blue sling and soot decorates his pale face. But his legs hang off the edge casually and he's got an oxygen mask held over his face, and he's facing Elli. And Tom feels like he got sucker punched with a burst of air through his lungs with the sight of her. She's leaned back a little but her head is facing Harrison, an oxygen mask covering her mouth and nose.

Without even a rushed thank you to the nurse, Tom runs over to Elli. Elli sees him out of the corner of her eye and by the time she faces forward, Tom is at her bedside and two don't even have to think before Elli is sitting up, pulling the mask off, and Tom's arms are engulfing her. Elli's chin rests on his shoulder and Tom's face is buried in her shirt, tears already brimming as he breathes.

The very corner of Harrison's mouth tugs into a gentle smile as he looks at them before getting to his feet. "I'll...give you two a minute." An almost chuckle leaves Harrison's lips as he ditches the oxygen mask and goes for a nurse about a bathroom.

Elli and Tom barely heard Harrison over their own thoughts of each other. In the middle of fire, Elli's main thought was Tom, making sure he wasn't around, making sure he wasn't injured. She was trapped and that's her thought. And Tom? He just knows he'd be lost without her and the very thought of not having her, of losing her, could kill him on the spot. He can't breathe without her and it's never been more clear than right now. Right now with him inhaling the smoke that's made its way into her clothes and her arms pulling him as close to her as the bed will allow.

He's in love with her but it's more than that. She's in his best friend and he needs her like he needs oxygen. So, he pulls away first, but just enough to look at her face.

Her face is dirty with smoke stains and her makeup is smeared all over. Her eyes are bright red, likely from crying and the irritation from the smoke. Tom has never seen her hair so messy before, strands sticking up and overlapping everywhere but where Elli likes them. But, every single second of the two looking at each other, both with tears of relief, it's like breathing again for the first time. And Tom has to close the distance between the two of them.

Tom's lips brush over hers, slow and hesitant, making sure it's okay. It's like their first kiss all over again, filled with excitement and anticipation mixed with anxiety but perfect. It's slow and what they needed. And once their lips are connected, over the initial touch, Tom deepens the kiss, hang on the back of her head and pulling her as close to him as possible, neither giving a damn that anyone can see them.

They pull away, burying their heads into the other's shoulders. Elli can smell Tom's favorite cologne and tears start to flow down her cheeks. Tom's hand rubs up her back and he moves his face from her shoulder and kisses her cheek before kissing her head. His heart is swelling and his tears have only stopped for the sake of Elli but he is so relieved that she is here with her arms around him and he's so in love with her, it's painful.

"You can't do that again." Tom mutters through a whisper before pulling away, allowing his hands to cup her cheeks, thumbs wiping the tears as she blinks up at him. "I can't breathe without you."


	16. lifeline

The words leave Tom's mouth without even a thought. They even surprise him but there's not even a single ounce of him that regrets it. He can't breathe without her and right now, sitting in the ER, that's when she should know. She's his lifeline and Tom would be damned if he ever had to lose her. He's in love with her and it's been true for a long time but it's the friendship.

It's always the friendship. He can't breathe without her friendship. Their friendship. Some people think soulmates are just a thing made up for money because the idea of a soulmate makes people think they aren't complete without another person and maybe, they are made up for money but everything else? Not true.

A soulmate is someone who makes people want to be better, be better for themselves and for others. They're the person that people confide in above all else and the person who's there willingly and almost uncontrollably through the good, the bad, the ugly, and the dark and twisty. They choose to there because there's always a connection, one that isn't said but simply felt when the other person is there. And it's not just people who are in love with each other and it's not a single person. Sometimes, soulmates are two friends who simply need each other in order to breathe.

Tom leans in and his lips press to Elli's forehead, eyes closing as he breathes in and he wants to say more, but he doesn't, not right now.

"You smell and taste like smoke." Tom smirks as his eyes open and Elli matches the look with the wiggle of her brows.

"It's cause I'm hot." Elli bites her lip to keep from laughing as Tom pulls away, a melodic laugh falling from his lips.

"Are you though?" Tom narrows his eyes and Elli's jaw drops with a gasp, hand going to her chest in mock offense.

"I am!"

"Mmmm," Tom hums, smile as bright as the nights above them. "You're alright." Tom jokes, pulling her back in for a hug.

"Jerk." Elli mumbles against him, looking up to him and she might smell and taste like smoke but Tom just wants to kiss her all over again.

"You love me." He says and the bright smile falls to one of kindness and love.

"Do I though?"

Tom snorts, head falling against hers and he's about to counter her. He doesn't want to tell her he loves here but maybe this could be it. This could be the moment because they're joking and maybe that's how it should be. Joking and it's just said. He wants to admit it and he just hopes she'd feel the same and admit everything that's been bottled up for the past two years. His bones and skin are screaming for him to do and her eyes are bright and she is so much more than he thinks he deserves and he wants to scream it to every single person in the hospital. But, that's when Harrison decides he's going to cut his bathroom break, walking back to his bed and interrupting the banter and Tom's need to tell Elli.

"Interrupting?" Harrison quips, taking his seat back on the bed and putting the mask back on.

Tom sends him a glare Elli doesn't see as she turns to look at Harrison. "Nah, it's fine." Tom says, looking back to Elli. His hands slide from her face and to her shoulders before giving them a soft squeeze and reaching for her mask, offering her to put it back on.

"Thanks, Tommy." Elli thanks him with a hoarse voice as she takes it and puts it back on, a sort of cool form of relief coming to her lungs with the fresh oxygen.

"'Course, darlin'." Tom smiles gently, looking to the side for a chair to sit in but Elli's already moving over to make room for him.

"Sit." She says, leaning back against the bed, having left enough room for Tom sit beside her.

"You sure?" He quirks a brow before his eyes really get to look her over.

Smoke stained clothes cover her body and her ankle is elevated on a few pillows with an ice pack, something Tom didn't even notice when he first came in.

"Please." Elli reaches for his hand and pulls him over with little effort before he takes his seat, arm almost instinctively going around her as one leg lays beside her and the other hangs off the edge.

Harrison eyes the two of them and it's hard for him not to chuckle to himself. They don't know Harrison had just seen them kiss and the way they interact. He's certain with every fiber of his being that that's how they act when they're alone. People don't just suddenly have tender touches with each other and they don't just embrace each other and kiss like that when it's not a regular thing. When there isn't something more between the two of them. They don't know Harrison saw it and under any other circumstances, Harrison would be running his mouth about it but, today after everything, it's not the right time. He'll let them have the pass.

Tom clears his throat, pulling Harrison from his thoughts. "What, uh, what happened?" Tom asks with hesitance in his words, almost feeling like it's not the right thing to ask.

"Um," Harrison furrows his brows, looking to Elli, silently questioning what to tell him.

"Something exploded and we got stuck." Elli states, her voice flat as she looks to her hands, fiddling with her fingers.

"What d'ya mean you were stuck?" Tom asks, glancing between his two friends. "That how you've hurt your arm and your leg?"

"I dunno what happened." Harrison answers. "We smelled the smoke and were trying to get out and then there was just an explosion. I woke up with a fucked elbow a few feet away from Elli."

Tom's eyes widen and his heart aches with the thought of his best friend, the person he's known since he were a kid, knocked unconscious due to an explosion. It's different knowing about it but having to hear it from Harrison's mouth, seeing him in a sling, that's different. It's real.

"I woke up with Harrison yelling at me and trapped under a bookshelf." Elli sighs, eyes glancing to Tom before going to her ankle.

Tom's heart drops as he looks down at her and back to Harrison. With Harrison, at least he was able to move. He could leave if he really, really needed to but Elli? She was trapped. Under a bookshelf? What's Tom supposed to do with that? What if Harrison hadn't been able to wake her up? What if she hadn't been thrown from the blast the shelving would have come down on her differently? There's a lot of thoughts running through Tom's head but the main one is that Elli was trapped in a fire after an explosion and at the moment, no one knows what even caused it so for all anyone knows there could have been another one. And Elli was just trapped.

"W-what?" Tom asks, trying to push the lump down.

"It's fine." Elli says, looking up to him. "Harrison stayed until some firefighters came."

"You couldn't move it?" Tom looks to Harrison and Harrison was already feeling guilty enough, beating himself up plenty for not being able to help but the tone of Tom's voice just amplified it. There isn't blame or even disappointed just fear and sadness.

"No," Harrison says softly. "Was too heavy to try and move with one arm."

There's parts of Tom that are surprised Harrison opted to stay with Elli rather than go get help but mostly, he's not surprised, not at all because if it were Tom, he'd have done the same thing. Getting help is smart but when people love someone, whether that be platonically or romantically, smart isn't always the decision that's made. The point is that Harrison tried and then he stayed and Tom wasn't there and he knows Harrison didn't do it for anyone besides Elli because she was the one trapped. It was her life at risk. It wasn't about Harrison or Tom, just about Elli but Tom still finds himself eternally grateful to his best friend for staying with Elli. And for trying, risking his own life and further injury to save her.

Tom gives Harrison a sympathetic nod. "Least you tried."

Harrison huffs, smile pulling at his lips. "Yeah."

"But he shouldn't have stayed--" Elli starts, voice stern and accusing before Harrison cuts her off.

"Wasn't gonna leave you to burn in a damn building alone. Life or death, it's what we do." Harrison chuckles, referring to their conversation just a few months prior.

"Can you stop having life or death situations, please?" Tom asks, looking between the two of them.

Elli looks to Harrison and shrugs. "Since you asked nicely." Elli grins, looking back to Tom who just shakes his head before squeezing her closer to him.

"What'd they say 'bout your arm and ankle?" Tom asks.

"We're still waiting on x-rays. We're not burned or anything so we're not top priority."

"But, since it did take forever to get an x-ray anyway, I'm gonna guess we're both fine and it's not surprising." Elli adds in with the shrug of her shoulders.

Tom lets out a breathy chuckle. "Good," He sucks in a breath and glances between his two friends once more. "But, really, you guys alright?"

Elli looks to Harrison, eyes sadder than that a few seconds ago. "I'm fine, you?"

"I'm fine considering the circumstances." Harrison gives them a thumbs up and a smirk.

The conversation between the three of them stops though as Elli and Harrison's doctor comes into view. They're quick to tell Tom but it wasn't needed as the doctor comes closer until he's standing between the two bed of Harrison and Elli.

He greets them with a warm smile before nodding toward Tom. "That the friend?"

"Yep." Elli says proudly with a single nod.

"You can tell us, we'd just tell him whatever you're about to say anyway." Harrison chimes in gaining a chuckle from the doctor before he nods his head.

"Alright," The doctor looks to Elli. "First, your chest x-ray came back and you had some damage to your lungs from the smoke but that was to be expected. Good news though, you should be just fine. I want to keep here a little longer on oxygen just to be safe but within a few hours you should be able to go home." He finishes the statement, allowing Elli to take in what he has said and she is beyond relieved.

Sure, she assumed she was going to be fine but just because her breathing is getting better doesn't actually mean she's fine so she's happy to hear that she is.

"As for your ankle," The doctor squints a little and Elli can feel the dread.

"Aw, don't say it." Elli groans. "Am I gonna be on crutches?"

"Two weeks." He says simply. "It's not broken but it is badly bruised so I want you to lay off it for two weeks and just let it heal. You don't want it getting any worse."

"Lovely." Elli says with sarcasm.

"You know you're gonna milk it." Tom quips. "We're gonna get home, you'll go into my bed and then have me get you a bell and make me do everythin' for ya. Don't act like you're bummed."

Elli bursts into laughter, a few coughs interrupting the sound Tom lives for. "You got me there."

"Mhm," Tom hums looking to Harrison. "Hey, Haz, so you wanna--"

"Nah, mate. She's all yours." Harrison laughs, gaining him a glare from Elli that she soon breaks, unable to hold a straight face.

"You love me." Elli remarks to both boys who just laugh.

The doctor laughs with them before he turns his attention to Harrison. "As for you," He says and Harrison stops laughing, waiting for good news. "Your chest x-ray was better than Elli's, some damage but again, nothing to worry about. I wanna keep you here another hour just to be safe but after that, you should be able to be discharged. But," The doctor pauses and the mood drops with his tone. "Your elbow."

"Is it bad?" Harrison asks, face drenched in worry.

"It could have been worse." The doctor says and adjusts his tone to one that's a little lighter. "I think when the explosion happened and the shelving came down, it came down on your elbow while shoving you away from it." The doctor starts explaining. "It is broken."

"That's not good." Harrison responds, Elli turning her attention to him with sad eyes.

"Well, as I said, it could have been worse. You're going to be in a sling for about six weeks. The good news is that your elbow didn't dislocate. If it had, you would have needed surgery." Harrison winces at the words. "So, you did get lucky there."

"Am I gonna be able to use it?" Harrison asks, concern starts to seep into his words as his sculpting career comes to mind.

"After six weeks, most likely. If anything, you might be sore or stiff but you should be okay." The doctor assures.

"Okay, thanks." Harrison nods and the doctor does the same.

"Any questions from either of you?"

"Just one," Elli starts. "Did they find out what exploded?"

Harrison and Tom stare at the doctor as he nods. "They just announced it a few minutes ago." The doctor says. "It was due to an electrical malfunction in the cafe."

"Really?" Harrison asks.

He nods with a hum. "Seems it was just a fluke accident."

"That's good." Elli states.

The doctor nods. "Anything else?" Harrison and Elli shake their heads. "Alright, well, I'll check on you guys in a bit."

The doctor walks away and that leaves the three of them but Harrison is in his own head. He looks down at his arm that's hanging in the blue sling and he knows the doctor said he should be okay but he didn't sound too enthusiastic. Maybe it's just paranoia from the day that's getting to him but Harrison just has a bad feeling. Maybe his elbow won't heal the way it should or maybe the stiffness or soreness once it is healed won't go away. He needs his arm to sculpt. He's going to be fine for the next two months, he's smart, always saving money in case something happens. The arts are not an easy industry to stay employed with so Harrison has been smart with money but what if that's it?

"Harrison?" Elli asks, voice gentle and soft as silk as she pulls Harrison from his thoughts. He looks up to her, sorrow in his eyes."Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." Harrison fakes a smile and Tom watches it, eyes narrowing.

"Wanna talk 'bout it, Haz?" Tom asks.

"He said I'll be fine so it's fine. The important thing is that we didn't die and we can breathe." Harrison tries to make light of the situation but Elli and Tom don't even crack a smile. "I'm fine, it's just made me paranoid. It's fine."

"Okay..." Elli says. "If it's not?"

"I'll tell you." Harrison confirms. "Anyway," Harrison sucks in a breath. "Where the hell even were you?" Harrison switches the tone and conversation to Tom.

"Uh...." Tom's eyes widen as he looks between Harrison and Elli. "With Jenny, we just got talking and I dunno. Lost track of time, guess." Tom lies, not willing to tell either of them the context of their conversations but what he doesn't know is that Elli is giving Harrison a knowing look, one that says he was wrong and she was right about Tom and Jenny.

"Did you have fun at least?" Elli asks, simply.

"Suppose," Tom shrugs. "Dunno, was weird seeing her." Tom clears his throat, shifting in his seat.

"Gonna see her again?" Harrison asks, more so Elli won't have to.

"Probably not." Tom scoffs. "We talked and that's the end of it, ya know?"

Elli lets out a breath and the corners of her mouth pull into something that's barely even considered a smile. She knows Jenny has a girlfriend but sometimes when people reunite, old feelings spark up and things change. Things change and people change. Elli would support Tom in whatever would have happened but she would never stop worrying. Jenny hurt him and Elli remembers that. When someone hurts Tom, they hurt her and she doesn't want to see him hurt. So, she's beyond relieved that he'll likely not be seeing her.

"Yeah," Elli says, keeping her opinion neutral.

Tom clears his throat again and looks at his friends. "Yep." Tom rolls his shoulders. "Uh, so, we'll be a here a few hours. Now what?"

Elli looks up to him and gives him a cheesy grin. "Well, the ER is boring so...."

"What d'ya want?" Tom asks, jokingly exasperated.

"Ya wanna make a run to the apartment and grab my laptop with the pink flash drive? It has movies."

Harrison and Tom let out a laugh at the question. "Yeah, I'll be back." Tom says, squeezing Elli into a hug and kissing the top of her head before getting to his feet.

He looks to Harrison gives him a thankful nod before he heads out. He doesn't exactly want to leave already even if it is just to run back to the apartment but hearing the doctor say both Harrison and Elli should be just fine and be ready to leave in a few hours, gives him the willpower to do so.

While Tom heads back to the apartment, that leaves Elli and Harrison together again for the next twenty minutes. With Harrison's thoughts essentially confirmed with seeing them kiss and reunite, maybe now is a good time to bring it up. Elli can't exactly move and Tom isn't around. He knows where Tom stands but he's yet to hear the words from Elli's mouth. Harrison, while he doesn't want to push them because it should be their choice, things should happen on their own terms, wants to know exactly where Elli stands. If she feels the same, like he thinks she does, he can let it be but if she doesn't? Harrison has to say something, he has to save his best friend's heart.

"So," Harrison starts. "You still claiming you're not hookin' up when I've just seen the two of you kiss like that?" A chuckle comes from the back of his throat as Elli snaps her head in his direction, eyes wide and surprised.

"You....you saw that?" Elli asks, a simple wince across her features.

Harrison nods. "Uh, yeah, I did." It's snarky but a smile comes to his face. "So?"

"Heat of the moment." Elli mutters.

Harrison's eye twitches as he stares at her. "I'm going to lose my shit." His hands move with his words as he looks to the floor, seemingly talking to himself. "Can you please stop lying to me? If you're into him, why the fuck's it even matter? Especially today. You could have died."

"But I didn't." Elli counters. "I didn't die and that's the point so maybe how I feel or don't feel about Tom doesn't matter because in the grand scheme of things, my feelings don't seem that important anymore."

Harrison jerks his head back in a state of confusion. "What?"

"I...I'm just, I'm just saying. I dunno." Elli stutters, wanting to take back her remark.

"So, you don't like him but you're gonna let him think that? After that kiss?"

"I....it's....Haz it's complicated, okay?"

"What the bloody hell is complicated about it?"

"Drop it." Elli says, words stern as she faces away from him.

"You can like him, I won't tell him. But...." Harrison pauses as Elli moves her eyes to him. "By the looks of it, he likes you, too." Harrison says, keeping his word to Tom.

Elli sighs and turns her head. "I almost died and whether I like him or not or he likes me or not, that's not....that's not what I want to talk about right now." Harrison nods with understanding but disappointed. "But, I do. Just...for the record, yes I like him."

Harrison grins ear to ear. "Okay."

"Thank you." Elli says, gaining a smile. "Tell him and punch your elbow."

"Fuck you." Harrison scoffs with the shake of his head.

They laugh before they fall into another conversation, sporadic coughing only interrupting here and there. The conversation persists as usual, both of them wanting to focus on something normal and not what happened to either of them. And by the time Tom comes back, he's taking a seat on Elli's bed, this time closer to Harrison as the three pick from one of the movies Elli has on her flash drive.

They have to adjust a few times for them all to be able to see the screen properly and they can't have the volume too loud but it works. The three of them sit comfortably in the hospital beds, focused on their film while occasionally adding some commentary and it's almost as if they aren't actually in a hospital. It's like nothing really happened. They forget the bad of the day because when they're with each other, even when injured and shaken up, everything feels fine. And maybe that's one of the many beauties of friendship.

After a few hours, the doctor discharged both Harrison and Elli, allowing them to leave with Tom. Tom helped Elli and made sure Harrison was fine to be walking as they exited the hospital before he had them wait by the doors for him to get the car so they wouldn't have to walk far. He was back in no time and helping his friends into his car and heading back to Harrison's to drop him off.

Tom offered to let him stay with him and Elli but Harrison declined. Tom didn't really want Harrison to be alone, not after seeing him with an oxygen mask and hearing what the doctor had to say about his elbow. It just made him uncomfortable and made him worried but Harrison was pretty insistent. He'd be fine, just like the doctor said. Of course, maybe had he not gotten Elli to admit her feelings or seen them kissing, maybe he would have taken up the offer. But, he did so he figures maybe they should have some time alone and maybe something will come of it. Besides, Harrison's still pretty bummed over his elbow and just wants to sleep.

By the time Elli and Tom get back to the apartment, Elli is ready to collapse and get some much-needed sleep and Tom is right behind her. There's not even a discussion. Elli makes her way into Tom's room and it's one of the only times she's never asked or said anything about it. She just went and Tom would be lying if he said he didn't get a surge of butterflies through his chest with it. And when he followed her into his room, she was already sat on the bed, crunches leaned against it and eyes drooping closed.

"Want clothes?" Tom asks, sweet and tender smile tugging at his lips.

"Please." Elli bites her lip as she looks at him.

"Gotcha." Tom nods as he makes his way to his dresser and closet, pulling out pants and hoodie for her to wear as well as himself to change into.

"Thanks." Elli says when Tom hands her the clothing.

"You're welcome, need help?" Tom smirks as Elli tugs off her current hoodie.

She rolls her eyes at him as she laughs. "Do you?"

"Not the one who almost died." Tom quips, moving the shirt in his hand to the other.

"Fair," Elli strips her shirt off without a care before removing her bra and sliding on Tom's hoodie. She inhales slowly and for the first time, it scares her. The way it smells, the way it fits, the warmth and comfort that just radiates into her bones from the hoodie, scares her.

"You alright?" Tom asks, catching the distant look crossing her face.

Elli's brows raise as she looks back to him. "Yeah, it's just....I dunno. Almost died, like, literally. It's something else. You know I've had plenty of near death experiences, almost being hit by a bus kind of stuff but that is so...." Elli stops as she shakes her head and starts working on getting her jeans off.

"So what?" Tom asks, the concern leaks into his words.

"Nothing." Elli says, not looking back to him.

Tom takes a step forward and squats in front of her. "You can tell me, ya know? You were quiet on the way home and you're never quiet." Tom lets out a nervous and quiet chuckle. "You're worrying me a little."

Elli sighs, hands moving to his shoulders, smoothing out the fabric of his worn shirt. "When you almost get hit by a bus, you don't have time to think about it. One minute you're walking and the next, you're being pulled backwards and a bus honks before passing. It happens in maybe five seconds but...." Elli pauses as she looks at Tom and it's sadness that fills her eyes. "Today? I had time to think about it. I had time to panic and realize, I couldn't breathe well. My legs hurt. My chest hurt. I had time to realize that if I didn't get help in a certain amount of time, I would be dead. I...." She sucks in a breath before her eyes dodge his and Tom hangs onto every word. "I had time to think about my family....to think about you."

Tom's brows furrow and he wants to wrap her up in his arms and never let her go again because he can swear to anyone that he's never seen her like this. He's never seen her look lost and she looks like she's just been stranded on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific.

"Forget it." Elli mutters, hands sliding from his shoulders as she goes back to changing.

"Nah," Tom's voice is quiet as he shakes his head. "Not gonna forget it. 'S alright if you're not okay after this, ya know?"

Elli glances to him as she nods. "I know. I just, I need to sleep I think." The smile she gives him is one that says she's about to break and it is the saddest smile Tom's ever seen and it could have broke him.

"D'ya want a movie?" Tom offers, not moving from his spot in front of her.

"The Little Mermaid." Elli says, looking to him through her lashes and Tom smiles, pressing on her thighs to stand up.

"Got it." He smiles and presses a kiss to her forehead before he works on getting the movie set up, allowing her to finish changing.

Elli changes and makes her way to her side before Tom changes himself and climbs into bed next to her, the tv ready for Elli to hit play whenever she's ready. Tom extends his arm, welcoming her into his embrace and she quickly moves against him, laying her head on his chest before she tells him to hit play.

They don't talk after that. The only sound is the film and some cars outside. Elli's mind stays on the movie and Tom's heartbeat. His fingers rub her shoulder over the fabric of the hoodie and his heart just beats. Her hand lays on his stomach, feeling his breath with every inhale and exhale he takes. The skin is taught and warm beneath her fingers and with the steady rhythm of his heart, soon lulling Elli to sleep.

Sleeping for Elli? That proved to be hard. She fell asleep fairly easy but staying asleep was a task. She wasn't having nightmares or anything like that, luckily, but her mind just kept waking her up. It was running a mile a minute and Elli couldn't keep up with her thoughts. So, when she woke up for the last time around nine, she just sucked in a breath, feeling Tom's arms wrapped around her.

She wiggled in his arms, twisting to face him. His face is relaxed and calm, a few stray curls resting on his forehead. The only thing that seems out of place is his one eyebrow that has the cowlick but it's something that makes him and it's cute. His lips are slightly parted, almost silent snores coming from his throat every so often. He just looks so peaceful and Elli just adores him and it scares her.

She can turn to face him and suddenly, her eyes are aching with sleep and she can feel herself ready to fall right back into a deep sleep. Tom, just being there, can get her to relax, to keep her mind calm, to help her breathe. There is something horrendously terrifying about it and maybe it's just because she didn't fully realize it until yesterday. Elli didn't realize how much she needs him and that's scary. Tom is her lifeline and it's clearer than the summer sky on cloudless nights.

Elli reaches out with shaky and gentle fingers, brushing the hair away from his face. Tom's forehead wrinkles, his arms tightening around her as a groan interrupts a snore. Tom opens just one eye, just enough to get a very blurry visual of Elli looking at him.

"Youokaydarlin?" Tom slurs his words together, eye closing again despite his tries to keep it open.

"Mhm," She hums, moving closer into his chest. Tom breathes out, Elli feeling him relax against her. "Couldn't sleep."

Tom's arms right around her again, lips pressing to the top of her head as he kisses her. "Wanna get coffee and food?" Tom asks, voice thick with sleep but words not as slurred.

"You're sleeping, it's okay." Elli assures, not moving from her place against his chest.

"'S alright, Elli." Tom says. "Can get up." He pulls away and Elli looks up to him, holding a distant look her eyes just like last night. Tom sucks in a breath and he wants to do anything that might make her feel better. "We could get breakfast, stop at Haz's make sure he's alright, not do anything today till later and we could get outa the city. Look at the stars, sound alright?"

Elli's lips curl into a smile with the offer as she nods before kissing his lips. "Yeah, sounds good."

"C'mon, then." Tom yawns, stretching his arms. "Let's get up and movin'."

The two of them get moving, Elli groaning with having to need crunches but Tom just makes sure she's alright, walking behind her. They take turns in getting ready for the day, Tom allowing Elli to go first and him taking a shower right after while Elli gets ready. Tom does as he normally does, sings in the shower and it lifts Elli's mood exponentially. There will always be something about the way Tom sings that will make Elli feel better. And today is no different. And Tom knows it so he makes sure to sing her favorite songs while they share the bathroom to get ready.

By the time they're both ready to leave, it's just after eleven and they're off for more of a brunch rather than a breakfast. But, the two of them enjoy it and as the day goes by, Tom has a pulling in his chest. It's the same pulling that happened last night before he was interrupted. The same pulling that happened when he told Elli he loved her when she was asleep. As the day goes by, it's sinking in that he really almost lost her yesterday and he wants to tell her. He still wants to tell her because what is the worst that can happen?

So, the two of them go to Harrison's and the three hang out as they usually do but not staying too long as Harrison actually had plans to go his parents given yesterday's events. But, it worked out because by the time Harrison was ready to leave, Elli and Tom were ready to grab an early dinner and make their way out of the city to get away from the lights.

They reach the spot that's usually reserved for summer and spring nights within half an hour, Elli relieved to be out of the city and Tom happy to just be alone and in one of their favorite places. They both love the city but there is something about seeing the stars that they both really like. And this was the place they had one of their first real conversations. Of course, they were sat in Tom's car with the music playing lowly and Elli's feet were on his dashboard while Tom was laid back in his seat. They had talked for hours and it was like no time had passed at all. The two of them have plenty of history here because of that one night.

Tom gets out of the car and goes to Elli's side, helping her out with her crunches before they move to the front of his car. Elli sits on the hood of Tom's car, allowing her legs to dangle down the front of the car while he takes a seat next to her. The two of them lay back, eyes immediately fixing on the crystal clear sky decorated in millions of tiny stars. The air is cold around them, the only heat coming from the metal beneath them and their coats wrapped around them but neither of them find themselves caring. The sky is too breathtaking to care about anything besides the stars.

It's rare to have moments like this. Living in the city, they don't get to see the stars often. They're usually hidden by the bright lights and yes, they love the city and would likely never move away from it, but it's like they're missing this other world while they're stuck in their own bustling lives. The stars are calm and quiet, just up there and unjudging to anything they may witness. The city lights? They watch all the time, judgemental eyes peering away and ready to attack at any given moment. Not the stars though, they keep secrets.

Tom pulls out his phone and he lets a playlist play, the first song being "Let Me Down Slowly". Elli looks over to him, his side profile sharp against the bright light of the moon, the distant street lamp, and the reflected headlights of his car. His jawline is sharp, almost perfectly carved while his cheek is decorated in the small acne scars that she's counted a thousand times before. Pale freckles sprinkle his nose and the corners of his eyes crinkle as his brows furrow while he looks to her.

"What?" He asks, a tender smile pressing his lips.

"Thinking." Elli shrugs, eyes back on the stars.

"Why d'ya always look at me when you're thinkin'?"

She looks back to him with teasing eyes. "Am I not allowed to look at you?"

Tom chuckles, looking back to the stars and he wants her to always look at him. It sends chills and butterflies of excitement and nervousness through his entire body. It's like the most beautiful form of distant electricity. "You can." He says, eyes just glancing to her. "What're ya thinkin' 'bout?"

Elli sucks in a breath and she watches the stars, the way they seem to almost reflect against the nearly black background of the sky. "I almost died." Elli says and Tom's attention snaps in her direction, brows pulling together and shooting pain hitting his heart.

"But you didn't." Tom states, eyes scanning her face.

"I know." Elli keeps her eyes on the stars. "But....I almost did and I dunno..." She trails off, looking at Tom just long enough to shake her head. "Forget it."

The stars can hold secrets but people don't. And maybe it's a little scary to be laying on the hood of Tom's car thinking about how she almost died and maybe she's just set her life on cruise control. She lives the same routine nearly every single day and while she's happy with her life, maybe she's not doing enough. People her age travel and they're out starting families and just living to their fullest and Elli wonders if maybe she's stuck.

Without a doubt, she's figured out she's taken smaller things for granted. After all, that's exactly why they're sat looking at the stars because she almost wasn't able to see them again. So, how is she so certain that her life is supposed to be just waiting for something incredible to happen instead of going after something bigger? How does she know she's not meant for something bigger, something outside of this place? She doesn't and it's got her mind aching and screaming until she looks to Tom again and everything's calm. She looks at him and suddenly, every ripple of the tidal waves in her mind just cease to exist. It's just....calm.

_Tommy._

He's worried though, the wrinkles of his forehead say it all. He doesn't like when Elli tells him to forget something because it always means something's eating at her. Elli knows it because she pays attention. Everything about him, she pays attention and she knows that he's the reason she won't leave. If an offer came, she would for herself, of course, she needs him. And his big brown eyes with the subtle hints of yellow are putting the country stars to shame and he's the reason she knows she's alive for something.

"C'mon," Tom says, pulling Elli from her thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"I just," Elli sucks in a breath. "I feel like I've taken a lot for granted and it's just put a lot into perspective, I guess, ya know?"

Oh, does he know. He knows more than he can say right now because when he said he couldn't breathe without her, he meant it. Tom has taken her for granted, expecting her to always be there. Elli thinks she's set her life in cruise control but so has Tom. Tom's set his feelings for her on autopilot, expecting things to just happen and call it a day but that's not how it works and now it's like a bright traffic light shining in his face. He can't miss it and it's the night.

"Think we all have, pretty normal though. Don't beat yourself up for it, ya?" Tom extends his arm and welcomes her a spot on his chest which she gratefully takes.

"Yeah, we shouldn't though." Elli states once her ear is pressed to his chest, hand looking for his to intertwine their fingers. "I mean, like I'm thinking of the best day of my life, ya know? And it's like, maybe I should have took it in more."

Tom's hand runs through her hair as he nods. "Think that's the thing though," He pauses, tilting his head to look down at her. "If we spent every day thinking we could die at any time, maybe we'd end up too depressed to do anything. Maybe everything would be too much. We'd be so damn focused on a what if that we pack too much into an experience and then we're overwhelmed. Long as you're havin' fun in the moment, think that's what matters the most, darlin'."

Elli looks up to him and their eyes meet for a few seconds, Tom's heart starting to thunder in his chest and he prays Elli doesn't notice. "You really think that?" Elli asks.

Tom nods simply. "Of course." The hand of his arm that's wrapped around her rubs up her arm as if trying to comfort her. "What's your favorite day?" Tom asks.

Without a second thought, Elli speaks. "When I went to Disney World with my family for the first time. We got to go to the parade and all that, got a stuffed Simba and it was, it was really fun. Not just because it was Disney and I was like nine but because it was my family and I didn't see my sister much because she was in high school and had her own friends but on vacation, it was just us. I don't know, it was fun."

"It sounds like fun." Tom reassures, squeezing her closer to him. "And you were only nine, you had fun. It's what matters, I promise." He looks down and gives her a gentle smile.

"What's yours?" Elli asks. "Ya know, best moment or day of your life?"

Tom has one immediate thought with the question:

_First time you kissed me._

But, he skips it.

Of all the days in his life, he's got a few that come to mind but he's talking to her so that day at Navy Pier is staring him right in the face. And it is blocking every other memory but it doesn't bother him. Maybe yesterday it would have but not today because Elli's right. People take things for granted and Navy Pier with her in the snow is one of the best days of his life and maybe she should know that.

"Navy Pier with you for the first time." Tom states, no smile, just honestly in the lines of his face and Elli's brows furrow in surprise and touches of confusion while her heart starts thundering just as much as his.

"The day in the snow?" Elli asks.

Tom nods, a shiver of anxiety running down his spine. "'s my favorite day."

"Why?" Elli sits up, leaning on her arm to get a better look at Tom's face and the look she's giving him is killing him because oh, does he want to ramble about how he sees the stars in her eyes.

"Was the day I knew..." Tom pauses and it's not about him at this moment. Later. "Um, I dunno." Tom looks to the stars. "I just like that day a lot, ya know?"

"That's your reason?" Elli asks, sensing there's more to it than what he's saying.

"You not have a day you like just because?" Tom lightens his voice, quirking a brow up at her.

Elli ponders but only for a second because he's right. "Yeah..." Elli chuckles softly with a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"Which is?" Tom questions.

"Comic book store with you for the first time." Elli laugh, moving from her elbow and laying back beside him.

Tom laughs with her as his head turns to face her. "Really? That's the day?"

"Yeah!" Elli says with enthusiasm. "It's what you said, I just really like that."

"I'm glad." Tom chuckles as he licks his lips. "It was a good day."

"It was the start a of a beautiful friendship." Elli smiles beams and Tom swears she's putting those stars to shame.

"We're good together." Tom states with a cheesy grin.

"Yeah, yeah we are." Elli agrees, moving back to lay on his chest.

Tom sighs, eyes set on the stars and he hopes their names really are written in them. He hopes they aren't just star-crossed lovers and he'll be able to say it. They could be unstoppable together and he knows it. It's so clear that it's screaming at him but he just can't bring himself to say it, not here. Maybe, just maybe it would be a good place and a good time but maybe it would be horrible. If she doesn't feel the same, it'll be like he ruined this spot and he can't do that to her. She almost died yesterday and he can't ruin it but she almost died and she could die tomorrow so why is he stuck wasting his time not saying anything?

And that's when the song changes to Without You Here by Life On Repeat and he's just staring at the stars as if they've sent him some sort of sign as to what he should do. The vocalist is incredible and that's what initially drew him to the song but it's the lyrics that make him play it on repeat, that made him learn it and make his own cover of it. It reminds him of Elli, always has and always will. So, he won't say it here but he will when they get back.

Elli and Tom find themselves in perfect silence besides the music over the next half hour, just enjoying the time as they can. But, the night does come to an end with the temperature steadily dropping. Tom helps Elli from the hood of the car and into the passenger seat before he takes his seat and starts the drive back to their apartment.

Elli, she was more talkative than she was the whole day but Tom? He's lost in his own train of thought while he watches the road. He's trying to listen to Elli, he is but his mind is stuck on how he's gonna tell her. How does anyone tell their best friend they're in love with them? Realistically, Tom would want to do something like he tried to do before. Fairy lights and movie nights but after yesterday, he just needs to say it. But he's terrified. He is so scared that he's going to say it and she's going to turn him down. That it will change everything between them, not just the benefits of their friendship but them. Elli is a great person, she's the best in Tom's eyes but maybe him being in love with her could be too much for her. Maybe she just won't love him anymore and it's gonna hurt. Then again, what if she loves him, too?

They get back to their apartment and Elli is hopping along with her crunches, Tom right behind her. She's making her way around the kitchen, going to one of the cabinets and Tom just pauses. Elli's rambling about wanting something to eat but not knowing what because they hadn't gone shopping and Tom's heart is just beating so fast he can hardly breathe. And he can feel himself almost choking on his breath as he watches her and he just can't take it anymore.

"I love you." Tom croaks out and Elli doesn't so much as glance over her shoulder at him.

"I love you, too." She says nonchalantly as she continues to look through the cabinets.

Tom's eyes begin to gloss over as he shakes his head, mouth running dry. "No," His voice is almost raw as the word comes out, grabbing Elli's full attention.

She turns to look at him and her heart skips a beat with the look on his face. Tom sucks in a shaky and terrified breath as he tries to get the words out. His lip trembles and there's no going back after this. He can't just take it back. He can't unring this bell. Once he says it, it is out there and there's nothing he can do. He loves her and he wants her to love him, too so much that it's physically painful to stand there and look at her.

"I'm  _ **in**_  love with you." Tom finally finishes his statement with a ragged breath.


	17. heartbreak

They could have heard a pin drop with the silence that spread and consumed the room. Tom's heart was pounding as fast as it ever has while Elli just stood there, staring at him, seemingly emotionless. It's as if everything's just completely frozen in between them. Dead silence and cold tension. Wide eyes full of fear and faces draining of color as their breathing becomes shallow. And it takes what feels likes minutes for Elli to find her voice.

"You....you what?" She asks and her tone alone could shatter the sturdiest glass.

"I, uh," Tom looks to the floor before looking back to her, scrunching his eyebrows with words of honesty. "I'm in love with you, Elli."

Elli knew she'd heard him right but she was praying she hadn't. Where was this confession three years ago when she told him? Where were his words then? Now, of all times, now is when he's going to decide he's in love with her. Elli is beyond flabbergasted and there is this part of her that's ready to blow her top but she doesn't. She remains calm but just shaking her head, not wanting to say anything she'll regret.

"You don't love me." She says and Tom's already opening his mouth but Elli's faster. "You're not. I almost died and it's just a honeymoon phase or whatever. A few weeks will go by and it'll be like it never happened. You're not in love me, you're just afraid I'm gonna die."

Tears. All Tom can feel are tears building behind his eyes. He isn't sure what he expected but it definitely wasn't this and it hurts. He's finally getting a glimpse at how Elli felt when he ignored her words. And it's knocked the breath right out of his lungs.

"That's...that's not it." Tom stutters, trying to push the lump in his throat down. "I've wanted--"

"Tom." Elli's eyes darken as her mouth is pulled into a hard line, warning him. "No."

"Would ya listen, please?" Tom pleads and his voice cracks with the last word making Elli close her eyes. Her blood is boiling but her heart is breaking for the person she calls her best friend. "I do love you, I really do."

Elli grits her teeth, her heart pounding in her chest as her blood rushes through her veins. "If you're so in love with me and it's got nothing to do with me almost dying yesterday, why the fuck didn't you tell me earlier?"

Tom pauses and he knows she has a point. It is the fire that gave him the courage to say it. That should count for something, right? At least he said. It's better than never, isn't that the phrase? But, she is his best friend and as her best friend, he should have been okay to tell her this. He should have been able to just tell her but he didn't and now the only thing between them is fired tension.

Elli sighs and she leans back on her crutches, ready to walk off. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Wait." Tom says and she looks back at him, eyes annoyed. "I...I just...I thought," He lets his words hang in the air and his heart is completely broken. "I thought you loved me."

Elli's chuckle is dry and humorless. "I do!" She yells but she is still fired up with anger. "I do love you! I told you that and now you're telling me you do? After all this time, now you say it? Now? I fucking love you and you know what, loving you isn't fun."

Tom's face falls and Elli's does the same, immediate regret coming over her but Tom beats her to talking. "What's that supposed mean?"

She licks her lips and shakes her head. "It hurts. I have loved you for years and you? You outright ignored me. You broke my heart." Elli's lip quivers with the last sentence and a tear falls down her cheek. "You broke my heart and I just kept going because we're friends. And friends, they can tell each other things but now suddenly you're saying you're in love with me and I almost died and that shouldn't be what makes you say it!" Her voice gets stronger and louder with every word. "You're scared! That's all it is, okay? I don't need to be broken over you again." Elli turns to go back to her room and Tom is quick to start walking with her.

"Please, I promise it's not like that and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to."

"Sorry? It's been like three years and now you're sorry?" Elli eyes him with tears of disbelief and heartbreak in her eyes. "Now? I,I can't do this." Elli gets into her room and makes her way to her closet, maneuvering to grab a bag.

Tom's eyes scan her over in a heat of panic. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"I'm going to Harrison's. I can't do this. I can't." Elli repeats as if she's trying to convince herself not Tom.

"Harrison's? Elli, don't go." Tom's voice cracks again, lip quivering uncontrollably as he tries not to let his tears fall. "Please, I'm begging you, stay. Stay with me."

Elli lets out a groan as she snaps back to him. "This isn't some love song you can remaster and make it your own! You're upset because Harrison was there and you weren't! I needed you and weren't there, Tom! It's fine, that's fine but you just feel guilty about all of this and I can't handle it. I can't fucking do it. I'm going to Harrison's for awhile. I love you but I'll be damned if it doesn't fucking kill me."

It's then that Tom breaks. Tears cascade down his cheeks and quiet cries leave his lips. He tries to wipe the tears as fast as he can but his hands are clammy and shaking. Every muscle of his body has gone weak and he feels like he can't even breathe anymore. His chest is right and the lump in his throat is just cutting off oxygen. Every part of him hurts and he never expected this. He never thought this would happen.

Elli is his best friend and what is he supposed to do without her? She's one of the most important people in his life. He's trying to understand, he is but he can't. His head is fogged with how everything just feels like he's being stabbed over and over again with every piece of clothing she puts in her bag. Every piece is like she's stuffing part of him into a bag, ready to dump it into the lake and never come back to it again. It hurts so bad he doesn't know how he'll recover and that's terrifying. Jenny may have hurt him, but this? This is unbearable.

"You can't drive." Tom says, breathing shallow and ragged.

"I'll call an Uber." Elli mutters, her voice just as shallow as if she's trying not to cry.

"I can drive you." Tom offers and he doesn't know why he does, maybe because he knows if can drive her, it might be enough to get her to stay.

"If you drive, I'll stay and I'm not staying." Elli mutters, zipping the bag.

"Please," Tom approaches her, hands on her shoulders. "What can I do? I-I don't want you to leave, I-I need, please, Elli." It's another cry that comes from his lips and Elli's chin wrinkles as she matches the sorrowful expression.

"You can't unring the bell, Tommy." Elli rolls her shoulders, getting Tom's hands off her before she turns back to her bag.

He might not be able to take it back but he doesn't even want to. What good would do it him to take it all back? He'd have it all bottled up again and he'd be silently screaming. Then, what's next? Eventually, she'd get into a relationship with someone else, one thing leads to another, and she's coming home with a ring on her finger and he's supposed to be happy for her. As her friend, he would be without question, and he'd be happy for her now but if he could take it back, if he never said it at all and she were to end up with someone else, he'd never forgive himself for not saying anything. And by then, it'd be too late because he wouldn't want to ruin her happy ending.

And, yes, she almost died and that's the thing. It is horrible that that's what pushed him to tell her. He knows that and she knows that. It shouldn't take a life or death situation for someone to finally to just open up but that's what happened with Tom. And he still doesn't want to take it back because, like Harrison said, if she died and he never got to tell her, he'd never forgive himself. They are best friends and whether she returns the feelings or not, he owes her the respect, especially with their friends with benefits deal, to tell her. But he didn't expect this, didn't expect her to leave.

"Elli," Tom sucks in a breath, watching her zip up her bag and she glances to him but only for a second and he wants to say more but he can't.

He's not even tongue-tied, he just can't find words. He could go on for days about why he loves her and when he realized it and why he's telling her now but if he does that, she might stay out of guilt. Tom has begged her and pleaded, tried to stop her and now it just feels like if he says anything else or does anything, he'll be forcing her and that's not what friends do. Friends don't force each other into situations they don't want to be in. Tears are still reflecting against her eyes and he just can't bring himself to say everything he should have said a long time ago.

His mouth opens and closes, like he's trying to say something but Elli shakes her head, tossing her bag over her shoulders and leaning back onto her crunches. "I'll be at Harrison's." Her words are so broken that it's like Tom's lungs have just been popped as if they were balloons.

"I can go." Tom offers, accepting defeat while Elli makes her way to their door.

"No," She says, trying to steady her voice. "You stay. We need--" Elli chokes on her words as she looks at him, broken and distraught. "I need time."

Tom hangs his head, tears missing his cheeks and falling to the floor. Elli bites her lip so hard she swears she's about to break skin. Everything hurts for her. She doesn't want to leave but she knows she needs to. Between the events of yesterday and finding this out, she can't do it. It's too much and she needs her own time to think and just figure out herself. There's not an ounce of her that doesn't feel guilty for leaving him like this but she needs to do what's best for her and maybe what's best for her is figuring out how to be herself without him.

In the burning building, she was scared that Tom would come. She was scared she'd never see Tom again and she was worried about Tom rather than herself. He told her he can't breathe without her and Elli understands that better than anyone because he is her breath of fresh air every single time he walks into the room. He's the light at the end of every dark tunnel of her life. He's her world and that's her problem. At least before he said anything, she'd feel she could sort herself out being around him because at least his feelings wouldn't be involved. But now they are. His feelings are out in the open and she can't do it. It's too much and now she feels claustrophobic in her safe space. It's not fair to him but it's not fair to her either.

"Bye, Tom." Elli mutters as she manages to get the door open and lets herself out.

Tom picks his head just enough to look at her. "Lemme walk you down at least."

Elli shakes her head. "You can't." She sniffles through her decline before she reaches for the door and shuts it, leaving Tom alone.

Tom stands there for a second before he leans against the door, tears freely slowly. He turns so his back is against the hard wood and he sinks to the floor, head in his hands. Choked sobs echo through the empty apartment and he's never felt so broken. He gasps for air as his hands start to shake again, his skin covered in the clear liquid from his eyes. One hand comes down to the floor, hitting the floor as hard as he can in heartbreak and frustration.

The center of his palm all through his fingers start to tingle and sting from the impact. It should have gained his attention but it didn't. He just shook his hand a few times as he brought his knees to bend in front of him. His nose is running and he's starting to cough from not being able to breathe. Nausea creeps through his stomach and everything in him is in so much pain, he doesn't know if he's ever felt something like this before. He never wants to feel like this again and it's only just begun.

Everyone has a heartbreak that sticks with them, there's always one that fucks them up a little. Sometimes it's from cheating, other times it's because the relationship just ended poorly, and sometimes, it's something like this. It's something where a friendship is being damaged, like a chisel is being hammered into the foundation cracking away until it finally falls apart. It's the heartbreak that sticks because it destroys parts of that person, parts that can be glued back together but it'll never be as perfect as it was.

Tom thought Jenny was his one, the one that would hurt worse than any other. It did hurt more than the other breakups, at the time. But this? The pain he's in right now, it's unbearable. This is the bad and destroying heartbreak everyone talks about. This is the one that scars ruthlessly and unapologetically. It's shredding his heart into pieces. Every breath is another tear and it's like he can't even take it. And the worst part is that him and Elli weren't even together. The worst part of it all is that they never even dated and her leaving, her saying she just can't with him is enough to be the most unbearable of heartbreaks. And to top it off, it's their friendship. Their friendship has just been broken and shattered. Everything is ruined and broken. Everything.

Elli's managed to wipe her tears and swallow her heartbreak as she took an Uber to Harrison's after sending him a quick text asking if she could stay. It threw Harrison off but he didn't even question it before saying she could. He knows her well enough to know something happened for her to ask to stay over, no mention of Tom. And his thoughts were only confirmed where there was a soft knock on his door and he opened to see Elli, tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, looking like she's about to break.

Harrison doesn't say anything as he opens the door and helps her inside. The door closes and Elli sniffles, her chest feeling like someone has been sitting on it for the past forty-five minutes. It's so hard to breathe and it only gets worse as Harrison walks in front her, eyes dawned with worry as he scans her face, trying to figure out what's wrong.

"What happened?"

Elli lets out a breath and it's only followed by a cry. Harrison's eyes widen as he moves closer to her, using his one good arm to embrace her in an awkward hug, avoiding her crutches. Elli's head rests against Harrison's chest as tears flow freely and cries rip through her throat. Her legs shake as they grow weak and the only thing Harrison can do is rub her back and listen to her heart break.

He has only one guess as to what happened and that's what scares him. If she's here and Tom isn't, there's a reason, a reason that's likely due to Tom. The question that's getting to him is what the hell could Tom have done to get Elli to break? If she could stay with him after he outright ignored her confession of love for him, Harrison can only imagine what happened behind the walls of that apartment and he's scared to even find out. But, as a friend to the two of them, as a friend who has Elli crying against him, it's his obligation to find out and try to help.

"Hey," Harrison whispers, moving his hand from her back to her chin. "Why don't we sit on the couch, tell me what's wrong, ya?"

Elli sniffles and swallows the golfball-sized lump as she nods. Harrison nods back and helps her with her bag and into the living room. She takes one end of the couch and Harrison takes a seat on the other. Her eyes go to her fingers in her lap, a few tears still falling as she tries to breathe and calm herself down. Harrison watches intently, not wanting to push her.

"I dunno if I can tell you." Elli mumbles, chin still wrinkling as if she's about to burst into a fit of sobs again.

Harrison's brows furrow. "You texted me, showed up here like this, to hell if you can't tell me. What the hell happened, Elli?"

First rule of fight club, don't talk about fight club. That's what everyone says, right? It's what Tom and Elli agreed on. They don't tell anyone about their benefits. It's supposed to be a secret but it was Elli who came up with it. Tom just agreed. And now that she's sitting in front of Harrison on the brink of telling him everything, she can't remember why she wanted it to be kept a secret so much. She doesn't remember because the ache in her chest is the only thing across her mind and she wants it to go away.

"Tom's in love with me." Elli says, with a shallow breath.

Harrison doesn't even act surprised. He's tired of being in the middle and having to keep things from the other. "What's the problem, then? Thought you liked him?"

"I do." Elli says, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. "It's," She swallows as she tries to explain. "I dunno, okay? It's not fair!" Elli yells out in a frustrated cry. "I almost fucking die and he decides he's gonna be in love with me now? That's not fair! He's just saying it because he's scared and then I'm gonna be left alone! He's gonna remember that he's not in love with me and this is just some bullshit and I'm the one left hurt again!"

Harrison is so tired of being in the middle. He's tired of his friends just dancing around their feelings. It's hurt him, hurt Jenny, and now they've hurt each other. It's out of hand now and while Harrison is loyal to a fault, he can't watch his best friend break like this, not over this.

"He told me a few months ago he was in love with you." Harrison says, almost reluctantly.

"What?" Elli croaks.

Harrison nods. "Yeah, it's not the fire. He's really in love with you." Harrison sighs but Elli's an emotional trainwreck right now and she knows Tom and Harrison go back further than her and Harrison.

"You're lying to protect him." Elli states.

Harrison's widen as he takes offense to her words. "You think I'd lie to you about this?"

"Maybe! When it comes to Tom, maybe!" Elli yells and if Harrison weren't the friend he is, he'd snap.

"I'm not lying to you." Harrison keeps his tone level knowing that Elli is just emotional and not thinking rationally.

"How do I know that? You've asked me a hundred times if there was something going on? Now that Tom says he loves me, how do I know you're not just saying he told you so I go back to him?"

While Elli is pissing Harrison off with her argument, he can't blame her. It's a fair argument, in a weird irrational just got her broken state. But, fair nonetheless. Maybe if it were reversed, Harrison would be thinking the same thing and she did say that she'd be the one hurt again. Elli doesn't know Harrison knows that she told Tom she loves him. She has no idea but Harrison does know which just makes him more understanding because maybe it's so much that really thinks he's lying to her, but maybe she's hope he is. If he's lying, she won't feel this need to put her heart on the line for someone who broke her heart. If he's lying, there's that chance Elli and Tom can pretend it never happened and move on from it. So, Harrison nods.

"Okay," He says. "I'm not lying but I'm not gonna argue with you either."

Elli sniffles and rubs her eyes again. "I wanna get drunk." Elli mutters and Harrison sighs.

"I'll let you into my alcohol if you're not gonna throw a fit when I cut you off." He offers, deciding that if she really wants to get drunk tonight while he's with her, safe, he might as well offer.

"Deal." Elli agrees while Harrison gets up and goes to his liquor cabinet for one of the bottles of vodka he has stored.

He returns with two shot glass, the bottle of vodka, two glasses, and a bottle of club soda. The tears have since stopped from Elli while Harrison pours them both a shot. It's Harrison's only shot of the night and it's only Elli's first shot of the night.

The hours go by and while Harrison would love to actually get some sleep, he's busy helping Elli to the bathroom and holding her hair back. He cut her off not more than twenty minutes ago and she really didn't have as much as she usually does but with her being so upset, Harrison wanted to make her limit much smaller and it's a good thing, too. She's still drunk but it's not as bad as it could be and it seemed to help enough for her not cry. Now, it's just made her sick and Harrison hopes, after sobering up, she'll have more sense.

"Thanks." Elli mutters, reaching to flush the toilet.

"Yeah," He sighs. "Better?"

She nods. "A little." She closes her eyes as she feels the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes. "C-can--" Elli clears her throat, pushing her tears away. "Can you leave? I just, I wanna be alone."

"After you've gotten drunk and been sick?" Harrison scoffs at the request.

"You can leave the door open, 'm fine." Elli says, closing her eyes again.

Harrison sighs and she's in the bathroom, she's sitting up. He can bring her a glass of water and he'll leave the door open. He does really want to get a phone call to Tom in before the night is over so, he does as Elli wishes after grabbing her a glass of water and bringing her her phone. He reminds her to holler or text him if she needs him for anything, even if it's just to talk or cry.

After he's left Elli to be, Harrison makes his way to his room. He'll still able to hear if Elli needs him but she likely won't be able to hear him talking to Tom. It's not like it's a secret that Harrison is calling him and he's gonna ask but Harrison knows that it's not something Elli probably wants to hear right now. So, he takes a seat in his room, door cracked open just enough while the phone rings.

"Yeah?" Tom's tired voice comes through the phone.

"You alright, mate?" Harrison asks.

"Elli okay?" Tom asks back, this time clearer than his original response.

Harrison sighs. "Dunno," Harrison says honestly. "She's drunk, now. What happened?"

"How bad?"

"Tom." Harrison warns. "We're not doin' that, called 'bout you. What happened and are you alright?"

Tom sniffles and runs a hand through his hair. "I told her, like you said I should. She didn't take it well so, uh," Tom licks his lips. "Nah, I'm not alright. Did you know this flat is um...." Tom trails off for a few seconds. "It's big and really quiet."

Harrison winces with Tom's words, hearing the pain in his voice. "I'm so sorry, mate."

"It's alright." Tom sniffles. "Is she coming home?"

"Nah, when she was drinking she asked if she could stay for a few days." Harrison answers feeling guilty.

It's not fair but he knows Elli going to her parents' house would be terrible for her. She'd have to answer a thousand questions about why she said she was dating him and why Tom admitting his feeling sis a bad thing. Going to her parents' house is the last thing she needs and she doesn't have anywhere else to go. So, Harrison is gonna let her stay and maybe knock some good sense into her.

"A few days?" Tom's voice cracks as he asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure it won't last, though, okay? I'm gonna talk to her."

"Please," Tom begs and it's enough to break Harrison's heart all over again. "I can't lose her, Haz .She doesn't have to be with me, 's alright but I can't lose her as a friend."

"I know." Harrison nods. "I'll talk to her tomorrow. Maybe just give her some space for right now and let her sort things out. I think there's more going on than this, more than you."

"Doesn't make it any better." Tom states.

"I know." Harrison agrees. "But, it's true. So, just, hang in there, okay? Don't do anything stupid."

"Won't." Tom confirms.

Silence falls between the boys. Tom doesn't have anything to say but it's comforting to have his best friend on the phone with him. He wanted to call Harrison the second Elli left but he figured that wouldn't be very fair to her if he told Harrison first, not with her actually going over there. And it's too late for him to call any of his family with them being a full six hours ahead of him. So, he just had to be by himself, crying and trying to sort it out himself. Which was just him being an utter mess in the living room, listening to music until Harrison called. But now, now it feels like maybe he could get an hour of sleep.

"I know it sucks," Harrison starts. "But it's gonna be okay."

"Hope so."

"It will be. You ignored her the first time and you two got past it, you can get past this, too."

"Maybe I don't want to get past any of it." Tom mutters and Harrison just furrows his brows.

"What's that mean?"

"I'm in love with her. I don't want to pretend it never happened."

There's a sense of pride that fills Harrison's chest. He knew it would happen. He knew Tom would eventually get the courage to stop lying to himself about his feelings towards Elli. And yeah, it kind of blew up in his face right now but that's not even the point. The point is that Tom is embracing it, he's not scared of it anymore even with a broken heart and Harrison's proud of him for it.

"So, don't." Harrison states. "Give her a few days and try again. You weren't there--"

"Don't start that." Tom cuts him off.

"Listen, you weren't there yesterday, you've no clue what it was like. She's gotta get over that first."

"Was I wrong then?" Tom asks, guilt starting to creep over him once more.

"Nah," Harrison shakes his head. "Timing could have been better, but I don't think you were wrong to tell her."

A dry chuckle sounds from Tom. "You just telling me that to make me feel better?"

Harrison laughs but shakes his head. "No, it's the truth. I'd tell you if you fucked up."

"Thanks, Haz." Tom says, the ache in his chest just barely lifting for the first time in hours.

"You're welcome. But, I'm gonna check on Elli, just wanted to check on you. Call if you need anything, ya?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks." Tom agrees. "Um.....just when you think it's right..."

"I'll tell her to at least text you."

"Thank you." Tom thanks him.

"Course," Harrison sighs. "Get some sleep."

Tom agrees and the boys end their phone call, allowing Harrison to head back to the bathroom to check on Elli. Tom, on the other hand, he makes himself comfortable on the couch, too exhausted to bother with his room. While the weight on his chest isn't as heavy, he knows he needs to try and sleep now. Moving to his room will risk that weight coming back and weighing him down so much he won't be able to sleep and he's got work in the morning. He has plenty of vacation days but he remembers what Elli said when him and Jenny broke up. Sitting at home will only make it worse, it allows him to sulk in self-pity but getting out and proceeding as he would, that'll make it better even if only for a few hours. So, Tom finds it in himself to close his eyes and get some sleep.

Harrison helps Elli into the guest bedroom and she's asleep almost the second her head hits the pillow. And lucky for Harrison, she sleeps through the night and only wakes up when she can hear Harrison in the kitchen around ten in the morning. Her head pounds and there's a numbness through her chest and limbs as the night before floods back to her like a hurricane. Her chest immediately starts to ache just as it did the night before but she's so tired from it all, mentally and physically, that she just forces herself to get up. Get up. Keep moving.

"Morning." Harrison greets as Elli enters the kitchen, the sound of the crutches giving her away.

"Mmm." She hums, sitting on the barstools.

"Making breakfast."

"You can't even cook." Elli mutters before resting her head on the counter.

"I can cook eggs." Harrison retorts, looking over his shoulder.

"Mhm," She hums in response.

"How ya feeling?"

"Like I got stabbed in the chest and drank too much."

"Sounds about right." Harrison states, moving the scrambled eggs to two plates. He walks over to her and places a plate in front of her before grabbing the bottle of aspirin and putting that beside her with a glass of water.

"Thank you." Elli says, going for the pills first.

"Yep." He says, placing his plate on the counter and facing her to eat. "So,"

"It's early, are you gonna start this?" Elli groans before taking a drink of water.

"You need to talk to him."

"No." Elli says coldly, going to eat her food.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Harrison's eyes widen with annoyance.

"I said no. I don't want to." Elli eats some of the eggs, surprised they aren't horrible. Tom's are better but Tom has always been a better cook than either of them.

"He's your best friend."

"I know." Elli shrugs. "But I don't want to talk to him. You can't make me."

"Will you tell me why the fuck not?"

"No." Elli responds in the same cold tone.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Harrison drops his fork into his food.

"No, I'm not fucking kidding you. You don't know the whole story and I can't talk about it but he broke my heart and I don't want to talk to him. I can't talk to him, Harrison. I need to know I don't need him." Elli huffs before stuffing another forkful of eggs into her mouth.

"What do you mean? That you don't need him?" Harrison asks, trying to solbe the rubix cube that is Elli Summers.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." Elli says. "I just, okay? I can't. I can't talk to him right now. I can't see him. I just can't. If you want me to go, I will but I'll go to parents' house."

Harrison sighs and runs a hand through his hair, fighting the push and pull of his mind. He should make her talk to him. Tell Tom to come over after work and make them sit down and talk. But, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours so he just nods.

"No, you can stay. It's fine." Harrison says before going back to his own food.

"Thank you." Elli says, looking to her plate. "You do make good eggs." A smile, a very small smile, comes to Elli's face.

Harrison laughs as he holds his head up with pride. "Told you."

The conversation ended and Harrison and Elli spent their day together, Harrison just making sure Elli is okay and Elli distracting herself. Harrison checked in on Tom every chance he got with texts. Elli might be staying with him but he's not going to leave Tom high and dry either. He's both of their best friend and that's how it's going to stay. However, what Harrison didn't expect was how long this was going to last.

He truly believed that Elli would cave after two or three days and she'd at least call Tom. She hears his voice and they'd start talking and that'd be it. She'd be asking Harrison to take her back home and everything would either change for the better between Tom and Elli or it'd go back to how it was. But, that's not what happened.

The first three days passed and Elli didn't even text Tom, not once. She was avoiding him at every chance. Tom had a set to play as he usually does and Harrison found himself going alone and apologizing profusely to Tom afterward, seeing the heartbreak and devastation on his face for the first time. It was unbelievable that Elli wouldn't even go to his show, that she couldn't even text him a good luck. It was just nothing. And maybe that hurt Tom more than he was willing to admit. But, Harrison saw it on his face. He knows it's breaking Tom not to be talking to Elli. And it only got worse.

The first week went by and Harrison found himself getting more and more annoyed with her not talking to him. Tom is a disaster without her and if she'd just send him a message, it wouldn't be as bad. It wouldn't be and Harrison knows that. Elli is Tom's best friend and Tom is in love with her. It's bullshit that she doesn't have the decency to text him. But, Harrison kept his mouth shut for that week and as requested by Tom, Harrison would keep his mouth shut until Tom asked him to say something. Loyalty runs deep.

But, then the second week comes to a close and Elli and Tom haven't spoken. Instead, there's a knock on Harrison's door and to his surprise, Tom is standing there. He's got a bag with him and Harrison's heart drops to the pit of his stomach as he lets him in.

"Uh, is Elli here?" Tom asks.

Harrison hangs his head. "Nah, she had a doctor's appointment for her ankle."

"She okay?" Tom asks in a rush.

Harrison nods. "Yeah, just a follow-up to see if it's healed or she needs another week or two on crutches. She's fine." Harrison points to the bag in Tom's hand. "What's going on?"

Tom sucks in a nervous breath and shakes his head just once. "I'm gonna go home."

Harrison stares at back Tom in shock. "Like, to London?"

"Yeah, mum's been buggin' me to come back since we didn't see each other over the holidays and I've not gone since so...I've got vacation days so, I'm gonna go."

"Are you coming back?" Harrison asks, afraid of what Tom would say.

Tom nods quickly with furrowed brows. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be back. I just," He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I can't be there without her, mate. It's too quiet and big and it's empty. It's so fuckin' empty without her. I hate it. And I miss my family. I gotta go but I'll be back, no longer than a month."

Harrison can already feel the look Elli is going to be giving him when he breaks it to her. "You don't want to tell Elli?"

Tom scoffs. "Not talkin' to me anyway." Tom states. "But," He goes to his bag and pulls out an envelope. "Can you give this to her?"

Harrison nods, taking it from him. "Yeah, 'course. This why you came by?"

"Kind of." Tom huffs, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder.

"Hoping she'd be here and convince you to stay?"

"Maybe." Tom shrugs. "But, my flight leaves soon so I gotta get to Midway."

Harrison nods. "Yeah, alright. I'll give her this and tell her. Call when you're back, ya? Tell everyone said hi."

"I will." Tom gives Harrison a side smile before Tom lets himself out.

Harrison holds the envelope in his hands and wonders what it says, what it's even about that he didn't just text it to her. Tom doesn't usually write letters, or anything besides his music. So, this is a bit strange and the envelope is bigger than just the standard size which is throwing Harrison off more. But, then again, it's none of his business. So, he rests it on the counter and goes back to trying to sculpt with one hand as he waits for Elli to get back.

Elli returns an hour later, crutch-free and a smile dawning her face as she makes her way through Harrison's apartment door. She beams for the first time in two weeks, just happy to be able to walk again. And her mood doesn't fall as she makes her way into the living room, taking a seat on the couch before Harrison makes his way in from the back room.

"See you're better?" Harrison asks, grabbing the envelope from the counter.

"Yep! Got the all-clear, thank fuck."

"Lucky you." Harrison mocks, gesturing the arm that's still stuck in a sling for another two to four weeks.

"Sorry." Elli chuckles.

"I've got news." Harrison's smile falls as he stands in front of her.

"Okay?" She raises a brow not liking how Harrison's tone has changed.

"Tom's dropped this off for you. He went to London today." Harrison hands her the envelope. "He told me to give that to you."

Elli's heart sinks as she looks at the envelope. Her name is written in Tom's excuse for handwriting and he almost brings a smile to her face. Her thumb brushes over the dried black ink, likely from his favorite pen by the looks of the ink. She didn't think he'd leave though. But, she can't be mad, not returning his texts or phone calls. She can't complain because she left first. So, she doesn't say anything, she just opens the envelope.

It's the picture he took of her when they were at the pier for the first time in the snow. It's one she didn't know he took. Her eyes are trained at the sky, open mouth smiled decorating her face. Pink gloves cover her hands as a matching beanie sits on her head and she looks so happy and in love with the snow it's almost insane. It's a side profile but it's Tom favorite picture and Elli has to admit she adores the picture but that begs the question: why didn't he show her before?

So, she flips the picture over to be met with more handwriting:

_"I've always been in love with you."_

Elli sighs and the weight of heartbreak comes rushing back like a tsunami.

"You okay?" Harrison asks.

"Yeah," Elli says, shaking her head and holding back the lump in her throat. "I, uh, I....I'm gonna take a nap." Elli stands up and starts to walk to the guest bedroom.

"Are you gonna call him?" Harrison asks bluntly.

Elli looks over her shoulder. "No." She states and makes her way to the bedroom, the door shutting quietly behind her and allowing her to sit by herself.

Now she just feels like she's made a huge mistake. She should have heard Tom out. She's terrified of getting hurt by him and there is so much more to her being afraid of him being in love with her but if it's been this long, it's not fair to him. She hurt him in the way he hurt her years ago and that's so unfair. She's scared and stubborn and now she just can't call. She can't call while he's with his family and she's not even sure what to do with his. Elli completely shut him down and now she has this. It's torture. But, then Elli reminds herself of one of the biggest reasons she's staying with Harrison. Tom broke her heart and Elli feels like she is too dependent on him. And that is not fair to either of them. So, she keeps the picture but puts it with her things and doesn't look back on it.

It's a month that goes by. Tom is back home and he's just talked to Harrison. Tom's talking about how it still hurts not having Elli around and there's something with the way Tom talks that sends Harrison into a fit of rage. If Elli wanted to be mad and upset for a week, fine, but over a month? It's Harrison's last straw.

Over this month, he's tried to talk to Elli, convince her to just reach out once and she has not once done so. He might be her friend but Tom was his friend first and Tom is the one hurt now. Not Elli. Tom coming back and while feeling a little better seeing family but still being upset over Elli, that doesn't fly anymore. So, Harrison hangs up with Tom and he barges into the living room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Harrison yells, grabbing Elli's full attention as she faces him with a dropped jaw and wide eyes."He's fucking in love with you. He's your best friend. And it has been almost two fucking months. Grow the fuck up and talk to him, damn it!"

Harrison's outburst catches Elli completely off guard. Harrison doesn't yell at her, not usually but never like his. He never just storms in and rails into her about something but he is now and Elli has half a mind to walk out and not give him the time of day. But, she doesn't take this.

"You don't even know the half of it, Harrison!" Elli yells back. "I don't have to talk to him!"

"Then fucking tell me! I'm your friend, too but you sure as shit are not making it easy! I get that you're upset he had bad timing or whatever but for fuck's sake, Elli, the boy tells you he loves you and you leave him high and dry for almost two fucking months? And you call yourself his friend? You call yourself his roommate? Friends don't do this."

"Do you really want to know?" Elli spits, ready to just let it all out. This isn't going to stop. It's never going to stop until Harrison knows everything that happened that day. And Elli knows that. And she needs it to stop. "Fine."

**_\----- 3 years ago -----_ **

_To say Elli had a rough day would be an understatement. She was stuck working with a bunch of 13-year-old boys and their parents who all think they're going to be the next Jonathan Toews or Patrick Sharp. None of them would listen to her as she tried to get them to take even one decent group picture. Apparently, she was wasting their time and the boys should be practicing for the playoffs, not that that was Elli's fault she was hired to photograph them. And it only got worse as she was also hired to photograph the practice, parents making snide comments or demanding she move, even shoving her. Boys doing the exact same,_ _seemingly whenever they got the chance while not on the ice,_ _following in their parents' footsteps. It was a rough day._

_So, it was no surprise that the first thing she did when she walked through her door was groan while kicking her shoes off before mumbling to herself on the way to her bed. She didn't even bother shutting the door as she entered her room and fell face first into her mattress. A dramatic sigh muffles against the fabric and every part of her just wants to go to bed and forget the day ever happened. But, Tom's home and he heard her come home, of course coming to check on her._

_"You alright, darlin?" Tom asks, standing in herdoorway. She starts talking into the matress, her words completely muffled and incoherent. Tom shakes his head and walks inside, taking a seat beside her. "What're you sayin'? Can't understand you with your face in the blankets."_

_Elli looks at him with tired eyes. "Teenage boys and their parents are the worst form of humanity." Tom laughs, head tilting back and he gains a glare from Elli. "It's not funny! It's true!"_

_Tom continues to laugh, looking down at her. "I was a teenage boy with sports parents."_

_"And you probably a little prick." Elli states and Tom nods quickly._

_"Oh, absolutely." His smile is so bright that it seems to start to washing away Elli's sour mood. "But, am I prick now?"_

_Elli bites her lip to hide her smile. "Are you?" Tom narrows his eyes and Elli lets out her first laugh of the night as she rolls over. Tom pokes her stomach, elicting a booming laugh from her and it makes him laugh to himself, eyes soft as he watches her. "Yes, you are."_

_"Am not!" Tom says. "I'm a bit of dick but I wouldn't say I'm a prick." His nose scrunches with another burst of laughter and Elli just shakes her head, leaning into him._

_"Yeah," She rolls her eyes, looking up to him. "You're alright, I guess."_

_Tom smiles softly, taing her hand in his and tangling their fingers together. "Feel better?"_

_"A little." Elli sighs, the smile falling just slightly._

_"Do you wanna talk about it?" Tom offers, fingers moving against hers._

_"Nah," Elli shakes her. "I'm just tired of it, I'm too good for it."_

_Tom bites his lip, eyes flicking between her eyes and lips. "Yeah, you are."_

_Elli's cheeks flush a soft tint of red before she sits up and leans into Tom. Their fingers stop moving together as the air thickens between them. It feels like breathless minutes before Elli moves forward and captures his lips in a sweet kiss. Tom's eyes flutter closed, feeling himself get lost with the feeling of her lips against his and his hand trails from hers up to her neck, pulling her in and deepening the kiss._

_Elli's heart pounds in her chest and every single time they kiss it's like magic. Not the fireworks that are always described but just, magic. It's not something anyone can see or even visualize, it's just a feeling in her stomach and her heart. It's the kind that keeps her breathing even when she completely forgets how. It's a rush and beautiful all in one and it's with every single and movement of Tom's Lips against hers._

_And surges of electricity jolt through her body as his lips trail to her neck and he nips at the skin before latching down. He sucks a bright purple mark to her skin, a symbol that in this apartment, she's his and she loves it. She lives for it. And now she wants to live for it in a different way, in the way where when someone sees it, they don't even ask because they know it's from Tom. They know Tom is with her and she's with him, it's the two of them. And she trails her lips down to his neck, gaining a groan before she leaves her own mark on his skin, a mark that just screams her name and she hopes he feels the same way. Marks screaming each other's name and pleading for them not to be dirty little secrets._

_Elli pushes Tom's shoulder, moving him flat on his back as she straddles him, their lips not disconnecting for a single second. Their breathing is already ragged and strangled but they're not focused on breathing. They're lost in the moment of lust, something they've been becoming very accustomed to._

_Tom's hands slide under her shirt and his hands are so warm, fitting to her sides like a perfect puzzle piece sliding into place. And his hands trail up to her breasts, taking them in his hands and squeezing them over her bra until Elli finally disconnects their lips and sits up. She pulls her shirt over her head and Tom gains that usual smirk he always gets and it sends another rush of heat through Elli's body, head to toe. She matches his smirk with a wink before reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra._

_Tom follows her lead and sits up, taking his shirt off and before Elli can go back to her position, Tom's arm is wrapping around her and flipping them back over so he's on top. Elli laughs and Tom matches the melody, his head dipping into her neck before his eyes meet hers._

_The laughing subsides and this feeling washes over him. Elli? She is wow. She's everything Tom loves and cares about. The best moment of his life is the day she kissed him for the time but there's something with the way her eyes meet his in the low light of her bedroom, the only light coming from her fairy lights. There's a new feeling here, one Tom hasn't felt before, one he wasn't even sure actually existed. And it scares him so he breaks eye contact and connects his lips back to hers before sliding a hand between the two of them and sliding his hand into her sweatpants._

_Elli moans as his fingers slide her underwear aside and start sliding through her folds, collecting her wetness. Her eyes shut while her hand reaches for the nape his neck, tugging him closer to her. She moves her lips from his, kissing his cheek before she gets to his ear._

_"Condom." She whispers, voice completely drenched in lust and Tom moves in seconds, reaching to her nightstand for a condom while she strips the rest of her clothes._

_Tom follows her lead and slides the condom on once his clothes have been tossed to the floor. He lines himself up with her core and he watches himself slowly disappear into her heat. He groans into her chest once he bottoms out, Elli's jaw hanging slightly ajar with the full feeling._

_She runs a hand through his hair and Tom picks his head up, eyes meeting hers and he's scared at the flutter his heart does. He's terrified of the way he gets goosebumps and the way he wants to kiss her like he's never done before. For the first time, he's scared of her but he doesn't let it show. He just stares back at her with heavy breaths and Elli pushes loose strands of curls back because she's scared, too but in a different way._

_She isn't paralyzed with fear, it's all right there. She's in love with him and she knows now. Something clicked tonight and maybe it was just him talking to her. It's just Tom. It's always been Tom and it's always going to be Tom. And she is happy that's it's him. Tom makes her happy. Elli is happy on her own but he makes her the happiest she's ever been. And she's so in love with him._

_"Tommy," Elli gasps as Tom thrusts into her and he pauses for a second, brows furrowing and Elli's breath just hitches before she continues. "I love you." She says and Tom stares at her._

_All he does is stare. This is Elli. She is the fucking dream. She's his dream. She is everything that he could ever need and want and she is his best friend. She makes him so much better but she's his best friend and Tom swears up and down that he is not her person because he doesn't deserve her._

_Elli is too good for him and she just told him she loves him and he can't say a damn word back. He can't say he loves her because while the feeling in his whole body is screaming that four letter word, Tom still isn't' positive he believes in it._

_And he should, there is this deep and dark place in his mind that's trying to pull itself to light, trying to scream at Tom that this is it. This is love. This is what it is. It's Elli but that part of him is weak. It's fragile and scared and not loud enough. It's not even a throbbing in his mind. So, he stares at her before he starts thrusting into her again, forehead going to her collarbones._

_Elli feels the burning behind her eyes as Tom keeps moving without a word. Her nails dig into his back and maybe the right thing to do would be to stop but she doesn't exactly want to. She doesn't want to stop because sex? That's easy and Tom is great and Elli knows that in a record time, Tom can get her reaching a euphoria that will make her forget this, even momentarily._

_It'll relieve the lump in her throat and the stabbing and burning of her heart. Tears won't threaten to spill and her voice won't shake with heartbreak. It'd just be moans of desire. So, she doesn't say another word as she lets herself get lost in the sex, allowing herself to use this and Tom does the same before pulling his head from her neck to look at her._

_Guilt. He's already feeling guilty and he should say literally anything other than what comes out of his mouth. "Do you wanna stop?" He pauses as Elli just stares back at him, brows furrowed together. "We can, if you want." He says, not moving or budging in the slightest and he wants for Elli to tell him yes, use their safe word, but she doesn't._

_"No, keep going." She says, her voice uneven but her lips are on Tom's in seconds, hand on his neck to pull him to her._

_"Are you sure?" Tom mutters against her lips, just needing to be sure._

_"Just fuck me." Elli pulls away and looks back at him, ready to wash the remains of the eight letters from her skin._

_He nods and pushes the guilt away, lips hot on hers again as his thrusts pick back up. They both use the sex to move on from the words and the guilt, pretend it slipped and by the time Elli's nails dig into his skin and Tom's teeth bite down on her neck, both using each other their orgasms hitting hard. They're lost in pleasure and lust, no other thoughts in mind until they come down._

_They're on their backs and it hits Tom like a freight train, weight on his chest dragging him to the bottom of the ocean. Why didn't he just say it back? Say anything at all? Panic starts to seep in and his head turns to Elli who's eyes are trained on the ceiling but before Tom manages a single word, Elli is getting up and gathering her clothes from the floor._

_"Elli." Tom calls, voice fragile and guilt-ridden._

_"I'll be back." She mutters before biting her lip to keep herself together._

_"Wait, Elli, come back." Tom calls back, leaning forward but Elli looks back to him with eyes turning red and they're glossed over and Tom swears that's the moment things changed._

_"I'll be back, Tom." Elli says with the shrug of her shoulders before she exits the room and Tom hopes she will be but the hope evaporates as he hears her in the kitchen a minute later and the front door opening and closing. He just broke his best friend._

**\----- current time -----**

Harrison stares at her and Elli shrugs. "So, that's what happened. You know the rest. I called you, you calmed me. I went back inside, went to sleep, and we pretended it never happened."

Harrison already knew but he'll play dumb for the time being. Especially because he didn't the know details of the event. He had no idea it affected her that way. He knew it hurt her but to hear it come from her mouth, that's something totally different. And he gets it, he understands but he also doesn't think this justifies her actions.

"Look, I'm sorry it happened and so is Tom. You and I both know that." Harrison starts. "Did you ever ask what he wanted when he called after you?"

Elli shakes her head. "No, I just forgot about it."

"Why?" Harrison says, and he's trying to be the voice of reason. Harrison knows why, Tom would have tried to stop her to make it better. He may not have confessed his feelings for her then but Tom did try to ask her out not long after so it's fair to think maybe he would have said something had Elli let him talk.

"I..." Elli hangs her head. "Because."

Harrison sighs and he runs a hand through his hair. "Do you forgive him for it? Do you really think he'd hurt you?"

"Yeah, I forgive and no......not really." Elli admits. "It's just, it hurt so bad the first time that, what if it does happen again?"

"Then it happens and you pick yourself up like you did before. You did it then and you can do it again. But, this," Harrison motions his finger between them. "What's going on with you and Tom, now, that's not about what happened three years ago. Hell, it's not even about what happened two months ago. There's more to this. Your friendship is falling apart, Elli."

"I know." Elli says with sad eyes. "I know."

"What's wrong with your foundation then?"

"What?" Elli's entire face scrunches at the seemingly random question.

"You and Tom build this house, it's falling, why?" Harrison starts, very clearly onto something.

"What the hell--"

"What keeps a house up? Keeps it standing?"

"A foundation?"

"Right. Every relationship and friendship is built on one. Some hold up cottages or small flats, others hold up castles and mansions but you and Tom? You've built a house so what's wrong with the foundation that's making it fall? I feel as though we've built something nice, a nice flat if you will, but when you told me you didn't like me or when I asked you on a date, our foundation was stronger. It's like we've been able to pack up these little holes, crevices neither of ever noticed until then and we've been friends for years, years longer than you and Tom. So, what's wrong with your foundation that's making that house fall?"

"I don't know." Elli shrugs, finally catching onto what Harrison is saying.

"Yes, you do. You do know so what is it?"

Elli stares back at him and she does know. It's not about getting hurt again. It's bigger than that because she does know that if it didn't work out, they could fix it. It's what they do. They always fix whatever problems they have between each other. Elli and Tom work so well together it is mind blowing so Harrison is right for calling her bluff. It's not about getting hurt. It'snot even about Tom's timing, not fully. There's more to this, more than goes down to the very core of their friendship and Elli just needed a push to address it.

"I need to talk to him, huh?"

"Yes!" Harrison yells, dramatic as ever even leaning forward with the word.

"Will I have a bed here if it doesn't work?"

"If you pay rent." Harrison chuckles with a nod.

"Yeah," Elli scoffs. "How much money do you even make? I can't afford half the rent here."

"Talent." Harrison quips with a cocky grin.

"Shut up." Elli rolls her eyes and makes her way to the guest bedroom to grab her things, prepping to go home and finally talk to Tom.


	18. Photograph

Rushes of anxiety crash through Elli's veins as she knocks on the door to the apartment she called home. Music was playing from inside, now too loud but just enough for it to be heard and she knew Tom must be in the living room. And there's this part of her that's tugging on the strap of her backpack, looking down the hallway, ready to take off and run back to Harrison's place. But, she's frozen in place and the door creaks out, revealing Tom is his usual t-shirt and jeans that hang too low, his hair messy from the day.

Tom's eyes widen at the sight of her and it's been two months and it's like a hurricane just hits him. He wants to hug her and smile and just tell her how much he missed her. She's his best friend and he's missed every second they haven't spoken or see each other. And he wants to kiss her and tell her he loves her because butterflies are just swarming through every part of his body, fluttering and electrifying his bones. But above all that, he wants to scream and yell.

Elli ignored him for two months. He might have ignored her when she said she loved him the first time but he ignored her for a few minutes, not two months and that's the difference. Two months is a long time and it's been a rough two months. His feelings remain but the anger and resentment he feels towards her are hot through his veins, screaming in agony. His best friend didn't have the decency to speak to him. She couldn't even give him the rent. All she did was stop by while he was at work and leave it on the table. Elli went to great lengths to avoid him and now she's knocking on her own door.

But, she meets his eyes for the first time and she's the calm in the pouring rain. He's pissed, he's broken, and hurt, betrayed but he opens the door for her to come in. He keeps his anger and every loud emotion to himself and chooses to be calm, he shuts the loud off. If he can shut the loud off, he won't snap because he doesn't owe her anything. If he lets the heartbreak and everything he's wanted to say start flowing from his lips, they won't get anywhere. She left and ignored him, it's up to her to talk. Tom is just going to let her inside and let it be.  _As roommates._

"Hey." He says and he keeps his anger and heartbreak at bay while she comes in.

"Hey." She says, voice quiet as her eyes are on the floor and then there's just silence.

She walks inside and looks around, the kitchen clean and same for the living room besides a few pieces of paper laid out on the floor. But, it's quiet. Tom's shut the music off and it just feels like the shell of two people, two ghosts who used to live happy and carefree lives. It's the shell of what could have been and what was. Maybe that's it's own form of heartbreak.

"Are, uh, are you home?" Tom asks, clearing his throat.

Elli nods, eyes barely glancing to him and she didn't expect seeing him to hurt like a ton of razor blades to her chest. "Yeah, Harrison, um...." Elli sucks in a breath and she's trying to find something to say. "He buys the wrong chips."

Tom scoffs and he can feel the loud and red of emotion start to pound against his skull and chest. "Really? You're here over..... _chips_?"

Elli's eyes are still trained gets upon the floor, not wanting to see the disgust and disappointment in his eyes. "No...." Elli says quietly and then goes silent.

Tom states back at her before he shakes his head with nothing else to say. He goes to the living room and starts to putting the record back before moving to the floor to clean up the sheets of paper that are covered in mismatched lyrics. He doesn't even glance to her but Elli's eyes are trained on him the entire time, and it's about to send Tom into a downward spiral.

"Right." Tom gets up and he finally meets her stare only for Elli to divert it back to the ground. "Be in my room, rent's due on the first but you know that."

Tom starts to make his way to the kitchen, heading towards the hallway and Elli is watching him, trying to find anything to say to stop him.

"Tom..." She squeaks, making him stop but not look back at her.

There's a million things Elli wants to say but she doesn't know where to begin. She wants to apologize but she wants to just start rambling and get everything off of her chest. She wants to explain herself and promise that it'll never happen again. Elli wants Tom to turn around and face her and talk it out so maybe she can speak and just, fix what's been broken but it's hard. No one ever said it was going to be easy but no one said it would be this hard either.

"I love you." Elli whispers. "In love with you." She specifies and Tom just stands there, back to her for a few seconds more.

He's wanted to hear it, hear it better than he did the last time he saw her but not now. Now it feels like sour gone bad. It sparks a fire in his stomach and it's making him want to lose his cool with her. They've been friends for years but this is, this is not what friends do to each other.

"You wanna do this now?" Tom spits, turning around to face her.

Elli nods. "Yeah."

Tom gestures a hand out. "Okay, what?" He lets out a huff before crossing his arms over his chest.

"You're gonna be like that? Really?" Elli asks, brows furrowed together and she wants a civil conversation.

Tom's eyes widen in disbelief. "Be like what?" Tom scoffs. "Be pissed at you? Yeah, pretty sure I've got every right to."

Elli looks to the floor before glancing back to him. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"No, it's not okay!" Tom feels himself starting to lose the battle to the anger. "I tell you I'm in love you and you go to Harrison's! You ignore me for two fuckin' months and show up like it's never fuckin' happened! You're shiting me, ya?"

"I know!" Elli yells, arms flying out in front of her. "I know, okay? I know I fucked up and I'm sorry!"

"We have a rule." Tom's teeth grit. "You wouldn't even spend a fucking night here after I told you." His voice cracks and the wave of anger is being washed away with the waves of heartbreak. "You couldn't stay a night after I told you. Was that some sick payback for when I didn't say it back?"

Elli's eyes widen and she takes a step forward but Tom takes a step back. "No, no no, never! That was never it. I wouldn't--"

"You did." Tom cuts her off. "You did do it. I told you I'm in love you and you left. You ignored me. I told you that I'm sorry for ignoring and I am but for fuck's sake, I tried to fucking tell you after. I tried to talk to you and you ran away then, too."

"I was scared, alright?" Elli fights back and Tom just shakes his head.

"Of what?" He shrugs. "Our friendship ending? Because you've done a good job at that so far."

In the silence of the room that followed that statement, Elli almost swears the two of them could have heard both of their hearts completely shatter. Tom's head hangs and Elli's eyes water and the intent was never to ruin their friendship but he's right. Elli knows he's right but she never thought he'd ever dream of saying it. And Tom knows it's true but he didn't mean to say it. He'd never intentionally say something like that to her but he did. And he can't take it back.

"I was scared of you." Elli mutters, a few tears falling onto her cheeks.

Tom's head lifts as he looks at her. "Me?"

"I know, I told you and you're right, I'm a shit friend about this." Elli sighs, wiping her eyes. "I shouldn't have told you before. I had bad timing and you deserve better than that."

Tom can feel what's coming. He knows she's going to go on a rant about how he deserves better because he's had the same discussion with Harrison and himself about her. Tom's always felt Elli deserve better than him for one reason or another and he doesn't want to listen to her think anything less.

"Don't say it." Tom says.

"No, it's true. You deserve better than me."

Tom shakes his head. "It's...."

"Are you gonna stand there and tell me you deserve someone who ignores you for two months, completely ignoring and disregarding your feelings?" Elli crosses an arm over her chest.

Tom shakes his head once more. "No....but--"

"Okay." Elli clears her throat. "You obviously deserve someone better who can tell you how they feel but also, you deserve better than me before any of that. And I don't mean that in a way of I'm not good enough because I know I'm pretty and smart and damn good at my job and I'm passionate and creative and usually a decent friend but not in comparison to you. You are so okay with just being you, living here, playing your music in some run-down bar because it's what you love. You've never even questioned it. You love your radio show and that's it. You're so happy just being and I don't know how you do it. I'm happy with what I have and who I am but I don't know how you can be so happy and not wonder if you're wasting your life. You're not, I don't think so, but I don't get how you can just do that and you deserve someone who understands that."

Tom takes a step forward. "I...it doesn't bother me, Elli." Tom says and the anger and heartbreak is just being filled with sadness and empathy. "It's never bothered me that you've wanted to quit certain jobs because you deserve better. You don't have to get me with this, ever. I admire you for wanting more, expecting more because you know you're good."

"But it's different." Elli argues with frustration in her voice.

"How?"

"It just is, I don't know."

"It's not different. I don't fuckin' care about it. You support me, that's what I give a shit about." Tom's voice is stern.

"But I care! I care about it! And it's more than that, too."

"What more, Elli?" Tom almost yells, trying to get everything out of Elli.

"I just, I almost died and ya know, the only thing I was thinking about is you? I thought about my family, sure, but I thought about you. I thought about if you were in the building, if you were outside and if you'd try to get in, what would happen to you if you were inside, what if you were with us when it had happened, what if there was another explosion and it hit you. Okay, that's what I thought about. I could have died and I was trapped and you were my only fucking thought. That's terrifying." Elli's voice quivers with the last of her words.

"I'm sorry it happened." Tom says. "I am, but, you being scared, that doesn't justify what you did."

He understands what Elli is saying but that part of him that denied being in love with her is blinding him all over again, this time with her point. It's not about him being in love with her, not fully, it's where her mind falls. It's that, even in life or death situations, she can't think about herself because Tom clouds her thoughts. He's always in the forefront of her mind and it's terrifying to think she might really need him, or anyone, to live.

"Are you listening?" Elli screams, the frustration clear in her voice.

"Yes! Are you listening to me?" Tom spits back. "I'm in love with you and you walked out and broke my heart. I'm listening, loud and bloody clear and being scared is no fuckin' reason to ignore me for two fucking months! I'm sorry but it'snot fair to me!" Tom takes another step forward, the broken pieces pulling him to the only person who put them back together.

"Tom!" Elli yells, her voice desperate to get him to stop.

"Let me finish! I can't breathe without you and it fucking sucks but I didn't run from you. You're my best friend above everything else and I need you here and you left! You left me and didn't give me an explanation!" His voice cracks and it just hurts the both of them more.

"I told you I needed time!" Elli tries to defend with a step forward.

"Yeah, heat of the moment but a fuckin' text would have been fine. Let me know you're alive and you don't hate me!" Tom's face is red with a mixture of pain and anger, veins sticking out from his neck and eyes glossing over.

"You think I hate you?" The brokenness of Tom's voice is like shards of glass through Elli's chest.

"Why wouldn't I?" Tom's face relaxes into something of utter sadness and hopelessness.

"Because I could never hate you." Elli says, voice quiet but honest and her brows are furrowed in heartbreak. "Do you hate me?"

"What?" Tom takes a few steps forward. "No, of course not."

The words float the air between them and it's as if the anger has been let out with the simple confirmation. Tom's hurt and he's tired of being afraid and hearing about being afraid of one thing or another. Being afraid or anything shouldn't stop two people and sure, his fear stopped him first but now it's Elli. And he's so hurt by what she did, it's hard for him not to hate her but he doesn't. And he could never hate her. He hates what she did but that's it and people make mistakes. She hated what he did to her. He can move past it.

"There's more, ya know?" Elli offers with sad eyes.

"More to why you left?"

"Yeah."

Tom runs a hand through his hair and there's nothing Elli could say that would justify her actions and that's not what she's trying to do. She's just trying to tell him exactly what was going on in her head. It's what he deserves.

"Okay." Tom sighs, nodding and allowing her to finish.

"You said you couldn't breathe without me." Elli states, a fragileness to her voice.

"That?" Tom questions. "I didn't mean it--"

"No," Elli stops him. "I know what you meant when you said it and that's....I mean," Elli stumbles for words. "You said you need me."

'You're my best friend, 'course I need you." Tom says, the words flowing so easily through his lips.

"Yeah, well that's my problem. That's the main reason I left. I needed you and you told me you loved me and it scared me. I almost died and thought of you. And it scared me. Whenever anything happens, I think of you. Whenever I need anything, I think of you and when I want something, I think of you. It's always you and I have been so fucking dependant on you because I love you that I didn't know what to do, okay?" Frustration breaks the fragileness but it's not towards Tom, it's towards herself.

"It's okay to need people, Elli."

"No, it is but it's not for me. Not the way I felt I needed you. I thought I needed you to live and do everything. You even made me food all the time because I'm terrible at it. I'm bad at something and instead of trying to be better, you do it. You do everything for me and I love you for it. I do but I need to do things on my own."

"You do my laundry. You've cleaned my room before without being asked. You do the dishes for me. You do a lot for me, too. We both do things for each other. That's not co-dependency, that's being friends and roommates." Tom tries to reason.

"I know, I know, but I just.....I felt like I actually needed you to do anything and I was scared and I didn't want you to be the same way. I didn't want you to need me. What would either of us do without the other if we needed each other? We'd be fucked and I couldn't do that to you and I couldn't do that to myself. I want you and I have always wanted you but I needed to know I didn't need you to be me. I needed to know I could myself without you."

"I don't need you like that." Tom says. "I don't but..." Tom trails off, still processing Elli's words.

It makes sense. It does. It's not healthy to actually need someone to live unless there's a medical reason but two people under these circumstances, shouldn't need each other to be able to function. They have to be their own people first and foremost.

"But what?" Elli grows nervous once more with the pause.

"But, maybe you make a good point. We've become a routine and it was hell the first two weeks. Absolute fuckin' hell, I wanted to hate you. I tried to hate you because it hurt so fuckin' bad but I went to work and I played shows and I went home to London and it didn't hurt as bad. It still hurt because I'm in love with you but you're my best friend but it's not as bad as it was and I don't need you to live but I really, really want you to be in my life."

Elli nods, her heart starting to thunder in her chest as she hopes this is the start of something progressive, "And I want you in mine. I can live without you but I don't want to."

Tom stares back at her, eyes softening but he doesn't say anything else. He waits for her to continue because it's not about justification or excuses, it's just about what they think about each other and it's about apologies and how to move forward. Tom has said everything he needed to and it still hurts a little because she screwed him over but the hurt will fade just as hers did with him. People mess up, sometimes it's really bad and it hurts a lot of people, but everyone messes up and if they can't apologize and learn from that and get a second chance, what's the point?

"Um," Elli looks to the floor. "I'm sorry and I'm in love with you and I should have texted you and if I could go back and redo it, I would. I would text you and tell you that I'm scared but that I love you. I would do it differently, better and I promise, I won't do it again but if you don't want to forgive me, I understand and I can leave. I can go to my parents' house if being with Harrison is too complicated since he's your friend, too but I just needed to come and--"

Elli is just rambling on and on while Tom lets her. Her words are laced in honesty and sincerity with hints of heartbreak and sadness and guilt. She just keeps apologizing and saying she knows it's not an excuse, she should have done better. Tom agrees but his timing could have been better. Maybe had he listened to Harrison in the first place, Elli wouldn't have taken two months. She did say she wasn't sure about her life that night and then Tom springs this on her.

It's a waste of life to sit on feelings that could be out there. People shouldn't live with the thought of thinking someone might die but that's the reality. People don't always come home and it's better to tell someone they're loved than to go on hiding it. It's better to listen and forgive than hold a grudge when it's someone they care about. Life is too short to hold onto feelings and anger when everything can be talked out and taken care of. It's too short to remain angry.

It's not Tom's fault but maybe, just maybe, it's not completely hers. They both messed up one time or another. They hurt each other to protect themselves and then they came back, putting their hearts at risk for the other. Everyone makes mistakes. And Elli is no different, Tom isn't any different so Tom moves closer to her.

Elli is still rambling just watching Tom close the distance between them and she keeps talking as he cups her face and captures her lips with his. Elli's eyes shoot open, surprise taking over her body but her heart just beats in her chest as fast as it can and it's got her frozen in place, scared to make a move in case this isn't real and it's some form of a dream. But, Tom pulls away, hands still on her cheeks and the once cold and venomous expression has changed to one of contentment.

"You hurt me." Tom whispers. "I hurt you and no one said this would be easy."

The shock starts to wear off and Elli rests her forehead against his. "But we don't leave and we work through it and we don't hurt each other again." Elli's words held at the same whisper as Tom's.

"Yeah, we move on from it."His eyes meet hers and Elli's heart is screaming for him because she really thought she ruined everything but Tom, he knew he could never stay mad at her once she apologized.

"So...we....we're okay?" Elli asks.

Tom smiles for the first time since seeing her. "We're okay, darlin'."

Elli smiles and pulls him for another kiss only to break it a second later. "Oh, wait."

"What?" Tom quirks a brow, heart sinking and dreading what else she could say.

"Um, I told Harrison." Elli says nervously.

"Told him what? About us?"

"Yeah, I told him about how I told you I loved you and all that and so ya know, I ended up telling him he's been right the whole time." Elli rambles and she's waiting for Tom to pull away and take this all back but he doesn't.

_He laughs._

Her favorite sound fills the room and his forehead rests onto hers. "Thank fuck. I swore I thought I was gonna be the one to slip."

"You're not mad?" Elli asks, voice laced in surprise.

"No," Tom chuckles. "I've been wanting to tell him since we started." There's an uncontrollable shit-eating grin taking over Tom's face.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Tom shrugs. "You wanted to keep it a secret, you had a reason. I didn't really have one for wanting to tell him."

"You? Not have a reason for something? Bullshit."

Tom chuckles. "Alright, I wanted to talk 'bout you."

"You did?"

"Yeah! Why are you so surprised?" Tom pulls his head away, hands moving to her waist.

"I don't know." A blush creeps onto Elli's face. "I just...I don't know. So, you're not mad?"

Tom shakes his head, melodic chuckles falling from his lips. "Relieved." He sucks in a breath and gives a half-shrug. "In fact, I could teach you how to cook so you won't need me to make food for you." He's teasing her, eyes widening and a smirk covering his face but Elli's got him beat.

"It's okay, living with Harrison actually made me learn how to follow a recipe because I thought I was going to starve to death or literally eat so many eggs, I thought I'd turn into a chicken." Elli's eyes are wide as if to be in fear.

Tom laughs, nose scrunching and eyes crinkling. "So proud of you." His tone is mocking but Elli can't be bothered, she has missed this.

Elli's head falls forward, a weight lifting off her chest. "Well, in that case," Elli sucks in a breath and bites her lip, sliding her hands around the back of his neck. "Can I kiss you, Tommy?"

Tom's smile is wide before he presses his lips to hers once more, this time Elli kissing him back. She hums against him as Tom pulls her impossibly close to him and it's like everything was worth it.

His lips are moving against hers, deepening every kiss and she's letting herself melt into him and it's so worth. Every tear and ache of their hearts, it's worth it. It's worth it as Tom leads her to his bedroom and they're both trying to strip their clothes, getting stuck and nearly tripping while bursting into fits of laughter. Everything that's been broken and mended has been worth getting here, the two of them melting into the bed as if two beating hearts coming together for the first time.

Tom's lips are attached to Elli's neck while one hand kneads her breast and Elli's nails scratch his back slightly, ankles wrapped around his thighs to pulls him closer to her. Tom kisses his way from her neck to her lips before resting his already sweaty forehead against hers.

His eyes are dark brown, darker than normal with lust and happiness and it's got a way of making Eli's stomach and heart just want to explode from the love she feels for him. Her skin tingles and a smile comes to her face, Tom matching the same expression before kissing her lips sweetly and thrusting into her.

Elli's mouth hangs open as a gasp comes from her mouth, fingers digging into Tom's shoulders. Tom kisses her cheek before moving back to her forehead, keeping his thrusts deliberate and steady, not focusing on getting off but just being in the moment with Elli. His hands reach for hers, interlocking their fingers and his thrusts increase.

Sheer layers of sweat soon cover their bodies and their hearts are racing with Tom's ever-growing sloppy thrusts as he starts to approach his high and Elli can feel herself not far from her own and this is so much better than any other time the two of them had sex.

They've been having sex for years now, not continuously with their other relationships but still, it's been years and every time it's fun, exciting, good, it's always been good but there's something different about this sex. The sex that's just the two of them, giggling when they knock teeth or quick pecks the other expects to be long and deep. It feels like there's actually something passionate there because there is.

Feelings are exposed and they're mutual and everything is just aired out and it was rocky. It's been a hurricane but now it's the calm when the sun comes out and everything is there, peaceful and even beautiful. There's plenty to work on and fix, but the storm is over.

Tom's hips rut against Elli's as they both moan out each other's names, toes curling and nails digging each other's hands as their highs hit. Gasps consume the room as they come down and then there's some quiet laughter from the two of them, Tom kissing the very tip of her nose and Elli scrunching it in response.

Tom rolls off her and the two of them work on cleaning themselves, Tom hitting the bathroom first to dispose of the condom and Elli to go to one of his drawers. The corners of her lips pull up as she opens one of the drawers to see wrinkled t-shirts, all folded half-assed. She picks up one of the black ones and it smells like him. It smells like home and all she can do is sigh in contentment and thank the universe for him before she moves to her own room to grab fresh underwear.

By the time she's done, Tom's out of the bathroom, allowing her inside. Tom grabs his own clothes, the usual blue plaid pajama pants and a fresh pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Once he's clothed, he heads to the hallway and picks up their discarded clothing, bringing the clothing back to his own room and putting them in the hamper. And by the time he's laid back on his bed, Elli's walking into the doorway of his room.

"Borrowed my shirt." Tom quirks a brow.

"Do you mind?" Elli asks, tugging slightly on the hem.

"'Course not." Tom grins, extending an arm and welcoming her into his bed for the first time in two months.

Elli beams once more as she walks into his room and her stomach swirls with nervous butterflies, just like it did the first few times they ever shared a bed. It's like everything is new and exciting again but this time? This time they don't have to keep it a secret. They can scream everything from the rooftops and hickies won't be lied secrets, denying each other's names. There's no more hiding.

"I love you." Tom says, his voice more cheerful than it has been in months while his arm holds Elli close, her head his chest.

"I love you, too." Elli says back, smile still splitting her face as her fingers dance across his relaxed abs.

She can hear his heartbeat and it's so calm. It's beating faster than normal but she likes it, it's calming. It means he's just as nervous and happy as she is and it's like every broken piece the other shattered is being mended together like nothing ever happened. And it makes Elli wonder why Tom never said it before.

"Hey," Elli turns over, resting a hand on his chest and laying her chin on top of her hand to look up at Tom. "That picture you gave me, what was that?"

Tom's cheeks turn a vibrant shade of red. "Told you, I've always been in love with you." His eyes are gentle and loving as he brushes a strand of hair from her face.

"So, all that stuff you told me at the wedding?" Elli raises a brow in curiosity.

"Was talkin' bout you." Tom laughs, chest rumbling under Elli's hand.

"Tom!"

"You asked! I wasn't ready to tell you!" Tom continues to laugh as he looks down at her.

"Now I just feel stupid." Elli mocks.

"Psh," Tom scoffs. "How long you know you were in love me then? I'd no clue until you told me."

"Comic book store, right before it closed." Elli says without question and Tom's brows just furrow in confusion.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Elli laughs. "There was just something about that day and about you and it's kind of the time that I realize I  _might_  really love you. You were reading a Spider-Man comic, big surprise there, and you were so enthralled in something that wasn't music and it just, it made me happy. But," Elli pauses and a shy smile takes over. "The first time you played your version of Photograph, that was when I knew for sure."

"Yeah?" Tom asks, hand rubbing her back. "Why?"

"I thought of you and not because you were singing but because the song always makes me think of you." Elli says with honestly and Tom's eyes are so soft looking down at her and he knows that the heartbreak he experienced was worth getting here. "What about you? Why the snow?"

Tom sighs. "You were so happy that day and I thought about you." Tom says, smile coming to his face. "You looked at the snow like it were something magical and I knew I wanted you to look at me that way. Now, every time it snows I think of you, even when I hate the fuckin' snow, I think of you and I don't hate it anymore."

"I think that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

Tom huffs, timid smile on display. "Yeah, well it's true."

"Well, now what?" Elli asks.

"Mm," Tom hums, eyebrows wiggling. "We're doing this a little backwards but think I'd be asking you on a date or to just be my girlfriend?"

"Guess it's up to you?" Elli offers with the bite of her.

"Do you wanna go on a date with me and be my girlfriend?" Tom asks, and his tone is slightly mocking but there's still hope in his words.

"Absolutely." Elli laughs and the two seal it with a deep kiss, Tom's hand caressing Elli's cheek.


	19. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end and I just wanna thank all of you who have read this and left a kudos and/or commented. It's meant a lot. Thank you <3

Waking up to someone next to someone you care about is unlike anything else. You get to see them in their rawest and most vulnerable state. It's peaceful and beautiful but getting to wake up to someone you get to call yours? That doesn't even compare.

Elli's rolled over on her side, looking at Tom as he sleeps. He's on his stomach, curls on his forehead, almost to his eyes and a key indicator he'll be getting a haircut by the end of the month. Hair is just starting to appear above his lip, just enough to be visible in the low light of the bedroom and he looks like he's getting the most peaceful sleep he's had in a while. And Elli's heart just flutters, taking everything in her to let him rest but, lucky for her, it's not long.

"Lookin' at me again?" Tom mutters, eyes still closed.

"Surprised?" Elli asks, poking his cheek.

Tom smiles before shaking his face into the pillow and turning his head back to her, just barely opening his eyes. Her hair is a complete mess. Matted and sticking out all over the place from the night before. But she looks so well-rested and so damn pretty that all Tom even think about doing is smiling at her while a blush creeps onto his face.

"Nah, not at all." Tom rolls onto his side and extends an arm, dragging Elli against his chest.

Elli hums against him before kissing his cheek. "We're a thing now."

Tom's chest rumbles with a cheerful and tired laugh. "Mm, yeah." He looks down at her. "Wanna go on that date tonight?"

Elli bites her lip, barely pulling away from him. "You sure?"

"More sure than anything." Tom whispers, pressing his lips to hers.

Elli's body relaxes against his. "Okay, where we going?"

Tom looks down at her and he's got the biggest smirk he's ever had. "You'll see."

"You're not gonna tell me?"

"Nope." Tom chuckles.

"How will I know how to dress then?" Elli retorts.

"I'll pick out your clothes."

"Your fashion sense sucks as bad as my cooking." Elli chortles.

Tom gasps, pretending to be offended before his hand slides under her shirt and squeezes her side. She squeals and squirms away from him, the room erupting in laughter between the two of them.

"It's the truth!" Elli defends, covering her side with her arm.

"Fine," Tom rolls his eyes, smile still decorating his face. "Just wear your normal clothes."

"Nothing fancy?" Elli raises a brow.

"No, but bring your camera." Tom states but Elli just furrows her brows in confusion. Tom is date,  _date_  kind of person. Dinner, movie, maybe have a car conversation but this doesn't sound like that and as far as Elli knows, Tom doesn't surprise his dates. At least, he's never done it with any that he told her about and Jenny never said anything. "If you don't figure this out, you owe me a Marvel movie marathon." Tom says, eyes wide and teasing.

"That's like twenty-two movies!" Elli exclaims.

"Sucks to be you." Tom laughs, eyes crinkling.

"You suck." Elli rolls her eyes.

"You love me." Tom grins.

"Doesn't make you suck any less." Elli states, just barely glancing at him and trying not to laugh.

"Hmm," Tom hums, moving back over to her before he hovers over her, gaining her full attention, eyes locked. "I could suck--"

"Don't. You're gonna say something dirty and it's early."

Tom gasps. "I would never, love." Tom leans down, kissing her lips and then her cheek, moving to her jawline.

"Mhm," Elli closes her eyes, turning her neck and giving Tom more access. "That why you have morning wood?"

Tom bursts into laughter, his head hanging in the crook of her neck. "That's just science."

Elli laughs with him before kissing his cheek. "I'll suck you off if you tell me where we're going."

Tom groans, hips grinding against hers. "Tempting."

"Clearly." Elli remarks while Tom pulls his head up.

"Not enough." Tom's eyes widen as he kisses her and rolls over before getting up from the bed, adjusting himself over his boxer briefs.

"Ya know," Elli sits up, eyes flicking between Tom's erection and his face. "There's an easy way to solve that."

"I've got a hand." Tom waves with his right hand before he exits the room, his laugh bouncing off the walls of the hallway.

"Tommy!" Elli yells after him, the yell turning into a laugh.

"Get ready!" Tom yells back and Elli just lays back, head hitting the pillow again and a smile splits her face.

This is the moment of happiness Elli loves, it's like falling in love all over again. She remembers falling in love with Tom like it was yesterday but right now, this morning with the banter, it's like falling in love with him all over again. It's bubbly and happy, smiles and laughter and everything it should be. They made it official, they made up, and she knows it won't be like this all the time but she also knows there will be more moments of falling in love with him than anything else. Thick and thin. Good and bad.

* * *

Tom's hand is holding Elli's over the center console of his car and his thumb is tapping against the steering wheel to the music. It's peaceful but both of them can feel the nerves trickling into their veins.

For Tom, he knows it's her. It's always been Elli so he just wants this to be perfect. When he had originally planned to ask her out years ago, it was perfect and it flopped because he chickened out because of Shawn. It was fair but now he's trying to live up to that, for her and himself. He thinks this will, she's a hopeless romantic so it should but he worries anyway.

But for Elli, this is just new. Sure, she knew she was in love with Tom for a long time but she accepted that they wouldn't be together and now they are. It's new and it's scary. She's putting her heart on the line for him again and it's just scary and they were friends and now it's more. It's a little awkward even to be an actual couple, knowing neither of them will have that awkward 'oh, no, we're just friends', conversation with some stranger who tells them they're a cute couple. They've crossed that line of being friends and Elli just wants this date to go well, the first date is the hardest.

They're a few minutes away when it hits Elli, her head snapping to look at Tom who's gained a shit-eating grin. "Navy Pier?"

"Took you long enough." Tom glances to her and he looks confident but inside he's losing his shit.

"What a cliche." Elli remarks, smile consuming her face and Tom's heart doesn't even have time to drop to his stomach before she continues. "It's perfect."

Tom lets out a breath, his smile turning to something between gentle and loving. "Knew you'd like it." His hand squeezes hers before she brings his hand to her lips, pressing a quick kiss to his pale skin.

They park at Navy Pier and the first place they go is to the actual Pier over the lake. Elli has her camera around her neck, the wind blowing just enough to cause a slight breeze, the smell of spring consuming the air. Tom's walking beside her, hand intertwined with hers, and his cheeks are aching with every passing second because he just can't seem to stop smiling.

Elli looks to him, her cheeks aching for the same reason, and she asks him if she can photograph him. If he's bringing her here because this is the place where he fell in love with her, then she's going to recreate the pictures she took of him that fateful day. This time though, they'll be better because he is  _someone_  to her. He loves the spring and Tom is the sun in every rainy and stormy day. He's happiness.

Tom does as she directs, this time much better than the first and Elli takes the pictures. The two of them have to retake most as they laugh and Tom ends up moving or Elli does and picture blurs but if anyone were to ask either of them, it just makes the experience better. Some of the pictures might be blurry but they'll be hung on Elli's wall anyway. Sometimes, blurred pictures say more about someone or something than the picture with perfect focus.

"Okay," Tom says once Elli's done. "Here." His hands go to her shoulders as he moves her where he wants her, Elli just moving along with him. "Look up." Tom says as he backs away and Elli looks to him while he's taking his phone out but she doesn't say a word.

Elli looks to the sky, just enough to see the bright blue and the few clouds covering the sky above the lake. Her smile is soft and content and Tom is enthralled all over again. It's his turn to fall in love with her all over again. He takes the picture and while spring might not be her favorite season, it sure looks great on her. And she looks just as happy to be here today as she did that day in the snow and Tom is so in love with her.

Once they were done with their pictures, their next stop was the Crystal Gardens, the two of them both adoring the indoor garden. They walked and Elli got probably her thousandth picture of the garden as they walked around, just talking about everything and nothing. The great thing about them having not gotten together until now, they already know where they stand in their lives and in each other's. They know each other's wants and needs, they already know what they signed up for so there's no rush in anything. It's their first date and there will be countless others after this. So, when the date starts to come to an end, Elli pulls Tom to the side, taking a picture with him this time. Tom blushes but asks for her to send it to him before they head back to the car.

With the date over, they've decided to meet Harrison at one of their favorite local bars, one Tom usually plays, for a few drinks and to tell him that they finally got together. They're both nervous and excited to tell Harrison, more so Elli than Tom, mostly just because she knows Harrison is protective of Tom and she did fuck him over but the excitement does take over the nerves on the ride over to the bar. That is, until they actually park and start making their way towards the door.

Tom's fingers intertwine with Elli's and he looks back at her, a glowing smile on display against the bright lights of the city. There's a new glint in his eyes, one of pure happiness and calmness and her stomach just swarms with butterflies. He gives Elli's hand a quick squeeze before leading the two of them into the bar.

It's crowded, the usual for a Saturday night and it's making Elli smile wider, glancing at her hand intertwined with Tom's. He's hers and she's his. And it's just this rush of excitement and it only heightens as the two of them find Harrison, seated at the usual spot.

Harrison's eyes widen at the sight of the two of them and he's quick on his feet, almost afraid to ask. "Are you two.....?" Harrison questions pointing to their clasped hands. Tom scratches the back of his neck and Elli just nods. Harrison's face relaxes while he lets out the longest breath Tom and Elli have ever heard. "Finally!" Harrison yells with a wide smile before walking over to the two of them and wrapping them in a hug.

"Thanks, Harrison." Elli remarks, patting his back.

Harrison pulls away. "I'm going home then. Congrats." Harrison chimes while Elli and Tom just glance at each other, brows furrowed. "If you've finally gotten together, I can get some fuckin' sleep."

"We're not that bad, mate." Tom defends.

"You're both insufferable." Harrison deadpans. "I thought I was goin' to have a fuckin' aneurysm going between the both of you."

"Dramatic." Elli says.

"It's been years, I get to be dramatic." Harrison quips.

"Are you really goin' home?" Tom asks, the disappointment clear his voice making Harrison chuckle before taking his seat back.

"Nah, I wanna know how it happened." Harrison leans back, ready to hear how his best friends finally just got together.

Elli and Tom just beam as they look at their best friend, his support meaning the world to the both of them. Elli takes her seat while Tom gets the three of them their usual drinks and by the time he's back, Harrison is bouncing with questions, wanting the story. Elli and Tom just jump right in with how it went down, without the details of the sex and by the time they were done, Harrison was just as happy as they were.

Yeah, Harrison might have had a crush on Elli for quite a while but it's nothing compared to how Tom and her feel about each other. He knew that then but it's clearer than ever right now. They look at each other like they are each other's forever plans and they are each other's something epic and incredible. And they do it freely now. There are no more stolen glances, no more looking away the second the other turns in their direction. There are no more hidden secrets, they are open and together and the happiest Harrison has ever seen them. Harrison's a crier and the two of them are likely to get a few tears falling by the end of the night.

* * *

That first full day of being a couple was great but the months that followed were better. They discussed their living situation and still opt for separate rooms so they can still have their own space but it's been almost a year and they always end up in bed together by the end of the night, even when an argument had unfolded. They still don't get to bed angry at each other.

They told their parents as well. Elli's parents a little bit confused but happy for the two of them, always really liking Tom and Elli's sister saw it coming just as Harrison did. Tom's parents, they were a little skeptical. The last they heard, Elli had broken Tom's heart again. Break their kids' heart and it causes a sore spot but they always did like Elli so they support them and now, the sore spot has healed. Almost a year and Tom's parents talk to Elli almost as much as they talk to him, as do his brothers. And it's so nice being open with their families. It feels real and comforting.

But now, maybe it's time for a change.

Elli opens the door to the apartment she's called her home for the past eight years. She spots Tom seated on the couch, rewatching Game Of Thrones and she feels the anxiety start to consume her, making her want to turn away as if she didn't actually come home but Tom's neck is craining over the couch to look at her.

"Hey." Tom greets, looking back to the TV.

"Hey, Tommy." Elli says before kicking her shoes off. "I have to talk to you." She mutters, making her way over to him.

Tom pause the TV and looks up to her while she stands in front of him and he swears he hates those words. "Okay..." He says with hesitance.

Elli grabs his shoulders before she straddles his lap, Tom's hands instinctively going to her hips as he quirks a brow. "So, I got this job offer today." Elli takes in a breath and Tom nods.

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" He asks, thumb sliding under her shirt and rubbing her skin.

"Mhm, it's this photographer and he wants me to work with him. I got the call today. I guess that wedding I made you go to, the bride knew someone who knew this guy. He was showed the pictures I took and the video I put together and he really liked it all. He photographs celebrities and big events and here we are." Elli rambles.

"What's the catch?" Tom asks, knowing there's a reason she's rambling and not getting to the point.

"If I asked you to move to London with me, would you?" Elli asks and the first sign of smile starts to pull at her lips.

Tom lets out a sigh of relief, his lips connecting with hers in a heated kiss. "I should have been the one askin' you that, ya?"

"Yeah, but you're slacking, obviously." Elli jokes, her voice still holding touches of anxiety as she waits for an actual answer.

"You got a job offer in London?" Tom asks and Elli nods. "And you really want me to go with you?" He asks again.

"More than anything." Elli nods as she bites her lip, eyes going soft as she hopes that he'll go. His family is there but he does like Chicago so maybe he'll want to stay.

But, that's not where Tom's head is at. After that fire, Elli has been searching for something in her career. She was never sure what but she wanted something bigger, something better. Elli wants to be incredible on her own. She's damn good and deserving of a good career, of something she will be proud of for the rest of her life and Tom has promised himself that he'd support her in any way she asked him to so long as they were both happy. The thing with Tom is that he can have a radio show or a podcast anywhere. He can play his music anywhere. Tom doesn't need to plant roots anywhere because his heart lies with Elli. She's his  _someone_.

Tom smiles, hands coming to her face. "I'd follow you anywhere, darlin'."

Elli doesn't even have to say anything, her lips just connect with his, sealing their decision to start new lives in London, together.


End file.
